January 17th, 2019
Elite Wingmanship
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Austin Crew

Austin Crew

Junior Member

Join Date: 02/17/2009 | Posts: 2

Being a wingman is also a skill of and in itself. You can have amazing solo
game, pull like crazy, but do your friends always stay behind or have you found
yourself "stealing" his girl away because you had a stronger and more
developed sense of self?

Being an Elite Wingman requires one thing and one thing only:


There is a want and desire to grow your skills constantly once you start
improving yourself. This love for the game is great, but is it greater than the
love for your friends?

Becoming an excellent wingman requires an absolute love for people AND the
skills to get a girl.

It involves leadership to also help your friends grow and help them be their
best selves out there. Not just your own falsely fabricated posse of fanboys.

(Note: You are his friend, not his "instructor." Do not push him to
do things. Give him shit about it and tease him playfully, sure, but as a buddy
and never as a drill sergeant. And know when to stop if he's having a rough
night or getting pissed.)

A leader doesn't row the ship by himself, he doesn't let a man die out
in war alone. They always come back and get them.

Your wings should be your friends too. it feels weird to go out with guys that
you don't consider to be friends in things other than pickup. Personal
experience talking here.

There is no such thing as "alpha male" with your friends. you are not
the alpha male, and neither is your buddy. you should be 100% equal. My friends
Monterrey and Giulio invited a couple of girls out with us Saturday night,
throughout the night they treated each other as equal, as the true friends they
are, as did the rest of us. Neither of them tried to tool anybody, it was a
synergy working fluently. They both got laid that night and the girls loved
hanging out with us.

The concept of a more "dominant" personality amongst friends leads
to unhappy friendships and loss of friendships. Do not compete with each other,
it's not a competition. Competition is for douchebags who need the
attention. You support each other, not work against each other.

(Note: this doesn't mean either to overdo it. That is incongruent as well.
In other words, don't kiss your friend's ass either).

Last Saturday, there was a situation in which Tom was talking to this girl we
knew. They were hitting it off and she was interested. I realized it was
starting to get heated between them. I didn't realize he didn't know he
was one of my friend's ex. I leaned in and discretely whispered:
"that's his ex". He stopped the interaction politely and moved on
to another girl. I let him know that this girl is the ex of one of our friends.
He would have wanted to know this because he values his buddy's friendship
and wouldn't want to cause any drama between brothers.

The point here is, wingmanship is not only about entertaining the friends, or
even helping your bud get his girl, it's about being empathetic about the
situation to help your friend put his best foot forward, selflessly. Who in
return does the same.

A girl never has higher value than your buddies. its massively incongruent to
go out and "have fun" with guys while not having respect amongst the

You always have your friend's back, and he yours. You do not trade his
respect for any girl's attention, whether deliberate or on accident.

Now here are some good pointers for excellent wingmanship:

-Polar opposite wings work well together provided that the more energetic guy
doesn't step on his buddies' toes.

-Game the friend as if you like her but keep the intent lower, otherwise
it'll be too blatantly obvious that you're only talking to her because
you're being a wingman so that your buddy can fuck her friend and it can
ruin your boy's interaction.

-Be willing to take a bullet for your friends occasionally. You don't have
to fuck the less desirable friend, just pretend to fall asleep. ; ) They can do
the same for you.

-Respect your wing's values.

-There is nothing to prove amongst friends. You are not out to show each other
what pimps you are, you're out to meet girls and have fun. Amongst friends,
this is a totally judgement-free game. Never judge your wing/his skills/lack

-In some cases, you may need to "tone yourself down" if you're
stepping on your buddies' game. Most of this is an accident but you're
not doing anybody any favors by overwhelming the group. You can easily steal
your friend's girl if this is what's going on, but you will surely lose
your friend if you disrespect him.

-RESPECT YOUR WING'S ENERGY LEVEL. Do not drown him out. You are there to
support each other as brothers, not to compete with each other.

Outer Game.

Some of the bids we do to help each other:

-Getting Him Her Number.

So granted most points above are present, the energy and comfort amongst the
girl and your friends is obvious.

So you introduce yourself / your friend introduces you. Feel out the
interaction. If it's on between them, you say "nice to meet you"
and excuse yourself.

This is more so in a situation where you notice there's mutual interest and
either the girl is about to leave/ he can't close/ you know it's time to

You talk to both a little bit, being your cool self with him and her, get a
little acquainted. Charmingly.
(Remember this is a selfless skill, so neither one will be anxious or pissed
about you friend coming in, HE'S YOUR FRIEND).
You look at the girl and say she's nice / cool / fun / they make a cute
couple (talk it up as you will) and say

"We should hang out sometime, does he have your number?"

And proceed to say good bye / excuse yourself.

-Getting Them to Make Out.

Everybody has a camera on their phone, so you see your wing and you notice
there isn't much escalation going on.

You walk up and say hi, introductions, be cool. Camera in hand. And say:

"You guys!!!! Let me take a picture of y'all... (they pose)..
What??!!! No, look like you love each other. (They pose closer in) What??!! No,
REAL love, give him a kiss.. (Pause) no no no, a REAL kiss..."

Then it's up to how much and how comfortable the girl is with him and up to
him to be willing to pull the trigger.

-Austin Crew
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Senior Member

Join Date: 02/22/2009 | Posts: 190

Dude this is an excellent post. A lot of the stuff on winging is written for like, the super stars of PU and how to rock shit out. This is the best post I've seen on winging when at least one guy is still in the midst of improving his skill set and getting calibrated, more about being "in the trenches" rather than after you get out, which I believe describes most of us.

I think you really hit the nail on the head... selflessness. Regardless of your "wing" experience, I think we've all experienced both ends of the spectrum. Getting instructed "to" in any endeavor doesn't feel good when the other person isn't coming from selflessness, and "instructing" your friend is usually ego-based and personally leaves a huge icky feeling after, even if you're successful in a given interaction. Relates to what Tyler said in BP about how teaching can give you state, like "wow look at this, I've got a group of guys listening to my every word, I must be the shit." You can just replace that with wing or friend and it's the same thing. It's like... "dirty" pickup. Not what friends would do in any way whatsoever. It's just hard because people do what works, people take shortcuts, and people are inherently lazy. If having a group of boy fans (as I'm sure is the basis of many PU companies) gives you success, you'll likely take it unless you have a conscious desire to battle your ego and evolve past it.

My take on it is this... before this stuff you went out with your buds. You generally wanted the best for them and they for you. You may have unwittingly teased each other, or even did things that SERIOUSLY fucked up their game, and they yours, but none of it was happening on a conscious level and in the end, everyone was just trying to live and figure shit out. You go out to the bar, dick around, fuck with each other, have lots of fun, and everyone goes home without a chick. Simple. Before you discovered this, you wouldn't even realize how potent some of the things your buddy was doing to mess you up, and vice versa. It's kind of like a murky lake of chodeliness and everyone is a blind fish, bumping around trying to find the sexy fish, a pointless endeavor as you can't see and don't even know what you're looking for... but you're bumping around all the same.

Then you get introduced to this stuff and a whole shitload of negativity, win/lose mentalities, etc. creep into the process (at least for those of us who came in before being exposed to RSD). You see how other guys tool you, or how you tool other guys, and the potential of it. You see a world where in order for you to win, someone else must lose, that kind of thing. And like Tyler says in BP, it became about trying to pull one over on the chick because you were coming from a place where the girl was believed to be of higher value. And your boy of X years suddenly started to look a lot like the AMOGs in the club because they both messed up your game that you were now hacking away at so diligently.

I think after a while, after getting sick of the icky feeling left by "instructing," the notion that you've gotta "get YOURS", after getting exposed to the abundance mindset and letting that seed grow, etc, you can come full circle back to just hanging out with your friends, (who by this point have likely changed drastically as you're on a path the majority of your "boys" can't/won't follow you on). But now you know more about this stuff, AMOGing, value, realities, etc, and you can CHOOSE to evolve past letting it pervade every aspect of all your relationships, including and especially those with your close friends. And you can realize that when you're out with your friends, in the end genuinely helping your boy and coming from a place of selflessness is the only thing worth shooting for. Like Google says, "Don't be evil."
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Respected Member

Join Date: 09/13/2007 | Posts: 401

Awesome I rated it 5 because of Flight of The Conchords. ;-P.

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Respected Member

Join Date: 01/14/2008 | Posts: 784

Bump for Flight of The Conchords Season Finale

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Trusted Member

Join Date: 07/23/2008 | Posts: 1261

Nice post man!

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man with a plan®

man with a plan®

Senior Member

Join Date: 05/21/2008 | Posts: 200

Wow!! I like the values in this post. You guys should publish an RSD crew bible or the "Wingman dechoded".
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