THE FORUMS
It'sfunny how it now sets a standard for anyone who wants to argue any points made.
Great great post man, thanks for the advice.
Great great post man, thanks for the advice.
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Daniel
18 yo alexander~ intern; the youngest, and most immature
18 yo alexander~ intern; the youngest, and most immature
Daniel Wrote:
You're right. It's funny but arguing is really irrelevant now. All arguing is, is just someone that is not sure of themselves, so they must convince others to further cement their belief. Or in the thick of it, a pathological arguer is one that argues just to convince the world and themselves that they are always right and never wrong, hence to prove they are higher value than others. This insecurity trait is what defines a narcissist. There is a fine line between noticing what is a narcissist and confident person, because the characteristics are similar, only the motive is what differs. A narcissist will do something solely for the benefit of looking better in front of others, and feeling higher value to themselves. It'sfunny how it now sets a standard for anyone who wants to argue any points made.
Great great post man, thanks for the advice.
Narcissists make everything work in their favor because they hate the feeling of being wrong, they hate the feeling of failing, so they convince themselves that they are always right in some way. Whereas the confident individual just sees the positive side to everything, and isn't affected negatively, while still having the ability to recognize the reality of a situation. A narcissist also loves external excuses that are out of his control. They tend to lash out at individuals that disagree with their opinion, or have a different view. They'll challenge that person until they see it his way.
This is a big thing to learn about because you can notice when you are slipping into a narcissistic mindset and be more able to get out of it. In the book, "Social Intelligence," by Daniel Goleman, he goes into what defines a narcissist thoroughly, which is where I learned this from. I looked for his ebook for free online, and couldn't but this NYTimes article that Goleman wrote does a great job of explaining it.
Here is a quote from the article, as well as the link:
"Narcissists tend to surround themselves with people will will laud them rather than give criticism when it is needed."
http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?sec=health&res=940DE4DC1E38F932A35752C1A96E948260&pagewanted=1
__________________
I live in New Jersey.
KevinNJ® Wrote:
A vibration is the result of a feeling of emotion escaping your body
"view your mind as a radio tuner"
what you feel is sent out out to the oblivion. SO be mindful of how you feel. THAT IS THE VIBE!
I'm starting to finally believe that you can't hide. Any and all strategies of CONTROL ( the ego) is in direct opposition to the self. It's the control ( an impossibility) that creates the disconnect.
The vibe-o-meter is moment to moment registering..."control?"..."ego?"......false self?.....true self? The self shining through is the vibe. The undercurrent. The connector. The enjoyment of letting life flow and not getting in the way.
So guys will then do their best to get into the moment and connect to the self and enjoy themselves. At the same time the success of that is going to come from being fully connect to inner game. The feelings. If I spend a life of habits designed to keep my real self down in order to keep the family system alive. ...to remain with the false identity to survive....it's going to be DAMN HARD to "just switch gears" and be "mindful" of how I feel!
Codependency is "the feeling disease". Where I'm at with this DEFINES my vibe. The ultimate social dynamic. And I can't stop my vibe escaping. Holy shit. It's pretty motivating to get serious. You can't win with a controlling needy vibe. And you can't change it with just "changing it". You have to feel what you feel....and that usually means grieving. Not re-wiring...but cleaning out the vibe. MOVING ON.
Freedom. People love free people. We can all smell it. There's no faking trust......belief....CONFIDENCE ( con fidae in latin...means "with belief....faith")
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“When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you.”
- African Proverb
- African Proverb
solid response JFM
Incredible article Gunner! Sticky'ing this shiiiit
Incredible article Gunner! Sticky'ing this shiiiit
__________________
Sayings remain meaningless until they are embodied in habits...
GOLDEN RULE= Whatever you feel, SHE feels.
"Don't be afraid to go out on a limb; that's where the fruit is."
"Experience is not what happens to a man; it is what a man does with what happens to him."
Knowing is not enough, we must apply.
Willing is not enough, WE MUST DO. ~Bruce Lee
What you do in the dark, will come out in the light. Remember that....Peace[/]
GOLDEN RULE= Whatever you feel, SHE feels.
"Don't be afraid to go out on a limb; that's where the fruit is."
"Experience is not what happens to a man; it is what a man does with what happens to him."
Knowing is not enough, we must apply.
Willing is not enough, WE MUST DO. ~Bruce Lee
What you do in the dark, will come out in the light. Remember that....Peace[/]
solid response JFM
Incredible article Gunner! Sticky'ing this shiiiit
Incredible article Gunner! Sticky'ing this shiiiit
__________________
Sayings remain meaningless until they are embodied in habits...
GOLDEN RULE= Whatever you feel, SHE feels.
"Don't be afraid to go out on a limb; that's where the fruit is."
"Experience is not what happens to a man; it is what a man does with what happens to him."
Knowing is not enough, we must apply.
Willing is not enough, WE MUST DO. ~Bruce Lee
What you do in the dark, will come out in the light. Remember that....Peace[/]
GOLDEN RULE= Whatever you feel, SHE feels.
"Don't be afraid to go out on a limb; that's where the fruit is."
"Experience is not what happens to a man; it is what a man does with what happens to him."
Knowing is not enough, we must apply.
Willing is not enough, WE MUST DO. ~Bruce Lee
What you do in the dark, will come out in the light. Remember that....Peace[/]
I like this article but I disagree on the giving advice section. If I want to give advice I will generally put it into a question. Like 'have you tried doing x?' that way I'm not acting like an arrogant prick and saying 'just do x'. Then if they come back and say they tried x and it didn't work then I can just be like 'oh cool blah blah'.
But yeah I don't agree with the truth part. If it's something I feel needs to be corrected I will. Say for example someone says the party starts at 6 and I know for a fact it starts at 8 then I'm not going to keep quiet and let them rock up 2 hours early lol. But quite often if someone says something and they question its truth and it's actually wrong I won't say 'yeah you're wrong, its this' I'll try and say something along the lines of 'I think it might be this, because blah blah'.
Essentially though you can do and say anything so long as it comes from the right place. And if I need to get into a debate I will but I'm also taking everything they say into account and re-evaluating my stance. I've had debates where I've gracefully conceded because they made a good point, although usually we end up meeting in the middle anyway. Fact is if you agree or rather keep quiet about everything they say you're not being true to yourself. You're doing and saying what you think you 'should' be saying.
Like I sometimes have debates with a female friend about whether certain actions are actually beneficial for a guy when approaching a girl. And she'll say it doesn't work, so rather than disagreeing with her I'll point out times that it does work and agree that it won't work on all girls. Meeting in the middle.
I had a female friend who had a prick of a boyfriend so rather than telling her she should dump him, I just told her to make sure that she's being true to herself on her final decision. A good way of telling how she's reacting to your answers is whether she opens up more to you or closes down. Like if she's told you something really emotion and then after your response she's like 'yeah I guess....so blah blah' you know you're doing something wrong.
But yeah I don't agree with the truth part. If it's something I feel needs to be corrected I will. Say for example someone says the party starts at 6 and I know for a fact it starts at 8 then I'm not going to keep quiet and let them rock up 2 hours early lol. But quite often if someone says something and they question its truth and it's actually wrong I won't say 'yeah you're wrong, its this' I'll try and say something along the lines of 'I think it might be this, because blah blah'.
Essentially though you can do and say anything so long as it comes from the right place. And if I need to get into a debate I will but I'm also taking everything they say into account and re-evaluating my stance. I've had debates where I've gracefully conceded because they made a good point, although usually we end up meeting in the middle anyway. Fact is if you agree or rather keep quiet about everything they say you're not being true to yourself. You're doing and saying what you think you 'should' be saying.
Like I sometimes have debates with a female friend about whether certain actions are actually beneficial for a guy when approaching a girl. And she'll say it doesn't work, so rather than disagreeing with her I'll point out times that it does work and agree that it won't work on all girls. Meeting in the middle.
I had a female friend who had a prick of a boyfriend so rather than telling her she should dump him, I just told her to make sure that she's being true to herself on her final decision. A good way of telling how she's reacting to your answers is whether she opens up more to you or closes down. Like if she's told you something really emotion and then after your response she's like 'yeah I guess....so blah blah' you know you're doing something wrong.
wut
__________________
Smile. :]
Ha just read this post from a while back. I'm writing a social skills for children book and am taking some nuggets from the ideas i used to have.
__________________
I live in New Jersey.
The Duck -
Respected Member
Join Date: 12/02/2006 | Posts: 546
Loved it..
- The Duck
The Duck - LR Journal: The Hunger for More : http://www.rsdnation.com/node/149348
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy"
- Martin Luther King Jr.