THE FORUMS

 Day 16

Really wasn't sure why I was going out, for the first time in a long while I wasn't really horny at all and wasn't really feeling like hooking up with new chick.  I knew that in going out tho that I would learn something new as I had been doing when going out when not wanting to.

For one kind of learning about just how picky I have the luxury of being these days.  Last night nothing really sparked off too hard, but there was one chick at the end of the night who I talked to about coming to the drum circle with me tonight.  She just texted me asking me about it, and honestly I'd rather just go with the chick I took there last week...but she has bronchitis and I just googled it finding out that it is extremely contagious...I think I can wait another week for this one 

Point is that I'm going to end up meeting more girls that would be down to fuck than I have the time (or desire) to fuck.  This is then where being naturally screening just naturally occurs.  Fuck yea.

Anyways as far as last night goes, I had a tough time really getting anything going and this could very well be due to the fact that on many levels I didn't really even want to get anything going, but yet I was still out approaching as if I did.  Kind of weird when you think about it.

I think that on these nights it would be best to still go out and not approach so much but rather just focus or really enjoying yourself and really enjoying the moment since you really don't care anyways [supposedly].

Honestly tho, at the moment I would rather hang out more with the couple new girls that I got going on rather than just continuing to hook up with new ones.  Theres a few different reasons for this, but I mean I hooked up with 3 different girls last week and then at the end of the week felt no happier than I did before that week WHEN IN FACT I actually felt much happier the saturday before when I hadn't even had sex in 2 weeks.

Thats really crazy to think about considering the fact that I had achieved what were supposedly my goals and I actually felt worse than when I was simply working towards them and just taking so much pride in the path that I was on and where it would lead to.

Could have something to do with the fact that I came pretty much everytime I had sex this past week, which is a lot when you think about it.  I think I'm going to keep trying to the david deida thing of having sex but not finishing a bit more.  I've done it a few times and I really like how after sex you still have a lot of energy and you can still do things, rather than just feeling drained and wanting to pass out.  

Not really sure, we'll see how it all turns out, for now all I know is that Im def going to stay on my path.

Hah I know man it is prettycrazy the hot streak that I've hit recently.  It's pretty funny how it went down too cuz both of my last snls I barely touched the girl while out at the bar and certainly did not make out with them.  It was all just very chill, vibe, and feel the sexuality underneath it all.  It's pretty fun when you can do it right.

I think something that I had been doing wrong in the past was that I was overgaming wayy too much, and then once I was able to chill and sink more into the frame that girls can like me just for me and I don't need to do anything for them to like me they're attracted to me like flies on shit...well sort of

Something that I kind of talked about in my post that got deleted (grrrr) was how that all of this newfound success isn't nearly as glorious and sweet as I thought it would.  Its fun for sure, but I mean its just sex really, and very emotionally detached sex can only be so good imo. 

And I think that this is also why I was so immediately attracted to and felt a connection with my snl from thursday...uhh we'll call her mama dukes since she has a kid.  She really didn't hold anything back emotionally and just put herself out there and hence it was so easy for me to respond to that and spark up a connection.  With the majority of girls (or instances) that you fuck same night they will be very emotionally restrained, whether its because they know that its only a one night stand and so hence they wouldn't want to become emotionally involved, or more likely imo that they've been fucked over so many times that they've become jaded and hold back all their emotions so that they don't get hurt again.

Uhhh I gotta go now, but I think where I was going with that was that one night stands [atleast the ones I've had] are ultimately quite unfulfilling due to their lack of emotion involved, and something that I've heard [and belive to be true to a certain extent] is that continuing to have ons's kind of forced you into an emotional detachment from sex in the long run and hence would be something that you would need to work to get back in the future [if you wanted to].