THE FORUMS

July 25th, 2017
Matt281
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psychopathic

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Join Date: 08/28/2012 | Posts: 906

Excellent journal Matt.
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Matt281

Matt281

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Join Date: 01/28/2009 | Posts: 2225

Friday

So on Thursday my phone went apeshit about 3 hours before I was supposed to get a drink with the girl I pulled with Converse last Saturday. Would have been sex for sure but such is randomness haha.

Friday I go out alone and wait for some of the guys to meet up. There's two girls with a guy who approached them. I start talking to one of them and the guy blows out after a bit. Game kind of inadvertantly eclipses no game.

A bunch of the other guys come out. I spend a lot of the night winging with Knoxville -- mostly following him in and being lame. I run into a few girls I'm seeing but don't really take it anywhere.

The first hour or so of the night is a ton of fun and I get a few reps in, but I end up choding a bit after that. It's really true that if the venues get on top of you, it's really hard to break out.

Really not much else to write about. I wing with rambo a bit. Got a bit frustrated with myself for not hitting it up harder. It's interesting, I almost want to hit bottom again or something. Like start with a clean slate and no girls to worry about. Or at least get frustrated enough that I make myself hit it up harder.

I was kind of getting there by around 1:00, but then...........

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Earlier in the night one of the girls I'm hooking up with txt'd me this: "Wednesday's a long ways away. Feel free to drunk txt/booty call me ;)" 

lol.

So that's what I do. She comes over around 2:00 and we mash genitals for a while. It's really good. Kinda wish this girl wasn't leaving the state in 3 weeks :(

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1. Funny, almost feels like cheating because I was getting a bit frustrated with myself for not hitting it up hard, but if you can have good sex anyway your mind kinda goes "it's all good dude, chill". lol. Anyway, it was nice being in a tight warm hole after a rough night.

2. My mind has been doing interesting things with the whole abundance thing over the last 2 weeks. On one hand, it feels like my brain doesn't feel like doing anything extra simply because I'm having a lot of sex and seeing a lot of girls. But on the other hand it's almost like a more sinister subconcious thing. Maybe I'm just making this up, but it almost feels like my brain wants to reject this new reality -- like, I'm somehow negleting the things that got me success in the first place so that I can revert back to a comfortable middleground. It's quite interesting.

Cheers
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Knoxville

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Join Date: 05/19/2011 | Posts: 768

Matt281 wrote:
Saturday



I'll need to remember that the next time I get really frustrated with this stuff -- that the frustration is what drives me to be better. Without the frustration, I would never be where I am right now. I'm sure I'll go through periods in the future where I'll feel insecure, wonder if I'll ever get the hottest girls, wonder if there's something wrong with me. But it's all part of it. I need that.


This is EXACTLY what motivates me. This is what I need right now. Frustration sprinkled with a bit of pain to light a fire under my ass to get goin. 
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Knoxville

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Join Date: 05/19/2011 | Posts: 768

Matt281 wrote:
Tuesday

Anyway, this shit is awesome. I've never experienced this kind of abbudance before, especially with girls this hot. It's so funny. I keep expecting to come down off of this, like something has to go wrong and the struggle has to come back... but it doesn't. It's just so goddamn good.


This shit makes me smile. Loving your frield reports man!
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Knoxville

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Join Date: 05/19/2011 | Posts: 768

Matt281 wrote:
Crazy good sex last night.

Almost had to pinch myself at one point -- I was laying on my bed watching her on her hands and knees giving me head and I was like... damn...this is it.

It's really true that if the venues get on top of you, it's really hard to break out.
Last night makes sense lol. This is so true, I remember in one of Cats earlier posts he makes a point of hitting set within 30 seconds of walking in the venue. I would say that this has been really effective for me personally. 

I know dis feel. I feel it in my cock when I think of it. Getting lost in sex is absolutely amazing and its something I've come across only recently with the right girl. 
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Matt281

Matt281

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Join Date: 01/28/2009 | Posts: 2225

Saturday

Yuck.

Well here's my state crash. Tonight was fucking rough. I bitched out a lot and only really hooked one good one, which blew out later in the night.

Also tried to meet up with 2 girls different girls who I'd pulled back here at separate times and neither went through. Mostly frustrated with myself about the second one -- she txt'd me to come meet up and I saw her at another bar and didn't take the chance when I had it.

Pretty much nothing else noteworthy.

===================================================================================

1. Results are always gonna go up and down, but one thing I really need to get a handle on is my process/action/emotions with all this. I absolutely hate when I know I should do something and I find myself avoiding it in real time. I hate getting phased by this shit. In retrospect, and in thinking ahead, I really don't care what happens with any particular girl, but in the moment I get so caught up in it. I've never experienced anything else in my life that has this kind of effect on me.

I'm really just frustrated that I allow this stuff to get in my head. It's absolutely absurd, but I can fuck a hot girl's brains out Friday night, and then feel completely inadequate on Saturday. Fuck that.

I'm gonna do whatever it takes to change this. Everyone has their thing -- this is mine, and I'll find a way to push past it.

Cheers.
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Matt281

Matt281

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Join Date: 01/28/2009 | Posts: 2225

^what's funny i I woke up this morning and feel like everything's just great as usual. Quick return to baseline level of happiness.

I'm not really sure what to think. I don't know if I just get thrown off my rocker sometimes when I have a rough night or two, or if this is legitimately something I need to fix, even if it doesn't seem to matter unless I'm out there having a bad night.

I guess I'm thinking more clearly in this state I'm in right now, but maybe I just don't have the emotional leverage I had last night. Hmm.
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Knoxville

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Join Date: 05/19/2011 | Posts: 768

Matt281 wrote:
^what's funny i I woke up this morning and feel like everything's just great as usual. Quick return to baseline level of happiness.


I kno dat feel. I want to get here too. I like to think of how Owen talks about how this shit should never change ur swagger and Alex's "there's no reason why you are not enough." But its sooooo hard to internalize and not let this second guessing thoughts creep into your mind when things simply are not clicking. Similar thing happened to me last week where I refused to let this thoughts creep in, then all of a sudden everything just clicked and I was finally just myself.  But once that shit snow ball gets rolling, it just gets bigger and bigger and the night kinda turns to shit. 
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Knoxville

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Join Date: 05/19/2011 | Posts: 768

Matt281 wrote:
^what's funny i I woke up this morning and feel like everything's just great as usual. Quick return to baseline level of happiness.


I kno dat feel. I want to get here too. I like to think of how Owen talks about how this shit should never change ur swagger and Alex's "there's no reason why you are not enough." But its sooooo hard to internalize and not let this second guessing thoughts creep into your mind when things simply are not clicking. Similar thing happened to me last week where I refused to let this thoughts creep in, then all of a sudden everything just clicked and I was finally just myself.  But once the snow ball gets rolling, it just gets bigger and bigger and the night kinda turns to shit. 
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Cat

Cat

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Join Date: 12/03/2010 | Posts: 2303

If it becomes a consistent problem, assess then.  Sounds like this was a hiccup
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