THE FORUMS

January 24th, 2017
Matt281
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Matt281

Matt281

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Join Date: 01/28/2009 | Posts: 2170

Sunday night I slept over at my cherish's place. She was on her period, so no sex.

What suprised me was how much I enjoyed just being with her. It's really nice to just be intimate with someone.

I think that this community in some ways teaches you to harden up and not get too close to anyone. In one sense that's great, cause you get out of the needy bullshit that 99% of guys are stuck in. That in itself is quite an accomplishment. On the other hand, however, you can't be afraid to open up enough to potentially get hurt. Don't try to hide yourself. It's great to be non-needy and be on your own path, but it's a slippery slope leading to where you preemptively cut yourself off from having feelings for someone because you're so used to the cop and blow lifestyle, and you don't want to feel rejected.

Just some food for thought.

Going out for drinks with the hottie from Saturday tomorrow. No expectations. Just trying to enjoy this game for what it is.

Cheers
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Phred!

Phred!

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Join Date: 06/24/2008 | Posts: 624

Always trust your real instincts. Fuck this community. Outside of this community is real life shit. Real life shit were women live
In. So you need to step back and step away from the community group think mindsets and figure out what's best for you. If you need to Bang more girls then bang more. If you want her as a gf, then make her your gf. At the end of the day...that girl will be there for you, not the community. There's nothing chode about being in a relationship with a great girl. Remember - you are not the chodey boy you used to be. You're a man.
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Nathan! Resurrection Crew Alumni 2009

Austin RSD Bootcamp July 10-12, 2009 with Nathan! and the Resurrection Crew! BIRTHDAY SEX! BIRTHDAY SEX! BIRTHDAY SEX! 
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Knoxville

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Join Date: 05/19/2011 | Posts: 777

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Knoxville

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Join Date: 05/19/2011 | Posts: 777

Matt281 wrote:
Saturday


Eventually Knoxville and Brother lose it and I go open the one Knoxville was talking to.

Her: I've met you before
Me: yeah? when?
Her: you approached me at xxxxx


I think this is the girl Im seeing now. LOL. Her and I were talking about a guy from Google that pulled her and her friend to the Google campus....GameandWatch. I was like, "ohhh noo...hmmm I dont know him..." 
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Knoxville

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Join Date: 05/19/2011 | Posts: 777

Matt281 wrote:
Sunday night I slept over at my cherish's place. She was on her period, so no sex.

What suprised me was how much I enjoyed just being with her. It's really nice to just be intimate with someone.

I think that this community in some ways teaches you to harden up and not get too close to anyone. In one sense that's great, cause you get out of the needy bullshit that 99% of guys are stuck in. That in itself is quite an accomplishment. On the other hand, however, you can't be afraid to open up enough to potentially get hurt. Don't try to hide yourself. It's great to be non-needy and be on your own path, but it's a slippery slope leading to where you preemptively cut yourself off from having feelings for someone because you're so used to the cop and blow lifestyle, and you don't want to feel rejected.

Just some food for thought.

Going out for drinks with the hottie from Saturday tomorrow. No expectations. Just trying to enjoy this game for what it is.

Cheers
I just saw this man. I agree that the community pulls you away from potential relationships that you can grow through. Im just telling you from my own recent experience, I am now without the girl I wish I would have kept. I really enjoyed spending time with her and I think if I would have turned it to a relationship, it could have gone somewhere amazing. Even all my housemates were encouraging me to keep her. They all saw it before I could. I ignored the signals because I was like, "no game game game."  Game led me to saying no to relationships. 

Don't be afraid to leave game for a while. At this age relationships arent necessarily permanent. I know you feel like your "losing it" from not going out, but that can be very easily gained back from going out 2-3 weeks straight... but is this superficial pleasure and proof that you "got it" worth losing this girl over? At the same time I know you seek to grow yourself as a person and Ive seen your game change so much. I've seen you change into a man over the past year. In terms self development there are areas you can expand in. You can focus on a social circle, reading books, career, etc. You can be the man you want to be outside of game. You can sharpen your personality matrixes in other areas. 

And if you choose to stay in game, there will be more girls, hotter girls, cooler girls, but really who cares man.You acknowledge that there are cooler hotter more compatible girls (though your girl is fucking hotttt) but you want to be with this one so none of that matters. 

Personal experience: I've been intimate with 4 girls since my cherish and I still want my cherish back. I liked her for her. I liked her for who she was as a person. Sure there are hotter cooler girls, but I wanted her because she offered the world so much value and I just wanted to be the man that reflected that value back into her life. 

Life is short. Don't spend it with girls you dont want to spend it with. Spend it with a girl you genuinely care about. Your not Owen. You're not Julien or some other RSD instructor who does this for a living. You're Matt281 and you have your own life and path. Pick up is just one avenue...not the main road. 

Don't ignore the signals. If your talking to a girl and thinking about your cherish, thats a signal. If your out picking up and your just thinking how you want to be with your cherish (and not because of comfort), that's a signal. If you can spend time with her without having sex and truly enjoy each others company. Its an obvious fucking signal man. You have your whole life to do pick up. Maybe a yaer or two in a relationship might serve you well. Being close to a woman can bring out your masculine energy and teach you how to really be a man outside the spectrum of pick up. You might see a much more evolved man mirrored back in your relationship with her in comparison to your relationship 2 years ago. 

What I tell myself: Regardless of the outcome both outcomes are good. GEt the girl? Amazing relationship. Lose the girl? More girls (I hate listing this one lol), more growth, happiness, self fulfillment, refinement of who you are, self centeredness, etc. 
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Cat

Cat

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Join Date: 12/03/2010 | Posts: 2269

Man, Muzzi you said that so well.

I'll say this:  I was worried, having spent this year going for new girls all the time, that I couldn't even FEEL that way for a girl again.

I met a girl who I do feel for, genuinely.  So regardless of where you end up, relationship or not, you have the freedom and the ABILITY (talent+skillset) to choose either side.  

Nothing wrong with caring about the girl(s) that you are seeing.  Frankly I think an open relationship is the BEST type of relationship IF you can both get past the jealousy.  Care about each other for each other, with the freedom to do what you want sexually on your own.  It's anti-possessiveness which teaches you how to detach from the RIGHT things and cherish the RIGHT things. 

But naturally ... I wanna pimp it with you ;)

Much love homie, you are still learning the game though this shit.  And wherever you end up, you'll learn a ton -- YOU ARE THAT KIND OF GUY.  

See you back in the green city soon!
-Cat
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Matt281

Matt281

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Join Date: 01/28/2009 | Posts: 2170

@muzzi - wow man, when I was talking to you tonight I had no idea that's what you'd written. Thanks man -- super insightful.

I think I'm just going to let it unfold however it does. It's a weird dichotomy to feel pretty close to someone, but still enjoy the game so much when I'm out and still want to go further with it.

PS - you inspired the hell out of me tonight.

@Cat - I've actually been feeling the same way, like I said in the last post. I've reinfornce the "fuck it, I don't really care" mindset, almost as a coping mechanism for dealing with rejection. It's tough to simultaneously have feelings for someone and be non-needy. Guess it's kind of one of those seemingly contradictory combinations like intent + freedom from outcome.

Thanks for the comment man, let's kick it soon.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Friday

Went out for a girlfriend's birthday party. Got a VIP spot in the main club downtown. Funny that people pay for that shit -- it's pretty boring if you don't get out there and mingle.

Anyway, I chode pretty bad for a while. Only end up doing a few. It's kind of like I said a few posts ago: my AA mostly comes from self image. I have somewhat of a self-image attachment to being that guy who gets HOT girls, so it's really fucking hard for me to hit up unattractive girls. I guess also because my approach is always very direct and forward. This is honestly the biggest thing I've gotta get over, because nights like tonight are common, when there's very few hot girls but I need to hit it up anyway.

Muzzi (knoxville) and Sunshine do great. Really inspiring seeing them just buckle down and do it.

==================================================================

1. Recently, aside from weekends, I've been "focusing on other things" and not going out. Been doing stuff like reading a lot, working out more and cutting out bad habits. What really hit me tonight after going out was the extent to which that stuff just doesn't cut it. It's the same as keyboard jockeys trying to be present or working on their lifestyle. Path of action vs path of... umm, I don't know. need something that puts me face to face with reality. It's so easy to sit back and think you're "improving yourself" while you circumvent the things that really scare you and the things you really need to work on. That's why I need the game or something similar: to keep me grounded in reality.

That's what I love so much about the game. There's no fooling yourself. If you're being a bitch, the game will let you know. If you're not stepping up, you get beat down. It's the best feedback system I've ever encountered. If you do what you need to do, you get what you want. If you don't, you get beat down. And it's ALL on you.

Cheers
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Matt281

Matt281

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Join Date: 01/28/2009 | Posts: 2170

Saturday

Before I went out last night my cherish and I "broke up". It was her idea. I won't say it was mutual because it wasn't. It had to do with her feeling like she's been dating someone non-stop since she first had sex and hasn't had any time to be by herself. Also some other stuff that I won't get into.

It was really interesting how attached we both still were/are, but at the same time kind of mutually being okay with ending it. It's a strange thing holding each other and kissing as you're "breaking up". It's also nice so feel like I'm capable of caring about someone.

I suppose on some level it's a similar situation for both of us. You can read over the last few pages of this and see how I've been torn between really liking this girl, but at the same time feeling like I'm not ready to stop with the game. I don't think it's an unhealthy thing so much as I just know that I'm not quite there yet. I still have some things to work out before I'm ready to be in a relationship with someone.

But who knows. She wants to stay in touch, and to be honest, I kind of do too.

One somewhat out-of-the-blue comment from her: "... now... you're just going to meet a bunch of whores at bars..."

Well, I guess so.

=================================================================

I didn't tell anyone I was out with about this cause I didn't want to make a big deal about it, although I mentioned it to Sunshine at the end of the night.

Saw Cat out for the first time in forever. Was good. Rambo was out too with a girl.

First one Sunshine and I do lasts half an hour or so. My girl is pretty hot. I have a pretty deep conversation with my girl, at least compared to my regular sweet talking. I didn't realize they'd have to leave so early though; probably should have tried to push it more in another direction earlier on. Anyway, number seemed super solid.

Rest of the night was okay. I got blown out some but generally plowed. I think Cat's quote pretty much summed up my general feelings:

"Dude, girls in Seattle are... ugly"

Also felt like I needed to get a bigger reaction from these girls. I don't really have trouble with damage control, but if a girl won't really look at me or respond it's tough. That being said, it's hard to worry about that when you're feeling hesitant to approach at all. Probably did around 8 -- figured we'd have an extra hour cause of daylight savings but apparently it doesn't switch at midnight.

=====================================================================

1. Don't really know what to say. Another brick in the wall.

:)
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Knoxville

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Join Date: 05/19/2011 | Posts: 777

Matt281 wrote:
@muzzi - wow man, when I was talking to you tonight I had no idea that's what you'd written. Thanks man -- super insightful.

I think I'm just going to let it unfold however it does. It's a weird dichotomy to feel pretty close to someone, but still enjoy the game so much when I'm out and still want to go further with it.

PS - you inspired the hell out of me tonight.

You definitely returned that inspiration. I was feeling a bit down and suddenly you reminded me that no other guys in the bar were hitting it up the way I was hitting it up. You always offer me the best perspective when Im clouded in the field. Another one you mention is that "no one is ever going to remember you in the bar." This is awesome because go through phases where I feel a bit ashamed with hitting on girls lol. 
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Knoxville

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Matt281 wrote:
Saturday

Rest of the night was okay. I got blown out some but generally plowed. I think Cat's quote pretty much summed up my general feelings:

"Dude, girls in Seattle are... ugly"


second that. After coming back from Vegas and not seeing any "hot" girls in this city...man was it disappointing. This is why I want to travel to other cities for weeks or weekends at a time. Or move for work lol. 
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