THE FORUMS

March 27th, 2017
Matt281
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Knoxville

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Join Date: 05/19/2011 | Posts: 777

Matt281 wrote:
Saturday


Eventually Knoxville and Brother lose it and I go open the one Knoxville was talking to.

Her: I've met you before
Me: yeah? when?
Her: you approached me at xxxxx


I think this is the girl Im seeing now. LOL. Her and I were talking about a guy from Google that pulled her and her friend to the Google campus....GameandWatch. I was like, "ohhh noo...hmmm I dont know him..." 
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Knoxville

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Join Date: 05/19/2011 | Posts: 777

Matt281 wrote:
Sunday night I slept over at my cherish's place. She was on her period, so no sex.

What suprised me was how much I enjoyed just being with her. It's really nice to just be intimate with someone.

I think that this community in some ways teaches you to harden up and not get too close to anyone. In one sense that's great, cause you get out of the needy bullshit that 99% of guys are stuck in. That in itself is quite an accomplishment. On the other hand, however, you can't be afraid to open up enough to potentially get hurt. Don't try to hide yourself. It's great to be non-needy and be on your own path, but it's a slippery slope leading to where you preemptively cut yourself off from having feelings for someone because you're so used to the cop and blow lifestyle, and you don't want to feel rejected.

Just some food for thought.

Going out for drinks with the hottie from Saturday tomorrow. No expectations. Just trying to enjoy this game for what it is.

Cheers
I just saw this man. I agree that the community pulls you away from potential relationships that you can grow through. Im just telling you from my own recent experience, I am now without the girl I wish I would have kept. I really enjoyed spending time with her and I think if I would have turned it to a relationship, it could have gone somewhere amazing. Even all my housemates were encouraging me to keep her. They all saw it before I could. I ignored the signals because I was like, "no game game game."  Game led me to saying no to relationships. 

Don't be afraid to leave game for a while. At this age relationships arent necessarily permanent. I know you feel like your "losing it" from not going out, but that can be very easily gained back from going out 2-3 weeks straight... but is this superficial pleasure and proof that you "got it" worth losing this girl over? At the same time I know you seek to grow yourself as a person and Ive seen your game change so much. I've seen you change into a man over the past year. In terms self development there are areas you can expand in. You can focus on a social circle, reading books, career, etc. You can be the man you want to be outside of game. You can sharpen your personality matrixes in other areas. 

And if you choose to stay in game, there will be more girls, hotter girls, cooler girls, but really who cares man.You acknowledge that there are cooler hotter more compatible girls (though your girl is fucking hotttt) but you want to be with this one so none of that matters. 

Personal experience: I've been intimate with 4 girls since my cherish and I still want my cherish back. I liked her for her. I liked her for who she was as a person. Sure there are hotter cooler girls, but I wanted her because she offered the world so much value and I just wanted to be the man that reflected that value back into her life. 

Life is short. Don't spend it with girls you dont want to spend it with. Spend it with a girl you genuinely care about. Your not Owen. You're not Julien or some other RSD instructor who does this for a living. You're Matt281 and you have your own life and path. Pick up is just one avenue...not the main road. 

Don't ignore the signals. If your talking to a girl and thinking about your cherish, thats a signal. If your out picking up and your just thinking how you want to be with your cherish (and not because of comfort), that's a signal. If you can spend time with her without having sex and truly enjoy each others company. Its an obvious fucking signal man. You have your whole life to do pick up. Maybe a yaer or two in a relationship might serve you well. Being close to a woman can bring out your masculine energy and teach you how to really be a man outside the spectrum of pick up. You might see a much more evolved man mirrored back in your relationship with her in comparison to your relationship 2 years ago. 

What I tell myself: Regardless of the outcome both outcomes are good. GEt the girl? Amazing relationship. Lose the girl? More girls (I hate listing this one lol), more growth, happiness, self fulfillment, refinement of who you are, self centeredness, etc. 
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Cat

Cat

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Join Date: 12/03/2010 | Posts: 2300

Man, Muzzi you said that so well.

I'll say this:  I was worried, having spent this year going for new girls all the time, that I couldn't even FEEL that way for a girl again.

I met a girl who I do feel for, genuinely.  So regardless of where you end up, relationship or not, you have the freedom and the ABILITY (talent+skillset) to choose either side.  

Nothing wrong with caring about the girl(s) that you are seeing.  Frankly I think an open relationship is the BEST type of relationship IF you can both get past the jealousy.  Care about each other for each other, with the freedom to do what you want sexually on your own.  It's anti-possessiveness which teaches you how to detach from the RIGHT things and cherish the RIGHT things. 

But naturally ... I wanna pimp it with you ;)

Much love homie, you are still learning the game though this shit.  And wherever you end up, you'll learn a ton -- YOU ARE THAT KIND OF GUY.  

See you back in the green city soon!
-Cat
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Matt281

Matt281

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Join Date: 01/28/2009 | Posts: 2199

@muzzi - wow man, when I was talking to you tonight I had no idea that's what you'd written. Thanks man -- super insightful.

I think I'm just going to let it unfold however it does. It's a weird dichotomy to feel pretty close to someone, but still enjoy the game so much when I'm out and still want to go further with it.

PS - you inspired the hell out of me tonight.

@Cat - I've actually been feeling the same way, like I said in the last post. I've reinfornce the "fuck it, I don't really care" mindset, almost as a coping mechanism for dealing with rejection. It's tough to simultaneously have feelings for someone and be non-needy. Guess it's kind of one of those seemingly contradictory combinations like intent + freedom from outcome.

Thanks for the comment man, let's kick it soon.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Friday

Went out for a girlfriend's birthday party. Got a VIP spot in the main club downtown. Funny that people pay for that shit -- it's pretty boring if you don't get out there and mingle.

Anyway, I chode pretty bad for a while. Only end up doing a few. It's kind of like I said a few posts ago: my AA mostly comes from self image. I have somewhat of a self-image attachment to being that guy who gets HOT girls, so it's really fucking hard for me to hit up unattractive girls. I guess also because my approach is always very direct and forward. This is honestly the biggest thing I've gotta get over, because nights like tonight are common, when there's very few hot girls but I need to hit it up anyway.

Muzzi (knoxville) and Sunshine do great. Really inspiring seeing them just buckle down and do it.

==================================================================

1. Recently, aside from weekends, I've been "focusing on other things" and not going out. Been doing stuff like reading a lot, working out more and cutting out bad habits. What really hit me tonight after going out was the extent to which that stuff just doesn't cut it. It's the same as keyboard jockeys trying to be present or working on their lifestyle. Path of action vs path of... umm, I don't know. need something that puts me face to face with reality. It's so easy to sit back and think you're "improving yourself" while you circumvent the things that really scare you and the things you really need to work on. That's why I need the game or something similar: to keep me grounded in reality.

That's what I love so much about the game. There's no fooling yourself. If you're being a bitch, the game will let you know. If you're not stepping up, you get beat down. It's the best feedback system I've ever encountered. If you do what you need to do, you get what you want. If you don't, you get beat down. And it's ALL on you.

Cheers
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Matt281

Matt281

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Join Date: 01/28/2009 | Posts: 2199

Saturday

Before I went out last night my cherish and I "broke up". It was her idea. I won't say it was mutual because it wasn't. It had to do with her feeling like she's been dating someone non-stop since she first had sex and hasn't had any time to be by herself. Also some other stuff that I won't get into.

It was really interesting how attached we both still were/are, but at the same time kind of mutually being okay with ending it. It's a strange thing holding each other and kissing as you're "breaking up". It's also nice so feel like I'm capable of caring about someone.

I suppose on some level it's a similar situation for both of us. You can read over the last few pages of this and see how I've been torn between really liking this girl, but at the same time feeling like I'm not ready to stop with the game. I don't think it's an unhealthy thing so much as I just know that I'm not quite there yet. I still have some things to work out before I'm ready to be in a relationship with someone.

But who knows. She wants to stay in touch, and to be honest, I kind of do too.

One somewhat out-of-the-blue comment from her: "... now... you're just going to meet a bunch of whores at bars..."

Well, I guess so.

=================================================================

I didn't tell anyone I was out with about this cause I didn't want to make a big deal about it, although I mentioned it to Sunshine at the end of the night.

Saw Cat out for the first time in forever. Was good. Rambo was out too with a girl.

First one Sunshine and I do lasts half an hour or so. My girl is pretty hot. I have a pretty deep conversation with my girl, at least compared to my regular sweet talking. I didn't realize they'd have to leave so early though; probably should have tried to push it more in another direction earlier on. Anyway, number seemed super solid.

Rest of the night was okay. I got blown out some but generally plowed. I think Cat's quote pretty much summed up my general feelings:

"Dude, girls in Seattle are... ugly"

Also felt like I needed to get a bigger reaction from these girls. I don't really have trouble with damage control, but if a girl won't really look at me or respond it's tough. That being said, it's hard to worry about that when you're feeling hesitant to approach at all. Probably did around 8 -- figured we'd have an extra hour cause of daylight savings but apparently it doesn't switch at midnight.

=====================================================================

1. Don't really know what to say. Another brick in the wall.

:)
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Knoxville

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Join Date: 05/19/2011 | Posts: 777

Matt281 wrote:
@muzzi - wow man, when I was talking to you tonight I had no idea that's what you'd written. Thanks man -- super insightful.

I think I'm just going to let it unfold however it does. It's a weird dichotomy to feel pretty close to someone, but still enjoy the game so much when I'm out and still want to go further with it.

PS - you inspired the hell out of me tonight.

You definitely returned that inspiration. I was feeling a bit down and suddenly you reminded me that no other guys in the bar were hitting it up the way I was hitting it up. You always offer me the best perspective when Im clouded in the field. Another one you mention is that "no one is ever going to remember you in the bar." This is awesome because go through phases where I feel a bit ashamed with hitting on girls lol. 
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Knoxville

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Join Date: 05/19/2011 | Posts: 777

Matt281 wrote:
Saturday

Rest of the night was okay. I got blown out some but generally plowed. I think Cat's quote pretty much summed up my general feelings:

"Dude, girls in Seattle are... ugly"


second that. After coming back from Vegas and not seeing any "hot" girls in this city...man was it disappointing. This is why I want to travel to other cities for weeks or weekends at a time. Or move for work lol. 
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Knoxville

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Join Date: 05/19/2011 | Posts: 777

Matt281 wrote:
Saturday

Before I went out last night my cherish and I "broke up". It was her idea. I won't say it was mutual because it wasn't. It had to do with her feeling like she's been dating someone non-stop since she first had sex and hasn't had any time to be by herself. Also some other stuff that I won't get into.


Ahh damn brah, don't worry man. Hotter cooler new chicks ahead of you. Now you have more time to develop and focus on yourself : )
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Matt281

Matt281

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Join Date: 01/28/2009 | Posts: 2199

Monday

I head to the normal Monday spot and meet up with Sunshine. It's been a few weeks since I've gone out other than weekends; time to start hitting it up hard again.

First 3/4 of the night is pretty bad. First thing I lose not going out enough is my basiness. It's kind of like when you don't exercise, your muscles don't deteriorate very quickly, but your breathing goes out pretty fast. This takes the form of me being a pussy.

Sunshine tells me to do one and I do well. I lose her and she walks by and grabs me a few times later, but she's only a 7 or so.

Sunshine grabs a pretty hot girl and hooks it hard without really having to do all that much. They makeout a few minutes later. This whole thing basically just slaps me in the face with the fact that all you have to do is try, and a good number of girls are just down. The point and shoot stuff is no good, especially when you're in your head.

The thing is, epiphanies and realizations are generally useless when you're in field. I don't know if other people can relate to this, but sometimes when I'm stuck in my head I try to use something like that "see all you have to do is try" or trying to look at the ridiculousness of the situation (a bunch of people moving around aimlessly hoping they'll in a crowded basement bar), but it's really never any help. There's no escaping the simple fact that I need to use my own willpower to approach, and that nothing else is going to make it easier.

I do like 2 more in the next hour and a half, one of which hooks hard but we lose them to guy friends. At first I was trying to maintain a good state despite not hitting it up, but I start to feel like this is just NOT OKAY. How can I expect to get really fucking good at this when I'm not even hitting it up hard? 

By about 1:00 I am borderline angry with myself. I could come up with plenty of excuses, but they're really just BS.

Sunshine makes me do one in the middle of the emptying dance floor that I really don't want to do. I get blown out bad in front of a circle of people -- really don't care. It's funny that I legitimately don't care after the fact... like ever, but beforehard it''s a big self image thing.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After that we're sitting upstairs and things are starting to clear out. There's 2 girls I've wanted to talk to all night, one sitting with a group of friends at the bar and one who seems to have left. Fuck. I haven't even hit up a HOT girl tonight.

A few minutes later the hot girl who I thought left (borderline 9 black girl) walks around the corner and walks toward the door with her friend. I reach out slowly and grab her hand, get up and pull her in. It's fucking solid. Both stopped in the middle of the walkway, I'm spitting gold and she's eating it up. Some spectating guy makes an insulting comment and I just play off it and kill it even harder. I don't even break eye contact or notice who it came from.

She has to go but we swap numbers. The whole thing only lasted about a minute.

What's crazy is that interactions like this are virtually the only time in my life where I feel like I'm 100% present to the moment, and basically 100% "me". It's like nothing exists but me and the girl. It's seriously almost meditative. Absolutely nothing like it.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So that ends and I go hit up the other hot girl I've been wanting to talk to. She gives me the death stare and her friend starts talking shit to me immediately. "We're lesbians.... She doesn't want a dick.... You can go.". I just stick with it though and eventually she shuts up and turn back to my girl. A few seconds later her other friend shows up, who actually ends up being nice, but I still can't stick in there too long. 

Sunshine and I head out.

=======================================================================================================================

1. I think when I have trouble approaching it's all because of self-image stuff. That's why I get so anxious sometimes about hitting up the one or two hot girls in the space, and why I don't want to approach unattractive girls. Last night I was trying to figure out why I get so stuck in my head wanting to approach, but after the fact I don't really care at all what happens. Trying to understand your own motives can go pretty deep.

What I think it is, is that I really don't care all that much what other people think, but since I care about preserving my own self image, I want to feel like a pimp for MYSELF. So when I "don't care" after the fact, that works because I don't put emphasis on things that don't make me seem like a pimp (getting blown out), but beforehand I still do. And when I have a baller set, I tend to emphasize that in my mind (which isn't a bad thing by any means). However, I guess I really do care what other people think before the fact as well though. It's hard for me to make an idiot of myself unless I'm feeling really good. 

Either way, this is really the biggest thing that has to change. The game is there; I just have to get over my own bullshit

2. I mentioned this a while back, but what's tough is that when you know the ONLY thing holding you back is YOU, there's really no sidestepping it. Although I certainly wouldn't have it any other way, sometimes I almost feel like people who think it's their looks, or their status or their height (lol if they only knew) -- those people actually have it easier in some ways. Because when you have an excuse, you can let yourself off. Me? I've got nothing to fall back on.

If I wake up a year or two from now and I'm not swimming in a sea of incredibly hot girls, well, that's my own fucking fault.

Cheers :)
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Matt281

Matt281

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Join Date: 01/28/2009 | Posts: 2199

Friday

Believe it or not, there are actually hot girls in Seattle. We've just been avoiding the best area because logistics suck. Honest, I don't give a fuck -- I'd rather hit on stunners 10 miles from my house than run around all night looking for sets that are actually worth doing.

I meet up with Sunshine and Muzzi (Knoxville) around 10:30 and we run into a girl they know and a bunch of her friend. The one they know is pretty hot; I end up drinking most of her beer cause she can't handle IPA. Seemed like there was a little sexual tension but I go distracted later in the night and didn't push it.

We go to the first main spot and I run into some people I know. I'm really just having FUN, which is something I've been missing a bit lately. Might have been the mild buzz (one beer lol), but I think it was mostly just me being excited about the fact that there are, in fact, girls I actually want to fuck :)

I txt'd Cat: "dude, there are more hot girls in this ONE BAR than in [the other two main AREAS of the city] combined


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

First girl I grab is a fucking STUNNER. Probably the hottest girl I saw all night. I hadn't seen her beforehand, but she walked by in the hallway and I grabbed her and pulled her in. Actually seemed to go pretty well, but right as I started to get excited about it, I ask who she came with and she says her boyfriend. Shit.

We go to the next spot. Muzzi and Sunshine are having a rough time. I grab some other girl who's quite hot, and it goes well, but she's leaving with her friends.

Still feeling pretty damn good.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I notice a stunning little philapino girl sitting down taking a break from dancing and go sit down next to her and introduce myself. I kill it.

I do a pretty good job riding the edge, saying things that are just outrageous or sexual enough to get a big emotional spike, but still keeping it charming. I sit with her for 15 minutes or so. I tell her I want her to dance for me so I can stare at her ass.

She's definitely a little hottie.

Eventually compramise and both get up together. I grab her hand and lead her to the floor and dance a bit. She really likes me but I have a little trouble escalating it sexually. I kiss her neck and that's about it.

10 minutes later or so I pull her outside to cool off and we chat more. We swap numbers and give each other nicknames. Still don't feel like we have the sexual tension to makeout -- it's like super charming and attraction but nothing else.

A bit more of that, and I pull her back inside to dance. Strangely still have trouble taking it to the makeout; that shit's usually so easy when it's that solid.

A little after 1 her friends want to leave. She hugs me and I try to makeout with her but no go. Txt'ing all day today. Seems super solid, but day 2s are sometimes tough with really hot girls. They're so fucking busy!!

And that's pretty much it for the night.

=================================================================

1. Just gotta approach more. I think subconciously I've realized I can do really well just doing a couple sets, and almost feel like I don't have to step it up and do more. But the difference between fucking a hottie once a month and once a week is just doing 20 sets instead of 3.

2. I feel so happy hitting on hot girls again. I don't know why the hell we haven't been going to this area. It's so much more motivating going for girls you want rather than just putting your head down and sticking to the "process".

Cheers :)
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