THE FORUMS
The crazy thing for me about this scenario is: it's not about "objective difficulty" (e.g. she is a 10, she has 4 dudes around her), it is about SUBJECTIVE DIFFICULTY. E.g. if I am SO FUCKING IN MY HEAD and talking to ANYONE seems really rough, when I FORCE THE ISSUE I feel proud of myself.
For a newb to read this they might be like "what, Cat you would feel proud of just approaching and that's it" but the reality is that ITS ABOUT WHERE YOU ARE AT WHEN YOU GO OUT. I
One thing I've been grappling with for quite a while now is flipflopping between the desire for comfort vs growth.
From my experience and from what I've read, growth essentially it. Growth makes you happy in the long run and growth is basically the point of existence.
When things are going great -- like when I'm out at night killing it, fucking lots of girls or having success in other areas -- I absolutely love growth. Growing in itself is amazing and the intermittent results are epic to say the least.
However, when I'm in the trough portion of my upward zig-zag (not pulling, or losing girls when I thought it was extremely solid), I want comfort.
Not gonna lie, there are many times when I wish I could just get into some semblance of a relationship with a hot girl and say fuck it for a while.
Comfort. Safety.
I really don't have much else to say about this other than it's odd knowing that what I want is often in conflict with what's important. And also, how easily I can get frustrated with this stuff; I had an awesome nights on both Saturday and Monday, and now I'm a bit frustrated because I don't know if there's going to any followup with those sets that I felt went so well.
Despite the fact that I can probably meet 3 more girls of the same caliber this next weekend, this stuff still makes me want comfort. It makes me not want to have to do this.
But this is all about growth. Growth is why I do this. Growth is the point.
Growth is hard, but whatever, fuck it -- either way the only thing to do is keep at it. I can be happy or frustrated with my progress at any given point, but that doesn't change the path I have to take anyway.
Again I'll say this: succeeding with this stuff -- not just getting laid some and creating a pretty good sex life, but REALLY succeeding with this stuff -- is incredibly fucking hard. It takes a huge degree of dedication, drive and emotional fortitude. But holy shit, success in this (in terms of both results and personal growth) is infinitely better than I'd ever imagined.
Cheers
From my experience and from what I've read, growth essentially it. Growth makes you happy in the long run and growth is basically the point of existence.
When things are going great -- like when I'm out at night killing it, fucking lots of girls or having success in other areas -- I absolutely love growth. Growing in itself is amazing and the intermittent results are epic to say the least.
However, when I'm in the trough portion of my upward zig-zag (not pulling, or losing girls when I thought it was extremely solid), I want comfort.
Not gonna lie, there are many times when I wish I could just get into some semblance of a relationship with a hot girl and say fuck it for a while.
Comfort. Safety.
I really don't have much else to say about this other than it's odd knowing that what I want is often in conflict with what's important. And also, how easily I can get frustrated with this stuff; I had an awesome nights on both Saturday and Monday, and now I'm a bit frustrated because I don't know if there's going to any followup with those sets that I felt went so well.
Despite the fact that I can probably meet 3 more girls of the same caliber this next weekend, this stuff still makes me want comfort. It makes me not want to have to do this.
But this is all about growth. Growth is why I do this. Growth is the point.
Growth is hard, but whatever, fuck it -- either way the only thing to do is keep at it. I can be happy or frustrated with my progress at any given point, but that doesn't change the path I have to take anyway.
Again I'll say this: succeeding with this stuff -- not just getting laid some and creating a pretty good sex life, but REALLY succeeding with this stuff -- is incredibly fucking hard. It takes a huge degree of dedication, drive and emotional fortitude. But holy shit, success in this (in terms of both results and personal growth) is infinitely better than I'd ever imagined.
Cheers
__________________
Matt, are you burning down your sets? I'm getting the impression (from reading these last few pages) you're too satisfied with number closing instead of going all out for the pull. My take of it anyway.
__________________
http://www.kennyg9.com
Lessons in Self Destruction
Be a more awesome and authentic man: Adventures, Articles, and Rebirth.
Bob Marley Quotes
Lessons in Self Destruction
Be a more awesome and authentic man: Adventures, Articles, and Rebirth.
Bob Marley Quotes
Hey man, glad to see you're back.
I could definitely be pushing harder for pulls. I don't think this is one of the biggest issues for me, since I'm pretty good at pushing for it when it's really on, but could always use some improvement. Honestly I think the most important thing for me to change right now is the fluctuations in my mindset. There's so many ups and downs in this journal, but my progress has basically been steady. I just oscillate between feeling like the king of the world and getting butthurt from losing hot girls.
I think the issue is that my expectations have finally caught up to my results. I'm expecting a lot out of myself these days.
When you think about it, being able to go out and meet 1-2 super hot, cool girls in a given night is exceptionally good. I just need to keep focusing on the growth process and be patient. It'll come when it comes. My mental energy needs to be focused on what I can improve, not being frustrated.
Being surrounded by awesome guys who are killing it and hitting up the hottest clubs/girls we can, it's easy to get down on yourself. But that shit isn't typical. THIS is typical:
*story of one of my client's son's*
The guy's about my age, 24 or 25. He's a tall, nice, friendly, smart, good looking guy. He's also married to a morbidly obese black girl who tricked him into getting her pregnant. He got into a relationship with her because he didn't know how to meet girls and he was scared of being alone, and she told him she was on birth control. Now they have 2 young kids, which he takes care of while working full time. She doesn't do anything. THIS is typical for people who started out with no idea how to meet girls. I know so many people who are marrying overweight, ugly girls that somehow managed not to develop a personality either.
Okay -- so I'm not quite fucking the super-hot girls I'm meeting most of the time -- boo hoo. I should be extremely happy with where I'm at and how far I've come. Moreover, I should be patient enough to stick to the process despite the ups and downs until I get there. My sex life is amazing. I could have easily been that guy above.
===============================================
Oh and while I'm here: Book Review: My Big Theory of Everything (My Big Toe) Book 3
These 3 books have probably been the best and most influencial I've read, both in terms of understanding the larger reality and in terms of personal development. Thomas Campbell's theory centers on the idea of extrapolating the evolution process (aka biological evolution) to reality as a whole. He explains that consciousness is fundamental, and reality is created through a fractal system of evolving conciousness. He explains how our purpose as individual units of conciousness is to facilitate our personal growth through a slow, intent-driven boostrapping process.
Some of the ideas are pretty out there for most people, but this was the first book that explained those possiblities so logically and thoroughly that I was able to take them seriously. You may not buy into everything he said, but this trilogy will blow your mind either way.
Next on the list: Losing My Virginity by Richard Branson (super good so far).
Cheers
I could definitely be pushing harder for pulls. I don't think this is one of the biggest issues for me, since I'm pretty good at pushing for it when it's really on, but could always use some improvement. Honestly I think the most important thing for me to change right now is the fluctuations in my mindset. There's so many ups and downs in this journal, but my progress has basically been steady. I just oscillate between feeling like the king of the world and getting butthurt from losing hot girls.
I think the issue is that my expectations have finally caught up to my results. I'm expecting a lot out of myself these days.
When you think about it, being able to go out and meet 1-2 super hot, cool girls in a given night is exceptionally good. I just need to keep focusing on the growth process and be patient. It'll come when it comes. My mental energy needs to be focused on what I can improve, not being frustrated.
Being surrounded by awesome guys who are killing it and hitting up the hottest clubs/girls we can, it's easy to get down on yourself. But that shit isn't typical. THIS is typical:
*story of one of my client's son's*
The guy's about my age, 24 or 25. He's a tall, nice, friendly, smart, good looking guy. He's also married to a morbidly obese black girl who tricked him into getting her pregnant. He got into a relationship with her because he didn't know how to meet girls and he was scared of being alone, and she told him she was on birth control. Now they have 2 young kids, which he takes care of while working full time. She doesn't do anything. THIS is typical for people who started out with no idea how to meet girls. I know so many people who are marrying overweight, ugly girls that somehow managed not to develop a personality either.
Okay -- so I'm not quite fucking the super-hot girls I'm meeting most of the time -- boo hoo. I should be extremely happy with where I'm at and how far I've come. Moreover, I should be patient enough to stick to the process despite the ups and downs until I get there. My sex life is amazing. I could have easily been that guy above.
===============================================
Oh and while I'm here: Book Review: My Big Theory of Everything (My Big Toe) Book 3
These 3 books have probably been the best and most influencial I've read, both in terms of understanding the larger reality and in terms of personal development. Thomas Campbell's theory centers on the idea of extrapolating the evolution process (aka biological evolution) to reality as a whole. He explains that consciousness is fundamental, and reality is created through a fractal system of evolving conciousness. He explains how our purpose as individual units of conciousness is to facilitate our personal growth through a slow, intent-driven boostrapping process.
Some of the ideas are pretty out there for most people, but this was the first book that explained those possiblities so logically and thoroughly that I was able to take them seriously. You may not buy into everything he said, but this trilogy will blow your mind either way.
Next on the list: Losing My Virginity by Richard Branson (super good so far).
Cheers
__________________
Hey man, glad to see you're back.
Thanks, it's good to be back.
I could definitely be pushing harder for pulls. I don't think this is one of the biggest issues for me, since I'm pretty good at pushing for it when it's really on, but could always use some improvement.
I'm always searching for the ONS. It's just engrained in how I do it. (Assuming I actually open lol.) Though, my wing is a completely different animal. He is indifferent about pulling but just sets up logistics and lets it happen. I can't do that.
I'm looking over my list right now (yep I have a list) and some of my pulls (by pulls i mean sex) were in spots that I really didn't think it would happen. I just try to lead to it, or at the very least, throw it out there in every decent set. Why not?
Like the pizza girl from your last night, for example. Reading that I thought.. damn.. number's great but you got a girl with you at the end of the night. Time to pull to the house! Did you try? Maybe when she chatted with you those few extra minutes that was her hint? If I'm in that spot with a girl there is no way I'm not trying for the pull, even if it seems unlikely. Too many times I've pulled magic out of the hat. You just never know.
I'm trying to get you to see it through my eyes.
Honestly I think the most important thing for me to change right now is the fluctuations in my mindset. There's so many ups and downs in this journal, but my progress has basically been steady. I just oscillate between feeling like the king of the world and getting butthurt from losing hot girls.
I think the issue is that my expectations have finally caught up to my results. I'm expecting a lot out of myself these days.
When you think about it, being able to go out and meet 1-2 super hot, cool girls in a given night is exceptionally good. I just need to keep focusing on the growth process and be patient. It'll come when it comes. My mental energy needs to be focused on what I can improve, not being frustrated.
I know what you mean. Honestly every time I go out I expect to pull or at least have a very good chance at doing so. Everything other than pulling can seem like a failure.
Being surrounded by awesome guys who are killing it and hitting up the hottest clubs/girls we can, it's easy to get down on yourself. But that shit isn't typical. THIS is typical:
*story of one of my client's son's*
The guy's about my age, 24 or 25. He's a tall, nice, friendly, smart, good looking guy. He's also married to a morbidly obese black girl who tricked him into getting her pregnant. He got into a relationship with her because he didn't know how to meet girls and he was scared of being alone, and she told him she was on birth control. Now they have 2 young kids, which he takes care of while working full time. She doesn't do anything. THIS is typical for people who started out with no idea how to meet girls. I know so many people who are marrying overweight, ugly girls that somehow managed not to develop a personality either.
I have a friend exactly like this. He was my roommate when I was 23 (6 years ago.) Girl lied about birth control. Now they're married. He loves his son but hates his life. He works 70 hours a week while she is fat, somewhat physcotic, and doesn't work. I'm lucky. Back then, it could've been me.
Okay -- so I'm not quite fucking the super-hot girls I'm meeting most of the time -- boo hoo. I should be extremely happy with where I'm at and how far I've come. Moreover, I should be patient enough to stick to the process despite the ups and downs until I get there. My sex life is amazing. I could have easily been that guy above.
Exactly. Remember, plateauing is natural in the learning process. You will pwn soon enough. Besides I'm going to update my journal and you can laugh at how hard I will fail in the first few weeks. :)
===============================================
Next on the list: Losing My Virginity by Richard Branson (super good so far).
Great book
Thanks, it's good to be back.
I could definitely be pushing harder for pulls. I don't think this is one of the biggest issues for me, since I'm pretty good at pushing for it when it's really on, but could always use some improvement.
I'm always searching for the ONS. It's just engrained in how I do it. (Assuming I actually open lol.) Though, my wing is a completely different animal. He is indifferent about pulling but just sets up logistics and lets it happen. I can't do that.
I'm looking over my list right now (yep I have a list) and some of my pulls (by pulls i mean sex) were in spots that I really didn't think it would happen. I just try to lead to it, or at the very least, throw it out there in every decent set. Why not?
Like the pizza girl from your last night, for example. Reading that I thought.. damn.. number's great but you got a girl with you at the end of the night. Time to pull to the house! Did you try? Maybe when she chatted with you those few extra minutes that was her hint? If I'm in that spot with a girl there is no way I'm not trying for the pull, even if it seems unlikely. Too many times I've pulled magic out of the hat. You just never know.
I'm trying to get you to see it through my eyes.
Honestly I think the most important thing for me to change right now is the fluctuations in my mindset. There's so many ups and downs in this journal, but my progress has basically been steady. I just oscillate between feeling like the king of the world and getting butthurt from losing hot girls.
I think the issue is that my expectations have finally caught up to my results. I'm expecting a lot out of myself these days.
When you think about it, being able to go out and meet 1-2 super hot, cool girls in a given night is exceptionally good. I just need to keep focusing on the growth process and be patient. It'll come when it comes. My mental energy needs to be focused on what I can improve, not being frustrated.
I know what you mean. Honestly every time I go out I expect to pull or at least have a very good chance at doing so. Everything other than pulling can seem like a failure.
Being surrounded by awesome guys who are killing it and hitting up the hottest clubs/girls we can, it's easy to get down on yourself. But that shit isn't typical. THIS is typical:
*story of one of my client's son's*
The guy's about my age, 24 or 25. He's a tall, nice, friendly, smart, good looking guy. He's also married to a morbidly obese black girl who tricked him into getting her pregnant. He got into a relationship with her because he didn't know how to meet girls and he was scared of being alone, and she told him she was on birth control. Now they have 2 young kids, which he takes care of while working full time. She doesn't do anything. THIS is typical for people who started out with no idea how to meet girls. I know so many people who are marrying overweight, ugly girls that somehow managed not to develop a personality either.
I have a friend exactly like this. He was my roommate when I was 23 (6 years ago.) Girl lied about birth control. Now they're married. He loves his son but hates his life. He works 70 hours a week while she is fat, somewhat physcotic, and doesn't work. I'm lucky. Back then, it could've been me.
Okay -- so I'm not quite fucking the super-hot girls I'm meeting most of the time -- boo hoo. I should be extremely happy with where I'm at and how far I've come. Moreover, I should be patient enough to stick to the process despite the ups and downs until I get there. My sex life is amazing. I could have easily been that guy above.
Exactly. Remember, plateauing is natural in the learning process. You will pwn soon enough. Besides I'm going to update my journal and you can laugh at how hard I will fail in the first few weeks. :)
===============================================
Next on the list: Losing My Virginity by Richard Branson (super good so far).
Great book
__________________
http://www.kennyg9.com
Lessons in Self Destruction
Be a more awesome and authentic man: Adventures, Articles, and Rebirth.
Bob Marley Quotes
Lessons in Self Destruction
Be a more awesome and authentic man: Adventures, Articles, and Rebirth.
Bob Marley Quotes
Wise words, esp like that negative example about that clients son --> motivating for sure.
In terms of being impatient my advice is just focus on the actual abundance of good results you get every week in this shit. It's literally insane how good you are at this --> the ability for you to be meeting the top 0.5% of hot girls in the world and creating real interest is fucking nuts.
You are mad good at this, its only a matter of time before "the next level" is pulling dimes. Be patient :P
Edit: addition -- and speaking for myself, I honestly don't think I'm at the "inner game" point of being able to pull a ten, whatever that even means. This shit just takes awhile to click.
In terms of being impatient my advice is just focus on the actual abundance of good results you get every week in this shit. It's literally insane how good you are at this --> the ability for you to be meeting the top 0.5% of hot girls in the world and creating real interest is fucking nuts.
You are mad good at this, its only a matter of time before "the next level" is pulling dimes. Be patient :P
Edit: addition -- and speaking for myself, I honestly don't think I'm at the "inner game" point of being able to pull a ten, whatever that even means. This shit just takes awhile to click.
__________________
My Field Reports: Cat 3.0 -- "And Then There Was Bootcamp. And It Was Good"
Thursday
Just me and Sunshine. We hit up the super posh VIP bar and flounder a bit. Only do 5 sets. Nothing to write home about; just another brick in the wall.
================================================================
Quick note from earlier in the day: it's amazing how much my state still fluctuates depending on whether or not a particular girl likes me. Both hot girls I was kind of butthurt about got back to me, and I'll hopefully see them both this weekend. Amazing how much better this makes me feel. On one hand, yeah I'm really happy because these girls are cool and hot, but on the other, this REALLY shouldn't influence my happiness and indentity so much.
Oh well. I'm going to make a point to stay positive. Things are great now, and when there are times that things aren't so great in the future, I'll just remind myself that it's all part of the growth process.
Cheers
*edit*
And thanks for the pick-me-up Cat. I'd say that I hope things are well on your end, but I know that things are phenomenal for you right now :)
Just me and Sunshine. We hit up the super posh VIP bar and flounder a bit. Only do 5 sets. Nothing to write home about; just another brick in the wall.
================================================================
Quick note from earlier in the day: it's amazing how much my state still fluctuates depending on whether or not a particular girl likes me. Both hot girls I was kind of butthurt about got back to me, and I'll hopefully see them both this weekend. Amazing how much better this makes me feel. On one hand, yeah I'm really happy because these girls are cool and hot, but on the other, this REALLY shouldn't influence my happiness and indentity so much.
Oh well. I'm going to make a point to stay positive. Things are great now, and when there are times that things aren't so great in the future, I'll just remind myself that it's all part of the growth process.
Cheers
*edit*
And thanks for the pick-me-up Cat. I'd say that I hope things are well on your end, but I know that things are phenomenal for you right now :)
__________________
Friday
Out with Sunshine and a civilian friend. Spent most of the night on the hill. Had a couple solid ones but ended up running into a bunch of married/boyfriended girls.
Got one hot girls number, then accidentally beasted on her friend 10 minutes later and ruined it lol.
We ended up going to downtown at like 2:00 AM and hitting up the streets. I hooked one super hot black girl but sort of stalled out. Sunshine told me that there was some other guy yelling at me and talking shit the whole time (guess I kind of blew him out) but I didn't even notice.
==========================================================
1. Still just sort of not worrying about state and just doing it. I'm admittedly not as good as when I really get momentum, but I'm getting much better at just doing the ones I want to and being congruent with where I'm at. It's feels good. Hasn't been much craziness (mostly just luck of the draw) but I definitely feel more centered.
Cheer
Out with Sunshine and a civilian friend. Spent most of the night on the hill. Had a couple solid ones but ended up running into a bunch of married/boyfriended girls.
Got one hot girls number, then accidentally beasted on her friend 10 minutes later and ruined it lol.
We ended up going to downtown at like 2:00 AM and hitting up the streets. I hooked one super hot black girl but sort of stalled out. Sunshine told me that there was some other guy yelling at me and talking shit the whole time (guess I kind of blew him out) but I didn't even notice.
==========================================================
1. Still just sort of not worrying about state and just doing it. I'm admittedly not as good as when I really get momentum, but I'm getting much better at just doing the ones I want to and being congruent with where I'm at. It's feels good. Hasn't been much craziness (mostly just luck of the draw) but I definitely feel more centered.
Cheer
__________________
Saturday
Got happy hour food with Converse and another friend, then went out to a house party to see off a good friend who's going to grad school. Great guy.
Ran into a girl I hung out with a few times and made out with. It's been like 5 months. Chat for a few, exchange numbers again, etc. Don't know if I want to hang out with her again.
Honestly the best part of the night was just hanging out with good friends, but as far as game goes, it felt a lot like that night a month ago where I was stepping on eggshells to try to pull a girl I didn't even really like. Felt kind of similar with this girl. Yes I'd like to fuck her, but I don't really like her much as a person. That conflict of interest is a slippery slope, because on one hand there's cool guys who are like "yeah she's cute but she's boring, next", but on the other there's chodes being like "oh, I could have got her if I wanted to, I just didn't really want to". Definitely don't want to fall into the second frame.
Also interesting experiencing the party dynamic again. One of the big differences with part game is that it's less common to really hook a girl hard and keep her the whole time. There's a lot of in-and-out-again stuff. Still trying to work out the best way to keep moving things forward with a girl and blow out other guys without being needy and/or following her around like a puppy dog.
Anyway, Converse basically pulls this other girl who I noticed earlier (it's crazy now, I almost have a spidey-sense for girls who are open to getting pulled), then he gets cockblocked by the friends at the end.
========================================================================
1. Converse mentioned something about how maybe I just need to build more comfort with these girls, since day2s haven't been that solid lately. I'll have some really solid interactions, but lose it with txting or trying to get her out on the day 2. This area in particular has been a bit tough to work out because it's hard to tell what's going wrong. With some girls what I'm doing works perfectly and with others it just kind of falls apart. That's been the trouble with phone game in general too -- you can't really see very easily where you went wrong. You don't know if she's really just busy, or if she's having a bad day or got back with her ex-boyfriend or what. Makes the trial and error process a bit more complicated.
Anyway, as always the only thing to do is just keep at it.
Cheers
Got happy hour food with Converse and another friend, then went out to a house party to see off a good friend who's going to grad school. Great guy.
Ran into a girl I hung out with a few times and made out with. It's been like 5 months. Chat for a few, exchange numbers again, etc. Don't know if I want to hang out with her again.
Honestly the best part of the night was just hanging out with good friends, but as far as game goes, it felt a lot like that night a month ago where I was stepping on eggshells to try to pull a girl I didn't even really like. Felt kind of similar with this girl. Yes I'd like to fuck her, but I don't really like her much as a person. That conflict of interest is a slippery slope, because on one hand there's cool guys who are like "yeah she's cute but she's boring, next", but on the other there's chodes being like "oh, I could have got her if I wanted to, I just didn't really want to". Definitely don't want to fall into the second frame.
Also interesting experiencing the party dynamic again. One of the big differences with part game is that it's less common to really hook a girl hard and keep her the whole time. There's a lot of in-and-out-again stuff. Still trying to work out the best way to keep moving things forward with a girl and blow out other guys without being needy and/or following her around like a puppy dog.
Anyway, Converse basically pulls this other girl who I noticed earlier (it's crazy now, I almost have a spidey-sense for girls who are open to getting pulled), then he gets cockblocked by the friends at the end.
========================================================================
1. Converse mentioned something about how maybe I just need to build more comfort with these girls, since day2s haven't been that solid lately. I'll have some really solid interactions, but lose it with txting or trying to get her out on the day 2. This area in particular has been a bit tough to work out because it's hard to tell what's going wrong. With some girls what I'm doing works perfectly and with others it just kind of falls apart. That's been the trouble with phone game in general too -- you can't really see very easily where you went wrong. You don't know if she's really just busy, or if she's having a bad day or got back with her ex-boyfriend or what. Makes the trial and error process a bit more complicated.
Anyway, as always the only thing to do is just keep at it.
Cheers
__________________
Villainous
Respected Member
Join Date: 06/18/2012 | Posts: 345
1. Last 2 nights out have been WEIRD. I feel like something in my mind just clicked. I'm not having crazy in-state beast nights, but I'm doing infinitely better in my normal relaxed state. I'm not trying to force anything. I'm just being, and try regardless.
Self-Improvement Blog