THE FORUMS

October 21st, 2018
Matt281
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Matt281

Matt281

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Join Date: 01/28/2009 | Posts: 2289

Friday

Another tough one. Went to a little get together earlier and didn't get out till like 11:30. Slow start.

Wing a few with Sunshine and Brother on the dance floor but it's not really going anywhere. A few minutes later I open a hot 30 year old girl with pink hair. Goes reasonably well but I feel like I'm not on enough to where she views me as a sexual threat.

Couple more blowouts and choding. I run into some hot girls I went to school with. Too bad it couldn't have been when I was in state :(

I end up talking to a pretty cute girl outside. Seemed to go about as good as I could have hoped for given I'm not feeling that great, but when I txt'd her I think she gave me a wrong number.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

I go back to the first place and hit more stuff up. It's amazing how much of the night is just spent walking around and being a chode. I probably did 10 sets, but over a 2+ hour period, I was probably only in set for 20 minutes. That's a lot of walking around.

Anyway, got a pretty hot girls number at the very end of the side walk. Only seemed somewhat solid.

=============================================================

1. It's weird because now I feel myself getting into that state where I think I can't do this, but then I know it's mostly just my emotions and I can't really take myself seriously, but I still feel off. It's interesting though, even on my worst nights now I'm never really that "down". I'm still generally having a good time and fucking around with Brother and Sunshine. I guess that's a positive takeaway from the night, since there weren't many. Even on rough nights, I still enjoy myself more than a lot of people, and cool enough I actually grow from this. There's nothing quite like feeling like you're getting better slowly and it's just a matter of time.

That being said, off nights are tough. It's mostly just that I want to believe that since I've gone out and had enough success that I should be able to just aborb all of this by osmosis and it should come flowing out of me naturally when I talk to girls (which seems to be the cases with guys who just grew up with hot girls and status). Nevertheless, I still find myself having to grind it out and try to get my state to the point where I can pull.

2. On the bright side, this area is awesome. I don't know why we've been going after the low-hanging fruit in the other spots on Fridays. Girls here are HOT. Gotta go after what you want :)

Cheers
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Cat

Cat

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Join Date: 12/03/2010 | Posts: 2303

Yeah I'd say get more process oriented so that you can feel good about opening ten sets (which is good).

Maybe work on the "approach machine" muscles.  Always be in set regardless of who you are talking to?  We opened two sevens last night to just keep going and a minute later their hot friend shows up.  And it feels good to just be talking anyway regardless of how hot they are.  I feel you about the dead time -- on certain days that won't fuck me up but on average it does.  

When you say off night do you mean "outcomes with women" off or "my own internal state" off?  

Miss you beb, see you on Monday :)
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Matt281

Matt281

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Join Date: 01/28/2009 | Posts: 2289

Yeah you guys are both right. Did a whole lot better on that tonight.

The key to this is just opening anyway. Interestingly enough, I felt pretty normal most of the night but I had a lot of good interactions, got 3 solid numbers and made out with/almost pulled a really hot girl.

I'm trying really hard not to be so state dependent. Went great tonight. No theatrics, just putting myself out there. Hopefully I can keep it up :)
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Matt281

Matt281

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Join Date: 01/28/2009 | Posts: 2289

Saturday

Really good night. (To clarify, good means sticking to the process and taking "right action" regardless of how I feel -- although good results certainly help.)

I start off with Sunshine and Brother in downtown. Converse shows up around 10:30 and we start hitting it up together.

First open a group of 4 relatively attractive girls. Actually only one or two are attractive. Mine is not. It's weird when you're really off point, but the girl is into it anyway. Such is the case with unnactractive girls :) I'm actually feeling pretty damn good, but definitely not warmed up with approaches.

We bail on that one and I go hit up 2 asian girls. Converse wings. Goes well. Number.

We bounce around to some other places and approach other girls. I'm actually feeling less fun and charismatic than when the night started, but I approach anyway. I tap the hottest girl in the bar (in a 4 set with guys) and she tells me her name then backturns me. Oh well, the point is doing it anyway.

This was really the big lesson for tonight and what Cat and Thug4life pointed out too. The goal isn't to just try to do stuff to get yourself into state, and then feel like you can do something. The goal is to ignore state and just do what you need to do anyway. I don't need to try to build momentum or even necessarily do anything to make myself feel better, I just need to approach regardless of how I feel and let things happen. One useful analogy for me regarding this point was the idea of momentum in sports. There's no denying and momemtum and being "on fire" both play a huge role in sports, but the players aren't trying to get momentum or get "on fire". They are simply playing the game, and capitalizing on those things when they do happen.

This concept is huge for me. Practical application: approach regardless, approach anyway.

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I run into SexyMachine briefly and see Brother and Sunshine again. I'm still not feeling that great, but it's not relevant. I am approaching anyway. See a girl you like, tap her, introduce yourself and see what happens.

Approach anxienty is less of a problem when I'm not trying to generate momentum or state.

I tap a cute indian girl as she's leaving. Goes really well. Converse wings. We talk with them for a bit inside by the door, then go outside and keep talking. We exchange numbers. Seemed pretty solid.

Few more.

I see probably the hottest girl I've seen all night. Gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous hispanic or middle eastern girl. I'm not feeling good enough to open her. Fuck it. I tap her anyway. She actually responds really well but they're crossing the street and I'm tongue tied.

We decide to head up to the hill.

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We get to the main lounge and Converse opens one. Her friend is turned around, but I open the friend.

Turns out she's really hot.

My social muscle finally starts to kick in and I play it really solid. Good verbals, strong eye contact and hand-holding games. After a few minutes I pull her about 5 yards away and we keep at it. It's solid. I stop her for a second and do the "moment of realness" thing, which I think I miscalibrated a little bit because it mostly fucks up the flow of the interaction a little. Still good though, still on.

She says she's hot so I pull her outside to the smoking area. I chill things out a little bit although we've still got that "bubble of love" thing going the whole time.

She says she has to go to the bathroom and starts pushing me back inside.

Her: look I can just push you around :)

I grab her and press her up against the wall and makeout with her. It's hot. She's hot.

I chiill with Converse and his girl for a bit until my girl gets back. Converse seeds the pull but it's not quite as solid on his end.

We make out more, talk shit, and push each other around. They have to go though. Numbers and out.

This one was great and seemed unbelievably solid, but she hasn't txt'd me back yet so you never know. It's cool meeting girls you actually like. Even with the really hot ones, sometimes I find myself like "eh...I want your warm hole but that's it". This girl was cool and we had chemistry.

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Converse and I stay out until there aren't any hot girls left, but no dice tonight. Great night though.

========================================================================================================

1. Like I said earlier, the big lesson was just saying "fuck state" and approaching the girls I wanted to anyway. I found that once I detached myself from that, a) I wasn't dicking around trying to "build enough momentum" to approach the hottest girls, and b) I wasn't try to get good reactions to feed my state. That helped a lot with AA, as well as my results.

Sunday

Met up with the asian girls from Saturday for a double date thing. Mostly did it this way because she seemed uncomfortable coming alone and I knew that one of my civilian friends who just moved into town would be excited to wing it.

Went kind of shitty. Even minor social and language barriers are tough. With Americanized girls and very aware of how things are going, what's working, what's not, how far I can go, and when I'm going too far. Couldn't completely tell with this one.

Also impossible to escalate with the friend there.

Anyway, I bring them back to my place for good measure, but it's hopeless. To be honest though, it's worth going on day2s just to have a chance to hit on a girl for 2+ hours.

=================================================================================

1. When you're having some success with girls you actually do like, it's very hard to get invested in other girls. I want to take Tyler's advice and hit up all my numbers hard, but oftentimes the next day, I will have absolutely no desire to hang out with some of the girls who gave me their numbers. I still think a lot about the ones I like (aka last girl from Saturday and another girl who I've been txting with for a while), but find it hard to care with the other ones.


Big progress this weekend. Cheers.
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Cat

Cat

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Join Date: 12/03/2010 | Posts: 2303

Cannot express how much I feel you when you mention tapping the girl with the four dudes and how it feels good to "just do it". 

Build that internal "pride" button.

The crazy thing for me about this scenario is: it's not about "objective difficulty" (e.g. she is a 10, she has 4 dudes around her), it is about SUBJECTIVE DIFFICULTY.  E.g. if I am SO FUCKING IN MY HEAD and talking to ANYONE seems really rough, when I FORCE THE ISSUE I feel proud of myself. 

For a newb to read this they might be like "what, Cat you would feel proud of just approaching and that's it" but the reality is that ITS ABOUT WHERE YOU ARE AT WHEN YOU GO OUT.  Interestingly too you could be having A FUCKIGN KILLER NIGHT and pulling that 10 from the four dudes would feel like fucking cake.  

So if "it feels hard" then "it makes you proud", don't matter if it is hard or not.

Anyway, objectively, THAT WAS HARD TOO :)  

Making you, objectively, a beast
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roadrally

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Join Date: 10/12/2009 | Posts: 1922

Matt281 wrote:


This was really the big lesson for tonight and what Cat and Thug4life pointed out too. The goal isn't to just try to do stuff to get yourself into state, and then feel like you can do something. The goal is to ignore state and just do what you need to do anyway. I don't need to try to build momentum or even necessarily do anything to make myself feel better, I just need to approach regardless of how I feel and let things happen. One useful analogy for me regarding this point was the idea of momentum in sports. There's no denying and momemtum and being "on fire" both play a huge role in sports, but the players aren't trying to get momentum or get "on fire". They are simply playing the game, and capitalizing on those things when they do happen.

This concept is huge for me. Practical application: approach regardless, approach anyway.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Sunday

Met up with the asian girls from Saturday for a double date thing. Mostly did it this way because she seemed uncomfortable coming alone and I knew that one of my civilian friends who just moved into town would be excited to wing it.

Went kind of shitty. Even minor social and language barriers are tough. With Americanized girls and very aware of how things are going, what's working, what's not, how far I can go, and when I'm going too far. Couldn't completely tell with this one.

Also impossible to escalate with the friend there.

Anyway, I bring them back to my place for good measure, but it's hopeless. To be honest though, it's worth going on day2s just to have a chance to hit on a girl for 2+ hours.

=================================================================================

1. When you're having some success with girls you actually do like, it's very hard to get invested in other girls. I want to take Tyler's advice and hit up all my numbers hard, but oftentimes the next day, I will have absolutely no desire to hang out with some of the girls who gave me their numbers. I still think a lot about the ones I like (aka last girl from Saturday and another girl who I've been txting with for a while), but find it hard to care with the other ones.


Big progress this weekend. Cheers.

Hey man, thanks for posting up your FRs. I really feel like im going through a similiar phase right now dealing with the whole momentum vs state vs approaching anyway vs going well or not well focusing on results business.   Being kind of an athletic guy myself, I love that sports analogy you put down. When im playing sports, im not thinking about state or how hot I am etc. Im just like focused on making the right moves in the moment. And im usually in the moment.  Might run with that belief for a bit. Just make the right move in the moment and let the chips fall where they may. Its a little trickyer when it comes to this whole cold approach thing because fear becomes an issue, but hey I guess this is what I signed up for.   Making the right moves in the moment. Thats a cool idea. 

I also like going on tricky D2s just  because its such a stretching of your comfort zone, putting yourself in such a random fucking wierd retarded situation and then just seeing what I can accomplish. And no matter what I learn a ton from them. So thats pretty sweet too. 
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I just want to enjoy amazing girls. Crazy what sort of journey ive embarked on pursuing this quest.

My adventures in Dallas - 2013
 My adventures in Austin - 2012 
  Tyler/Julien, Honolulu Bootcamp July 2011 Tyler hotseat2 x5 (2011-2012) Alex hotseat x2 (2013)
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Matt281

Matt281

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Join Date: 01/28/2009 | Posts: 2289

Cat wrote:

So if "it feels hard" then "it makes you proud", don't matter if it is hard or not.

I like this. It's a lot deeper than it intitially might seem too, because of what this frame of mind says about progress on a moment to moment basis. The one consistent thing is you; therefore, progress should be based off of you rather than your objective or subjective environment.

Thanks for the feedback.

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@roadrally - glad you can get something out of this too. That's what I love so much about reading the field reports forum and getting/giving feedback here. I learn from you, I learn from Cat, I learn from everyone who's stuff I read, and if you can learn from me too, all the better :)

Cheers
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Matt281

Matt281

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Join Date: 01/28/2009 | Posts: 2289

Monday

I don't know what's gotten into me, but somehow I'm just not chasing state, outcome or reactions... it's beautiful.

I get out to the spot around 11 and meet up with Sunshine, Brother and Adjunkie (CAT WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL MY LIFE?!).

------------------------------------------------------------------

The name of the game is just try and see what happens. Seriously. I don't know if this is just some weird spike that I'll fall out of, but I have much less fear of approaching and I'm less nervous than usual for the first few. I have no expectation for success in terms of her liking me or gaining momentum. Just try. Do it anyway.

2nd or 3rd girl I open is a 9 walking in a line of friends. I tap her, and start walking with her because I couldn't believe she'd stop and leave her friends... but she does. We walk a few steps and just chill and talk. I come downtairs with them, leave her for a bit, and find her later. We go outside together and I chat with her and her friends. I get her number.

Brain is rewiring. I thought I'm not supposed to be able to do this with super hot girls when I'm not "on"....???

--------------------------------------------------------------

I open several other girls. Don't really remember most of them.

There's one really cute 5'1'' girl that I had left for another guy in our group who was with her first, but then I grabbed her after he blew out. Me: "I wanted to hit on you earlier but I didn't want to step on my friend's feet" Her: "it's okay you can hit on me :)"

We go outside and start talking a little. Some guy goes fucking apeshit and starts trying to fight the bouncer among other things. I can't keep our bubble going and I start to lose it. We go back inside to find her friends and I feel like I can't hold it so I tell her I'll find her later.

---------------------------------------------------

Adjunkie and I head over to another spot just for a change of pace. I open a stunner and her friend on the street. Maybe the hottest girl of the night. She won't look at me at first:

Me: what are you up to tonght... besides avoiding eye contact with strangers? :)

We plow a little bit and they actually start to ask us a few questions, but they leave after a few minutes.

We go into the next bar. Adjunkie opens a girl sitting down in the middle of like 6 people. The dude may be in love, but he's still an animal :)

---------------------------------------------------------------

We come back and I see the cute short girl and her friend standing and talking with 2 guys. I hesitate for a bit.... fuck it, just try.

I go in again but can't really keep her attention on me.

Out of nowhere a hot girl I grew up with but haven't seen in months runs over to me and hugs me. I get caught up with her for a minute, exchange numbers and so on.

Back in with the short girl. I honestly think the social proof saved me. Maybe a combination of that and me having a better energy from the interaction I just had. I keep talking with her in the group. I say some funny shit. Other guys leave, I go with the girls to get pizza.

The height differences is crazy. She's got like 5 inch heels on and she's still ridiculously short.

We sit down in a booth, her and I together and some of their other friends on the other side. She has the cuttest little smile. Our vibe is great. She tells me her face is hurting because she can't stop smiling. I tell her she's going to be the most wrinkly old person ever.

More good vibe. Connection. I like this girl.

Her: So I've gotta leave soon. Do you want to do the numbers thing?
Me: I do

For some reason she seems smitten by the fact that I don't fumble or second guess it.

She stays a bit longer and we chat. Awesome.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I go find Brother and Sunshine. I wing one for a sec but mostly wait for them to finish up.

===================================================================================================

1. Last 2 nights out have been WEIRD. I feel like something in my mind just clicked. I'm not having crazy in-state beast nights, but I'm doing infinitely better in my normal relaxed state. I'm not trying to force anything. I'm just being, and try regardless.

/happy.

Cheers
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sunshine

sunshine

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Join Date: 07/16/2012 | Posts: 148

Dude that girl you had pizza with was georgeous! Im excited to see where it leads! When I ran into you guys she seemed very invested in you.
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Knoxville

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Join Date: 05/19/2011 | Posts: 768

Cat wrote:

The crazy thing for me about this scenario is: it's not about "objective difficulty" (e.g. she is a 10, she has 4 dudes around her), it is about SUBJECTIVE DIFFICULTY.  E.g. if I am SO FUCKING IN MY HEAD and talking to ANYONE seems really rough, when I FORCE THE ISSUE I feel proud of myself. 

For a newb to read this they might be like "what, Cat you would feel proud of just approaching and that's it" but the reality is that ITS ABOUT WHERE YOU ARE AT WHEN YOU GO OUT.  I
Love this awareness. Im definitely keeping this in mind when Im out of it
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