THE FORUMS
Well, better than last night.
I went out solo around 10:30 and didn't see too many people I know down at the regular college bar so I just got a pitcher and sat down with a few of my friends. I get bored because they're talking about people who I don't know and I get kind of out of state.
No one's else is really there so I head out to the main club. It's packed. I'm really in my head as usual so I walk around a little and dance a bit.
After a few minutes I finally see a cute girl standing alone on the dance floor and go grab her.
Me: hey I'm matt
Her: I'm ____
Me: you look like you're waiting for someone
Her: I guess I am...I don't know why. I shouldn't be. I just broke up with my boyfriend. I don't even know what I'm doing.
Me: so why'd you come out?
Her: I dunno, I guess to prove to myself that I know how to be single. I'm not even drinking.....
Me: yeah I remember it was a whole big thing when I broke up with my last girlfriend. It's hard to just go out and let go
I dance with her a little. Not grinding because she seems way too sober and a little upset. I try to cheer her up a little and get a few laughs out of her, then grab her hand and pull her up on the stage. I act kind of crazy and try to get her to snap out of it, which she sort of does, but not as much as I'd hoped. I get kind of frustrated and leave her on stage for a bit.
I chode around a little bit, dance by myself some more and then grab a cute girl who's dancing with 4 of her friends. No go.
I talk to the first girl on an off. She tells me she's blown out 5 guys since I left her the first time. I guess that's a good sign for me, but I'm not showing enough intent to really get blown out badly. I have such a hard time with sober and/or upset girls in high energy venues. Not that there's not 10 other relatively cute girls there...Anyway, her newly-ex-boyfriend shows up and I decide I can't really make anything happen.
I'm still not feeling too great. No momentum really; those two approaches happened over the course of like a hour. Sort of out of nowhere, HB8 (the one who's supposed to cook me dinner) grabs me and insists that I come over and have her make me something. She seems strangely enthusiastic about it. She puts her number in my phone and tells me she'll make me whatever I want. Cool.
I sit down with her, her roommate and their platonic guy friends and chat for the rest of the night (only about 20 minutes). That's about it.
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1. I still feel like it's that habit of waiting for the perfect situation rather than actual fear of approaching. I brought this up once before, but haven't really thought about it in a while. It's just that every time the opportunity is really good, I don't have AA at all.
2. Again, drinking doesn't seem to play a big role in whether I'm going to approach or not.
3. Speaking of bets, HB9laywer is buying me a pitcher when I get a better grade than her on our last paper. Salvagable? Who knows.
*edit*
After reading some of ozzie's articles a while ago, I've been setting abstract goals for when I go out like "push comfort zone" or "action!", which isn't really working for me at all. It's really not worth my time to go out if I'm spending 6 hours and $15 in a weekend and doing 2 or 3 half assed sets. From now on I'm having objective goals when I go out to the bars, i.e. "do at least 5 sets", or "approach the hottest girl there". Honestly, if I'm not going to do that it's not even worth my time to go out.
Cheers
I went out solo around 10:30 and didn't see too many people I know down at the regular college bar so I just got a pitcher and sat down with a few of my friends. I get bored because they're talking about people who I don't know and I get kind of out of state.
No one's else is really there so I head out to the main club. It's packed. I'm really in my head as usual so I walk around a little and dance a bit.
After a few minutes I finally see a cute girl standing alone on the dance floor and go grab her.
Me: hey I'm matt
Her: I'm ____
Me: you look like you're waiting for someone
Her: I guess I am...I don't know why. I shouldn't be. I just broke up with my boyfriend. I don't even know what I'm doing.
Me: so why'd you come out?
Her: I dunno, I guess to prove to myself that I know how to be single. I'm not even drinking.....
Me: yeah I remember it was a whole big thing when I broke up with my last girlfriend. It's hard to just go out and let go
I dance with her a little. Not grinding because she seems way too sober and a little upset. I try to cheer her up a little and get a few laughs out of her, then grab her hand and pull her up on the stage. I act kind of crazy and try to get her to snap out of it, which she sort of does, but not as much as I'd hoped. I get kind of frustrated and leave her on stage for a bit.
I chode around a little bit, dance by myself some more and then grab a cute girl who's dancing with 4 of her friends. No go.
I talk to the first girl on an off. She tells me she's blown out 5 guys since I left her the first time. I guess that's a good sign for me, but I'm not showing enough intent to really get blown out badly. I have such a hard time with sober and/or upset girls in high energy venues. Not that there's not 10 other relatively cute girls there...Anyway, her newly-ex-boyfriend shows up and I decide I can't really make anything happen.
I'm still not feeling too great. No momentum really; those two approaches happened over the course of like a hour. Sort of out of nowhere, HB8 (the one who's supposed to cook me dinner) grabs me and insists that I come over and have her make me something. She seems strangely enthusiastic about it. She puts her number in my phone and tells me she'll make me whatever I want. Cool.
I sit down with her, her roommate and their platonic guy friends and chat for the rest of the night (only about 20 minutes). That's about it.
---------------------------------------------------------------
1. I still feel like it's that habit of waiting for the perfect situation rather than actual fear of approaching. I brought this up once before, but haven't really thought about it in a while. It's just that every time the opportunity is really good, I don't have AA at all.
2. Again, drinking doesn't seem to play a big role in whether I'm going to approach or not.
3. Speaking of bets, HB9laywer is buying me a pitcher when I get a better grade than her on our last paper. Salvagable? Who knows.
*edit*
After reading some of ozzie's articles a while ago, I've been setting abstract goals for when I go out like "push comfort zone" or "action!", which isn't really working for me at all. It's really not worth my time to go out if I'm spending 6 hours and $15 in a weekend and doing 2 or 3 half assed sets. From now on I'm having objective goals when I go out to the bars, i.e. "do at least 5 sets", or "approach the hottest girl there". Honestly, if I'm not going to do that it's not even worth my time to go out.
Cheers
__________________
Ok, I'm going to write up saturday night first because it's still fresh in my mind. Plus I'd really like some feedback from this one.
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There's a southpark where the Tourrets syndrome group councellor has uncontrolled bursts yelling "piss! piss out my ass". That was me all day saturday - and not the Tourrets.
I had gone to a nice restuarant in the city on friday night and got food poisoning. I spent a good hour in various different bathrooms throughout the day, stressed out because most of them won't give you a key unless you're a customer.
"dude I've got food poisoning"
"que?"
You'd think you'd have to speak english to be a manager at McDonalds.
On the bright side, I finally got my hands on my friend's copy of The Game and powered through almost 300 pages on saturday. Really good book.
---------------------------------------------
Around 9:00 I go to my friends party, which is the main reason I drove to the city in the first place. It's mostly just my good friends there until about 10:30, which is actually really cool. I wish I could find guys like these that were as interested in game as I am. As people, I like them so much more than my wing.
Around 11 the people start pooring in. The hottest single girl is this cute little ballet dancer. 7.5 or so and kind of my type.
I start talking to her down by the beerpong table. I don't remember what I said, but she's friendly and it goes well. Her partner ditches out on beerpong so I play with her. We make a bet: if we win I have to do something for her and if we lose vice versa. The "what" isn't specified though, which I decide could be a good thing.
We lose and she wants to go upstairs and dance and asks me if I want to also. We dance around for a minute or two but it's not a good atmosphere. I sit down and tell her I don't feel like dancing. I give her my santa hat and she sits down next to me.
I grab her hand to look at it.
Her: my pinky nail looks like a baby's
Me: Haha it's kind of cute though. what I don't like is when girls have those sort of half thumb nails, almost like when someone gets the tip of their finger cut off and it doesn't grow back all the way. Those are kind of a turn off for me.
Her: yeah I just have small hands
Me: what's one of your little pet peaves or turns offs like that?
Her: I don't like when guys have dirt under their finger nails *looks at mine*
Her: you get a 7 or 7.5 out of 10
Me: Passable?
Her: yeah
Me: I'd have to get a manicure for a 10
Her: isn't that kind of feminine?
From manicures and femininity I go into how I like that she's got a feminine energy but doesn't do the "pink nail polish, lots of makeup girly girl kind of thing" (I really do like this about her, and girls in general). I tell her it's really about the vibe she puts off and not all that other stuff, and I really like that. We go back and forth like that for a few minutes. We're holding hands and sitting alone this whole time. It's fucking on.
I notice one of my pretty good friends orbiting, posted up on the wall next to us and say what's up. Instead of being cool and nice or helping me out, he takes to opportunity to sit down on the other side of her and try to game her. He happens to be a hair dresser and that's pretty much his routine. I'm not worried about her doing anything with him, but he completely ruins our "bumble of love" as Tim calls it. So much for good friends and bros before hos...
She has to get up and go to the bathroom but tells me she's be write back and to wait for her. Not wanting to sit on the couch alone for 5 minutes, I wander around nearby and talk to people. I think she notices I'm not sitting there when she comes out and gets caught up talking with other people to.
After a few minutes I go grab her hand and lead her into my good friend's room. "I want to show you something".
I show her a picture of me when I was 13 that's on his wall and tell who the other people are (they're at the party too). My friend who's room we're in starts making out with her friend and she makes this "omg" face and walk out, making sure to freak out about the big snake in the tank. I figure since her friend looks like she's gonna hook up, she should be more open to doing the same.
The exact oposite happens. As time goes on and she drinks more, it continues to de-escalate between us. I feel like there's nothing I can do. She wants to play beerpong again and soon I'm not getting anything more from her than anyone else around the table is. My "friend" (actually it's not really a big deal, he's a cool guy) continues to fuck me up however possible, talking shit and gives the girl his hairdresser card with some special message on it. I'm still not worried about him stealing her, but he's still fucking me up nevertheless.
But it's not even that it's him cockblocking me anymore. Within half an hour I've completely lost her. I don't know what the fuck happened.
---------------------------------------------------------------
1. Based on reading this, does anyone have an idea of what might have happened here? Obviously my friend fucked things up initially, but that really shouldn't have done it. It's not like she liked him. It's possible that I didn't esclate enough, but we were getting pretty intimate early on. There's no way she thought "ok I liked this guy but he isn't making a move so I'm done". That's happened to me before, but definitely not with this one.
2. In some ways I feel like I'm getting a lot better at this. She was the cuttest single girl there and it took 20 minutes from when we met to feeling like it was on. However, I have no idea what to do when I feel like I'm losing it. I tried to be more dominant near the end but I'd already lost it.
3. I feel kind of weird after reading the first half of The Game yesterday, combined with my experience friday which I'll write about next. Girls fall for some stupid shit. I guess I'm kind of frustrated that I'm not having nearly as much success as some guys, despite being a well-adjusted, attractive guy. Is it really just more field experience I need or is something wrong in the way I'm going about this?
Cheers. I'd really like comments on this one if you've got time.
-----------------------------------------------------------
There's a southpark where the Tourrets syndrome group councellor has uncontrolled bursts yelling "piss! piss out my ass". That was me all day saturday - and not the Tourrets.
I had gone to a nice restuarant in the city on friday night and got food poisoning. I spent a good hour in various different bathrooms throughout the day, stressed out because most of them won't give you a key unless you're a customer.
"dude I've got food poisoning"
"que?"
You'd think you'd have to speak english to be a manager at McDonalds.
On the bright side, I finally got my hands on my friend's copy of The Game and powered through almost 300 pages on saturday. Really good book.
---------------------------------------------
Around 9:00 I go to my friends party, which is the main reason I drove to the city in the first place. It's mostly just my good friends there until about 10:30, which is actually really cool. I wish I could find guys like these that were as interested in game as I am. As people, I like them so much more than my wing.
Around 11 the people start pooring in. The hottest single girl is this cute little ballet dancer. 7.5 or so and kind of my type.
I start talking to her down by the beerpong table. I don't remember what I said, but she's friendly and it goes well. Her partner ditches out on beerpong so I play with her. We make a bet: if we win I have to do something for her and if we lose vice versa. The "what" isn't specified though, which I decide could be a good thing.
We lose and she wants to go upstairs and dance and asks me if I want to also. We dance around for a minute or two but it's not a good atmosphere. I sit down and tell her I don't feel like dancing. I give her my santa hat and she sits down next to me.
I grab her hand to look at it.
Her: my pinky nail looks like a baby's
Me: Haha it's kind of cute though. what I don't like is when girls have those sort of half thumb nails, almost like when someone gets the tip of their finger cut off and it doesn't grow back all the way. Those are kind of a turn off for me.
Her: yeah I just have small hands
Me: what's one of your little pet peaves or turns offs like that?
Her: I don't like when guys have dirt under their finger nails *looks at mine*
Her: you get a 7 or 7.5 out of 10
Me: Passable?
Her: yeah
Me: I'd have to get a manicure for a 10
Her: isn't that kind of feminine?
From manicures and femininity I go into how I like that she's got a feminine energy but doesn't do the "pink nail polish, lots of makeup girly girl kind of thing" (I really do like this about her, and girls in general). I tell her it's really about the vibe she puts off and not all that other stuff, and I really like that. We go back and forth like that for a few minutes. We're holding hands and sitting alone this whole time. It's fucking on.
I notice one of my pretty good friends orbiting, posted up on the wall next to us and say what's up. Instead of being cool and nice or helping me out, he takes to opportunity to sit down on the other side of her and try to game her. He happens to be a hair dresser and that's pretty much his routine. I'm not worried about her doing anything with him, but he completely ruins our "bumble of love" as Tim calls it. So much for good friends and bros before hos...
She has to get up and go to the bathroom but tells me she's be write back and to wait for her. Not wanting to sit on the couch alone for 5 minutes, I wander around nearby and talk to people. I think she notices I'm not sitting there when she comes out and gets caught up talking with other people to.
After a few minutes I go grab her hand and lead her into my good friend's room. "I want to show you something".
I show her a picture of me when I was 13 that's on his wall and tell who the other people are (they're at the party too). My friend who's room we're in starts making out with her friend and she makes this "omg" face and walk out, making sure to freak out about the big snake in the tank. I figure since her friend looks like she's gonna hook up, she should be more open to doing the same.
The exact oposite happens. As time goes on and she drinks more, it continues to de-escalate between us. I feel like there's nothing I can do. She wants to play beerpong again and soon I'm not getting anything more from her than anyone else around the table is. My "friend" (actually it's not really a big deal, he's a cool guy) continues to fuck me up however possible, talking shit and gives the girl his hairdresser card with some special message on it. I'm still not worried about him stealing her, but he's still fucking me up nevertheless.
But it's not even that it's him cockblocking me anymore. Within half an hour I've completely lost her. I don't know what the fuck happened.
---------------------------------------------------------------
1. Based on reading this, does anyone have an idea of what might have happened here? Obviously my friend fucked things up initially, but that really shouldn't have done it. It's not like she liked him. It's possible that I didn't esclate enough, but we were getting pretty intimate early on. There's no way she thought "ok I liked this guy but he isn't making a move so I'm done". That's happened to me before, but definitely not with this one.
2. In some ways I feel like I'm getting a lot better at this. She was the cuttest single girl there and it took 20 minutes from when we met to feeling like it was on. However, I have no idea what to do when I feel like I'm losing it. I tried to be more dominant near the end but I'd already lost it.
3. I feel kind of weird after reading the first half of The Game yesterday, combined with my experience friday which I'll write about next. Girls fall for some stupid shit. I guess I'm kind of frustrated that I'm not having nearly as much success as some guys, despite being a well-adjusted, attractive guy. Is it really just more field experience I need or is something wrong in the way I'm going about this?
Cheers. I'd really like comments on this one if you've got time.
__________________
Hi Matt, wazzup.
from your fr i get a feeling you chased too much. What kind of a party was it, seems like you didn't have enough WOO in there?
I've had similar problems with my friends, who are all cool guys but the "rules" are pretty blurry with those kind of situations. I don't feel good tooling my friends, even if they tool me a bit.
Isolate the girl, carry her outside. Worst thing imho you can do is to sit and watch what happens. It may feel like a cool idea. Even though nothing happens with your girl and the guy trying to "steal" her, your state probably drops and you get inside your head: "What should I do now, seems like there is nothing going on between those two.... or is it... argh the hairdresser card... nah she is not into it... or is she, should I...." you get the point.
When this happens it is pretty hard to recover, you start chasing her, seeking for value from her "LOOK I'M ALSO HERE, DO YOU STILL LIKE ME"
Sometimes you have to defend your girl from your friends. Happens to me a lot at pool community, 97% guys, most of them are cool, some chodes, competitive guys, when you bring a girl in there or you are partying with them, you are sure to have 5 guys hoovering around trying to entertain the girl. http://www.rsdnation.com/node/171230 <-- that is my latest fr. short story: saw a friend playing pool with 2 girls, i get in. we have most fun at whole pool hall. 15minutes later 7 guys around the table. Nothing you can do, options are: immeadite pull, numberclose, or get the f outta there and don't ruin your night and let them fight, find new girls.
I would like to know what happened after she saw her friend making out, you said she freaked out and things started to go downhill, she started doing this and that. what did You do?
One more point, you let the girl and the hairdressed talk too much, seems like you were the spectator there, hopefully not, just get that feeling from the fr. Tool your friends if you have to, or find new girl, if she is worth the trouble, then maybe you should fight a bit and not just watch if he steals her or not.
These are just my 2 cents...
And about "The Game". I read it about 3(?) years ago, through that i found this stuff. I don't like it at all anymore, button pushing etc. Stuff MAY work, girls do fall for silly things but you don't get the pleasure from it. I've hooked (sometimes pulled) many (few :) ) girls with that button pushing as i had been a semi-pro magician for few years. easy to get attention. Just let your self come through, works much better and is much more fun. for you and girls.
As for the success. You approach a lot and step up. Maybe you should step up also in the interactions, talk dirty, self amuse yourself with things you let out of your mouth! Don't let conversations be boring at parties... Don't be too nice guy!
Don't take this as advice, just my feelings and maybe (hopefully) something to think about for you!
from your fr i get a feeling you chased too much. What kind of a party was it, seems like you didn't have enough WOO in there?
I've had similar problems with my friends, who are all cool guys but the "rules" are pretty blurry with those kind of situations. I don't feel good tooling my friends, even if they tool me a bit.
Isolate the girl, carry her outside. Worst thing imho you can do is to sit and watch what happens. It may feel like a cool idea. Even though nothing happens with your girl and the guy trying to "steal" her, your state probably drops and you get inside your head: "What should I do now, seems like there is nothing going on between those two.... or is it... argh the hairdresser card... nah she is not into it... or is she, should I...." you get the point.
When this happens it is pretty hard to recover, you start chasing her, seeking for value from her "LOOK I'M ALSO HERE, DO YOU STILL LIKE ME"
Sometimes you have to defend your girl from your friends. Happens to me a lot at pool community, 97% guys, most of them are cool, some chodes, competitive guys, when you bring a girl in there or you are partying with them, you are sure to have 5 guys hoovering around trying to entertain the girl. http://www.rsdnation.com/node/171230 <-- that is my latest fr. short story: saw a friend playing pool with 2 girls, i get in. we have most fun at whole pool hall. 15minutes later 7 guys around the table. Nothing you can do, options are: immeadite pull, numberclose, or get the f outta there and don't ruin your night and let them fight, find new girls.
I would like to know what happened after she saw her friend making out, you said she freaked out and things started to go downhill, she started doing this and that. what did You do?
One more point, you let the girl and the hairdressed talk too much, seems like you were the spectator there, hopefully not, just get that feeling from the fr. Tool your friends if you have to, or find new girl, if she is worth the trouble, then maybe you should fight a bit and not just watch if he steals her or not.
These are just my 2 cents...
And about "The Game". I read it about 3(?) years ago, through that i found this stuff. I don't like it at all anymore, button pushing etc. Stuff MAY work, girls do fall for silly things but you don't get the pleasure from it. I've hooked (sometimes pulled) many (few :) ) girls with that button pushing as i had been a semi-pro magician for few years. easy to get attention. Just let your self come through, works much better and is much more fun. for you and girls.
As for the success. You approach a lot and step up. Maybe you should step up also in the interactions, talk dirty, self amuse yourself with things you let out of your mouth! Don't let conversations be boring at parties... Don't be too nice guy!
Don't take this as advice, just my feelings and maybe (hopefully) something to think about for you!
__________________
Road To The Year 2012
The Coolest 21-year-old Man In Finland.
The Most Dangerous Guy To Woman In Finland
The Most Unreactive 21yearer In Finland
Living in Abundance.
Watch out overseas, i'm coming.
The Coolest 21-year-old Man In Finland.
The Most Dangerous Guy To Woman In Finland
The Most Unreactive 21yearer In Finland
Living in Abundance.
Watch out overseas, i'm coming.
Thanks man. It seems like a rare treat to get good feedback these days.
I guess the issue with my friend messing me up was that I really didn't expect it. Most the guys there probably would have helped me out, told her something cool about me or said something funny, then moved on. This was the same place and same people as when I pulled that ~HB7 girl down into the basement last spring break. My friends confirmed that I was a cool guy and moved on.
I wasn't in spectactor mode when he sat down, but it ruined the 1 on 1 bubble we had. It just became a 3 way conversation with him telling her what she should do with her hair.
I think you're spot on about the chasing stuff though. Sometimes I just don't know what to do.
Like when we went down to play beerpong the second time, I tried to pull her back upstairs after we won a game, but she wanted to keep playing. I wanted to just leave her there and come back later - but my hairdresser friend and half a dozen other guys are waiting to pounce in my spot if I leave. There's just this conflict between not wanting to eject, but not wanting to chase her either. It worked when I grabbed her hand and brought her into my friends room, but the isolation didn't work because my friend was making out with hers. She gave me that shocked look, turned around and walked out. It was all downhill from there.
Thanks again man. Hope you're doing well.
I guess the issue with my friend messing me up was that I really didn't expect it. Most the guys there probably would have helped me out, told her something cool about me or said something funny, then moved on. This was the same place and same people as when I pulled that ~HB7 girl down into the basement last spring break. My friends confirmed that I was a cool guy and moved on.
I wasn't in spectactor mode when he sat down, but it ruined the 1 on 1 bubble we had. It just became a 3 way conversation with him telling her what she should do with her hair.
I think you're spot on about the chasing stuff though. Sometimes I just don't know what to do.
Like when we went down to play beerpong the second time, I tried to pull her back upstairs after we won a game, but she wanted to keep playing. I wanted to just leave her there and come back later - but my hairdresser friend and half a dozen other guys are waiting to pounce in my spot if I leave. There's just this conflict between not wanting to eject, but not wanting to chase her either. It worked when I grabbed her hand and brought her into my friends room, but the isolation didn't work because my friend was making out with hers. She gave me that shocked look, turned around and walked out. It was all downhill from there.
Thanks again man. Hope you're doing well.
__________________
Alright, here's friday.
I finish my diarrhea-inducing meal around 9:30 and my wing, who was supposed to meet me, isn't even getting ready to leave his house yet. I go out sober and solo again, which is just fine.
No matter how I try, I can't get myself in that "approach 20 sets! learn!" mentality when I'm out. I've made a commitment to do at least 5 at anonymous bars though, which seems like nothing but it's a step in the right direction for me.
It's only like 10 when I ge to the first bar and even though there's people, there's not really anymore I want to approach. I post up and watch people dance in front of funny 80s and 90s videos on the projector screen. A few minutes later, I see a cute girl and she walks by and we make eye contact. I'm bad at going immediately and without thinking, but I plan to open her.
However, just a few seconds later her friend, a reasonably attractive black girl (HB6), opens me. Apparently she's part of this social group that goes out to bars together and she has these little sticky tags with questions. My task is to name the seven dwarfs from snow white. I get like 3. Her "I think that's all of them".
I go over and dance around with her, the cute blonde girl (HB7) from earlier, a guy and another girl. We're having fun, but we're all sober and I have no idea what to do to move things foward with the blonde girl, so I decide I'm wasting my time and move on.
Set 1
I approach a 3 set of girls that happen to be part of a party a birthday party group. I go into chode-mode and blow out pretty quickly. "Well it was nice meeting you", says the cute blonde (HB8). I'm no good at doing groups, especially when everyone's sober.
Set 2
Keep in mind that I've choded around and bitched out for an hour since the last set here. I don't know why this is so hard for me.
With so much negative momentum, this set probably wasn't the best idea. This absolutely gorgeous girl (HB9.5) is out with a guy, and after bitching out for quite a while I approach them. I'm nervous as fuck. No momentum and sober. I ask them if they're together and the girl says they are. I congradulate the guy and walk off. Horrible.
Set 3
Fortunately now I have a little momentum. I go upstairs and ask this girl in a 4 mixed set what her name is. She gives it but doesn't shake my hand. The guy next to her tells me she's his girlfriend. "Congrats man, she's cute". I could tell they were really together after just a few seconds.
Set 4
My wing says he just parked so I go outside to go find him. I see this HB8.5 or 9 blonde girl sitting outside who I'd seen earlier walking around with a big fat guy who looked like her body guard. I ask her if she's a club promoter, because I knew another girl who walked around with a body guard like that. She says no, but makes sure to inform me that her boyfriend is "right over there". Sweet.
Set 5
I go meet my friend and it's about 12:30 at this point. We go back to the same bar I was at and it's really emptying out. We go back up stairs, stand around for a minute and he points out 2 girls sitting and talking on the couches. I go over and squad down infront of them.
Me: is this the VIP section?
HB7eyes: *jumps* omg you scared me
Me: hahaha
HB6.5club: yeah we're VIP
Me: they had ropes up and shit earlier but I guess it's all fair game now. mind if we join you guys? (I look up at my friend, who's standing silently behind me).
HB7eyes: yeah ok
I guess because of the way we're positioned, I sit down next to the less attractive girl, HB6.5club. I do alright, or so I think. I've got her attention at least and she's smiling and laughing. She tells me she wants to start a bar/club when she gets out of school. My friend doesn't seem to be doing so hot.
After a few minutes some guy who they'd met before we got there comes back over and starts running m.ystery method-type routines. My girl, who had just jokingly told me I'd be on the guest list when she started a club, says "he wouldn't get in" to me, which turns out to be interesting.
The guy knows what he's doing. His body language is great and he's got his shit down. I can tell he's been doing this for a long time.
My friend is blown out immediately, and while I hang on a bit and try to keep the attention off of him, his retarded zodiac sign routines seem to be working. He leaves and comes back a few times but keeps re-establishing his position as the center of attention. He's definitely been doing this for a while.
I do my best to be loud and keep from being excluded like my friend has been, but it's not long before he's completely taken over the girls' attention. My girl tells me she'd definitely let him into her club....lol
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1. It was cool to see someone good in action, although it's not the kind of stuff I want to do. It would be like anti-self amusement for me. I think zodiac signs are boring and stupid. It was really cool to see the ways in which he controlled space though and his other mannerisms.
2. I'm amazed at how well his stuff worked actually. His opener was just asking the girls something about if there were 2 guy twins and one had money and the other made them feel special, which would they pick. Somehow they bit on it and he kept running canned stuff like that. Lesson: the bar is really fucking low as long as you're different.
3. Well got my 5 sets in. Felt like I learned nothing in the first 4 though. I really want to commit to doing more, but it's so fucking hard for me some some reason. I mean, I guess I'm sober and solo and approaching in some really competitive spots, but I feel like I've still got to step it up more. How can I expect to keep up when some guys are doing 100 sets in a day?
Cheers
I finish my diarrhea-inducing meal around 9:30 and my wing, who was supposed to meet me, isn't even getting ready to leave his house yet. I go out sober and solo again, which is just fine.
No matter how I try, I can't get myself in that "approach 20 sets! learn!" mentality when I'm out. I've made a commitment to do at least 5 at anonymous bars though, which seems like nothing but it's a step in the right direction for me.
It's only like 10 when I ge to the first bar and even though there's people, there's not really anymore I want to approach. I post up and watch people dance in front of funny 80s and 90s videos on the projector screen. A few minutes later, I see a cute girl and she walks by and we make eye contact. I'm bad at going immediately and without thinking, but I plan to open her.
However, just a few seconds later her friend, a reasonably attractive black girl (HB6), opens me. Apparently she's part of this social group that goes out to bars together and she has these little sticky tags with questions. My task is to name the seven dwarfs from snow white. I get like 3. Her "I think that's all of them".
I go over and dance around with her, the cute blonde girl (HB7) from earlier, a guy and another girl. We're having fun, but we're all sober and I have no idea what to do to move things foward with the blonde girl, so I decide I'm wasting my time and move on.
Set 1
I approach a 3 set of girls that happen to be part of a party a birthday party group. I go into chode-mode and blow out pretty quickly. "Well it was nice meeting you", says the cute blonde (HB8). I'm no good at doing groups, especially when everyone's sober.
Set 2
Keep in mind that I've choded around and bitched out for an hour since the last set here. I don't know why this is so hard for me.
With so much negative momentum, this set probably wasn't the best idea. This absolutely gorgeous girl (HB9.5) is out with a guy, and after bitching out for quite a while I approach them. I'm nervous as fuck. No momentum and sober. I ask them if they're together and the girl says they are. I congradulate the guy and walk off. Horrible.
Set 3
Fortunately now I have a little momentum. I go upstairs and ask this girl in a 4 mixed set what her name is. She gives it but doesn't shake my hand. The guy next to her tells me she's his girlfriend. "Congrats man, she's cute". I could tell they were really together after just a few seconds.
Set 4
My wing says he just parked so I go outside to go find him. I see this HB8.5 or 9 blonde girl sitting outside who I'd seen earlier walking around with a big fat guy who looked like her body guard. I ask her if she's a club promoter, because I knew another girl who walked around with a body guard like that. She says no, but makes sure to inform me that her boyfriend is "right over there". Sweet.
Set 5
I go meet my friend and it's about 12:30 at this point. We go back to the same bar I was at and it's really emptying out. We go back up stairs, stand around for a minute and he points out 2 girls sitting and talking on the couches. I go over and squad down infront of them.
Me: is this the VIP section?
HB7eyes: *jumps* omg you scared me
Me: hahaha
HB6.5club: yeah we're VIP
Me: they had ropes up and shit earlier but I guess it's all fair game now. mind if we join you guys? (I look up at my friend, who's standing silently behind me).
HB7eyes: yeah ok
I guess because of the way we're positioned, I sit down next to the less attractive girl, HB6.5club. I do alright, or so I think. I've got her attention at least and she's smiling and laughing. She tells me she wants to start a bar/club when she gets out of school. My friend doesn't seem to be doing so hot.
After a few minutes some guy who they'd met before we got there comes back over and starts running m.ystery method-type routines. My girl, who had just jokingly told me I'd be on the guest list when she started a club, says "he wouldn't get in" to me, which turns out to be interesting.
The guy knows what he's doing. His body language is great and he's got his shit down. I can tell he's been doing this for a long time.
My friend is blown out immediately, and while I hang on a bit and try to keep the attention off of him, his retarded zodiac sign routines seem to be working. He leaves and comes back a few times but keeps re-establishing his position as the center of attention. He's definitely been doing this for a while.
I do my best to be loud and keep from being excluded like my friend has been, but it's not long before he's completely taken over the girls' attention. My girl tells me she'd definitely let him into her club....lol
-----------------------------------------
1. It was cool to see someone good in action, although it's not the kind of stuff I want to do. It would be like anti-self amusement for me. I think zodiac signs are boring and stupid. It was really cool to see the ways in which he controlled space though and his other mannerisms.
2. I'm amazed at how well his stuff worked actually. His opener was just asking the girls something about if there were 2 guy twins and one had money and the other made them feel special, which would they pick. Somehow they bit on it and he kept running canned stuff like that. Lesson: the bar is really fucking low as long as you're different.
3. Well got my 5 sets in. Felt like I learned nothing in the first 4 though. I really want to commit to doing more, but it's so fucking hard for me some some reason. I mean, I guess I'm sober and solo and approaching in some really competitive spots, but I feel like I've still got to step it up more. How can I expect to keep up when some guys are doing 100 sets in a day?
Cheers
__________________
What uup
Big fan of this journal. And I like to reply, nobody else here does anymore, too many journals?
You seem like a too nice guy, don't ask permission to do something! You are the man, you don't need permission.
I don't say you have to stop being nice guy and be a bastard like some guys at this forum, if you are nice guy, then be it. But don't over do it, if you get my point.
Some good exercise I do sometimes is not to ask questions. Questions are banned, you are not allow to ask ANY questions during the interaction.
You should try it out, could do some good for you. Did for me.
As for hard to approach and do this stuff. Read my latest post in my journal. I don't get why this is so hard :D Just do it doesn't do justice for me when sober. You are doing A LOT better. Just keep going.
Big fan of this journal. And I like to reply, nobody else here does anymore, too many journals?
You seem like a too nice guy, don't ask permission to do something! You are the man, you don't need permission.
I don't say you have to stop being nice guy and be a bastard like some guys at this forum, if you are nice guy, then be it. But don't over do it, if you get my point.
Some good exercise I do sometimes is not to ask questions. Questions are banned, you are not allow to ask ANY questions during the interaction.
You should try it out, could do some good for you. Did for me.
As for hard to approach and do this stuff. Read my latest post in my journal. I don't get why this is so hard :D Just do it doesn't do justice for me when sober. You are doing A LOT better. Just keep going.
__________________
Road To The Year 2012
The Coolest 21-year-old Man In Finland.
The Most Dangerous Guy To Woman In Finland
The Most Unreactive 21yearer In Finland
Living in Abundance.
Watch out overseas, i'm coming.
The Coolest 21-year-old Man In Finland.
The Most Dangerous Guy To Woman In Finland
The Most Unreactive 21yearer In Finland
Living in Abundance.
Watch out overseas, i'm coming.
"I don't say you have to stop being nice guy and be a bastard like some guys at this forum, if you are nice guy, then be it. But don't over do it, if you get my point."
Could you elaborate on this? I don't really think I come across all that nice, "negging" (lol) people is sort of part of my personality. I could see coming across like that from not being dominant and sexual enough though - still afraid to fuck things up sometimes. Is that what you mean? What exactly are you referring too?
"Some good exercise I do sometimes is not to ask questions. Questions are banned, you are not allow to ask ANY questions during the interaction."
Yeah I actively try to do this, but sometimes my mind is racing for something to say and I still go into question mode. Like the first set from friday I couldn't think of anything and just went full chode-mode.
Btw are you gonna be posting regularly in your journal again? I used to really like reading your reports.
Cheers
Could you elaborate on this? I don't really think I come across all that nice, "negging" (lol) people is sort of part of my personality. I could see coming across like that from not being dominant and sexual enough though - still afraid to fuck things up sometimes. Is that what you mean? What exactly are you referring too?
"Some good exercise I do sometimes is not to ask questions. Questions are banned, you are not allow to ask ANY questions during the interaction."
Yeah I actively try to do this, but sometimes my mind is racing for something to say and I still go into question mode. Like the first set from friday I couldn't think of anything and just went full chode-mode.
Btw are you gonna be posting regularly in your journal again? I used to really like reading your reports.
Cheers
__________________
Yeah I plan to start posting again, also have a 30day challenge coming up in about a month or two.
As for being the nice guy. I also "neg" a lot (i hate that word) and tease A LOT.
I'm being a prick and a nice guy at the same time. But I don't ask permission to do anything.
And yeah, be more direct, plow. Don't care if the set burns down. Say stuff that you never think you can let out for mouth. Don't care what they think of you afterwards if it's going very bad.
You probably do this allready, just doesn't come out in your frs.
We have kinda same style, just go in more direct. How is your tonality going, have the breaking rapport?
I kinda lost my point writing this text, a bit of a language barrier. I'll post more when I get my thoughts in words :)
As for being the nice guy. I also "neg" a lot (i hate that word) and tease A LOT.
I'm being a prick and a nice guy at the same time. But I don't ask permission to do anything.
And yeah, be more direct, plow. Don't care if the set burns down. Say stuff that you never think you can let out for mouth. Don't care what they think of you afterwards if it's going very bad.
You probably do this allready, just doesn't come out in your frs.
We have kinda same style, just go in more direct. How is your tonality going, have the breaking rapport?
I kinda lost my point writing this text, a bit of a language barrier. I'll post more when I get my thoughts in words :)
__________________
Road To The Year 2012
The Coolest 21-year-old Man In Finland.
The Most Dangerous Guy To Woman In Finland
The Most Unreactive 21yearer In Finland
Living in Abundance.
Watch out overseas, i'm coming.
The Coolest 21-year-old Man In Finland.
The Most Dangerous Guy To Woman In Finland
The Most Unreactive 21yearer In Finland
Living in Abundance.
Watch out overseas, i'm coming.
And yeah, be more direct, plow. Don't care if the set burns down. Say stuff that you never think you can let out for mouth. Don't care what they think of you afterwards if it's going very bad.
You probably do this allready, just doesn't come out in your frs.
We have kinda same style, just go in more direct. How is your tonality going, have the breaking rapport?
You probably do this allready, just doesn't come out in your frs.
We have kinda same style, just go in more direct. How is your tonality going, have the breaking rapport?
Yeah dude, for some reason I have this aversion to going in with crazy/weird/really direct stuff even though I know it would be the best thing for pushing my comfort zone, learning, and probably pulling too. I still get in the "play not to lose" mentality. Still scared to crash and burn, even though that's basically what I did anyway in 4 out of 5 sets on friday.
Tonality is still...well I guess you could say reactive. I try not to do this, but it seems inevitable - if the girl is receptive or playful or pushes back, it's all good, but they they just sort of shut down and wait I struggle a lot.
Funny enough, the two issues above are mutually perpetuating - if that makes sense. The fact that I'm scared to say crazy/funny shit leads to unenthusiastic reactions, which leads to me stalling out.
So there you have it. The core of my issues, is - as always - fear of rejection!
__________________
Matt281
Trusted Member
Join Date: 01/28/2009 | Posts: 1471
Sorta frustrated with myself. I went to the regular social bar around 11 and did well. Had a lot of fun with my friends, met some new people and so on. Good state/mood.
Around 12 my buddy wants to go to the club across the street (there's really only 2 good places around here) and I just sort of go downhill. I do well for the first couple minutes, staying social and having fun but then I stall out when approach time comes along. My state goes down and within half an hour or so I'm not having fun anymore.
I walk over to the original bar to chill out a little and talk to people, but then the bouncer stops letting people back into the club at 1.
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1. I can't believe how much state of mind changes when I'm thinking about approaching vs when I'm actually there. I also can't believe that I'm 2 years into this and I still have nights where I don't really take action beyond having fun with my friends/hot girls I know. I need to figure something out though, because it's retarded for me to spend $10 going out if I'm not going to approach.
2. The frustrating part is when I do approach, it usually goes fine and pretty often it goes really well. If I had really tried with the 2 or 3 HB9s that were there, I probably would have got a makeout or a number - or even a pull, who knows? I don't know why I'm so fucking scared. I've still got this perfection-seeking shit going on, where I just really zone in on a few of the hottest girl and I just want it to go perfectly. I really need to just let that go and fucking do it.
Cheers.
My Approach Journal | My 1000th Post