THE FORUMS

May 23rd, 2017
Matt281
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17

17

Senior Member

Join Date: 01/05/2013 | Posts: 295

Hey man !

I have a question for you...

Right now, from what i've read, you're in a place where i'd like to be. In terms of external results and internal paradigms.

So here is my question ;

I've been in the game for 6 active months and i've had sex with 4 girls at 22 yo. And just 1 to 2 times with each.
Never had a girlfriend per se.

And now, i'm seeing a girl who wants to become my girlfriend. She's been hinting at meeting up with her friends and shit.
She is super fucking cute, I like her. But she is not my perfect 10. My ego feels really really good by being with her though.

Our relationship is not amazing, it's not like i'm in love, but I like her.

If I do become her boyfriend, i would keep going out once or twice a week and apply the Fear technology by Ozzie (you just do shit that scares the hell out of you). I won't go for makeouts or numbers or sex. I will keep going for the pull though (well, i hope being motivated enough to do it anyway).

If I don't become her boyfriend, i feel like i'm going to have to break it off coz' i know she won't go for a non-exclusive relationship. That would be really painful and uncomfortable.

If you were in my situation what would you do ?

Any feedback would be super appreciated :)
 
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Matt281

Matt281

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Join Date: 01/28/2009 | Posts: 2206

That's a hard question to answer, because the truth is it depends on where you're coming from.

My first girlfriend was the first girl I ever fucked. In a lot of ways, it was really good for me. I think that a lot of guys can learn just as much from having a girlfriend as they can from being single and fucking a bunch of girls. It'll also give you a frame of reference for what you want out of a relationship, what's good and what's not. Personally I learned a ton from that relationship, and it was in a big part responsible for the success I've had maintaining relationships with other girls since then. My "back end of the funnel" is actually very good -- girls usually want to stick around after sex. I think a lot of guys have trouble with this, in part because they don't have any experience with relationships.

On the flip side, nearly the entire time I was with my first girlfriend I felt (for lack of a better word) resentful. I was constantly frustrated that I was wasting time that could be spent chasing the girls I really wanted because it was comfortable to stay with her. I knew from day 1 there wasn't any long term potential, but I stuck with it anyway. 

I guess it depends on the extent to which you'll feel like that. If you can be happy just dating this girl, enjoying it and learning from it, that's a great place to be and it's worth doing. Then when you're ready to move on, you can. But if this in any way feels like a cop out and a way of avoiding going after what you really want, then that's a different story. The question is: can you enjoy being with this girl from a place of genuine satisfaction (even if temporary), or is it just easy?

That's pretty much it.

One final thing, which probably shouldn't really influence your decision but needs to be said anyway: what she's willing to do is almost entirely based on you and your expectations. Maybe she wouldn't be non-exclusive with you, but for the right guy, she would. Almost any girl would. You just won't believe it until you start doing it. One of the girls I'm seeing has only had two serious boyfriends, grew up religious and has never had casual sex outside of a relationship. She comes over late and night to get fucked, despite knowing I have a GIRLFRIEND who is not her and I have no intention of being her boyfriend. 

Hope it helps man.

Cheers

 
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getemcusiknow

Respected Member

Join Date: 09/19/2009 | Posts: 571

Matt281 Wrote:
My "back end of the funnel" is actually very good -- girls usually want to stick around after sex. I think a lot of guys have trouble with this, in part because they don't have any experience with relationships.

 


Sweet journal bro, I'd definately like to hear more on this.
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Matt281

Matt281

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Join Date: 01/28/2009 | Posts: 2206

^We winged at Summit right?

Anyway, yeah, here's a few reasons why I think I have a pretty good retention rate with girls I fuck. 

1. This probably seems obvious, but simply not being a dick after sex goes a long way. Let them sleep over if they want to (morning sex is the best anyway), give them a ride home if they need it and kiss them goodbye. I get it that some guys think this is a waste of time (especially if you're rolling in more sex than you can handle) but it definitely helps a ton if you want to see her agian. Assuming you actually fuck girls you like and/or think are really hot, I don't know why you wouldn't want to keep fucking them.

2. On the same note, spend a few minutes trying to get them off if they don't come during sex. If you take 5 minutes to make her squirt, she'll come over for the next few months to swallow your cum. Good investment. 

3. Actually be a cool guy that she wants to spend time around. 

4. See above.

5. Don't be needy.

6. The second time shouldn't be a booty call. Meet her out at the bars near closing when you don't pull, or take her out for a drink near your place on a weekday. 

7. Treat her like a human being. Talk to her about shit after sex. Ask her about herself. 

8. Fuck more girls. Keep the abundance mindset going. Be the prize. Give yourself enough reference experience to get the retention process down. 

That's mostly it. Knoxville would be a good person to ask about this too. He's just a really genuinely nice dude -- the only person I know who will buy himself a sandwich and offer to give you 3/4 of it -- and his girls stick around. Cat too. Check their journals out. You can just tell from the vibe why they keep girls when other guys don't.

Cheers
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17

17

Senior Member

Join Date: 01/05/2013 | Posts: 295

Matt281 Wrote:
That's a hard question to answer, because the truth is it depends on where you're coming from.

My first girlfriend was the first girl I ever fucked. In a lot of ways, it was really good for me. I think that a lot of guys can learn just as much from having a girlfriend as they can from being single and fucking a bunch of girls. It'll also give you a frame of reference for what you want out of a relationship, what's good and what's not. Personally I learned a ton from that relationship, and it was in a big part responsible for the success I've had maintaining relationships with other girls since then. My "back end of the funnel" is actually very good -- girls usually want to stick around after sex. I think a lot of guys have trouble with this, in part because they don't have any experience with relationships.

On the flip side, nearly the entire time I was with my first girlfriend I felt (for lack of a better word) resentful. I was constantly frustrated that I was wasting time that could be spent chasing the girls I really wanted because it was comfortable to stay with her. I knew from day 1 there wasn't any long term potential, but I stuck with it anyway. 

I guess it depends on the extent to which you'll feel like that. If you can be happy just dating this girl, enjoying it and learning from it, that's a great place to be and it's worth doing. Then when you're ready to move on, you can. But if this in any way feels like a cop out and a way of avoiding going after what you really want, then that's a different story. The question is: can you enjoy being with this girl from a place of genuine satisfaction (even if temporary), or is it just easy?

That's pretty much it.

One final thing, which probably shouldn't really influence your decision but needs to be said anyway: what she's willing to do is almost entirely based on you and your expectations. Maybe she wouldn't be non-exclusive with you, but for the right guy, she would. Almost any girl would. You just won't believe it until you start doing it. One of the girls I'm seeing has only had two serious boyfriends, grew up religious and has never had casual sex outside of a relationship. She comes over late and night to get fucked, despite knowing I have a GIRLFRIEND who is not her and I have no intention of being her boyfriend. 

Hope it helps man.

Cheers

 


Thank you very much :) I really appreciate it. I'll follow what you just wrote.

Thanks again
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getemcusiknow

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Join Date: 09/19/2009 | Posts: 571

yea man summit was dope. cool meeting ya and great response, def something i need improving on
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Matt281

Matt281

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Join Date: 01/28/2009 | Posts: 2206

Didn't go out this last weekend cause I was home for Thanksgiving. Just wanna jot some stuff down quickly. 

Seeing 3 girls now. It's cool. Believe it or not, despite all the success I've had this is the first time I've really had a CONSISTENT harem with really HOT girls. It's a lot more work than I'd imagined -- but lot's of fun. 

Constantly alternating between them has got me thinking a lot more about what I'm really looking for in a girl too. There's really a lot too it; I'm so glad I got into this game and decided to experience all these things before thinking of settling down. You'd never figure out what to expect or what you really want otherwise. 

Here are my thoughts at the moment:

-The first girl, my girlfriend, is an amazing girl. She's the smartest, funniest, highest self-esteem and lowest maintenance of any girl I've ever fucked. She also really likes sex, is okay with me fucking other girls and is apparently down for a threesome. And she's hot. Our relationship eerily reminds me of what everyone says "made their 50 year marraige work" or "what to look for". It's kind of like we could be best friends -- sometimes like we actually are. But that's the part that's weird; the part that I actually kind of don't like. I never feel unneasy around her. I rarely feel like I want to just rip her clothes off and fuck her (although I do, and sex is pretty good). To be honest, I've just never felt that raw, caveman attraction for her. 

I could fall in love with her, but I could never jack off to her.

-The second girl, my stunner cherish who I've been seeing since hotseat, is almost the opposite. I want to lay in bed with her and fuck her for days on end. She's 21 and she's still probably the hottest girl I've ever been with. The last time she came over, we were making out on the bed after I fucked her the first time (and after 2 glasses of wine) and I just had this really weird feeling come over me. I felt like you suspect they do in movies and romance novels -- just this kind of irrational infatuation type thing. I suppose that's the kind of thing people warn you about giving up what I described above for. But fuck, it feels good. I'd hate to miss out on that.

-The third girl, I guess I don't know well enough yet. She's hot and she likes to be choked. I just got done fucking her about an hour ago. 

So anyway, it's all got me thinking about what I really want. My girlfriend kind of fits the bill for everything I thought I wanted, and most of it I do really want and I'm really happy with it.

But I also want a girl who I jack off too. And I want a girl I can fall for, not because she's cool and it makes sense, but because it just happens.

Cheers
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UtopiaFive

UtopiaFive

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Join Date: 09/16/2008 | Posts: 4960

"I just had this really weird feeling come over me" -- whatcha mean, what kind of feeling?  

And btw that distinction of "really great girl I like hanging out with and also even like having sex with" versus "girl I could jerk off to for hours" is a really interesting distinction.  I understand more that "intimacy" aka just having general interpersonal closeness with a girl is a very nice thing...I think it sounds like you have way more of that with your girlfriend and the others are just like physical and flirty.  Like from what you say I'm imagine, you now know you can talk to her about "anything" (or just about?) whereas the others you probably can't go quite as personal?
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Matt281

Matt281

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Join Date: 01/28/2009 | Posts: 2206

UtopiaFive Wrote:
"I just had this really weird feeling come over me" -- whatcha mean, what kind of feeling?


Just what I said in the next sentence. 

Quote:
And btw that distinction of "really great girl I like hanging out with and also even like having sex with" versus "girl I could jerk off to for hours" is a really interesting distinction.  I understand more that "intimacy" aka just having general interpersonal closeness with a girl is a very nice thing...I think it sounds like you have way more of that with your girlfriend and the others are just like physical and flirty.  Like from what you say I'm imagine, you now know you can talk to her about "anything" (or just about?) whereas the others you probably can't go quite as personal?


Yeah man. It's not really about "what I can share". I don't need someone to dump on. It's more just the chemistry we have and how comfortable we are with each other. 

I guess the "girl you really like" vs "could jack off to" sounds like a pretty ridiculous distinction when you spell it out, but it's pretty relevant to me at the moment. 

Either way, it's not that I'm trying to decide between these two girls or anything. I'm happy playing the field right now. It's just making me thinking harder about what I really do want when and if I decide to settle down with someone.

Cheers 

PS- haven't seen you in a while man. You should come out one of these weekends :)
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UtopiaFive

UtopiaFive

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Join Date: 09/16/2008 | Posts: 4960

Ah I see what you're saying there with "chemistry and comfortableness" vs "what you can share."  I guess to me those 2 things are pretty related, maybe that's a nice entryway to a good insight for me.  I guess you're not ever really feeling that you need a sense of "emotional support" from others, or if you do get that or need that you get it in other relationships in your life.  

I was in Canadia last weekend, will be out in NYC this coming weekend.  Then gots 2 more weekends before out down south for a few weeks (louisiana for xmas then maybe hang out with dave in austin on new years woot).  I'm sure I'll be out 1-2 nights in the next few weeks, you're the one who don't go out foo :-D
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