THE FORUMS

July 22nd, 2018
Matt281
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Cat

Cat

Trusted Member

Join Date: 12/03/2010 | Posts: 2303

Good points.  You def will miss amazing opportunities but at the same time, you'll be exposed to amazing opportunities as well.

I think the only issue with guys who "just do pickup" is that they literally cannot MAINTAIN a relationship because THEY ARE STILL A PIECE OF SHIT.

I am NOT talking about you here but am talking about a few guys who I've met who can hardly make a casual relationship stick let alone a relationship.  

I will say that there is "game" in relationships.  It's more about "gaming yourself" and really it's just personal development.

For me, I want to have both.  Tons of experience so I can CHOOSE THE RIGHT GIRL and tons of experience WITH THE RIGHT GIRL so I can maintain something deeper and lasting.  

I deeply respect your decision and you clearly have that reflective, I'm-going-to-think-this-through mindset.  So mad props.  

She simply wasn't the right girl.  Time to let sleeping dogs lie and move on.

And yeah, lets kick it soon 
-Cat
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harrah

harrah

Respected Member

Join Date: 08/29/2012 | Posts: 504

Matt281 wrote:
 Thanks everyone. Even though RSD is fucking huge, I feel like the field reports forum is it's own little subsection of people who are ACTUALLY GOING TO GET GOOD. Such good feedback here and literally every topic is a gem. Thats the thing though -- do you come to RSD for entertainment, or results? If you haven't started a topic on here yet, what are you waiting for? :)

---------------------

Quick update. 

So like Knoxville said, this is going to be interesting. It's going to be hard to find a balance where we don't just wanna fuck each other again immediately, but we still keep in touch. It's really hard to just take a step back. We'll see -- I hope it can be done. 

That being said, the whole ordeal definitely brought up some thoughts for me. 

One thing she asked that hit me particularly hard for some reason was this: "So why is this such a big deal for you anyway? Why is it so important to fuck random girls?" 

Kind of caught me off guard. Also got me thinking... yeah... why?? That's really hard to answer. 

On the surface level, it's partially because of how hot my new cherish girl is and how much I enjoy fucking her. It's weird because I think if I wanted to fuck the girl I just "broke up" with as bad as her, I think exclusivity would be just fine. I just couldn't see giving up that kind of sex. I think that for me to be in a committed relationship, I'd have to have both those things. A girl who I clicked with like the girl who asked me that question, where sex is good enough that I don't really miss the random encounters.

But that's only part of it.

"Why is this such a big deal for you anyway?"

I think there's a lot more going on here that I may not even be fully aware of. One thing is that game has basically always be one of my primary vehicles for improving my life. It's also something that plays a roll in how I define myself, for better or for worse. 

Honestly, on some level, I'm fucking scared to be in a relationship because I'm scared that getting out of game will make me less likely to end up with the same quality of girl that I would have if I stayed in. It's a weird mindset, but all I know is there have been a lot of times in my life where I've thought "man, if I could just be with that girl I'd be set". Now I look back on that and think WHAT A FUCKING JOKE LOL. I wouldn't even date most of the girls I was dying to be with back in the day. I'm worried that if I get into a relationship now, it won't be the same quality of girl that I could get in 5 years, just like I never could have had girls like I have now when I was 20. And I'm worried that will slow me down in reaching the level where I am dating the coolest, sweetest, most badass stunner girls. 

It's actually kind of a fucked up mindset. But that's where I am. 

On the flip side, I could just miss the most amazing girl ever because I'm so wrapped up in the game. Gotta be careful of that too I guess.

I don't know if I'm a bit misguided or what. But I know that in some way my involvement in the game has taken me from being hopeless with girls to being a guy who's "everything they want" (got that one a few times now). It's not just "learning the game", but really the lessons it teaches you about dedication, positivity, abundance, bootstrapping positive emotions, emotional understanding, mental toughness and so on. It's had so many positive influences on my life that I'm afraid to let it go, even if at some point it's the best. 

But at some point I'm going to let it all go for the right girl. That's still what I want in the end. I've had more crazy experiences and fucked more gorgeous girls than I ever would have dreamed of 5 years ago, and I've enjoyed every second of it. But I'm not going to be a "lifer" in the game. I'll drop it all when the time's right.

... just not yet ;)

Cheers




What I felt was that the reason for the "Why is this such a big deal for you anyway?" was maybe you don't want to stagnate in your game n just keep going. You want to have abundance and you can't just settle down for the one, especially if you are eager to improve your game at current stage. This may change depending on what stage you are in your game I guess.
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roadrally

Trusted Member

Join Date: 10/12/2009 | Posts: 1922

 For me, its all about exploration of the universe. Seeing what is out there. Adventures physically to crazy places. And then relationship wise with different girls. Each girl has their own little lovely quirks and hot things that just resonate with you as a man. For me, theres so much different like experiences to have. For me, thats why I need to go fuck other random girls. 
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I just want to enjoy amazing girls. Crazy what sort of journey ive embarked on pursuing this quest.

My adventures in Dallas - 2013
 My adventures in Austin - 2012 
  Tyler/Julien, Honolulu Bootcamp July 2011 Tyler hotseat2 x5 (2011-2012) Alex hotseat x2 (2013)
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Brother

Senior Member

Join Date: 06/22/2013 | Posts: 220

I love how I've become your excuse for everything lol:

"Her: is that Brother who keeps txting you?"

Maybe you should of used me as an excuse one more time:

"So why is this such a big deal for you anyway? Why is it so important to fuck random girls?"

Ya i dont know baby,  freaking brother is out of his god daam mind... lol

Also after going out with you the first time I rememeber one of the first things you said and would always repeat was how much you JUST wanted really hot girls. I thought it was hilarious...

I rarely read ur shit cuz we talk and go out so much I feel like I know what's going on but its definitely interesting reading ur thougths. Its always a different perspective. Anyways I like how ur hella into game but have always kept thinking for urself intsead of as the community. What people want out of the game long term is different and unique to that individual. In essence keep trusting your instincts, they've led you well so far to make the right decisons for YOU.

Got nothing but love for u Matty and i'll call u b4 I leave
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adjunkie

adjunkie

Respected Member

Join Date: 11/27/2006 | Posts: 720

Matt281 wrote:
 Thanks everyone. Even though RSD is fucking huge, I feel like the field reports forum is it's own little subsection of people who are ACTUALLY GOING TO GET GOOD. Such good feedback here and literally every topic is a gem. Thats the thing though -- do you come to RSD for entertainment, or results? If you haven't started a topic on here yet, what are you waiting for? :)

---------------------

Quick update. 

So like Knoxville said, this is going to be interesting. It's going to be hard to find a balance where we don't just wanna fuck each other again immediately, but we still keep in touch. It's really hard to just take a step back. We'll see -- I hope it can be done. 

That being said, the whole ordeal definitely brought up some thoughts for me. 

One thing she asked that hit me particularly hard for some reason was this: "So why is this such a big deal for you anyway? Why is it so important to fuck random girls?" 

Kind of caught me off guard. Also got me thinking... yeah... why?? That's really hard to answer. 

On the surface level, it's partially because of how hot my new cherish girl is and how much I enjoy fucking her. It's weird because I think if I wanted to fuck the girl I just "broke up" with as bad as her, I think exclusivity would be just fine. I just couldn't see giving up that kind of sex. I think that for me to be in a committed relationship, I'd have to have both those things. A girl who I clicked with like the girl who asked me that question, where sex is good enough that I don't really miss the random encounters.

But that's only part of it.

"Why is this such a big deal for you anyway?"

I think there's a lot more going on here that I may not even be fully aware of. One thing is that game has basically always be one of my primary vehicles for improving my life. It's also something that plays a roll in how I define myself, for better or for worse. 

Honestly, on some level, I'm fucking scared to be in a relationship because I'm scared that getting out of game will make me less likely to end up with the same quality of girl that I would have if I stayed in. It's a weird mindset, but all I know is there have been a lot of times in my life where I've thought "man, if I could just be with that girl I'd be set". Now I look back on that and think WHAT A FUCKING JOKE LOL. I wouldn't even date most of the girls I was dying to be with back in the day. I'm worried that if I get into a relationship now, it won't be the same quality of girl that I could get in 5 years, just like I never could have had girls like I have now when I was 20. And I'm worried that will slow me down in reaching the level where I am dating the coolest, sweetest, most badass stunner girls. 

It's actually kind of a fucked up mindset. But that's where I am. 

On the flip side, I could just miss the most amazing girl ever because I'm so wrapped up in the game. Gotta be careful of that too I guess.

I don't know if I'm a bit misguided or what. But I know that in some way my involvement in the game has taken me from being hopeless with girls to being a guy who's "everything they want" (got that one a few times now). It's not just "learning the game", but really the lessons it teaches you about dedication, positivity, abundance, bootstrapping positive emotions, emotional understanding, mental toughness and so on. It's had so many positive influences on my life that I'm afraid to let it go, even if at some point it's the best. 

But at some point I'm going to let it all go for the right girl. That's still what I want in the end. I've had more crazy experiences and fucked more gorgeous girls than I ever would have dreamed of 5 years ago, and I've enjoyed every second of it. But I'm not going to be a "lifer" in the game. I'll drop it all when the time's right.

... just not yet ;)

Cheers



Damn bro.  This really resonates with me.  I've put a lot of thought into the same issue, only coming from the other side of being in the relationship.

What it came down to for me was this.  It wasn't about the sex.  Sex with random girls is fucking awesome.  But it doesn't change your life.  It doesn't make you a better person. 

What does make you a better person is the process.  The game.  That's what I missed the most.  It was something I didn't (and still don't) know if I'd want to live my life without.

As far as getting out of the game and losing it.  Sure, it happens.  But, there's no way it's permanent.  I feel like I'm starting back at square one, going out and having trouble even hooking sets.. BUT, I'm pretty sure if I want it, and if I put the work in, I can get it back much quicker than learning it the first time around.  It does suck to lose it though.

What makes up for losing it, on the otherhand, is falling in love.  Man, that is one of the best feelings in this entire world.  I try to experience the best of life- crazy adrenaline rushes, the coolest toys, the most amazing food.  It all pales in comparison to that feeling of being in love.

The thing is, it doesn't really matter.  You're going to be growing no matter what you end up doing, because that's the type of person you are- a badass motherfucker to the core.  
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dave7-

dave7-

Trusted Member

Join Date: 05/14/2012 | Posts: 3692

 I think the "being upfront about banging other girls" is tough...I prefer the "don't really mention it and if she ever says anything then say 'I never considered us as exlcusive'" strategy. 

Then hopefully she says (defensively) "oh I never thought us as exclusive either" (some kind of anti-slut defense). 

Seriously, think about it. :)
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AustinCC

AustinCC

Respected Member

Join Date: 03/24/2011 | Posts: 566

dave7- wrote:
 I think the "being upfront about banging other girls" is tough...I prefer the "don't really mention it and if she ever says anything then say 'I never considered us as exlcusive'" strategy. 

Then hopefully she says (defensively) "oh I never thought us as exclusive either" (some kind of anti-slut defense). 

Seriously, think about it. :)

I assume the girls I'm dating know I'm always talking to other girls. I've tried the first one too many times and have been burned. the fact of the matter is, they don't want to know about other girls unless they're into other girls. 

with the second part, if a girl says that, from there i could see the relationship going downhill. she would slowly distance herself, eventually find another guy she likes and stop communication all together. 

but there are girls you can provide just the right of awesome to, who don't want to leave you even if they acknowledge you're fucking other girls. those ones are keepers. those ones are ok with you just the way you are. 
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austinguy989

Member

Join Date: 01/18/2012 | Posts: 81

If I walk like a player, dress like a player, talk like a player, act like a player (kind of douchey and arrogant), then it's on the girl. If I'm being authentic and real even when I'm not interested in her, then it's on me.
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Deja

Junior Member

Join Date: 07/02/2008 | Posts: 6

alot of discussions about this... but matt, has she hooked up with any other guys during this time? A lot of girls do this, they will say they want exclusivity, but will still play the field till the guy gives confirmation, somethimes they will deny this too... but I say this partly b/c I've seen you talk about how much it would hurt her if she found out about other girls b4, would you be hurt had u known about other guys? but yeah....
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Matt281

Matt281

Trusted Member

Join Date: 01/28/2009 | Posts: 2289

 Thanks everyone. I want to respond to everyone but I just don't have it in me :P 

Deja -- No she hasn't been with anyone. But she might now. Honestly I don't think she'd do it, but you never know. I'm okay with it either way.

----------------------------------------------------------

Speaking of which, we talked again today and I think it's for real this time: open relationship. 

We set some rules (no hooking up with each other's friends. keep it out of the other person's face, etc etc). Maybe I'm naive but I think that this will work. It's cool. I'm glad.

We'd been txting all week and I think we both realize we really wanted to make this work. I'm happy :)

Cheers
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