Matt281's Blog

Is Watching Porn Bad for You?


Most people like to look at porn in black and white.

No, not literally. That would suck.

Most people think of porn as black and white in the sense that it's either a terrible addiction for everyone who looks at it, or it's not a problem at all.

On one side you have people  who despise the entire porn industry and often hate the idea that sex takes place between anyone but married couples who (ostensibly) love each other. You have internet groups based around the mutual commitment not to "fap", and whole websites dedicated to the psychology of why porn is bad for you. And you have people who just can't stand the idea of their 15 year old son watching gangbangs.

On the other hand, you have people who either don't think it's a problem for anyone, or don't care. 

Both camps are misguided.

The Truth About Porn

Whether porn is bad for you isn't a universal question, but an individual question.

Some people can go through life watching porn every day and still have a healthy sex life, a successful career and maybe even a wife and kids. It's just something they do on the side that doesn't really creep into the rest of their life to the extent where it causes any problems.

It's a bit like drinking or smoking pot.

Some people drink casually for their whole life and never have a problem. Others become alcoholics. Some people smoke pot their entire life without issue. Others sit in their parents' basement and play video games.

Watching porn works the same way.

If you can watch porn without affecting other areas of your life that are important to you, there's no problem. If you can't, something's gotta change.


How to Figure Out if Porn is Bad For You Personally

Here are the main things you should look at to determine whether watching porn is a problem.

1. Do you have a healthy sex life?

Are you having sex as much as you'd like to? Do the kind of girls you're having sex with still turn you on? Do you have any trouble getting it up during sex? Does "regular" sex still turn you on, or are there not enough tentacles for you? ;)

This is arguably the most important thing to look at when questioning whether porn is a problem for you. If your sex life sucks, maybe you need to spend less time watching porn and more time out meeting women. Or maybe you need to lay off the porn just to find motivation to go have sex with real girls. 

On the other hand, if you're regularly hooking up with cute girls and enjoying the sex, or if you have a girlfriend that you'd rather have sex with than watch porn, it's probably not an issue.

2. Are living up to your own standards in other areas?

Getting sex is one of the top motivators for men to go out and accomplish things. There are a lot of men who become millionaires and rockstars simply because they believe it will help them have sex with more/hotter women. 

If you're so immersed in porn that you don't have any drive to succeed, that's a problem.

That isn't to say that sex HAS to be your motivator for success. Maybe you just want money because you like nice cars. Or maybe you just want to have freedom to travel. Or maybe you don't even care about money and you just want a solid group of friends. 

Whatever the case, you need to look at whether your immersion in porn is negatively affecting other areas of your life that you care about. 

If so, you need to re-evaluate and get things straightened out.

Quitting Porn

If you've decided that porn is negatively affecting your life, you need to tone it down a notch -- or quit cold turkey, depending on the extent of the problem.

The problem most people run into when trying to quit anything is that they try to rely on willpower alone.

This almost never works. If you're trying to quit eating junk food but your house is full of it, it's not going to work. If you're trying to quit drinking but you work in a brewery -- good luck.

You need to burn the bridges for yourself.

Block all your favorite websites and delete your collection. You're serious about this, right?

You can even cancel your internet and force yourself to walk to a local coffee shop to use it. (I actually did this, although it didn't have anything to do with quitting porn.)

Again, willpower alone won't do it. If porn is negatively affecting your life, you need to fix that.

Then again, maybe it's not.

Millions of people watch porn and live normal, healthy lives.

I'm one of them.

If you're having the kind of sex you want to have, your dick is working correctly and you're generally living a successful life, fap away.

1 Comments | 4,337 Views
 How to Overcome Jealousy in a Relationship


Countless relationships get torn apart every year by jealously and insecurity. 

More often than not, it's us men who don't seem to be able to handle other guys being interested in our spouse/girlfriend/casual hookup/expensive overseas bride. They get some attention and the jealousy creeps in.

The first step is understanding why this happens.

Why You're Jealous

In a nutshell, jealousy comes from insecurity. Let's break it down a little more though. Here are some of the most common reasons for jealousy.

1. Scarcity

As much as they'd like to believe otherwise, most guys don't have a lot of options at any given time -- especially not "good" options. Yes, this probably includes you. Try this thought experiment: if you were single tomorrow, how long would it take you to have a gorgeous, emotionally stable, generally bad-ass girl in your bed? Be honest with yourself. For a lot of guys, the timeline may extend into their next lifetime.

Scarcity is a huge problem because you feel like if you lost the girl you're with, that would be pretty much it for you. It may take you months or even years to find another attractive girl, so you feel like you need to hang on for dear life. Ironically, that's often what ends up pushing women away.

2. Inadequacy

Sometimes you end up with an awesome, stunningly attractive girl and you almost can't believe it happened. Consciously or unconciously, you don't really believe you deserve her. Here's your thought experiment again: if you were single, are you confident you could get her again, or someone just like her? 

For many guys -- whether they admit it or not -- the answer is no. They got lucky and unconciously they know they don't really deserve the girl they're with, or at least they don't believe they do.

Getting Over Jealousy

To get over jealousy, you need to tackle both the practical and the mental side of the equation. The practical side means addressing actual problems (like the fact that, if single, you couldn't get laid in a month if your life depended on it). The mental side involves getting your own head straight in relation to yourself, your own worth and your relationship.

1. The Practical Side

Self-esteem aside, I've noticed quite a trend: the better someone's game is, the less jealous they are. If you've been with dozens of attractive girls, it's easier to look at your relationship from a more balanced perspective. Sure you like each other, but if for some reason it were to end, you could find another great girl without too much trouble. You'd be fine. 

If you don't have game... well, you really are fucked if you lose her. So you need to get that handled. 

Although this website is probably the best resource on earth of accomplishing that, if you're in a relationship your options are understandably a bit more limited. And that's fine. You don't need to go pickup a bunch of different girls to become a more attractive guy. 

Long stroy short, the practical side is working on yourself. Be ambitious, pick up a new hobby, develop better social skills, get in shape. If you have your life "handled", jealousy will be far less of a problem.

2. The Mental Side

On the flip side, you need to accept that jealousy and feelings of inadequacy are really all in your head. If you feel insecure about something, that's your own mental construction. You don't have to be anything other than what you are to feel self-assured. 

It's important to realize that your self-image is often completely different from your actual self. Some people look great on paper, but are terribly insecure and unhappy. Others have lives that are a complete wreck, but they have high self-esteem and they're happy as clams.

Interestingly enough, your self-image often becomes a self-fullfilling prophecy. If you think you're worthwhile, other people often will too.

Changing your self-image definitely isn't a quick fix. You need to be willing to put forth the effort to analyze your own thoughts, recognize that your insecurities are self-inflicted, and slowly change. As you do this, you'll realize that jealousy eventually stops being an issue.


Wrapping it All Up

Jealousy comes from insecurity. That insecurity is entirely in your head, so the number one thing you can do to fix it is adjust your own mental perceptions. However, making practical changes can be very helpful as well, because you'll give yourself fewer reason to be insecure. For instance, if your killing it in life and you yourself have a lot of options with the opposite sex, jealousy will start to seem a little bit ridiculous.

The key is to tackle both sides of the coin.

Good luck :)
2 Comments | 4,961 Views
How To Build Sexual Tension

Girl: *stares*
"You're looking at me like I'm a crazy person"
Girl: .......
"I am, by the way"


Sexual Tension 101

Here's a fact: most guys suck at building sexual tension. In fact, most guys don't know sexual tension when it's staring them in the face (sometimes literally).

Sexual tension is when you reach a point in an interaction -- whether it's two seconds or two hours in -- where it's clear that some sort of sexual intimacy is on the table. In other words, if this continues, the girl is in imminent danger of being fucked.

This is the point in the interaction where the girl finds out if you're comfortable with the prospect of fucking her. From there a few things can happen. She may get a little uncomfortable herself, she may decide you're a and go looking elsewhere, or she may quiver at the knees and soak her panties.

All o this depends on how you manage sexual tension.

How to Create Sexual Tension with Words...or Without Them

The title of this article is a bit misleading, because the most common instances of high sexual tension aren't verbal exchanges, but rather pauses in the interaction. They happen when the words stop flowing for a couple of seconds and you look each other deep in the eyes.

Whether the girl is conscious of it or not, she finds out some very important things about you in those couple of seconds. Do you break first and look away? Are you uncomfortable with the pause? Do you feel like you need to say something? Are you aware when it's too much for her and she's becoming uncomfortable?

These little things can make all the difference between fucking a girl in record time, and never seeing her again. Or ideally, both... just kidding :)

To create sexual tension without words, you simply need to create and be comfortable with long pauses in the interaction. Slow down, stop, chill out and stare her in the eyes. Be calm, relax, and let yourself get turned on. It's as simple as that.

That being said, this can be a lot harder than it sounds because it's very difficult to fake. When you've got a stunning girl in front of you, it can be very hard to stay completely relaxed, not get "stuck in your head", and avoid nervous behavior.

Being comfortable with sexual tension takes practice. You need to have enough interactions with attractive girls that it becomes normal for you. As you become more relaxed yourself, you'll become more attuned to the girl's emotional state, which will give you a much better idea on how to move things forward from there.

A Word on Words

Although most sexual tension happens between the lines, it also happens with words.

Sexual tension with words often happens when you say something that's a little bit risky. This can go several different ways and the girl knows it. You can either cop out and make it into a joke or apologize (not always a bad idea if you went over the edge), or you can hold the tension. It's just like holding eye contact.

Being successful with this kind of thing depends on two things:

1.) Your attunement to the girl's feelings
2.) The frame you set from the start

The first one is somewhat obvious, but hard to gauge if you're not experienced. You need to be able to know when you've taken it too far, and when you can get away with something. If you barely know a girl and she's not that into you yet, saying something crude will often blow you out. However, caving in when you could have pulled something risky off will sometimes do the same thing. You have to get enough reference experiences to develop a high level of emotional intelligence.

The second is very important as well. If you establish from the first second that you're a confident, carefree guy who says whatever the hell he wants, you can get away with almost anything. However, if you set the wrong frame from the start, won't be able to get away with nearly as much.

Wrapping it Up (...always a good idea)

Sexual tension is an immensely powerful tool that, when used right, will get you laid a lot.

Play around with it and get used to what you can get away with and what you can't. Pay attention to how little fluctuations in how you feel and in your eye contact can make or break the interaction. You'll win some and you'll lose some, but once you really start to figure out how to use sexual tension your sex life will take off like you wouldn't believe.

5 Comments | 27,324 Views
 How To Build a Naturally Attractive Lifestyle


Lifestyle design is a big topic these days. 

Whereas 50 years ago guys wanted to get a respectable job, get a house and start a family, these days it's far more common for guys to quite literally "want it all". We want to be able to travel freely, do exciting things, work doing something wel love -- or not work at all -- and we want to fuck hot women while we're at it.

I'm not going to bore you with some rant about how we should want something else, because you don't and I don't either. I'm building that lifestyle right now.

5 Tips to Create a Naturally Attractive Lifestyle

1. Do things you enjoy, not things you think you should enjoy or that you think girls will find attractive

Far too many guys spend their lives doing things they think are part of a "naturally attractive lifestyle" but somehow end up not drawing in the women they way, or even enjoying what they're doing in the first place. Rule number one in a naturally attractive lifestyle is you have to enjoy what you're doing. One of the most attractive qualities a guy can have is loving the hell out of his own life. When you're having a blast in life, girls want in on that. 

2. Chase Freedom, Not Money

I promise that heading isn't product placement for Chase bank's credit card (seriously). Far too many guys spend their time chasing money without thinking about the lifestyle it wil actually bring. I'm sorry, but if you make half a million a year and work 90 hours a week doing something that bores you, your life still sucks. Whether or not you make a lot of money is up to you, but the end goal should always be a certain lifestyle, not a number. 

3. Do It Now

Most of the things you dream of doing if you end up with $10 million in the bank and a beach house can actually be done much more easily whan you think. Want to go skydiving? Go do it now. Want to quit your job some day and start a business? Go do it now. Want to hook up with stunning women? Get off your ass and go hit on a few dozen of them.


4. Plan It Out

This might seem obvious, but most guys don't even know what they want. You need to plan out the things you want and a time frame in which you're going to go get them. Everything else is just a fantasy. Do you want to fantasize about climbing mountains and owning a sailboat, or do you have a plan?

5. Execute

Everyone wants something, but very few people are actually willing to go get it. At least 95% of people who read this won't ever create the kind of lifestyle they want, or attract the kind of women they really want. (Don't worry, I'm talking about all those OTHER people. You, dear reader, are clearly the exception. Both you and I know that -- so don't worry, it's only those other people who won't succeed.) Having the right blueprint is only the first step. After that, execution is everything. Nothing worth having comes easily. You have togo out and get it.

In Closing

One final thought. Althought building an attractive lifestyle is great for your own enjoyment of life, and bringing gorgeous women into your life, don't get caught on the idea that you need that kind of lifestyle to attract the kind of women you want, or that having that kind of lifestyle will draw them in automatically. This mindset is akin to the bodybuilding enthusiast who thinks that if he could just get a little more ripped, every girl would throw herself at him. Never mind his lackluster personality and deep-seated insecurities -- it's getting from 10 to 8 percent body fat that will make all the difference.

It's easy to see how absurd that example is, but equally as easy to make the same mistake with your motives for designing a naturally attractive lifestyle. It's awesome to chase freedom, cars, money or even great physique -- but don't confuse a naturally attractive lifestyle with a naturally attractive person. Who you are will always have a bigger impact than how you live.

0 Comments | 8,257 Views
On Being a Real Man
Matt281 - Newbie Dating Series Part #7

Girl: "Do you usually do this on the first date?"


It's far easier to define what a real man is not, than what a real man actually is.

Not a real man is, well, most men.

Interestingly these men span the entire spectrum of the male population, ranging from pussy-whipped middle aged husbands, to belligerent assholes, to quiet chess club nerds. These various characters seem to represent nearly opposite personalities, but all of them can come together on the shared commonality of not being real men.

As different as they are, they all represent a lack of manhood manifested in various different ways.

So What is a Real Man?

When distilled all the way down, a real man has two core characteristics.

1. He accepts reality as it is
2. He maintains confidence, self-definition and self-direction within that reality

The entire essence of manhood is covered by these two principles.

Let's look at each of these principles individually and see how they can accurately define true manhood, and how we can edge ourselves in that direction.


Perhaps the greatest barrier to manhood, and to getting what you want out of life in general, is failure to accept reality as it is. It is a natural human tendency to want to maintain personal comfort, even if that means systematically mindfucking ourselves into that situation.

It is much easier and more comfortable, for example, to convince yourself that fortune and fame are created by luck and chance, than it is to go out and become a rockstar, or a successful businessman.

It's much easier to convince yourself that attractive girls only date tall, good looking guys, than it is to figure out how to date and have sex with them.

It's much easier to get shitfaced a few times a week than deal with your own financial, emotional or physical problems.

The most important quality of a real man is that he learns to accept things they way they are. He faces problems rather than running from them or pretending they don't exist.


It's one thing accept reality for what it is. It's another thing entirely to function and succeed within that reality.

If girls don't like you and you're not willing to change that, you're not a real man.

If you hate your life and you're not willing to make it better, you're not a real man.

If you have a problem and you're not willing to fix it, you're not a real man.

Self-confidence stems from self-definition and self-direction. After you've begun to accept reality for what it is, the next step is defining your own role and direction within that reality.

A real man defines what he wants, not by what others want or what others think he should want, but by what he wants.

A real man finds direction in life, not from the ads on TV on what others think is important, but what he thinks is important.

A real man is confident because he measures up to his own standards.

On Becoming a Real Man

I realize that these concepts may be a bit "out there" for a lot of people. Becoming a real man is a process, not an event, and it's one that most people won't want to take the time to understand, much less become.

Nevertheless, the first steps are relatively simple. Stop hiding behind feel-good beliefs and start proactively improving your life.

Beyond that, just remember this:

A real man eats steak for breakfast, whisky for lunch, and for dinner.

2 Comments | 2,322 Views
How to Flirt with a Girl Over Text
Matt281 - Newbie Dating Series #6

Girl: "You''re not a real person"


Alright let's get right to it.

So you got a girl's number, or are hoping to, and you want to know what to text her. Cool.

But before we get to how to text, you've gotta get this into your head first, as it's probably the most important thing in this article:

What works well in texting depends almost entirely on your relationship (or lack thereof) with the girl.

Why should this matter to you? Because when you go look up funny things to text on the internet without much prior experience or understanding of the context, you're going to lose a lot of girls who might have otherwise liked you.

Say you send a typical funny line that's gained some popularity floating around the internet, such as:

"I'm making you my new txt girlfriend for the next 5 minutes"
(5 minutes later) "okay I'm breaking up with you. It's not you, it's me"

Some girls will think this is hilarious and play along. Others will think you're trying to hard. Still others will think you're a complete idiot.

Obviously it has some to do with the individual girl, but much moreso with the previously established dynamic between you to.

Texting is SECONDARY to your interactions in person. If the girl loves you already, you can text almost anything. If the girl is wondering why the hell she gave you her number, almost nothing will work. Good texting is a continuation of a good interaction between people who like each other, not a means to make a girl like you.


Now that we've got that out of the way, here's your top 10 tips for flirting over text.

1. Offer Value

Because you are the one taking the intitiative, you also need to take intiative to make something out of nothing. While it doesn't matter exactly what you text, texting something like "how's your day going?" offers nothing to the girl but someting she has to do: tell you how her day's going. This isn't fun for her, and she's much less likely to keep texting with you when it's more work than play.

2. Don't do more than you have to

Make things as simple as you can, but no simpler. Your goal is to get her out with you in person. If you need to be charming and funny to do that, do it, but remember to keep the end in mind. Sometimes "what are you doing tonight?" is all you need.

3. Randomness is the best strategy

There's dozens of theories on when to text a girl, how long to wait to respond and so on. In my experience, nothing works better than having other cool shit going on in your life and getting back to her when it's convenient.

4. Keep it short

Brevity is the soul of wit. Almost anything you need to txt a girl can be done in 2 or 3 sentences.

5. Lead

You pick what you guys do, when and where. Her only input will usually be "yeah I'm free then" and "sure that sounds fun".

6. Be Patient

Sometimes girls will wait all day to text back. Sometimes they won't text back at all. Relax. Think about something else. Go find something to do with yourself.

7. Live an interesting life

This may seem out of place, but it's incredibly helpful for good texting. If you're always out doing things, interesting things will always be happening around you and you have endless content for texting.

8. Send pictures

Sometimes nothing is funnier or more interesting than a good picture. A few months ago I found a duck sitting in my parking spot. Boom, content.

9. Experiment

Just like talking with girls in general, you need to try enough things to see what works and what doesn't. You'll most likely lose some girls who were interested because of bad texting. Take it in stride and learn from it.

10. Break the Rules

Rules are there to be broken. The last 9 points are great training wheels and apply most of the time. But there are times when they don't apply. (No, not when you really really care about a girl and want to tell her how you feel.)

Putting it All Together

While you want to take all this stuff into account, the main takeaway here is that you need to have better interactions in person, rather than trying to charm girls through text. If a girl really likes you in person, almost anything will work over text. You may not even need to flirt with her. If a girl doesn't, no amount of genius texting will change her mind.

Read the other articles on this blog and look at some of the other content on this site. If you become an attractive guy in general, texting with often take care of itself.

6 Comments | 202,849 Views
How to Get a Hot Girl's Attention
Matt281 - Newbie Dating Series #5

11:15pm "I have a boyfriend"
11:30pm "It's a long distance relationship and we never see each other"
12:00am  "We're not really actually together"
12:30am  "I don't have a boyfriend"


If you've been following these articles, you've probably noticed that I like to start them off with some exchange I've had with a girl in the last few days.

Besides the fact that I find them funny, one reason I like to post them is that (if you're relatively inexperienced with girls) they're not things you'd necessarily expect girls to be saying.

If you listen to girls talk about what they're looking for in a man, you'll hear things like this:

"I'm looking for a man who treats me well"
"I'm looking for a guy who's respectful and nice"
"I'm looking for a guy who's intelligent and has a good sense of humor"

And then if you ask men what they think girls like, you'll often hear things like "rich, good looking, tall and ripped".

Naturally then, it should be these things that get attention from girls right?

Suprisingly, no. Not really.

Almost every night I'm out with my friends, I see guys with none of the above qualities with hot girls all over them. I also see guys with all those qualities awkwardly standing up against the wall with their $9 beer pressed to their chests.

Every day I see guys who are good on paper walking around frustrated and single, wondering why the hell they can't get a girl's attention.

Something's not quite right here.

How to Get a Hot Girl's Attention

The guys who get all the attention from girls have two qualities

1. They are fun
2. They don't filter themselves

Let's flesh that out a little.

The first and most important quality for getting a girl's attention is being fun. Like anyone else, girls want to have a good time. Whether you're out at a bar, sitting in a coffee shop, or bagging dog shit, you should be having a good time. If you are enjoying the fuck out of your life, girls want in on it. Everyone wants to be part of the party. If you are the guy having more fun than anyone else, you are most likely the guy getting the most attention from girls.

In our consumer-driven, please-entertain-me culture, most people suck at amusing themselves. Most people are too lazy to change their own mood, to afraid of what other people might think, or simply don't know how.

Try this.

If you're reading this article right now, you're probably in a pretty relaxed state. Can you make yourself feel really good in the next 30 seconds? Do you know how? Are you too afraid of what other people might think? Do you need something or someone else to do it for you? Does it seem like too much effort?

People who get a lot of attention from girls are masters of having fun. They know how to make themselves and other people feel good. If you learn to do this, you'll never have a problem getting a girl's attention again.

The second major quality, which often goes hand in hand with having fun, is not filtering yourself. Most guys completely change who they are when they're around a girl they like. They don't act how they want to act, they act how they think the girl wants them to act.

This never works out well.

Ever notice how controversial subjects always get the most attention? Going along with what everyone else thinks with the worst way to stand out, and being agreeable is the last thing that'll get you noticed.

That's not to say you should be a sociopath and rant about ridiculous and disturbing shit, but don't be a yes man either. Say what you think, do what you want to do, and amuse yourself with things you find funny. Paradoxically, it's often the case that the less you care what a girl thinks of you, the more she'll like you.

Taking it Beyond Just Attention

While getting attention from girls is great, you probably want more than that. You probably want to be dating them and/or having sex with them too.

There's an important distinction here, because you can easily get a girl attention without her being remotely attracted to you.

What attracts girls? Well, being a man for one.

If you're male, that's about half of the equation. Give yourself a pat on the back for that.

The other half is really important though. You need to be a MAN, rather than an asexual amusement-generating matchine.

The girl needs to know that you're the type of guy who will press her against a wall, hold her hands above her head and kiss her passionately. She needs to know that while you're fun and playful, if you end up alone together, having sex is a very real possiblity. She needs to know that you have a dick.

Be cute and playful, but don't be afraid of looking her deep in the eyes and being clear in your intentions as a man. She wants you to be fun and charming, and she wants you to fuck her brains out too. Be the guy who does both.

5 Comments | 6,304 Views
How to Get a Hot Girl to Like You
Matt281 - Newbie Dating Series #4

"How did I end up back at your place again?"


A friend asked me today what I do to get girls.

If you found this article, you're most likely wondering the same thing. What can you DO to get a girl to like you. What's the method? What's the system? What's the trick?

Maybe you walk around day by day and see other guys dating beautiful girls and wonder "what did he do to get her?"

As much as I'd like to give you a step by step plan that, if followed, will make all the girls you want attracted to you, the truth is, there isn't one. Sure you could go find an ebook for $27.99 that "guarantees" all the secrets to getting the girl of your dreams (most likely written by an internet marketer who doesn't even have his own dating life together), but think for a minute: if it were that easy, wouldn't everyone be doing it?

If you've got a good head on your shoulders, you should know that a few dating tips won't score you the girl of your dreams, just like a few personal finance tips won't make you a millionaire.

Don't give up just yet though. I'm going to point you in the right direction.

Getting Hot Girls: The Problem with "Doing"

Say two different guys send the following text to a girl they recently met.

"[Girl's name], you are cute as fuck. We should probably hang out :)"

One guy is a fun, happy, unpredictable and playfully sexual dude who has his life together and goes on dates every week. The other is depressed, angry, shy and needy, and hasn't been on a date in months.

Do you think that, these two guys, sending the exact same text, will have the same response from the girl?

Absolutely not.

In fact, guy #2 probably won't get a response. It's not the text itself is so bad, it's who it's coming from and the intent behind it.

Let's expand this to a bunch of other things.

If guy #1 gives a girl a compliment, she's flattered and excited that he might like her. If guy #2 gives the same compliment, the girl thinks he's needy and manipulative.

If guy #1 calls the day after, she's excited that he took the time to call. If guy #2 calls, he's needy and probably doesn't have anything else going on in his life.

See the pattern?

Being Not Doing

A cub can't be a full sized grizzly bear no matter how much noise it makes or how high it tries to stand up on it's hind legs -- but it can grow into one.

The point here is that you have to BECOME attractive, not try to mimic what attractive people do.

So how do you become attractive? You slowly change the way you think, feel, act and live your life until it's natural for you to interact with women in an attractive way.

Here are some of the most important things you can do to facilitate that change.

1. Get Used to Talking to Girls

This will help you more than anything. Just like playing basketball makes you better at basketball, or playing guitar makes you better at guitar, talking to girls makes you better at -- you guessed it -- talking to girls. I realize this can be scary, but there's really no other way. If you didn't naturally figure out how to talk to girls when you were younger, you're going to have to artificially accelerate the process. Start small, however small you need to, but if you ignore everything else in this article, don't ignore this. You have to talk to girls to learn how to talk to them.

2. Stop Being Needy

Ever wonder why girls seem to be drawn to guys who don't treat them all that well? That's because the guy she's with doesn't need her to be happy. It's not rocket science to understand why this is attractive to girls. Do you know how much pressure it is for someone to depend on you for their happiness? Do you think girls like it when they can't have casual friendships with other guys because you're so attached that you can't handle it? Do you think the girl you like wants to deal with you getting upset every time you feel like she's being distant? Non-neediness is one of the main cornerstones to being attractive. Cultivate this through getting your life together and having other things going for yourself, perhaps even other girls who like you.

3. Get Your Life Together

I don't mean get rich, buy fancy clothes and a nice car. I mean cultivate interests, have hobbies that you're passionate about, chase after things you want and don't settle for less. This isn't about the things you have or whether your hobbies are "cool" enough to impress girls, but rather it's about creating an ecosystem of positive emotions. If you are loving your life because you're doing the things you want to do, girls will be drawn into that, the same way they'll be repelled by neediness. When you're really living the life you want to, many aspects of dating take care of themselves.

The Truth About Getting Girls to Like You

With just about anything worth having in life, the answer is usually simple but not easy. If you follow the advice in this article, you WILL get attractive girls to like you -- perhaps even one in particular that you're especially interested in at the moment.

But most guys who read this won't make any substantial change. They'll go off and buy that ebook with all the "instant attraction secrets", or they'll convince themselves that they have to be rich or spend years in the gym getting jacked to get girls. None of these things are necessarily bad, but they won't get you what you came to this article looking for.

If you read this all the way through though, maybe you're ready to make a change. Maybe you'll become an attractive man, and those girls you always wanted will like you.

It's all up to you.

6 Comments | 150,316 Views
How to Get Laid Consistently with Stunning Women
Matt281 - Newbie Dating Series #2

Girl: Yeah I'm free but I'd rather not wait that long. Feel free to drunk txt or booty call me whenever :)


Most guys have a friend or at least know someone who seems to get laid all the time. It often seems absolutely effortless -- just a natural part of their life like getting dressed in the morning.

Many guys have also experienced the frustration of asking one of these guys what their "secret" is, or at least some tips on how they do it. And more often then not, they're met with a vague, unhelpful response like "just be yourself" or "just talk to them man".

It can often seem like some people simply have it, and others don't. If you're reading this article, my guess is you'd be more likely to put yourself in the latter category.

Don't give up just yet.

Getting Laid - Before You Start

My friends and I go out virtually every weekend with the intention of taking girls home. More often than not, that intention becomes a reality.

After going out a few hundred different nights and talking to a few thousand different girls, a few things have become very clear. Here are some things you need to know right off the bat.

1. Anyone can get laid

I've seen 5'4'' asian guys pull hot white girls home and have sex with them, I've seen a scrawny 120 pound guy make out with 4 girls in under a minute, I've seen fat guys with gorgeous girls, old guys with 22 year old stunners and everything in between. There are shorter, fatter, poorer, shyer, skinnier, weirder and uglier guys out there who are having sex with the kind of girls you want. Anyone can get laid.

2. Girls love sex

One of the biggest problems guys have is their scared to try to have sex with girls, especially shortly after meeting them, because they feel like sex is something that has to be earned or something they have to charm the girl into doing. Girls hide it well, because being a is such a stigma for them, but virtually all girls love sex. Once you realize this it will almost seem like you're part of a secret society, but most girls will have sex on the first date or even the first time you meet them as long as they like you enough.

3. You're not going to get them all

No matter how good your game is, not every girl is going to like you. Anyone who tells you otherwise is full of shit, trying to sell you something, or both. The same guy whose game is good enough to fuck models within hours of meeting them will get rejected by mediocre girls on a nightly basis. The myth of the flawless player is just that: a myth. If you can't deal some girls not liking you, you're never going to get laid as much as you'd like to.

A Practal Guide to Getting Laid

Now that we've got that out of the way, let's talk about how to actually get laid with hot girls.

Step 1: Meeting Girls

The first thing you need to do to have sex with hot girls is, of course, meet them. This is most easily done at parties or at a bar, but can also be done virtually anywhere or anytime: when you're out during the day, through introductions from friends, and so on.

When you're first starting out, basically all you need to focus on is conveying interest. Get her one on one, start talking about virtually anything, and suggest swapping numbers and grabbing a drink or coffee or whatever. A little bit of flirting doesn't hurt, but that's basically it. Most guys don't realize how low the bar actually is. Conveying interest and just having a regular conversation is often enough.

For more on this, check out these two articles, also on this blog:

Step 2: Getting Laid

You pretty much have two socially normal ways to get laid: going on a date and taking her home, or taking her home the night you meet her.

Getting Laid From Dates

Other than generally being an attractive guy, which will come from geting your life together in general and getting used to meeting and dating strangers, having sex on a date is simply about streamlining the process and making it easy for her.

Remember: girls love sex. If you're an attractive guy, the girl will like you. If she likes you, she wants you to lead the interaction to sex.

Here's what you need to do to get laid on a (preferably first) date.

1. Have her meet you somewhere near where you live, or near somewhere you can have sex.

2. Don't make it too romantic. No fancy dinners or flowers. I find grabbing a drink works very well.

3. Attract her. Don't try to impress her. The hottest thing for a girl is when she knows you don't need her and you're going to express yourself exactly how you are regardless of what she thinks. So in this sense, the old adage "just be yourself" rings true.

4. Make any excuse to take her home. This is more about getting over your belief that she might not come than anything. It can be a youtube video, a picture you have, or just simply to show her your apartment. If she's refuses, a simple "haha chill we're not going to have sex" will do. If you think saying something like that is manipulative or morally wrong, you can also...well, just get off your high horse.

5. Kiss her if you haven't yet. Again you don't need an excuse. You're on a date. It's expected.

6. Start slowly escalating things. Press her up against a wall or kiss her more intensely, gauge how comfortable she is (take it slower the more hesitant she seems), then take your shirt off and go from there.

7. Deal with the inevitable resistance. Girls don't want to feel like sluts, and they certainly don't want you to judge them as a if they like you. Most girls will put up some mild resistance such as "I barely know you", "I never do anything like this" or even "we can't have sex tonight". Most of this is usually just a show. If she clearly says "no", then stop. Always. But if she still seems into it, keep pressing on slowly. Also, the pattented "take your shirt off, take your dick out" method works surprisingly well.

Getting Laid on the First Night

Consistently getting same night lays takes some practice. The basic process is virtually the same as the date, but a lot of other things come in to play.

The first and most common issue you'll have is that it's not convenient. Maybe she's with friends, maybe you're both far away from your house, maybe she's leaving the country at 5am the next morning. It's always something, and the degree to which you can work around these kinds of obstacles plays a huge role in how much you'll get getting laid the same night you meet a girl.

The second thing is the problem of the social stigma, which is much more intense when you're trying to have sex with a girl an hour or two after you first meet her. You'll need to be better at making her feel comfortable and not feel like a to pull off same night lays consistently.

Still, the process is relatively simple:

1. Meet her. Go up and say hi and start talking. Accept that it will always be somewhat of a numbers game. Picking up girls is like shooting hoops from half court: it's helps to be Kobe Bryant, but you're going to miss some regardless.

2. Figure out how you can make it happen. Find out who she came with, if she has to work early the next morning, where she lives, and so on. If she came alone, doesn't work the next day and needs a place to stay, it's going to be infinitely easier than if she's out with her 5 protective guy friends, has to work at 6am the next morning and she's the designated driver.

3. Suggest an afterparty at your place, or somewhere you can have sex. It doesn't really matter if there's people there. If she's leaving with you at 2am, she knows what's up. Know the difference between being discreet and being manipulative.

4. Deal with resistance. Just as with the date, girls will often (in fact, much more often in this case) be hesitant about having sex so quickly. Kiss her, move things forward, make her feel comfortable, take mild protest with a grain of salt, and if all else fails, take your shirt off and take your dick out.

Putting it All Together

As with anything worth doing, figuring out how to get laid consistently with gorgeous girls will certainly take some time. Be willing to go through some rejections, bad dates and awkward situations to learn and do better the next time. It's all part of it.

More than anything though, just try.

If you forget everything you read in this article, remember this: the number one thing you can do to get laid more is simply to take the risk and try.

Trust me, it'll be worth it.

3 Comments | 37,948 Views
How to Start a Conversation With a Girl and Lead it to Sex
Matt281 - Newbie Dating Series #2

Me: Will there be fisting involved?
Girl: Only if you bring lubriderm


We've all seen that gorgeous girl in the coffee shop, that stunning woman in the shopping mall, that breathtaking young girl in the cocktail bar -- and perhaps thought "if I just had the right thing to say!"

Maybe you go home kicking yourself for not trying, or maybe you've just given up on this sort of thing, deciding that "only rich, good looking guys have a chance with her", or worse "that kind of stuff doesn't happen in real life".

But still, maybe if you just had the perfect line, she'd be yours.

You've Got it All Wrong

The truth is, all of these mindsets are completely wrong. Yes, this kind of thing does happen. No it doesn't only happen to good looking, rich guys -- and perhaps most surprisingly, exactly what you say doesn't matter all that much.

Take the exchange at the top of the article (yes, I really said that to a girl).

Why didn't I get slapped? Why didn't she tell all her friends I was a creepy weirdo? Why did she give me her number within 5 minutes of meeting me?

I'm sure you've seen or experienced something like this before, where some guys seem to be able to "get away with" anything.

This is the key -- to be that guy. Anyone can come up with a clever pickup line. Very few people can say whatever they want and still get a girl into bed.

Starting a Conversation with a Girl

Here is a good opener during the day: "excuse me, I thought you were really cute and I had to come meet you"

Here is a good opener at bars/parties: "hi, I'm Matt"

I've picked up models with both these lines. So problem solved, right?

Hopefully you can see by now that simply having the right line isn't going to make girls jump into bed with you. If you're thinking "well, that wouldn't work for me", well, you're probably right. If you're thinking "well what do I say next?", then you still haven't got it yet.

Get Out of Your Own Way

Think back to the two lines at the top. Why can I "get away with" something like that, but you most likely can't?

The answer is that your beliefs about sex, women, dating and yourself are holding you back. They come across in the way you act, the way you carry yourself, the way you talk, the way you make eye contact and the things that pop into your head -- and they are nearly impossible to hide.

Do you believe with 100% conviction that women love sex and most will have sex on the first night they meet you or on the first date? Do you believe with 100% conviction that you're the kind of guy that will bring that out in them?

My guess is you don't. In fact, you may be questioning whether those things are true at all.

Truth be told, it's a self-fullfilling prophecy. Here's an example from last week to highlight this.

How to Lead it From Meeting to Sex

Last Thursday I started a conversation with a very attractive girl at a local bar. About 5 minutes in she got dragged away by her friends, as attractive girls often do, and we had to swap numbers at meet later.

On Sunday we met for a drink at a restaurant bar near my place. As it turns out, she's also very smart, composed and quietly confident -- the type most guys would label as a "quality" girl, who might need to be taken on expensive dates or "probably wouldn't have sex outside of a relationship".

Nevertheless, after a drink of too, I suggested we stop by my place to see my Foam Roller (if you can think of a lamer excuse to pull a girl home, please let me know), and we head back.

Long story short, 15 minutes later her legs are up over my shoulders with her boots still on her feet.

Becoming "That Guy"

The moral of the story here is that if you actually believe 100% that you deserve hot girls, that hot girls will want to meet you and have sex with you, and that this is all normal to you, it will ooze out through every aspect of your being -- and hot girls will instantly pick up on that.

And when you believe that with complete conviction, everything you say will automatically be the right thing.

So whether you're talking about fisting and Lubriderm, or the weather, the girl will be attracted.

As with most things, the truth is generally simple but never easy. You can't just snap your fingers and become the guy who knows without a shadow of a doubt that he's attractive to women, and acts accordingly.

But you can certainly get there.

Start by approaching girls with the lines given earlier in the article, and come to terms with the fact that you're not going to fuck every hot girl you talk to starting on day one. It's okay. Any change worth making takes time -- and no pickup line will instantly fix that for you.

Go out there, give it a shot and try to hold those beliefs in your mind. They're true to the extent that you think they are.

0 Comments | 282,436 Views