Julien's Blog

Julien
 
Woah...

I just finished yet another Free Tour / Hot Seat 2 / Bootcamp here in Boston!

It was great to be able to meet up with Papa, Tyler, Todd and Alexander~ during my brief stay here as well.

You can expect A LOT of new interesting projects in the near future as well as a whole new take on the RSD INNER CIRCLE! 

I'm going to be located here in the United States for a couple more weeks where I'll be doing events in Los Angeles and Austin, before heading over to Australia and New Zealand where I'll be doing events with Alexander~.

These are also going to be the last events that I'm going to be doing here in the United States for a while, so if you're located here then I'd highly recommend that you do not miss out!

Here are my next Free Tour / Hot Seat 2 / Bootcamp dates...

May 10 - 12, 2012: Los Angeles
May 17 - 19, 2012: Austin (taught with Tyler)
May 24 - 26, 2012: Perth (taught with Alexander~)
May 31 - June 2, 2012: Melbourne (taught with Alexander~)
June 7 - 9, 2012: Sydney (taught with Alexander~)
June 14 - 16, 2012: Auckland (taught with Alexander~)

www.rsdfreetour.com / www.rsdhotseat.com / www.rsdbootcamp.com


You can also check out all of the cities that I'll be traveling to after this in the "Where I'll be next..." section at the very bottom of this article.

<>==========================================<>

So...

What I would like to take the time and share with you here today is the story behind my VERY FIRST APPROACH... EVER!

That's right!

I was never a "natural" at this.

To tell you the truth, I was nowhere near what most people would consider as a "natural" in terms of success with women!

I would probably be considered as what most people would call "average", or maybe just a little bit below "average" depending on the type of social situation I would find myself in at the time.

And if the type of social situation that I would find myself in at the time was cold approach pickup, then I was probably closer to what you would call a "complete disaster."

And I would never have been able to approach any women at all if it would have had to do this all on my own.

Which brings me to point that I would like to illustrate through this story which is:

Not only coming from a subjective point of view. 


The importance of finding people to go out with and having some sort of objective feedback in order to your progress in this area of your life.

I remember back when I was first starting out in all of this, I would be spending hours at a time walking around and roaming the streets in hopes of approaching and interacting with women without any success, at all.

I was mentally and physically unable to approach women.

It was something that was impossible for me to do!

And if I hadn't found other people with a similar interest in this area of their lives, I don't think that I would have ever been able to approach, at all.

If I wouldn't have had any kind of objective feedback by going out with other people who would "wing" me in the interactions that I was having, then I would never have had the kind of success with women that I have now.

CLICK ON THIS VIDEO RIGHT NOW THAT I RECORDED AT THE BOSTON FREE TOUR THAT REVEALS THE MOST IMPORTANT CONCEPTS WHEN IT COMES TO INNER GAME AND THE IMPORTANCE OF NOT ONLY COMING FROM A SUBJECTIVE POINT OF VIEW:



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6IClURgvvZU

My very first approach lasted about 30 seconds...

It was back in 2007 and it was the first time that I had ever met up in with anyone else who was also involved in this.

I met up with three other guys, and I was quickly paired up with the most inexperienced of the three: a fourteen year old kid wearing a pink boa, who was taller than me and who looked older than me. 

Yes, I know what you're thinking...

Ridiculous!

However, as soon as we split up into these groups and I started seeing him approach woman after woman with such an ease and such positivity, everything just seemed to finally click for me. 

"If HE can do it, then so can I!"

It was on that day that I realized that cold approach pickup was first of all possible, and that cold approach pickup was NO BIG DEAL, at all.

A lof of guys tend to come from the frame where cold approach pickup is something that is impossible and something that has been overblown in their minds. 

They tend to come from the frame where every approach is similar to some kind of mission where the fate of the world depends on their success in the interaction at hand. When it should just be something that's fun and natural for you to do in general. 

Now don't get me wrong, the rules of cold approach pickup still apply:

You still have to approach.

You still have to move the interaction forward.

But the general vibe that encompasses all of that is something that is just fun and lighthearted. 

And this is something that I never would have realized or learned on my own and if it wouldn't have been for him.

This is something that I never would have realized or learned if I had only been coming from that subjective point of view in terms of success with women in general.

What you have to realize is that nobody has ever gotten good at this by only going out alone.

Nobody!

Going out alone is of course much better than not going out at all, but if you're only going out on your own then you have to realize that you're only going to be coming from a subjective point of view that is your own. 

And when you're the only person that can give yourself any type of feedback then it's very easy to stagnate and get caught up in what we like call "intermediate purgatory."

You need to find some kind of objective feedback!

You need to find people to go out with. 

You need to find new articles to read or new videos to watch!

You have to stimulate your mind and inspire yourself with new ideas that you might not have thought of on your own. 

You cannot be doing all of this on your own. 

Why make things harder than they are?

Start stepping out of the subjective mindset. ;]

<>==========================================<>

PS: CHECK OUT MY LATEST VIDEO BLOG THAT I RECORDED HERE IN BOSTON WITH TYLER THAT REVEALS THE SECRETS BEHIND THE "ADVENTURE FRAME" AND HOW YOU CAN START APPLYING THIS FOR YOURSELF AS OF TODAY:



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rVGhcCkue0o


<>=======================================<>

WWW.JULIENLIFE.COM

http://www.twitter.com/RSDJulien
http://www.facebook.com/RSDJulien
http://www.youtube.com/RSDJulien
http://www.youtube.com/JulienFreeTour
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Comments

#1

JohnnyCanada

Respected Member

Join Date: 02/20/2011 | Posts: 728

I don't care that I'm first
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#2
besserwisser

besserwisser

Trusted Member

Join Date: 07/28/2008 | Posts: 3090

nooo not first!

btw nobody has become good at this by going out alone?

what about magic hat erik?
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#3
A-Bomb

A-Bomb

Member

Join Date: 01/14/2012 | Posts: 49

third :)

what is the point of this silly game, who's first etc. ? :)
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#4
thecrochunter

thecrochunter

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Join Date: 09/12/2011 | Posts: 608

fuck yas!!! 4thhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
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#5
thecrochunter

thecrochunter

Respected Member

Join Date: 09/12/2011 | Posts: 608

btw hope you love the shit outta Perth, its my home town. Sundays sessions are the bomb.
5th!
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#6

Patrick.Bateman

Senior Member

Join Date: 12/03/2011 | Posts: 117

Nice vid. Nice that you say to loose the vicitms mindset. I think that is the biggest step for becoming good at GAME and thats why just a small group of people get good at this.

Can't Complain
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#7
Don Juan

Don Juan

Junior Member

Join Date: 11/29/2009 | Posts: 22

 Hey Julien! I remember you saying at the free tour that we are the average of the five friends that we hang out most. It just clicked on me cuz I've been going out alone for a long time. I've thought it would make my game stronger but then I've realized that the negative reference experiences become intensified. Sometimes it would seem as if I was spiraling down and couldn't stop it. Do you agree? 
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#8
Adrenalyn

Adrenalyn

Senior Member

Join Date: 11/17/2011 | Posts: 143

 good to know that you were a normal human being at one point Julien :) lol
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#9
Standza

Standza

Member

Join Date: 11/20/2011 | Posts: 30

A-Bomb wrote:
third :)

what is the point of this silly game, who's first etc. ? :)
its the most important thing in the world !!
i cant beleve you ask this question..that means you know nothing about girls !! go kill yourself
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#10

qmk

Member

Join Date: 05/31/2009 | Posts: 37

 Tyler: "only those who go out alone can reach really high level of game"
Julien: "if you go out alone - you lack of objective feedback, go out with guys"
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#11
seonsoo

seonsoo

Senior Member

Join Date: 04/25/2009 | Posts: 135

watched this video yesterday, replayed the part where Julien says 'pickup is normal' about 5 times.
did some daygame today and got numbers from really attractive girls.
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#12
Julien

Julien

Instructor | Trusted Member

Join Date: 04/05/2008 | Posts: 1047

Yes, definitely!

Here's the first video to the "Top Inner Game Concepts That I Couldn't Live Without!" series that will help illustrate all of these concepts in more depth as well:


Patrick.Bateman wrote:
Nice vid. Nice that you say to loose the vicitms mindset. I think that is the biggest step for becoming good at GAME and thats why just a small group of people get good at this.

Can't Complain
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#13
Julien

Julien

Instructor | Trusted Member

Join Date: 04/05/2008 | Posts: 1047

Yes, I definitely agree with this and it also becomes something that is a lot harder to snap yourself out of if you're only coming from this subjective point of view.

Fortunately you've been able to get all of the objective feedback that you needed on Bootcamp however! ;]
Don Juan wrote:
 Hey Julien! I remember you saying at the free tour that we are the average of the five friends that we hang out most. It just clicked on me cuz I've been going out alone for a long time. I've thought it would make my game stronger but then I've realized that the negative reference experiences become intensified. Sometimes it would seem as if I was spiraling down and couldn't stop it. Do you agree? 
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#14
Julien

Julien

Instructor | Trusted Member

Join Date: 04/05/2008 | Posts: 1047

LOL...

In that case you're probably also going to enjoy this video that I shot with Tyler before I had taken the time to work on my public speaking skills. 

Check out the difference in public speaking from the 7:15 minute mark! ;]


Adrenalyn wrote:
 good to know that you were a normal human being at one point Julien :) lol
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#15
Julien

Julien

Instructor | Trusted Member

Join Date: 04/05/2008 | Posts: 1047

The point that I'm trying to make with this article is not to ONLY be going out alone. ;]

If you're always only going out on your own you're prolonging your own learning process by only coming from that subjective point of view, that is your own. 

It's always good to go out alone for certain periods of time however!

And if you're not able to go out on your own then I would definitely recommend doing so but overall, you're always going to want to have that objective feedback as well. 
qmk wrote:
 Tyler: "only those who go out alone can reach really high level of game"
Julien: "if you go out alone - you lack of objective feedback, go out with guys"
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#16

shahanshah

Respected Member

Join Date: 04/13/2011 | Posts: 337

 Haha in the pushing it to the bitter end video, Tyler reminds me of Obi-Wan Kenobi the way he's watching over with his little scraggle beard :)
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#17

the beatle

Member

Join Date: 06/18/2010 | Posts: 41

Hey Julien,

Didn't Ozzie get good by going out on his own as did I.
I think you have to be carefull about the people you take advice from as I went out for a year on my own after taking Ozzie's bootcamp and I agree if I had a GOOD wing to go out with it would of speeded up my progress, but having a bad wing could of slowed my progress down also.  As after a year I started to meet some wings and the advice I got was "your going to direct, you should ask her opinion on something" and "your getting too physical too quickly" while they wouldn't even approach and would make excuses like " I have a girlfriend" or "I don't like her"

Fortunately I was getting getting results doing what I was doing at the time and took no notice of their advice, but if I had met them earlier I might of listened to their advice and as I still see them around Birmingham now and they are still sitting around their table talking about game instead of talking to women I am so glad I didn't meet them earlier.  So in a nutshell I think you should be very selective of the people you choose to wing with.
Perhaps you have been lucky with the wings you have met and I mean this with the greatest respect for you.

Thanks for another great video and please don't kick me off the forum
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#18
BigBlackBouncer

BigBlackBouncer

Junior Member

Join Date: 04/29/2012 | Posts: 6

Julien your progress in public speaking was immense.

MASSIVE PROPS BRO! PS.: You were powerful in that Munich HotSeat I was there!
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#19
NYnick91

NYnick91

Member

Join Date: 10/16/2010 | Posts: 74

I understand why you guys stress doing alot of approaches, even if its just for 20-30 minutes a day, and just "getting 2 or 3 sets in" but I think its stretching it a little bit to be telling people to go out 7 nights a week even for 20-30 minutes. I've been in NYC on monday nights and bars are EMPTY.

I find that just going out 2-3 nights on the weekend is sufficient to make good progress if progress is what you truly want on the inside. Also I understand the momentum theory and talking to alot of people, but what I've found in the last couple weeks of personal progress is that QUALITY of conversation is a lot more important then QUANTITY of conversations. And I know from experience. You can go up to dozens of girls, some of whom you arent even attracted to, being all high energy, seeming like a cool guy, etc etc. and get nowhere vs. finding a few girls you think are cute, being completely relaxed and comfortable and going in and start talking to them and creating attraction. Normal conversation - throw in some jokes, some teases, but knowing that you are enough the whole time, not trying to impress her. This has really worked for me. Its a more natural approach.

Of course if its a loud bar and everyone is dancing then you just go right in and hand of god that !! lol that works wonders too.

Guys who are having trouble - don't surround yourself with too much Internet reading. Surround yourself with other people who share your interests, go out, and do it. I'm telling you after a few weeks of going out constantly 2-3 times on the weekend, you see that if you are too scared to just go up and be calm and interested in her, then some other alpha guy will do it for you, and you'll get nowhere.
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#20
Leo-~

Leo-~

Respected Member

Join Date: 03/19/2008 | Posts: 314

Funny how life works. The realization you had as you describe it here, seing this dude, is the exact same realization I had when I saw you on the first night we met. Same place, around the same time. The rest is history. His Story!
Julien wrote:
However, as soon as we split up into these groups and I started seeing him approach woman after woman with such an ease and such positivity, everything just seemed to finally click for me. 

"If HE can do it, then so can I!"
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#21
A-Bomb

A-Bomb

Member

Join Date: 01/14/2012 | Posts: 49

wtf man? i know you tried to be funny but you need to calibrate a bit

what i'm trying to say (indirectly) is that this first, second, third game is ego based bulshit and that's why it's contrarty to all the teachings here, the point is to kill your ego not promote it
i pretended to participate only to be able to make a point (cunning huh) which you failed to notice
get it now?
it's like chasing the numbers, who had the most girls and stuff, the batting average etc. it's stupid as fuck and based on ego
i'd like it to stop but i don't think it will
however it will point out very visibly who is still in the egotistical phase :)


and julien what's with the not going out solo thing, the basis of pickup up to now was to go solo, especially if there are no good wingmen arround, which there aren't, it's cool to have tyler and the rsd crew but the rest of us are not that lucky, we are left with egotistical kids, cowards, big game talkers etc.
i'm in the process of coaching and drilling my own wingmen but it's a tough job and will pay dividends only much later
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#22

taipan

Respected Member

Join Date: 04/13/2012 | Posts: 317

I agree with Julien, when I am with friends its easier to get into the pimp zone. 
But since It is hard for me to get into that zone alone, I try to push it, hoping that at one point it will click and then I can rely on myself without the need of other friends.  


I prefer a bad wingman that is in positive state than going out alone. Because whatever critiques they might have at the end I decide if  I accept them or not. 
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#23
A-Bomb

A-Bomb

Member

Join Date: 01/14/2012 | Posts: 49

;)
HeartRate wrote:
I wish I were first but I have limiting beliefs.
Standza wrote:

A-Bomb wrote:
third :)

what is the point of this silly game, who's first etc. ? :)
its the most important thing in the world !!
i cant beleve you ask this question..that means you know nothing about girls !! go kill yourself


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#24
A-Bomb

A-Bomb

Member

Join Date: 01/14/2012 | Posts: 49

oh, ok makes sense now, thx for the clarification ;)
will try to pimp with wingmen but as stated good ones are hard to find
nvm, i'll try to "forge" myself a few ;)

Julien wrote:
The point that I'm trying to make with this article is not to ONLY be going out alone. ;]

If you're always only going out on your own you're prolonging your own learning process by only coming from that subjective point of view, that is your own. 

It's always good to go out alone for certain periods of time however!

And if you're not able to go out on your own then I would definitely recommend doing so but overall, you're always going to want to have that objective feedback as well. 
qmk wrote:
 Tyler: "only those who go out alone can reach really high level of game"
Julien: "if you go out alone - you lack of objective feedback, go out with guys"
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#25

Discipline

Senior Member

Join Date: 01/04/2009 | Posts: 170

the beatle wrote:
Hey Julien,

Didn't Ozzie get good by going out on his own as did I.
I think you have to be carefull about the people you take advice from as I went out for a year on my own after taking Ozzie's bootcamp and I agree if I had a GOOD wing to go out with it would of speeded up my progress, but having a bad wing could of slowed my progress down also.  As after a year I started to meet some wings and the advice I got was "your going to direct, you should ask her opinion on something" and "your getting too physical too quickly" while they wouldn't even approach and would make excuses like " I have a girlfriend" or "I don't like her"

Fortunately I was getting getting results doing what I was doing at the time and took no notice of their advice, but if I had met them earlier I might of listened to their advice and as I still see them around Birmingham now and they are still sitting around their table talking about game instead of talking to women I am so glad I didn't meet them earlier.  So in a nutshell I think you should be very selective of the people you choose to wing with.
Perhaps you have been lucky with the wings you have met and I mean this with the greatest respect for you.

Thanks for another great video and please don't kick me off the forum

Since he had Tyler as his wingman he probably has been quite lucky with wings.

Anyway, I can also relate to your story. Going out alone for me has been the most effective way to learn. You learn that only your own actions matter and that other people's approval is irrelevant. Nothing feels better than going out alone and making out/pulling a hot girl. All those groups of guys that have been checking her out all evening couldn't do it, but you alone can.
Going out with wingmen can be fun, but you have to be picky. I noticed that when I went out with a wing who had different idea's about tactics and game, none of us would succeed. I would confuse him and he would confuse me. Going out with wings who have similar type of game is way better and more fun as well.
Also, I find that going out alone is as well better than going out with friends who don't pickup/approach.

In the end I conclude that while going out with similar-game typed wings can be fun and you can learn from each other, going out alone is what makes me really confident, centered and focussed and gives me that profound shift from beta to alpha.
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#26

cursive

Junior Member

Join Date: 05/10/2011 | Posts: 10

 Julien, you've always been a very exciting speaker, but in this video I really felt the passion and the urgency in your voice.  I can see the teacher in you really starting show himself.  Great motivational piece.  Thanks!
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#27
Standza

Standza

Member

Join Date: 11/20/2011 | Posts: 30

"what i'm trying to say (indirectly) is that this first, second, third game is ego based bulshit and that's why it's contrarty to all the teachings here, the point is to kill your ego not promote it"

come on man,really?
it was sarcasm..there is no point about this game,its so stupid that is funny:)there is no ego or smth like that in it....enough about that..

Julien,you are deffinetly much better speaker in last few videos..wish you get even more better in future..:)
but can you(or other rsd instructors)talk about being a victim aka you are enough(like Alex was talking in last video) a little bit more deeper.I think that its one of the most important things in game.Being enough is emotional and not logical thing.you can say i am enough but not to feel that way.i think that i am on a level from 1 to 10,about 7 now (i was 4)..so i think you can develop "i am enough" thru making first,small successes and later bigger and bigger..for example approaching more and more beautiful women and have success with more and more beautiful women.whats your thought on that?

btw sorry if my english is not so good:)
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#28
synergist'12

synergist'12

Respected Member

Join Date: 02/20/2012 | Posts: 725

Julien - I thought the video made perfect sense the way you explained it, and it relates to alot of what I deal with. It is pretty hard to find decent wings, as other people here have pointed out, but that's a skill guys have to acquire as part of the game.
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#29
LandsharkRSDP

LandsharkRSDP

Senior Member

Join Date: 03/21/2012 | Posts: 124

 I'm in the front row with that serial killer RAS on Julien.

You really got that Tony Robbins going on man, I loved watching you speak.

Thanks for coming to Boston, and it was awesome to meet and learn from you.

Pimp it.
-Chase
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#30
LandsharkRSDP

LandsharkRSDP

Senior Member

Join Date: 03/21/2012 | Posts: 124

 I'm in the front row with that serial killer RAS on Julien.

You really got that Tony Robbins going on man, I loved watching you speak.

Thanks for coming to Boston, and it was awesome to meet and learn from you.

Pimp it.
-Chase
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#31

Simplyalif

Junior Member

Join Date: 05/08/2012 | Posts: 1

I cant get a make out to save my life and  its pissing me off big time.....I go out 4 nights a week to a nightclub
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#32
Leo-~

Leo-~

Respected Member

Join Date: 03/19/2008 | Posts: 314

Quite understandable. I wouldn't makeout with you either.

Simplyalif wrote:
I cant get a make out to save my life and  its pissing me off big time.....I go out 4 nights a week to a nightclub
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#33
Blom10

Blom10

Senior Member

Join Date: 03/27/2010 | Posts: 292

 going out alone can be fun, and it gives a certain pride when you make things happen, but YES its fucking hard
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#34
NYnick91

NYnick91

Member

Join Date: 10/16/2010 | Posts: 74

Simplyalif wrote:
I cant get a make out to save my life and  its pissing me off big time.....I go out 4 nights a week to a nightclub
1. Get tipsy
2. Dance with girls (ones you like)
3. Be smooth, act in congruence with your emotions,
4. escalate from dancing, get makeout

Total time from when you start dancing....~3 mins ? 

You'll get it eventually.

You shouldn't be feeling anxious, just be calm, having fun. look around a bit for a target and extend the hand of god. Its all a very smooth process.
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#35
jonjonwhii

jonjonwhii

Member

Join Date: 02/28/2011 | Posts: 73

 Haha I love how juliens videos seem to be kind of short and jam packed with great content (closest thing it gets to a magic pill in a video) and tylers videos are like in depth lectures of awesomeness. It's a good format:)
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#36

Knoxville

Respected Member

Join Date: 05/19/2011 | Posts: 777

 Liking this video. I found your expansion on will power awesome. Also the part about not replying blow outs in my mind. Thats something I've been working on...kinda...haha gotta get it in the butt! Thanks man. 
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#37
jmeks23

jmeks23

Member

Join Date: 02/27/2012 | Posts: 30

Being a guy coming from the mindsets you're talking about, I'll agree that I feel I REALLY need that group of friends with the same ideals, however I don't have them.  All my friends have "cherish's" and don't go out.  Needless to say it's been frustrating to get started.
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#38

champ

Respected Member

Join Date: 06/19/2011 | Posts: 891

...
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#39

BigBalls

Senior Member

Join Date: 03/10/2012 | Posts: 149

Hey Julien cheers for the advice and videos. Just a quick off topic question about tonality... Is it good just to try and talk loud all the time like Ossie sort of recommends, I have had some success with that. Or is it just about being congruent to whatever mood you're in? Or should you push yourself to be loud all the time? 

 
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#40
Maha

Maha

Senior Member

Join Date: 12/22/2009 | Posts: 225

 Good stuff Julien, since your HotSeat my game has reached a new level. Even further, my life has reached a new level aswell.
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#41

Patrick.Bateman

Senior Member

Join Date: 12/03/2011 | Posts: 117

``Rooftop, then will bounce back`` Awesomeness :D
Julien wrote:
LOL...

In that case you're probably also going to enjoy this video that I shot with Tyler before I had taken the time to work on my public speaking skills. 

Check out the difference in public speaking from the 7:15 minute mark! ;]


Adrenalyn wrote:
 good to know that you were a normal human being at one point Julien :) lol
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#42

anonymous12353

Member

Join Date: 04/20/2012 | Posts: 87

 So that's me and my buddy when we go out. 

For 8 months we've been going out, we know everyhting we need to know we've got our shit together pretty much outside the club.

The most annoying thing is the rationalizing that goes on while in the club. We know what we want, we know out values etc, while outside of club yet as soon as we enter our minds trick us into thinking that its not what we want, and we know whats going on while it's happening but out minds also pump into us emotions to back up our irrationality such as complete lack of motivation.

Any suggestions to take the motivation we have in general life, and goals with pick up and keep them just as strong while in the club? 
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#43
Vergil

Vergil

Member

Join Date: 08/06/2011 | Posts: 53

 This is great article series for newbies.
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