jlaix's Blog

jlaix
 
"You can't be half a gangster. Not anymore." - Jimmy Darmody, Boardwalk Empire

Well kids it's another day, and my book, "Get Laid or Die Trying," is now officially on sale in the bookstores. If you haven't got it yet, now is the time to do so, while you're still eligible for the bonus package including the so-called "jeffy show 2." Check out another quick preview to whet the appetite:



(Take 5 seconds and click over to www.getlaidordie.com)

Having been up in this game for ten years now, I find it interesting to reflect on how my attitudes toward it have shifted over the years.

When I was a much much younger man, my opinion of the game was largely what you'd expect from someone overwhelmed by social conditioning, and resembled what you'd find in the comments section of most youtube videos on the subject; it was fake, it was a "fraud," it was something that existed only in the fictional universe of a Too $hort rap video.

The only way anybody would be able to approximate such a lifestyle in real life would be if they were incredibly good-looking and/or rich. Even then, it certainly was not something to be admired or for someone to aspire to. The people perpetrating this "disrespect to women" were to be reviled as "douchebags," "assholes," and "scumbags." The only reasonable path was to court a lady for a while, then fall in love, then have sex and enter into a loving, monogamous relationship. Chivalry and love were the order of the day.

My thoughts changed after several years passed. I had accrued some experience with women and burned through a few long-term relationships. I met a few "naturals" and as such began to entertain the notion that, hey, this whole "player" thing might be real, after all. Moreover, my relationships, which had started out so beautifully, had all ended in rather acrimonious ways. To watch them fall apart before my eyes was one of the most painful things I've ever had to endure. To see this person that you would at one point have done anything for become a source of annoyance as you first become irritated with their idiosyncratic personality quirks, then to see it progress until things are said and done that can never be forgotten or taken back, and finally to see the feelings you once had die completely.

At this point, I never wanted to get into a relationship again, simply to avoid having to endure this process.

It's like the comedian Louis C.K. says (and I paraphrase): "When you get a new pet, you're essentially buying a tragedy for your family about ten years down the road."

So for me, there was only one option. I didn't know how I was going to do it, but god dammit, I was going to become a PLAYER.

Now, as I began to delve into this process, I had an extremely romanticized view of what this would entail. Don't get me wrong here, I'm not talking about the process itself. I knew that the learning curve would most likely be brutal, that I would have to endure countless blowouts, humiliations and moments of self-doubt as I struggled to learn this new and seemingly arcane skills

But I figured that somewhere down the line, it would all pay off and I would live happily ever after with an endless stream of hot girls, never again having to endure the downsides of a relationship: the Top Chef-themed parties with other couples, dealing with her insufferable friends who hated me, the boredom of having sex with the same person while being tempted by the infinite parade of other women out there... and of course, the inevitable break up and ensuing emotional agony.

Nope, it was gonna be happy times on the golden road of love forever.

BZZZZZZT! WRONG

Even when you're "good" at cold approach pickup and have the ability to get laid on a consistent basis, there are still drawbacks to the lifestyle. It can be lonely. Even though you're hooking up with all these different girls, nobody really gives a fuck about you. Either you see them once and then never again, or you make them a "fuck buddy. But every fuck buddy will eventually want more, given a long enough timeline, and that's a problem. How can they reciprocate feelings that you aren't giving them? To expect this is just stupid. So the player has to live with a certain lack of emotional intimacy.

Further, and this is more troubling to a lot of people, is the general sense of UNCERTAINTY that comes with the lifestyle. You never know where your next meal is coming from, so to speak. On any given night, you might go home alone (I call these incidents "getting a good night's sleep"... har har... but yeah it's true *sheepish grin*). Yeah, you got your little team of fuck buddies, but they're not necessarily at your beck and call nor should they be expected to be. And on top of all this, you have the fact that these girls you do see on a regular basis are constantly dropping out.

Pimps have a term for this. "The name of the game is 'cop and blow." Thus sayeth the scrolls of the elderpimps. At any moment, you can cop a new girl, or a girl can blow out. And it might be your FAVORITE girl. Hell, it could be ALL OF YOUR GIRLS AT ONCE. The bare fact remains however: if you can't handle losing girls, damn son, you shouldn't even be in the game. In essence, cop and blow means losing girls with grace.

I'm not saying this is all doom and gloom and that you need to get out while you can before you become some shattered shell of a man. But the fact remains that there are both benefits and drawbacks to having being in a long-term relationship, and there are benefits and drawbacks to playing the field. The bottom line is, you have to decide which side you wanna be on, and once you make that decision you accept it and embrace it completely.

If you are going to be in a relationship, you commit to that FULLY. No cheating, no fuckin around, you enjoy the trips to Napa and the nights in playing fuckin Settlers of Catan. If you wanna fuck other girls, you END THE DAMN RELATIONSHIP before you hurt each other, and do shit you might not be proud of and will haunt you later. You have a choice and it is very clear in that situation.. the pain of discipline in living up to your values, or the pain of regret and shame that comes from being a fuckin dickhead.

On the other hand, if you wanna be all playa playa, you go there and go HARD. None of this bullshit tryna be the "player with the heart of gold." This too will only burn you in the end. You wanna live this lifestyle you have to accept the merry-go-round, and don't try to delude yourself that it's anything but that. Like, indulging sophomoric ideas of some Twilight version of love at first sight... that only lasts for like three fuck sessions. This is a dangerous mindset that will not only get you hurt but hurt the girls you hook up with and may even generate some enemies along the way. You gotta keep shit real as fuck, even if it means losing girls in the short term or not fucking certain girls etc etc. Sure, any given hook up does have the potential to develop into something more and it isn't wise to close yourself off to that possibility, but you have to let that happen of its own accord. All things considered though, you must never forget: the name of the game is cop and blow.

On a more immediate level, this also applies to how hard you go in each individual set, or over the course of a given night. Half-steppers get half-stepper results, which is to say... SHIT RESULTS. You need to play this motherfucker for KEEPS and play to WIN.

You can't be half a gangster. Not anymore.

Anyway, if you haven't picked up Get Laid or Die Trying yet now is the time do so by clicking here:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1451620896/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=...

I've started the national book tour and it's been chugging along nicely. These events are great to network with other like minded people, not to mention that I love getting back into public speaking again. Here are the remaining dates, if there's one in your city make sure to get your ass down here and check it out:

-j
www.jlaix.com
www.getlaidordie.com

APRIL 3, 2011: PHOENIX
Book Signing & Seminar: 6pm-8pm
Location: Dobson Ranch, 1666 S. Dobson Road, Mesa, AZ 85202

APRIL 4, 2011: CHICAGO
Book Signing: 7pm-8pm
Location: Barnes & Noble, 1441 West Webster Avenue, Chicago, IL 60614

APRIL 5, 2011: NEW YORK
Book Signing: 6pm-7pm
Location: Bookmark Shoppe, 8413 3rd Avenue, Brooklyn, NY 11206

APRIL 6, 2011: BOSTON
Book Signing & Seminar: 6pm-8pm
Location:Bestwestern Tria, 220 Alewife Brook Pkwy, Cambridge, MA 02138-1102

APRIL 7, 2011: WASHINGTON DC
Book Signing: 6pm-7pm
Location: GW University Bookstore, 2110 I Street NW, Washington DC 20052

Anyways, enjoy the weekend and I'll hit you guys up again on Monday. Cheers

-j
www.jlaix.com
www.getlaidordie.com
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Comments

#1
Holland

Holland

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Join Date: 06/24/2008 | Posts: 769

Never fails to inspire me.
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#2

dirtysexybandit

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Join Date: 01/03/2011 | Posts: 380

Jeffy, You forgot to include the link. 
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#3
Jack of Hearts

Jack of Hearts

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Join Date: 01/14/2008 | Posts: 1047

double
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#4
Jack of Hearts

Jack of Hearts

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Join Date: 01/14/2008 | Posts: 1047

would be funny if later Jeffy came up with a comment that said 'APRIL FOOLS! you can TOTALLY be half a gangster!'

but yeah, really good and honest article
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#5
gruenfeld

gruenfeld

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Join Date: 09/21/2006 | Posts: 1283

damn. indeed. only experience talks like this.

this is the hard part of the game. true that jeffy. true that.
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#6

Waginator

Senior Member

Join Date: 02/10/2011 | Posts: 272

Gold stuff!  Masterful (glad i bought before the deadline!)
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#7
Trojan-

Trojan-

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Join Date: 02/02/2011 | Posts: 1172

 Truth. Pimpin' ain't easy.
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#8
Laaavish

Laaavish

Respected Member

Join Date: 10/30/2007 | Posts: 306

amazing how timely these RSD lessons are.

I was half a gangsta for so long (5yr open relationship with my little red-headed angel where she didnt even fuck anyone else and was waiting for me to finally commit...but I never did). So she finally asked for the committment and I was like...wow...I have to choose. Gangster or Relationship Man.

Well, I'm posting here today and I gotta say. Damn it feels good to be a gangster.
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#9

RealDeadPool

Junior Member

Join Date: 03/18/2011 | Posts: 23

Another great post! My copy arrived in the post today... unfortunately nobody was home so I need to wait till Monday to collected it. Has anyone got the bonus materials yet? I forwarded on my e-receipt with my order number on it but never heard back.
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#10

Lateralus

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Join Date: 12/05/2009 | Posts: 594

Nice
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#11

Lateralus

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Join Date: 12/05/2009 | Posts: 594

Nice
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#12
Beast Von Gandi

Beast Von Gandi

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Join Date: 09/29/2010 | Posts: 631

Money or what
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#13
EnVee

EnVee

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Join Date: 01/15/2009 | Posts: 277

 TIGHT.
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#14
churlskunk!

churlskunk!

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Join Date: 05/30/2010 | Posts: 127

Hi!  Jeff!

Do you care to expand on not being a "player with a heart of gold"?

Good stuff as always, btw.
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#15
fpales

fpales

Member

Join Date: 03/25/2008 | Posts: 43

 Very, very well written article. I love it.

Cheers from Barcelona
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#16
Kuz

Kuz

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Join Date: 09/05/2006 | Posts: 2661

 Damn i needed to hear this... word to your mother... i'm gonna pin snippets of this on my wall.
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#17
Kuz

Kuz

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Join Date: 09/05/2006 | Posts: 2661

 Actually, fuck, i just read this twice over in quick succession.

After your lame ass video with you lying in bed being boring and boring me I was lke "pfft, jeff, he's rubbish now"

But this hit so hard.

Sometimes you just fucking nail it.

Aiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

I'm going to read it again. *sigh*
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#18
Kuz

Kuz

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Join Date: 09/05/2006 | Posts: 2661

 And email it to lots of people, and "wings" lost in the struggle...
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#19
willgood

willgood

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Join Date: 01/13/2008 | Posts: 255

 spoken from a place of true knowing. dig it.
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#20
slothfulpizza

slothfulpizza

Respected Member

Join Date: 10/19/2009 | Posts: 920

i have nothing to say except all of what you wrote is true because thats what i learned over the years myself.


SOMETHING SIMILAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Son, they shook,
Cause ain't no such things as halfway crooks
Scared to death and scared to look
They shook
Cause ain't no such things as halfway crooks
Scared to death and scared to look

Livin' the live, that of diamonds and guns
There's numerous ways you can choose to earn funds
Some of 'em get shot, locked down
And turn nuns
Cowardly hearts end straight up shook ones, shook ones
He ain't a crook son, he's just a shook one
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#21

YaBoiRayDawg

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Join Date: 03/02/2009 | Posts: 1499

can't you just enter into an open relationship? or polyamory?
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#22
Sketchyyy

Sketchyyy

Respected Member

Join Date: 06/13/2009 | Posts: 592

 this fucking post is GLORIOUS. God damn. 

Quote:
If you are going to be in a relationship, you commit to that FULLY. No cheating, no fuckin around, you enjoy the trips to Napa and the nights in playing fuckin Settlers of Catan. If you wanna fuck other girls, you END THE DAMN RELATIONSHIP before you hurt each other, and do shit you might not be proud of and will haunt you later. You have a choice and it is very clear in that situation.. the pain of discipline in living up to your values, or the pain of regret and shame that comes from being a fuckin dickhead.


I currently have a 16 year old girlfriend and to read this shit really confirmed my already awesome belief system. This shit is good to read.
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#23
Novatoast

Novatoast

Member

Join Date: 04/02/2011 | Posts: 44

Jeffy's book arrived today from amazon, and at the book signing he wrote: "BEASTMODE MOTHERFUCKER!!!!"

Tonight I crashed a party and this one girl started FREAKING OUT and tried to KICK ME OUT unless I told her "whose birthday it is today"

I replied: "MY Birthday! BIRTHDAY TAX!!!" grabbed the back of her hair and proceeded to make out with her in front of her friends.

God bless you Jeffy!
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#24
Novatoast

Novatoast

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Join Date: 04/02/2011 | Posts: 44

Wood > Sheep
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#25
dreamer08

dreamer08

Member

Join Date: 10/11/2010 | Posts: 33

Jeffy, this is the correct video? I think you attached the wrong. The right shouldn't be these?

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#26

LoveHandle*

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Join Date: 03/24/2008 | Posts: 940

 jeffy is playa4life
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#27
GaryBusey

GaryBusey

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Join Date: 11/01/2010 | Posts: 945

Pretty tight and inspiring.

Why do you hate on "the player with the heart of gold" though? A heart of gold does not mean "not being able to step up" or "caring about not hurting other peoples' emotions".

Jeff, to me, you are the ultimate player with the ultimate heart of gold. 

embarrassed
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#28
chaotic chan

chaotic chan

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Join Date: 01/10/2011 | Posts: 49

Very inspiring. I can't wait for Jeffy Show 2!
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#29

Canello

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Join Date: 07/23/2008 | Posts: 1261

Tyler on which side is he?
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#30

Waywardson

Respected Member

Join Date: 05/27/2010 | Posts: 388

If I had to choose I would go with the LTR, because in the end that is where I want to be. I dont want to log on here in 30 yrs and see jeffy writeing blogs like "How to get a bj from your grandaughters hot friend while changeing your dentures RIGHT NOW". I agree though when your a player be a player...but when you in a LTR b in it or leave...
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#31

tonioman

Junior Member

Join Date: 11/10/2009 | Posts: 21

Good timing for this article bra. My "main girl" broke up with me last Monday because she kept asking me to go exclusive with her, and I kept saying no. I feel great that I throughout the whole time, whenever she brought up the topic, I was honest about my dating other chicks. I also feel good that she broke up, because if she was torn about me seeing other girls, I don't want her getting hurt and shit. That's how I see having a heart of gold. I then--that Friday--proceeded to go to the nearest clubs (got a makeout) and strip club (got the numbers of my two favorites there).

Chicks are always rolling in and can, for seemingly no reason at all, roll off. "Cop and blow" -- Absolutely right. That sums up my whole player experience, working to always keep it going with several chicks.
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#32
Kuz

Kuz

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Join Date: 09/05/2006 | Posts: 2661

ha, look at all the n00bs "but i wan't to have a heart of gold! Why do i have to be a ruthless player?? I'm a sweetheart! I don't want to cop and blow! I love dem ho's!"

Wait till you live anywhere aproximating the lifestyle before you have anywhere near a concept of what he's talking about.
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#33
Kuz

Kuz

Trusted Member

Join Date: 09/05/2006 | Posts: 2661

It's hard to conceptualise what's going on here unless you're bagging multiple girls a week on months long cycles.

I spent all last year trying to be "player" "mini-relationshi" "player" "mini-relationship" etc... trying to flit between the two thinking i'm having these "romances" with all these broads i was banging. Shit burns you so bad in the end that in the end *I* got played more than anyone. Fucking pathological bitches.

But then, i brought it on myself.

I've been reading this article EVERY SINGLE DAY this past week, multiple times. It's key in the state of my dvelopment which i'm at now. You gotta live it for a while before you understand it. But it's something i should have known ALL ALONG.

Call me naive, w'evs, best lessons in life are learnt hard, so i carry no resentment, but THANKFUL for the lessons learnt.
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#34
travis_bickle

travis_bickle

Member

Join Date: 01/07/2011 | Posts: 39

pls come to india also for some free tour
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#35
jRad

jRad

Respected Member

Join Date: 05/23/2009 | Posts: 476

Good part about the whole, 'if you're in a relationship, you have to be in it 100% - no cheating, no fuckin' around'. Embrace it'.

It "was" hard for me, because cheating was always on my mind... now that I've "let go" about those thoughts, clarity kicked in and it's like, "holy shit, I got an awesome girl infront of me".

Thanks for the article bro.
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#36
dk-

dk-

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Join Date: 07/13/2007 | Posts: 314

You cant be half a gangster just went up on my wall of quotes
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#37

xanderkava

Junior Member

Join Date: 04/11/2011 | Posts: 9

 Great article Jeffy.

I was just wondering if you could expand a little on people who are able to have MLTRS.  Ive been in the pickup game for around 2 years now and I have personally had some success with having a couple girls (who i would consider more than fuck buddies) at the same time, and I have also had some friends and read about some "PUAs" who are able to string multiple girls together at the same time.  What is your opinion on that? Is it not possible to truly have like 4 or 5 girls that you care about and can have a pseudo-intimate relationship with at the same time?  What is your view on guys who do this; isn't this the half-gangster persona your saying can't happen?

Once again, solid post bro.  
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#38

xanderkava

Junior Member

Join Date: 04/11/2011 | Posts: 9

 Great article Jeffy.

I was just wondering if you could expand a little on people who are able to have MLTRS.  Ive been in the pickup game for around 2 years now and I have personally had some success with having a couple girls (who i would consider more than fuck buddies) at the same time, and I have also had some friends and read about some "PUAs" who are able to string multiple girls together at the same time.  What is your opinion on that? Is it not possible to truly have like 4 or 5 girls that you care about and can have a pseudo-intimate relationship with at the same time?  What is your view on guys who do this; isn't this the half-gangster persona your saying can't happen?

Once again, solid post bro.  
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