jlaix's Blog

jlaix
 
 Sup fellows… in the middle of a rather hectic travel schedule on this 10-day, 10-city book tour, but thought I’d pop on the internet here and bust out the next preview of the Jeffy Show 2, which of course you get FOR FREE when you buy my new book, “Get Laid or Die Trying” before April 6th.

(yes, that means if you haven’t got your copy yet there’s still time to do so and get the bonuses before the deadline… click below)

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1451620896/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=...

Threw up a chick on the old header pic, thought you might be tired of looking at Patrick Bateman, a 13 year old and me in bed appearing fat in a robe (don’t thank me, just buy the fucking book).

So anyway, in this clip, I talk a bit about what it really means to be “proactive” and being at the CAUSE end of things in the environment as opposed to the EFFECT end.



Tyler, myself and all of the other instructors here at Real Social Dynamics have collectively spent decades in the field, ferreting out the underlying principles that comprise the “RSD Method.” Our job goes further than that, however: we then have to distill this information down into easily-digestible chunks that the average person will be able to understand without too much difficulty.

This often involves coming up with new terminology, acronyms or convenient catch-phrases that will allow students to remember the most important concepts in what amounts to an ocean of information on this topic of “success with women.” Most of the time, these “sound bytes” accomplish their intended purpose. But there is a downside to all of this as well.

See, sometimes, these catch-phrases become so popular, so ingrained in the culture of RSD, that people begin to simply regurgitate them mindlessly, and in the process the original meaning tends to get lost. I think “unreactive” is one of these, among others.

That’s why I’m glad we have these front-page articles, as they provide a platform for us to maintain and reinforce clarity with regard to all the “RSD jargon” that gets thrown around here.

Let’s take, for example, the phrase “expression, not impression,” a powerful, concise statement coined by Alexander. The idea is that you always want to be EXPRESSING yourself, as opposed to attempting to IMPRESS others. Simple enough concept. However, as it has been repeated endlessly over the years, some people inevitably misinterpret the original meaning.

Not long ago, somebody posted the following on the main forum:

“I have a friend who six months ago started with pickup using routines and all that. And this guy has a lot of success with it, he's banging girls left and right and has very good success with using an outer game structure and routines. So I asked myself ‘is this guy expressing or impressing?’ and it’s clear he is impressing a lot of the time, telling dhv stories etc. So, what is so wrong with impression?”

Now, this guy has taken the admittedly somewhat vague catchphrase “expression, not impression” and inferred the following meaning: “impression” means STRUCTURE and ROUTINES. If you tell a story that shows you are a high-value person, then you are by default IMPRESSING other people.

This is not necessarily the case. The determining factor is where it is coming from internally. If the friend is telling these stories with the specific purpose in mind of appearing “cool,” then yes, that would fall under the category of “impression.” If, however, he’s just telling the story because he is passionate about it and likes it, then that very same story would count as “expression.”

It all depends where it’s coming from internally.

But let’s assume that the friend is, indeed, attempting to impress others. If he’s getting good results, then what’s the problem?

Look. You CAN get great results with the old “impression” route. I did it for years. There is nothing wrong with it per se, but the simple fact is, we’ve found that this new, “expression” approach is so much more potent than the old model, without any of the drawbacks.

When you are attempting to impress people as opposed to merely expressing yourself and speaking from the core, the general attitude is that you are not enough and must first DO SOMETHING TO MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU. Unless you are a very skilled actor, people will sense this underlying dynamic and react accordingly; they can sense that you are there to TAKE from them and that you are not worthy of their respect and they will feed that back to you.

"Expression" as we talk about it here simply means approaching with the belief that you are already enough and with the assumption that people will like you already, simply for being yourself, without contrivance or the need to do some song and dance.

Ultimately, the problem with relying on external factors (i.e. others' opinions) is that it is inconsistent at best. It's a crude approach that sort of tries to "brute-force" reality to bend to your whims. It may be successful from time to time but the confidence you derive others' approval is ephemeral and can be knocked down at any time by any of a million random variables.

A million people can tell you you're awesome, and all it takes is ONE to tell you you suck, and the whole house of cards comes crashing down. 

I think tyler said it best in a recent thread:

"The difference is ‘where it's coming from, internally.’

Generally you want to ASSUME people will like you, not feel like they're potential threats to your ego and that you need to DEMONSTRATE a REASON to like you. The former cultivates self esteem, the latter cultivates insecurity and a lot of excess ego.

All that said, I've seen experienced guys out using routines, and it is very bizarre. It's like watching Lance Armstrong blasting through the mountains on training wheels--makes no sense at all, but hey, if Lance is doing it and getting good results, then more power to him!"

So, let’s have a little recap here:

Old model: Try to impress/entertain girl ---> Girl responds favorably ---> you gain good emotions and state from her validation, feed on the validation and continue

RSD Model: Self-amuse---> Go into state not because of the girl’s validation but because you amuse yourself ---> your state draws the girl into your reality and then you lead the interaction from there.  

“Expression” is simply more sustainable long-term (without the ego/insecurity pitfalls Tyler speaks of above) and is not dependent on external factors which may or may not be beyond your control.

This brings us to another point of contention: the often-misunderstood phrase “self-amusement.”

But that deserves an article all its own.

Until next time.

PS. Hate to be such an annoying ass (not really), but if you haven’t got a copy of the book yet, get it today. It’s really good! I swear! Excellent coffee table book and perfect for the bathroom.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1451620896/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=...

cheers,
-j
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#1

Obisco

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Join Date: 08/26/2010 | Posts: 735

FIRST!
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#2
d-laid

d-laid

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Join Date: 01/13/2010 | Posts: 35

today I'm going to use the "did you see those two girls fighting outside?" opener!
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#3
GaryBusey

GaryBusey

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Join Date: 11/01/2010 | Posts: 945

HAHAHA NICE CLIFFHANGEER BRO
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#4
Maha

Maha

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Join Date: 12/22/2009 | Posts: 225

Brad wrote further about "self-amusement" on his blog some days ago, have a look: http://www.bradbranson.com/amusement-definition-application/
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#5
Supaflytntrocknrolla

Supaflytntrocknrolla

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Join Date: 11/22/2010 | Posts: 37

Need clarifacation on self-amusment. You owe us after exposing us to Rebecca Black...just now regaining my hearing.
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#6

Waginator

Senior Member

Join Date: 02/10/2011 | Posts: 272

Dear Jeff, Well Brother I got your book 2 days ago and plowed through it in about 8 hours spread out over a day and a half.  Truly phenomenal...I think when "The Game" came out it was a big deal for most people but for me even though i read it left something to be desired.  But dude man! Get laid or die trying was just so much more real to me.  so really fantastic work bro!  very solid stuff im already going over it again because it was just too damn good.  Thank You so much for this VALUE stuffed book!
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#7

Zippo

Member

Join Date: 10/07/2008 | Posts: 39

jeff, cool post man!!


question though, i had the idea that the 'old style' method didn't want to impress with the routines but to offer value: bringing value by using some material that is proven to work. It doesn't mean you don't express yourself anymore and rely fully on routines, it just means you have some material to work with/a gamplan.

with the rsd method,i just feel a lack of guidelines sometimes, well of course the point is to be and do what you want to do but we are learning here how to run game as wel right?

one the other side some of these old school lack  spontaneous interactions and authentic communication. so its a bit of both i guess.

well good luck with tour mate;-)
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#8

Jarno

Respected Member

Join Date: 10/25/2010 | Posts: 609

JEFFY HOW CAN I PAY IF I LIVE IN THE NETHERLANDS ? i dont have creditcard or anyuthing but i want to buy your book !! can i get it from another site ? because paypall also isnt on amazon..

please let mek now something ! ;)
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#9
AZmagic

AZmagic

Senior Member

Join Date: 09/25/2008 | Posts: 243

I totally agree about the routines... I think that if you remember a cool move or story or whatever and you feel like sharing it, then fucking do it.

But the shit like, "Did you see those two girls fighting outside?" (Not to pick on the guy that posted he was going to do that, I've done it, and I think it's fine if he wants to try it, of course) but part of you KNOWS that there weren't two girls fighting outside, and it's just SO much more fulfilling (as gay as that may sound) when you're speaking your truth, not some made-up bullshit.

I've found that just saying whatever I want anyways works better in the long run.

People ask me sometimes, "What did you say to those girls?!" And I usually can't remember... or it was just random shit, even stupid shit, that was just on my mind, so I don't even have to TRY.

It takes practice, but go in there enough times and you'll stop to care if it works or not, and, ironically, that's when it starts to work.

:D
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#10
SCB

SCB

Senior Member

Join Date: 12/06/2010 | Posts: 194

Whoa...Rebecca Black is only 13? That's not good, It was risky with Miley, dammit! Still Jeffy, I can dig the girl in thisheader, I may be in Love with her already, ok, merely platonic "I may knock one out over her" love, but that still counts.

What the fuck am I talking about? Whos knows.... Great article again, I can see it's benefits!
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#11
Trentman

Trentman

Member

Join Date: 03/26/2011 | Posts: 92

Dejavu, I think we have to make a distinction between lying to impress people and lying to screw about and have fun.

Last time I was out I was telling people that I was the prince of some made up Duchy (this one in fact). Now that's a lie but it was coming from a place of self-amusement rather than being some canned routine that was specifically designed and crafted to display high value etc. Likewise, I don't see a problem with anything, even "hey, did you see those girls fighting outside", if you're just having a bit of fun lying to people.

I agree with you when it comes to asking opinions like "oh me and my friends were just arguing about some weird, convoluted situation, what do you think derp?" and you're trying to be authentic. So I think I do get what you're trying to say. But I also think it's wrong to say that you can't be content with what you're saying if it's untrue. Say what you want, even if it's untrue, just don't be all tryhard. Well, you said it yourself: Any random shit, you don't even have to try.

So yeah, I guess we're actually thinking the same thing...
haha :)
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#12
Trentman

Trentman

Member

Join Date: 03/26/2011 | Posts: 92

 Oooooh hardback! Nice! Gonna order one tomorrow...
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#13
TOOBAD

TOOBAD

Trusted Member

Join Date: 10/31/2006 | Posts: 1242

Continually clarifying the Principles definitely helps those who have a misunderstanding because, like you mentioned, the wrong ideas will generate the wrong responses and lead to frustration and inconsistency.

There really needs to a manual or a book on the RSD principles - basically the Blueprint as a book but obviously refined down as close as possible to the reality.
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#14
Fred E. Rick

Fred E. Rick

Trusted Member

Join Date: 11/02/2010 | Posts: 998

Additionally, acting through impression makes you feel like shit inside.

You feel guility because you realize that you're sacrificing your integrity.

Who wants to spend their life pleasing others and feeling perpetual negativity ?

It sucks duck.
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#15

rsdlover

Junior Member

Join Date: 04/05/2011 | Posts: 2

 dude when is get laid or die trying coming out on kindle in Australia? I've been dying to download it but it says its not available in my area!
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#16
Polarize

Polarize

Senior Member

Join Date: 08/19/2010 | Posts: 255

Jeffy. Great article. You inspire me.
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#17
Kirra

Kirra

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Join Date: 10/01/2009 | Posts: 739

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#18
AssEatingOwl

AssEatingOwl

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Join Date: 12/09/2010 | Posts: 145

Great article just what i needed to hear.   Your book is temporarely out of stock on amazon in the uk hope it dnt take to long to arrive.
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#19

womanpantry

Junior Member

Join Date: 04/05/2011 | Posts: 2

Great vid Jeffy. So how do you actually reconcile the fact of striving for an outcome while at the same time being divorced from it? I always found that to be the tricky part. You are striving to end up with the girl, but at the same time you have to not care about the outcome. Too logical? Catch 22?
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#20

womanpantry

Junior Member

Join Date: 04/05/2011 | Posts: 2

Great vid Jeffy. So how do you actually reconcile the fact of striving for an outcome while at the same time being divorced from it? I always found that to be the tricky part. You are striving to end up with the girl, but at the same time you have to not care about the outcome. Too logical? Catch 22? I'm sure you or someone else will have the answer.
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#21
Kuz

Kuz

Trusted Member

Join Date: 09/05/2006 | Posts: 2661

womanpantry wrote:
Great vid Jeffy. So how do you actually reconcile the fact of striving for an outcome while at the same time being divorced from it? I always found that to be the tricky part. You are striving to end up with the girl, but at the same time you have to not care about the outcome. Too logical? Catch 22? I'm sure you or someone else will have the answer.
Imagine a baseball player swinging effortless for the ball as it comes without having any emotional attachment of "striving" to hit it -he trusts the muscle memory to do its job in a zen-like state of ambivalence. Concentrate on the doing rather than the "achieving".
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#22

longdong

Senior Member

Join Date: 03/26/2011 | Posts: 113

dejavu wrote:
I totally agree about the routines... I think that if you remember a cool move or story or whatever and you feel like sharing it, then fucking do it.

But the shit like, "Did you see those two girls fighting outside?" (Not to pick on the guy that posted he was going to do that, I've done it, and I think it's fine if he wants to try it, of course) but part of you KNOWS that there weren't two girls fighting outside, and it's just SO much more fulfilling (as gay as that may sound) when you're speaking your truth, not some made-up bullshit.

I've found that just saying whatever I want anyways works better in the long run.

People ask me sometimes, "What did you say to those girls?!" And I usually can't remember... or it was just random shit, even stupid shit, that was just on my mind, so I don't even have to TRY.

It takes practice, but go in there enough times and you'll stop to care if it works or not, and, ironically, that's when it starts to work.

:D
exactly
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#23
Fred E. Rick

Fred E. Rick

Trusted Member

Join Date: 11/02/2010 | Posts: 998

Kirra wrote:

KINKY ASS TUNE. Very heartfelt.

Pac shits on all these dodez in the rap game.
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#24
Kakánr1

Kakánr1

Respected Member

Join Date: 01/08/2007 | Posts: 923

Hey. Cool article. I did order the book before 6:th, but...... There are problems with processing the payment (due to some bullshit-restrictions). WIll this mean I miss the bonus? :/. Or does it count from the moment when the order was placed? 
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#25

Canello

Trusted Member

Join Date: 07/23/2008 | Posts: 1261

Old school method: girl oriented aka what to do in order to make the girl feel certain emotions

New school method: guy oriented aka what process has the guy to follow in order to get laid in general


Canello
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#26

Behzad

Member

Join Date: 05/06/2011 | Posts: 63

Hey I bought the book from a bookstore and i dont have the reciept. How can i prove that i bought it lol?
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