jlaix's Blog

jlaix
 
Greetings fellows. I'm about to head out for my 6th consecutive night of beasting, but before I do that allow me to present a video Tyler and I recorded on the Harvard campus back in November while running Hotseat/Bootcamp in Boston.

In this clip we discuss how while the majority of people who get into pickup have difficulty "letting go" of caring what others think about them, there exists a small subsect of people who, for whatever reason, come into the game ALREADY "not giving a fuck."



Another thing I don't get to in the clip is how there are also those guys who come in on the more self-conscious end of the spectrum, learn about concepts like "beast mode" and then swing the pendulum completely in the other direction, going berserk.

They're no longer trying to micromanage others' perceptions of them, but now they are going in to the sets like a wrecking ball, completely blowing the girls' hair back, so to speak. If this is something YOU can relate to, then this video is for you as well.

So you go too far, then you calibrate back. This is cetrtainly not a new idea by any means, however we have begun in recent years to explore in more detail the actual, practical mechanisms of going about this in field.

Again, what it comes down to is a certain emotional acuity. The first step is letting go, the second step is learning to wield the power that comes with that with finesse and skill. That finesse comes from cultivating a sensitvity to the emotional tenor of the interaction on a moment to moment basis, the ability to sense subtle shifts in vibe and react to them dynamically on an almost microscopic level.

For example, if you were to see me escalate on a woman from start to finish, the casual observer would probably see just a smooth steady escalation with little if any resistance. HOWEVER on the micro level, I am in fact making constant small adjustments in my level of aggression. This acuity is what ALLOWS us to escalate relatively quickly and not get blown out.

We are not blithely spouting bullshit and groping them. There is a legitimate human connection, a "me-you" communication that is marked by an attunement to her subjective experience as well as a certain SELF-AWARENESS of how you are behaving.

The mere contemplation of this topic, however, is likely to CAUSE more problems than it solves. Obsessing over minutiae is not what we want to be doing at the club... when beasting, the whole point is to have FUN.

Again, you're not gonna be able to THINK your way out of this one, mr. engineer. But being aware of the mechanisms at play is the first step towards developing this emotional "balance."

Understand the ability to feel others' emotions is not COGNITIVE, but is rather a process of direct emotional stimulation, likely caused by the "mirror neuron" phenomenon. Thus, the old saw "whatever you feel, she feels" can be taken literally. Emotions are literally contagious. I'm not big into evolutionary biology (or even "thinking" for that matter) but one theory holds that this aided survival... you see Grok looking over your shoulder in terror, you don't have to look behind you to know you should start running. The small amount of time it takes to crane your neck around is the difference between living and having your head chewed off by a tiger or some shit.

Thus, the ability to sense other people's emotions allows us to make a quick, fitting response to a given situation without having to engage the forebrain.

Soooo... how do we apply this practically in the field? I alluded to it above. Say I make an untoward comment to the girl, perhaps I tell her I want to "choke-fuck her in the restroom." I thought she would laugh, but instead she gets offended.

I will SENSE the micro shift in the energy and then CORRECT it before she can even logically realize she is supposed to act upset. I might plow over with good emotions hardcore, shifting sands style. Another approach would be to "narrate" what she's about to think. ie, I make a sheepish face and say, "Okaaaaaay... please leave immediately, creepy man." Thereby demonstrating self-awareness and "me-you" connection.

Ideally, at least... sometimes things don't go down that smooth, but then again that's the game right? lol.

Anyway, now that you are aware of it, it's time to begin cultivating it. How is that done exactly?

By having interactions with thousands and thousands of people. You got to understand, I've been doing this for eight years at this point.

This is one of those things where there really aren't a lot of shortcuts. You just gotta get out there and perform the damn repetitions.

So. What are you waiting for? I'm going beastmode right now homie.

TTYL, KIT, HAVE A GREAT SUMMER

-j
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#1
lethallp

lethallp

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Join Date: 11/26/2009 | Posts: 20

 nice informative shit
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#2
UtopiaFive

UtopiaFive

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Join Date: 09/16/2008 | Posts: 4956

 Tyler!  

This is kinda maybe like a little bit for me, right?  :-)
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#3
Calavera

Calavera

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Join Date: 08/02/2007 | Posts: 719

WOW! This is fucking FOR ME.. I cared a LOT about what others thought, then went berserk beastmode not caring.. but went a little TOO SOCIOPATH not caring. Now recently i've begun to chill out, and start to feel what the girl is feeling and re-connect with them.. while simultaneously not caring. (With some help from a few people..) 

In my own experience, context makes a huge difference in this whole caring vs. not caring. i've found I give a fuck about what my peer groups think, but not AT ALL With random hotties... sociopath shit (probably desensitization from time in field).*

So it maybe important to be aware of in WHAT situations you care, and what SITUATIONS you DO NOT care.. while creating a balance.

Android explained it to me very well.. It's like you HAMMERING AWAY at the girl what you think you should be doing ("but it's game") instead of chilling out and FEELING what she is feeling.. and responding in REAL TIME. I think it's being unapologetic, while giving a fuck what the other person feels and being a NICE GUY not how YOU are perceived per se. Communication is a two way street... 

You guys laid it out so clearly though, keep up the awesome work!


Calavera

*This may relate to a thread I recently read by an RSDNation poster saying how he has elite level game, yet becomes full chode in his peer group. I imagine generalizing it to your peer group may take work, but very easy if you become aware of your thought patterns in the peer group.. this may take work, along with the potential that INTERNAL BELIEF structures may have not changed but rather 'GAME' externally was learnt (along with anchors obvi).

Edit: from experience I found meditation helped with this.. along with consciously being aware of it, I also took a 'break' from 'pick up' and just started socializing.. helped me become a bit 'normal' again.
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#4
besserwisser

besserwisser

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Join Date: 07/28/2008 | Posts: 3090

When Jeffy starts talking Tyler seems to become a wax figure lol
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#5
ceoarob

ceoarob

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Join Date: 05/20/2008 | Posts: 1293

 THIS HAS BEEN MY BIGGEST STICKING POINT SINCE I GOT INTO THIS STUFF.

I call this my "stupid-shit time" sticking point...

null


But it's good to know that I need to give a little bit more of a fuck. 

----------------

To Jeffy: Whenever I read your "9 Bull Pictures" article a while back, I realized that the main level that my game was stuck at was the "Bull Running Around in the China Shop". 

Even though I'd have moments where glorious game would shine through and I had moments when I felt like I transcended all-things-game. Reading on old field reports, there seems to be a common, repeating thread that goes like this. 

STRONG approach >> great eye contact/extremely loud vocal projection (normal for me)/spot on tonality >> good physicality >> I say something stupid/do something stupid >> I think it's extremely funny/Girl does NOT find it amusing >> Attraction plummets faster than a 9/11 building jumper. 

It's either I do or say something crude, sexually explicit, or just fucking vulgar. But in MY mind, I REALLY find it funny, but usually it doesn't work out. I've been rationalizing that I've been "self amusing". While amusing myself in this manner definitely gives me a couple chuckles, it is definitely not conducive to getting women (most of the time). 

---------

So this is my question: 

If a guy is on the "other side" of the spectrum, how can I deal with times that I will say or do stupid shit? 

You had mentioned that the best way to cultivate this skill is to have more interactions, keep going out there, and keep doing it, but it seems that this only *exacerbates* my capability of doing stupid shit more. 

I know that in "The Jeffy Show", you had mentioned you had a problem with saying and doing retarded stuff all the time....If I were in that situation, how should I correct it? 


Cheers.

-AR
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#6
parabolic

parabolic

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Join Date: 04/05/2010 | Posts: 132

CHAMPIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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#7

Canello

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Join Date: 07/23/2008 | Posts: 1261

Adaptation and adjustments...they exist in every interaction...one of the principles of natural game...

Canello
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#8

deadzior

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Join Date: 06/28/2009 | Posts: 136

Jeffy I want to have your haircut 
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#9
DerKaiser

DerKaiser

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Join Date: 09/14/2010 | Posts: 58

Ja, sixteen year old twins I was doing the sexes with said,  "you don't care about anyone DerKaiser, and you not "empathetic towards anyones feelings/opinions" because you're only interested in yourself"...This is true, as I sat staring blankly thinking, "If you were being intelligent and concise, you would've called DerKaiser sociopath and did the fucking off already".

It is difficult having feelings for anything other than yourself, when you are being so handsome, intelligent, strong. Sometimes I am having the best conversations with myself. People are being having very little to offer. My dick is even so big I could give myself a blowjob and do it best
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#10
GaryBusey

GaryBusey

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Join Date: 11/01/2010 | Posts: 945

Jeffy you are the essence of what you teach.
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#11

ACMRA1

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Join Date: 07/14/2010 | Posts: 183

Boston Stand Up..  Since I took a tour of harvard campus last year, yhe whole time I was watching this shit I was thinking how ridiculous would it be to fucking just be taking a tour of Harvard college there jst  giving a tour of the campus and you just spot Tyler and Jeffy making one of these fucking videos and just throwin out massive value and no one else really no who they are or what its about.
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#12

El_Diego

Senior Member

Join Date: 07/29/2009 | Posts: 146

 Peel off the approval seeking layers of "giving a fuck".... that phrase is golden, i liked that.

So it´s like not giving a fuck, but rather sensing a fuck, haha, i´m going to "sense" a fuck.

yeah, sense the fuck
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#13
Doge~

Doge~

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Join Date: 09/19/2007 | Posts: 3689

This article is perfect, something not discussed as often as it should on RSDN.  This is a topic my boy and I have been discussion lately as well.

Glad to have it laid out so clearly now.
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#14
AZmagic

AZmagic

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Join Date: 09/25/2008 | Posts: 243

ha ha awesome
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#15
GaryBusey

GaryBusey

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Join Date: 11/01/2010 | Posts: 945



Merry christmas, RSDN .

Yours sincerely

Owen and Jeffrey
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#16
Sketchyyy

Sketchyyy

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Join Date: 06/13/2009 | Posts: 592

 Good video. It has me thinking.
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#17
Powerhouse

Powerhouse

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Join Date: 06/22/2009 | Posts: 1711

jeffy at harvard?

what fresh hell is this?
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#18

berlinrsd

Respected Member

Join Date: 06/29/2009 | Posts: 734

i lolled.

the grandpa talk made me think of stan marsh grandpa in south park.
i dont want to become a grandpa so fucking ugly. u cant do shit anymore.
i read the front cover a magazine the other time that said: ur life starts now (talking about old people)
i am always thinking: is it better to die young?  but i cant decide on what i want. i guess its old age for me unless an accident takes me away.
fuck it.
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#19

Watermel

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Join Date: 08/10/2010 | Posts: 219

Alexander~ wrote:

www.alexattitude.com [relaunching January First]

Yes !
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#20
Kakánr1

Kakánr1

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Join Date: 01/08/2007 | Posts: 923

"Statements of empathy"<---- love from the masculine perspective, right? or something like that. Very important to have that realization, that love is NOT all cuddliness - but that actually stating things, which seems like a "cold" thing, to do, almost - actually makes the GIRL feels cuddly. And... yeah - from a logical perspective it doesn't seem to be true, but it is; that "coldness" actually creates warmth (or inspires it?) in a woman. A pretty cool thing.
hmm... and... that, when we state that shit, when we're being ourselves - which feels awesome, in an out of itself - we can enjoy the GIRL'S cuddliness. ...without being it, ourselves. So, instead of thinking love means you have to be weak, or something, it's good to know that, if you're being strong, the girl will feel weak - in a good way - and that will be lovely. I've never articulated this, before, so dunno if it's understandable.
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#21

Joel

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Join Date: 01/14/2009 | Posts: 19

Alexander~ wrote:
 
PS, had the second best night of my year this week!

Ahhh, Dunder, the Mecca of the night.
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#22
olio

olio

Senior Member

Join Date: 03/28/2008 | Posts: 275

 All my friends have been telling me by the way I've acted lately a rape-charge seems nothing less than imminent. Maybe I need to give a little bit more of a fuck, why didn't you guys post this sooner? I've been opening with face-licking and lift-humping for the past month! 
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#23
Dawidh

Dawidh

Junior Member

Join Date: 11/01/2010 | Posts: 21

Great Point! "Not giving a fuck about what anyone thinks of you" is not the same as "Not giving a fuck about other people" It's a strange misconception that a lot of people seem to have. You do not have to be Mr.Cold-Hearted man to prove a point. True empathy does not come from approval seeking. It comes from seeing the best in people and EXPECTING them to see the best in you! It's based on the assumption that all people on this planet have an inherent worth. Thus they deserve - at the very least - our compassion and respect. As do you.
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#24
sub5tance

sub5tance

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Join Date: 02/05/2009 | Posts: 95

For the 'Nice Guy Who Always Finishes Last' (a.k.a. too polite, too socially calibrated, too acceptance-seeking) - going full 'Don't Give A Fuck' actually works quite well. Because what THEY think is Not Giving a Fuck is actually not that bad.

And MOST IMPORTANT ... most women can tell *where you are coming from*. So if you are actually a good guy just acting crazy they actually like that. They LIKE the emotions of the crazy fool. But they don't get weirded out because they KNOW somewhere inside themselves that you are COMING FROM THE RIGHT PLACE.

Most times. You can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs occasionally!

So if in any doubt - don't give a fuck!
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#25
Kaizen_Connor

Kaizen_Connor

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Join Date: 08/05/2010 | Posts: 46

 Can someone PLEASE tell me who that chick is in the thumbnail picture for this article. She is sooo fucking hot.
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#26
ludvig

ludvig

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Join Date: 02/17/2010 | Posts: 701

Kaizen_Connor wrote:
 Can someone PLEASE tell me who that chick is in the thumbnail picture for this article. She is sooo fucking hot.
www.google.fi/images

This picture here was damn hot but..
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#27
Jack of Hearts

Jack of Hearts

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Join Date: 01/14/2008 | Posts: 1042

at the exact moment tyler is talking about unflinching guys, the guy in the background is getting a footmassage just from being unreactive. but then he just stays being unreactive and he loses the girl.
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#28
radegast

radegast

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Join Date: 11/17/2010 | Posts: 35

Definitely my problem...The problem is amplified with alcohol. THESE BITCHES JUST DON'T KNOW NIGGGAAAAAAAA
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#29
baconfever

baconfever

Respected Member

Join Date: 09/01/2010 | Posts: 337

Alexander~ wrote:
 haha fuck dude....

- Mullet
- Aviators
- SF ballcap
- Burbury Scarf
- Million dollar coat
- driving gloves

Whack combination... but it looks awesome!

Haha... I wanna be there. 

PS, had the second best night of my year this week!

Alexander~

www.alexattitude.com [relaunching January First]

When are you relaunching your blog mate? Guess you have your reasons, and not trying to nag like a here, but I know alot of people looking forward to it! My self included. Imo it's useless to read about pickup if you DON'T read the articles there. Very grateful
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#30

itchy_man

Junior Member

Join Date: 01/18/2011 | Posts: 14

 its simple, but you do 1000 things right all at once if you can do it.
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#31

Unhinged

Senior Member

Join Date: 10/06/2013 | Posts: 209

Exactly what I needed to hear at this point in my jurney. Thank you! Watched video once yesterday, and red article several times today. 
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