jameslotham's Blog

arrived back in london yesterday. long flight from the UK. met some cool people on the plane. Been trying to maintain and cultivate happiness in my interactions. Basically its just a mindset. its funny how when you want happiness in your life you do attract more good things. I want to try to cultivate a few other areas. Happiness, Kindness, Fun/humour, success(discipline, integrity, initiative), spirtual(thinker, open minded, experimental).
started working today jet lagged. Feel good having a business plan now. office and employee within 6 months. Will be fun having an office.
Im finding all the new age philosophy im interested in is kind of like a rabbit hole. One pronciple leads onto another. Im now looking at alan watts and have ordered some books by osho. want to keep working on being more at peace internally and will start to hit the field again this weekend.  Will look to mentor newbie guys in London as well.
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Last day of an amazing trip back home to Australia. I live in London. One thing I have been focussed on more and more is just happiness and having good emotions and good interactions. Life is short and I realise I just want to be happy. So having this constant thought of happiness in my mind and being more happy myself I have noticed a lot of good things coming into my life. I read a book recently that said what ever you want in life or what ever you see as your purpose you should change it from a doing statement. to a being statement. so being happy. being healthy. being honest. etc. by instantly becoming what you want then everything else will sort it self out around you. Dont foce things to happen externally just focus on being what you want to become. I like this a lot. I decided to call my step mum whose name is Jan mum for the first time in 25 years of knowing her. this was a happy moment for her and for me and it felt good. I want that happiness in my life now. I get a long so much better with my father and we are going into business together. I had some amazing experiences with girls in Australia spending nights with several girls and having an amazing experience with them. But more so I met one girl in Queensland northern Australia and we clicked so much that she flew down to se me in Melbourne which is a 3 hour flight and we spent the weekend together. She is such an amazingly smart and happy and good person I felt so happy that I was now attracting people like this into my life. Looking forward to getting back into London
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Im officially back on board the RSD train. I cannot ignore not taking action and lying to myself anymore. When I look at the time I was happiest in my life it was when I was taking 100% action. It felt like I was on drugs. But the old emotions and habbits have taken over. Time to flick the switch again. Im excited. What better way to celebrate than going to Australia for 4 weeks. Looks like a lot of Australian girls will be happy that this man has some balls again and will say hi. Btw what a great video by Julien just posted.
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I think RSD has opened up my mind a lot to what is possible in life. I pushed past a lot of fear when it came to girls and have had a reasonable amount of success with women. I think realising that being congruent is the most important thing in game or life. Shaving away whats not really the true self.  Expressing yourself completely.  What I have struggled with is massive internal resistance to success. I realise after going through a self destructive pattern for the last 6 months almost that this needs to stop.  Because I was still fucking girls I felt everything is ok. I know deep down that Im not growing.  And the hardest thing to realise is that when you are not growing and you are not pushing yourself you really are dying. That is how I feel at the moment. I literally have been killing myself.  This may sound a little deep but its how I feel. When you dont do the things you know you should be doing you lose respect for yourself and when this compounds and you start to actually lye to yourself in order to keep on doing nothing well it is a strange relationship that you build.  You start to not respect yourself. You start to eat badly. drink more. smoke more. Why? well cos you dont respect yourself enough anymore. I dont feel like a man of action at the moment but I want to snap out of it.  The inner dialogue is crazy. You are too old. THose dreams are silly. You cant do it. etc etc etc. I know this is something you need to push past and  I want to.. I need to. I literally see this as a fight with myself. No one else. I actually have very good game. I pull a lot when I go out. Im in reasonable shape. Although fading fast. I have a business that is struggling butnotbust so not everything is lost. But I know if I continue like this I will fall over. So no point going on about it. time to start making a change in direction.

Go back to Yoga
Work on leg muscles.- completely top heavy.
Continue weights
cut body fat  to 12%
Stop smoking - in my depressive state I have started smoking and feel awful.
reduce Alcohol to Friday and Saturday nights.
Do a weekly shop and plan meals for 80% of the week. 20% can be spontaneous.

Push new business development and make 30 new business calls every day.
get on top of my CRM system for recording calls and follow ups.
Test some new markets that I havent worked in.
Hire a resourcer to help fill roles
Get an office.
Hire a second person to help out and finally a 3rd to be a consultant.
Pay off tax debt

Start to do open mic stand up nights. one per month minimum.
start to do videos that I have been planning.
Find someone who would like to do videos with me (infield and some other funny ideas I have)this is purely just for fun.
Have three videos launched by end of April.
Read a book a month and make time each day for this.
Stop watching so much TV - reduce time down to 1 hour a day. I currently watch a large amount of tv.

Stop relying on Tinder for picking up girls - have fucked a lot of girls off tinder and have almost just used it as a crutch during my downward spiral.
I have realised there is a type of woman I like.  I love girls who are into yoga and healthy lifestyle and I need to approach more girls that fitmy type basically. the ideal wife material women you see - approach more of them.
I think as Im decent at game and am gifted with some natural ability that I have fucked a decent amount of girls but the quality isnt really where it should be. I need to push myself for less byt better quality. (we might fuck an average girl here and there, why not)

This is something that I have seen recently from a guy on youtube gold jacket luke. and he describes creating more heart or love in your life. Basically making an effort to make your life happier with more love and therefore better things will flow through into your life as they will be attracted to you. I feel this resonates with me. I would like to cultivate more friends. By giving back more to the Pick up community andhelping out newbie guys. I think I could give a lot and I think this will make me happier and in turn help attract more love into my life. I might get a puppy.
I will make my room a better environment with a plant and some decorating.
I will do the same with my flat.
I will join a comedy writing group as I have a huge interest in this and can mix with like minded people.
I will pursue my passions more above like comedy and videos and this in turn will make me happier and bring more happiness into my life.

All in all it has been a devastatingly poor 6 months and it is a warning to anyone out there. That if you stop growing you really do start to die. I have seen this and want to stop it. This is that beginning.  Here is to a good end of 2013 and a bright 2014

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After being involved in RSD for 8 months now and taking action I'm starting to feel that one inner game thought is over riding everthing else in being successful with women... BE A MAN!!!!

You see a girl that you like. BE A MAN and approach her and tell her that you like her. Simple. 
See a girl with two guys and a female friend. BE A MAN and dont give a fuck just go approach her because you are a man and thats what a fucking man does.  If you are too boyish then forget it. 


So just BE A MAN.  It is not rocket science. Why do hot girls say they never get hit on? Because there are too many boys walking around these days who dont MAN UP and just go for it.

If you see a girl and you're too SCARED to approach her its hard to feel like a man(I have been in this postion like everyone).

If you approach a girl and are trembling with fear during the interaction she will not be that attracted to you because you are not being A MAN. (you are on the path to being a man but you are not there yet! so kudos for apporaching ;) )

A MAN is the guy that just goes for what he wants. He backs himself, he feels entitled, he is compeltely unapologetic. because THATS WHAT BEING A FUCKING MAN IS and women fucking LOOOOOVE IT. 

Women love when you just MAN up and go for what you want. its that fucking simple.  this is who I am, this is what I think, there are no filters, Im A MAN and if you dont like it I dont give a fuck because the next girl will!...women absolutely loooove this. 

if you want to get PHYSICAL WITH A GIRL. BE A FUCKING MAN AND GET PHYSICAL WITH HER 100% NO APOLOGIES.  If you believe it is good. It will be good. 

If you want to lead a girl somewhere else. then be a MAN AND FUCKING LEAD HER. 


If you dont like something she said then you tell her because that is what BEING A MAN IS. You stand up for yourself and your beliefs. 

You are prepared to lose the girl to get a girl because as A MAN you know that you can get another one! 

What ever the question you may have in game. Just think to yourself. BE A MAN. WHAT WOULD A REAL MAN DO IN THIS SITUATION. Just go for it. 

How do we get to the situation of becoming a MAN when we are still stiffled by AA and have no confidence? Like they say in Boiler room.. ACT AS IF. act as if you are the man. Just go for it. The more you act as if you are the man eventually your emotions will catch up to this new reality. It will become congruent and you will BE THE FUCKING MAN and get the girls. 

A MAN TAKES ACTION.  A man realises he needs to get rejected a thousand times to get better. He realises that he needs to act through his own intentions and face his fears. If you dont, then you honestly cannot call yourself a man 

A guy that goes approaches and gets rejected is being a man.  It may not have worked on that girl but the next time he opens he will have a higher self respect for himself and will feel more of a MAN because he took action. 

Ok Rant over.. 

BE A MAN! go forth and conquer!!!
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So I have been involved in RSD now for 5 months I'd say. I started watching Juliens videos and I just loved it. It just made sense to me. Not that I started taking action straight away! I remember watching for a good month or two videos by every instructor. I loved the videos and just dreaming of a better future was making me happy. I would go out with the intention of opening a girl during the daytime but I never did. I would walk around the streets for hours and hours. In hindsight this was just part of the process. If I hadn’t of at least gone out and not approached I wouldn’t have eventually gotten so frustrated and then taken action. I think for a newbie like myself don't beat yourself up too much if you go out and don't approach straight away. At least you are out! and if you go out enough eventually you will.

I was in Australia at the time and was catching up with some very good friends of mine in Melbourne. My friend Sam took me to a cool club called Spice Market. If you are in Melbourne go there. It is Awesome! It is a massive high end club with podiums for girls to dance in and just an amazing place. Go well dressed as well. We went in and to be honest I was completely overwhelmed by the environment at the time. I was never going to clubs and everyone was having such a great time and there were hot women everywhere and people dancing I just felt like completely uncomfortable. haha. I spent the entire night in a chode position looking at everyone else having fun with a beer in my hand. I think I spoke to one person for 2 seconds. It was awful. There were so many hot women in there too! I left there and I felt terrible to be honest. What must my friend think of me. We had just gone to the most amazing club and his friend had not spoken to one girl the entire night. I just drank and drank and stood and stood.

Anyway, a week later and more RSD videos later I was sitting on St kilda beach with the same friend, Sam. The weather was 40 degrees celcius. Australia is amazing in summer. Despite what RSD Alex says there are a lot of AMAZINGLY natural beautiful women in Australia who are very smart, fun and they were out in force at the beach. It was like a dream. Hot women everywhere. We went and sat on the beach and as I sat there I looked out and saw so many beautiful girls in twos and some on their own. I thought to myself about the other night about how I wasn’t taking action how that this is not me. I’m not a loser. I’m a fucking winner. I’m not a guy that doesnt take action. I have set up a business before in a foreign country! I can approach a woman! I got angry to be honest. I wasn’t happy with how I was not taking action and basically as I sat on this amazing beach with these girls around.. enough was enough. It was time to change.

We went for a swim and on the way back i was determined to go for it and approach. It didn’t matter what happens. What mattered was just doing it in the first place and pushing past that fear. I walked over to a girl sunbathing with an amazing body who was lying down and reading a book. I opened her (about her book) and got into a conversation. I ended up lying next to her and chatting.. I got her number and went back to my friend who had been watching from behind. It didn’t matter to be honest that I got her number what mattered so much was just taking action. I felt fucking amazing and I will never forget that girl. That is more like it!!I felt fear on the approach but I felt more fear by not taking action and staying how I was which was not acceptable any more. The thought of being that guy in the club was so scary to me and I had finally had enough! From that moment I started looking at myself differently. I had taken action when I was fearful. I had more self respect and the feeling is amazing.

From there things started to escalate. I did the RSDalex hotseat and 3 months later, having gone out nearly 5 times a week consistently I can say I feel like my life has never been better. The progress you can make in life is huge if you take massive action. I love it and for anyone who hasn’t taken that decision to take action. I’m sure one day there will be a moment where enough is enough and the fear of staying how you are will be so much worse than the fear of taking action. I just encourage you to start that journey sooner than later. Your life will never be better! I can’t thank RSD Enough?!
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Short post. went to foundation bar met loads of rsd guys. I feel pressure around a lot of rsd guys to be "on" so to speak. I wasnt feeling it but then talk to hot oriental girl and friends. Interaction goes ok. Give her shit about not getting my joke about wearing high heels. Pick her up escalate. make out with her. she is very classy looking great body, petite. I isolate her screen logistics. then hugo had been making out with her friend who started crying insanely. I give up too easily in hindsight. They bail. I open a smoking hot 25 year old I tried to escalate too hard and she blew me out. She was into it but cos we had decided to leave I tried to speed the process. After we had left I was saying to Hugo she was super hot and was giving me good indicators yet I just bailed on her?! Anyway Lesson from this is I need to commit more to a girl that I want to fuck and spend the night with her. At the present time Im buzzing from this new skill to approach, hook and get very good interactions I am definitely a good feeling junkie at the moment. The thought of interacting with one girl for a few hours feels like such a drag but ultiamtely when Im fucking her it will be worth it. Keep that in mind in the future!! its been 2.5 months now and I find it so much fun going around and doing mulitiple sets. I have read that this is a natural progression and a lot of people go through it so not beating myself up too much about it. I'm very confident that a lot of sex will come..

Hugo opened two girls on street that could have been models. we chatted to them and started leading them back to foundation bar. we hadnt even introduced ourselves and the girls changed their mind. Anyway. we were totally sober and we both felt like we were on drugs the high was that good. good times. 
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  Wednesday: went out with Hugo and Ben. most of which is written in Bens blog about night. Went to Oneals ben and hugo went into set straight away. i went upstairs and saw three girls. Two very sexy and one average. I used to get intimidated by a three set especially when they are hot but things are changing..

Approached with loud voice "hows it going girls" find out they are finnish. start talking shit about anything to do with Finland. Nokia, Reindeers then that hooks the girls. we talk about Santa etc. hugo joins and then ben. I focus on one girl. Shown below. and Ben on the other who was hotter. Spend next hour talking. I have found talking shit and social stamina is improving although sometimes it feels like work.

ben gives good advice to get girl to talk more. So just chill. ask questions like how does that make you feel etc. I like this advice cos I have found myself being too much the entertaining monkey. Flirt with my girl. typical arm wrestles. arm around shoulder etc etc. get ask her friend if our kids will be cute etc. get number and was going to get last tube then ben comes back with girl and we bounce to cocktail bar. I decide to stay have great time there. Make out with girls. Get massive resistance from girls to go home with them, Ben handles this amazingly. I love it.

We go back to theirs and then to a bar. dance have fun etc. Go back and my girl refuses to take clothes off. wont remove her jeans. i give it my best shot but she is very resistant. I cant get my hand on her which Im sure would stopped her resistance. Anyway she is very cool girl. very fit. Just my type and very fun. I have a feeling we wont see each other again and in hindsight I would prefer to push harder and risk getting kicked out for being to persistant than wondering what if. Girl shown below.

Left in the morning and went to mcdonalds. Opened a woman reading a book that looked like it was in german. I say I love that book. She says you are full of shit this is in africaan. I say yes i think in Africaan. Thats why I look so confused as I dont have a clue what my mind is saying. I talk about anything I want. going off on tangents which I have been finding some success with. Talk about george clooney selling out to nespresso. yoga, racism. etc. get number. get nice hug and a few kisses on cheek. She was texting me later that day sounding keen as mustard. I love game.
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