I'm getting back to working on my street game again. for the past couple of days I've been practicing opening women by asking them where the closest pet store was. I then follow it up by saying that I'm looking to buy my niece some fish. today I added a couple throw-away lines like, "I was in New York recently and there was a pet store on every block. here..... next to nothing."
Yesterday I was able to use the opener to bounce to a nearby coffee shop/bar. today the women I 'opened' were pleasant enough but I didn't transition well beyond the opener.
My goal for tomorrow is going to be to throw in a statement of intent. Something like, "hey, can I be honest with you? [pause] I don't really care about where a pet store is. I just asked you because you're cute and I couldn't think of anything else to say." I will then plant my feet, stand in place, and create a 'vacuum'.
I've gotta push myself into the right direction again.
After all of these years, I caught myself still making the same old mistakes.
Another case of 'oneitis'. Or something like it.
After ONE date with a girl I met on line, I found myself falling into the same traps:
don't waste time meeting new girls
she is the one for me
I must make her my girlfriend
I must not offend her
I must agree with her
I will go along with whatever she wants
blah blah blah
Needless to say, not only did this not create attraction, it completely blew it for me.
When I am dettached from the outcome is when I get great results. Easy enough if it's a girl I don't care about.
When I (think) I care about a chick, I fall into the same traps again.
Now I am working to break free of this
I am enjoying the path, and do not give a shit about the outcome
I speak my mind and say my opinions, even if it means I am a douchebag
I LEAD rather than follow.... if a chick doesn't like it then NEXT
I am aggressive. I go after what I want
I am a sexual aggressor. if a chick doesn't like this, then she's not worth my time
women like dudes with BALLS (not pussies)
I have big balls
I am getting back to approaching women, getting phone numbers, days 2's.... and PUSHING MY BOUNDARIES....
Alright, so reading jlaix's article has gotten me motivated to start posting some FR's.
I figure it will be a useful way for me to catalog my progress, review what worked well and what could use improvement, and perhaps get some feedback from others.
The scenario - I went to a buddy's party downtown. Actually it was a party for a friend of his. Most of the people in attendance were Spanish and, though everyone was rather friendly, there over all was more spanish being spoken than english. My opener was basically just: smile, friendly "Hi" and introduce myself. I did open a few sets by asking what the deal is with the whole Joaquin Phoenix meltdown. The main reason was just to initiate group conversations and warm up my social vibe.
Most of the people there had no idea who Joaquin Phoneix was, in any case.
In the next room over I noticed 2 girls (not from our group) chatting, one of whom was adorable. Just my type. Real petite and cute. As they walked by, I said to my target, in a dominant voice, "excuse me. You are not tall enough to enter this room. We have a height limit." She giggled and said, "whatever. you're not that much taller than I am". They walked away.
Fast forward ahead. I opened a few others as the night progressed. mainly by saying hi and introducing myself.
As the night was winding down, I spotted the girls again, in a different room. They were sitting at a side table and finishing off a couple of salads.
I went back in.
"Hey. You're not tall enough for this room either". They giggled. Blah blah blah.
I pulled up a seat. Conversation ensued.
Turns out that the cute one just broke up with her boyfriend. We had some playful back-and-forth banter. Rather than going through the whole conversation, I'll highlight things that worked and didn't work throughout the evening.
We exchanged phone numbers. I am fairly certain that they both knew which one I was after. The cute one gave me her number, whereas the other refused and kept asking, "which one are you planning to call?" I think she was trying to be helpful to her friend by not demonstrating that she was not going to get in the way.
So here are my thoughts.
What worked well:
- fashion. I toned down my fashion a bit so as not to project a 'PUA' vibe. In the past couple years I got called out a lot with chicks asking "are you from new jersey", "are you some kind of pick up artist" and calling me a cheeseball and comparing me to the "Night at the Roxbury guys". I've decided just to dress like a cool normal guy. A girlfriend of mine helped me pick out some cool clothes lately and I think just dressing cool and 'normal' has helped my game quite a bit.
-Confident alpha body language. I have been working a lot on my vocality and body language. Very slow. Dominant. Pauses. Lagatto (less stacatto).
-DHV. Told stories that demonstrated the staple DHV characteristics (leader of men, protector of loved ones...)
-established social proof. Opened a number of sets (guys/girls) just to be social. It eliminated the 'on the prowl' vibe, pumped my state, and projected the image of a sociable guy
-passed shit tests. the little one kept throwing shit my way. I let her show that it did not affect me. Laughed her off.
-photo game. Showed off pictures of my nieces and nephews. Let the girls see me quickly scroll through pics of me with random chicks while I was finding these pics, and made it appear unintentional (which, actually, it was)
-conveyed non-neediness by not chasing the girls the first time when they walked away
What I can work on:
-need to become more comfortable with my age. I am 15 years older than the target. This made me a bit uncomfortable and I think this may have been the one 'shit test' that I failed, when they called me out on it. I can work on 'flipping the scripts' - I am a mature alpha man who is usually in the company of sophisticated women.... are these girls capable of hanging with me?
-Need to be more sexual, introduce a sexual vibe to the conversation
-Need to give SOI's to actively let my target know that I am interested in her
I met up with my brother last night for a traditional round of wings, nachos, and pizza at our favorite sports bar. Now that he has a kid, 6 months old, we don't do this as often as we once did, and it is still a great time.
Last night, as we were finishing off the pizza, a girl came over and asked if either of us wanted to participate in a speed-dating event that was going down at the other side of the pub. I took a look at the women in attendance and politely declined.
After my brother temporarily left for a bathroom break, I spotted a cute girl at the bar near us, having a drink with a guy, whom I presumed to be her boyfriend or, more likely, a date of hers. I called over to the duo, "hey are you guys here for the speed dating?" (in a joking manner). Polite laughter. We exchanged small talk. My brother returned to the table, and we went about our business.
After we polished off the pizza, say 15 minutes later, the dude from the duo approached me and my brother and made small talk. The girl followed him over. Though I was initially suspicious of the guy, I now think that he may have just been 'winging' for his friend. I chatted with the guy/girl a bit and I had a hunch that the girl was becoming attracted to me.
The guy said, "well.... we'd better get going, and walked away, after handshakes". The girl lingered. We made a bit more small talk and then she implied that we should get together some time. I stood up from my seat (for the first time) , walked over to her, lightly touched her shoulder and said, "well... your adorable, but your date seems like a real nice guy ;-) so I don't want to mess anything up". She cut me off. "No, no... we're just friends..." Yada yada. she ended up giving me her cell phone number on a business card.
Fast forward an hour ahead.
I decided to send her a text message. I pulled out my old standard which I got from a buddy of mine a few months ago. "Those pretty eyes. Those soft lips. That beautiful smile. But enough about me ;-) it was good meeting you tonight".
Her response: "wow".
Against my better judgement, I sent out a follow-up: "ha ha. now you say...."
In essence, a softball was lobbed my way and I tried to knock it out of the park. I missed. Horribly.
1. DON'T OVER-GAME. The girl was obviously interested in me. I should have just given a brief SOI and left it at that.
2. No follow-up texts. At least not the type that are validation-seeking (as above).
At least some good did come out of it. She was obviously attracted to me. I had tight body language, spoke in a confident tone, was well dressed/groomed, and conveyed non-neediness on our initial meet-up.
Time to start cold approaching again. The goal is to get back into the mind-set of the 5 minute number close.
Every day I must approach at least one woman with a compliment. I will also at least once a day attempt the old "hey.... you got email?"
I called up an old buddy of mine to talk business last night. I thought that he may have an opportunity for me.
The conversation ended up with him telling me about everything going on his life right now and me basically just saying, "yeah, cool. wow. sounds like you've got some great stuff going on".
He wasn't being arrogant or anything. He was just very confident and I was not feeling very confident when I called him. Bottom line, I got sucked into HIS reality and ended up feeling sorry for myself after the conversation ended.
I am reminded of the old axiom that he with the stronger reality owns the frame.
Of course, this plays into all aspects of life.
the key, therefore, is to have a strong reality.
Aside from working on my inner game, the key is to stay active in as many areas as life as possible. The more I have going on in my life, the more I can frame my own reality.
For example, let's say someone starts talking about skiing and you have no frame of reference. He is telling you that he is about to go on a ski trip, and you've never gone skiing before.
You have a few options:
1. cut the thread. "cool. Anyway, check this out". The risk to this is that the other person may become anxious, feeling that you are ignoring him or attempting to one-up him. This can add a negative vibe to the conversation and/or friendship.
2. riff on the topic. "ah. yeah, skiing is fun. I also like beaches. Check this out. I was in Hawaii a few years ago and..." Better than choice #1 but still has some of the potential downside as above.
3. fall into his frame. "wow. skiing sounds like fun. I'd like to try that some time." The risk is, as I experienced last night, lowering your status [in his eyes, as well as in your own eyes]. This will bite you on SOME level.
Now, if you HAVE skiied before, that changes things a bit. You can ADD to the convesation without having to take it over, cut threads, or submit to him (lower your value).
"Cool. I went skiing last weekend. Check this out. So I get to the top of the mountain and..."
My goal, therefore, is to become active in as many areas of life as possible. And to become comfortable bringing up my life in conversation.
I was out with a few friends on Saturday night. One of the guys had invited another dude, whom I hadn't met before. As the night progressed, I could tell that there was something that just didn't quite sit right with me about the guy.
As I was unwinding later on in the night, I realized that nearly all of this guy's behaviors was an attempt to establish 'alpha male' status. I am not sure whether he had taken on any of these traits through learning or if he was a 'natural'.
Either way, I find it helpful to study his behaviors. First, it is useful to spot when someone is attempting to 'out-alpha' me so that I will not unconsciously fall into the 'beta' frame. Also, it may be worthwhile to incorporate some of these into my habits, though on a more subtle level.
1. He was constantly 'kino'ing other guys in the group, putting his arm around them, patting their shoulders, etc.
2. He actively broke rapport by cutting people off their threads, interrupting them, and turning his back to people trying to enter his conversation
3. He 'gave people permission' not to drink who were already not drinking ("you don't have to drink if you don't want to. Don't let anyone pressure you")
4. He gave people suggestions and advice frequently
5. He critiqued other people's posessions and fashion
6. He disagreed with other people and spoke as though he were an authority
I still find myself getting a bit pissed off as I reminisce on his behavior. The key, though, is to assess his actions objectively.