It’s time, to man the fuck up.
I was in the gym today watching the Australian Open while doing my work-out.
I noticed how focused and present the tennis players were during and before the game.
I mean, you don’t want to be bothered by anything else then that ball, the field, your body and your opponent when you’re playing at a major event like the Australian Open.
Even beyond that, it isn’t even the major event that does it, you can intuit that these guys have some serious habits going into a performance level like that. They are on top of their game. Even the warm-up play gets played with all attention and awareness on the activity, right here, right now.
They take this Life thing seriously. And I don’t mean serious in a ‘ooow-I’m-so-important-and-special’ kind of way, but I mean serious in like a love for their game.
Now I don’t give a fuck about tennis, but that was not the point, the point was that these guys did and they made awesomeness happen. And furthermore, it wasn’t because they were ‘talented’.
Or maybe they are, but what I mean to say is that they are not more fortunate then any other guy.
It is better to say that we are all gifted, yet most people just don’t commit to their dreams and aspirations. And with that I came to my realization: that very lack-of-commitment thing was something I had been guilty of for most of the time of my life and that it was the sole reason that I was not on the top of my game, in terms of the physical skills in the field that I happen to engage in.
I have listened to Brian Tracy audio books so much I can almost cite them word for word. I know all this stuff to be successful, yet I feel like I’m applying maybe 10% of it and then like half of the time…
This day, I didn’t feel like the intelligent guy any I.Q.-test would prove me to be.
I felt stupid and ashamed as fuck that I had let the ego run bullshit into most of my habits.
Nowadays, we live in a society in which it is no longer a necessity for a man to know and live his purpose. It is not a requirement for physical survival. No one cares if you just hang in front of the tv all day, eat chips and get fat, as long as you pay some bills.
The ego says: “I am entitled to everything, the world should toss all the glory in my lap, without me having to put in any effort.”
It acts like a spoiled infant: “I don’t need to work on myself and facilitate growth in myself. I don’t need that shit, that’s way to much hassle. Just give me some fancy tricks, bro, gimme them tricks.”
Therefore, in today’s world, as a man, you have to commit yourself to something you truly want and be very self-disciplined about applying yourself. No slacking off is allowed. The ego regards that as something negative, because it wants to take as much value as it can get by manipulation.
It wants to get the most for the very least expenditure of time and energy. A smart strategy, but it is highly ineffective for working on yourself. It will use all kind of rationale in order to avoid growth-facilitating habits. It will use excuses like: “It’s not my fault, no one ever told me I should live like this. I’ve grown up with the system handling my shit and they never told me that I should create value for myself” Or it will try to call it into questioning by using logic like: “What is the logical reason behind engaging in these behaviors, what is the practical purpose of it?” (Translation: What ego payoff can I suck out of it?)
The only true answer to that question is a rather simple one: an enjoyable experience off course. Nothing lasts. All that arises passes away. The present moment is where enjoyment is. The gift is in the giving. No more excuses. No more questioning. Implement all fulfillment wisdom and get shit done.
Faith is a confident, positive expectancy or trust in God/universal law/Nature that you can be successful, at Joy and living with effortless ease in the world.
A person who believes it is possible to be successful is going to look for, focus on, and remember the things that went well, find insight & inspiration and recall what he has learned. A person who does not believe it to be possible and is identified with the concept of being unsuccessful or struggling will look for proof that he/she sucks and that he didn’t learn anything and focus and interpret things that will prove that he is still struggling, sucks and is frustrated.
This process is called self-verification:
You have a self-concept and you look at life’s situations and interpret them in a way that confirms/validates your existing self-concept. If you believe you suck, your mind will create a reality that confirms that. If you trust that you’re destined for Greatness, your mind will just as readily start looking for verification of that kind of a reality.
The way you become successful is to embody it first, you become it NOW. As you do that external success will follow naturally. All lasting success comes from within.
You’ll get what you’re looking for, just like the observer effect in quantum physics.
I was thinking about indifference, acceptance, resistance, allowing and attachment, etc. and how they're all pretty similar.
This is how I would break it down.
Indifference has two parts: non-resistance(/acceptance) & non-attachment(/letting go)
Allowing is pretty much the same as being indifferent.
Non-resistance has to do with (mind-perceived) negative outcomes/situations. It's basicly being willing to have negative stuff as a reality if it happens to present itself. This does not mean you're looking for it, it just means that if it comes to you it doesn't effect your emotional state. It is INNER acceptance of what is reality, not outer acceptance of reality. Outer acceptance is inertia or apathy, meaning you don't take right action to change your reality for the better. Don't mix up these two.
Non-attachment has to do with (mind-perceived) positive outcomes/situations. Attachment is taking credit for the good stuff that happens to be in your reality. It's sucking an egoic payoff out of a thing and feeding of off it. It eventually sucks the life out of the good stuff you have because you're taking it for granted, thinking that you own it or are entitled to it for some ego-created grandiose reason.
The opposite is understanding that everything you get in life is a gift. It is to be enjoyed fully and appreciated. But at the same time you're willing to let go of it anytime needed, because you know that everything in the physical world will turn to dust sooner or later anyway.
As with acceptance, also with letting go, don't mix up the levels. You only let go of the INNER attachments, not letting go of the outer attachments. Outer non-attachment is helplessness and resignation. It's deciding to give up going after the Glory, because of the ego-created rationalization:
"Why go after that shit, it can't bring me happiness anyway. It all comes from within, so why bother going after it, I might as well just chill in bliss all day"
The truth is that when you 'chill in bliss', you are naturally inspired to create value for yourself and for the world.
I like to end it this post with a Byron Katie quote on this matter:
Quote:
A question I often hear is:
"If I do The Work and I'm no longer fearful for the planet's welfare, why would I get involved in social action? If I felt completely peaceful, why would I bother taking action at all?"
My answer is: "Because that's what love does."
The fear of not being fearful is one of the biggest stumbling blocks for people beginning inquiry. They believe that without stress, without anger, they wouldn't act, they would just sit around with drool running down their chins. Whoever left the impression that peace isn't active has never known peace the way I know it. I am entirely motivated without anger. The truth sets us free, and freedom acts.
(The Basic Mastery project was actually something I started like 2 months ago when I did an introduction to a Leadership seminar, but I've only been following up on it like on occasions. Now I've choosen to include it in my yearly goals for 2009 and step shit up from start of new year :) I didn't include the whole list of shit I want to get done in skateboarding, because it takes up to much space, but it rests assured on my pc. So here is my 'FN living plan' for 2009.)
1. Purpose and goals
1. I have made a definition and checklist of what I call ‘Basic Mastery’ in skateboarding. It consist of a checklist of tricks (skills) that I want to master. The reason that I call it ‘Basic’ is not because it is simple and easy, but because it are key tricks. If mastered, they form a good and solid foundation on which one can start to innovate from. When you build a solid foundation first, the innovation you will be able to build from will have much more potential than if you try to innovate while you only have a mediocre or average foundation. I’ve included my definition of Basic Mastery in skateboarding at the bottom of this assignment.
2. Strategic outcome of the project:
a. Achieve Basic Mastery in skateboarding as I defined it for myself
b. See my definition and measures of Basic Mastery
c. - Cultivation of a ‘Process-orientation’ over a ‘Outcome orientation’.
This basically means that I base my happiness and enjoyment on the fact that I’m out there doing what I want to, when I want to do it, not on whether I’m achieving my goals, making progress and performing well. This is paradoxical, but holds true in my experience. When you chase outcomes, success eludes you. When you focus on having fun, sticking to constructive habits and right action, success follows naturally.
d. I will have lifted my skateboarding skills to Basic Mastery by August 31th 2009, my mother’s 53th birthday.
3. Title: Basic Mastery in Skateboarding
4. What it is: Different lists of tricks to master (each representing different types of tricks) in skateboarding and the different obstacles (terrain) on which I want to have them mastered.
5. People involved: Me
6. - Setting daily goals for skateboarding
- Going out skateboarding for 3-7 days a week (depending on schedule/weather)
- Updating/Reviewing Basic Mastery Checklist after every session
- Cultivating and growing personality traits listed below
When I look at the difference between the language of change and the language of transformation and then at how I use the ‘word’ in relation to skateboarding, I can see that I tend to lean more to the language of change. In the language of change the word gets influenced by how the world is at that moment. The word reacts to how the current conditions and results are (reality >influences> perception). In the language of transformation it is the word that sets the tone and vision for the future. As a result, the world changes as the person lives his or her life in alignment with his or her word (perception >influences> reality). This is called being pro-active. The language of change is reactive. I can see that this difference between pro-active and reactive is what lies at the root of my racket about outcome-orientation vs. process-orientation. Outcome-orientation is about making my emotional state and my enjoyment react to the current results I’m getting, while process-orientation focuses on being pro-active: putting the right kind of attitude, concentration and energy into the activity. Making this shift will be crucial in realizing this project.
Language of change/Language of transformation
More, better, different / Possibility
Comparative and descriptive / Declaration
Complex / Simple
Becoming / Being
Past-based ‘Now’ / Future-oriented ‘Now’
Word < fits < world / Word > creates > world
Possible breakdowns:
- Getting to stuck on the checklists, achieving goals and performance instead of making enjoyment, concentrating on the experience and taking right action the priority. (falling back into my second racket from assignment 3)
Way of dealing with it: Reconnecting myself to the letter (*) I wrote. Perhaps even fine-tune the racket; identify, distinguish and describe it better so I am more conscious of it.
Consciously doing simple things while skateboarding and focus on enjoying the experience.
- Body gets injured:
Way of dealing with it: Take the proper amount of rest, but at the same time make sure it my body does stay fit. Toning down the kind of activity that would put the most pressure on the injured body part and spending more time practicing ‘low-pressure activity’s’.
- Sticking on a plateau (period of no growth or progression in skills)
Way of dealing with it: Keep on doing the things that I know that will inevitably lead to progress. Focus on the things I have learned already and appreciate those things.
(*)Letter(*):
What I came to skateboarding for was to enjoy riding it, learn new skills, explore different terrains and have some excitement and adventure.
What I am actually accomplishing is getting frustrated sometimes when things don’t turn out as I want them to be. The way I plan to use this is to make a full shift from an outcome orientation to a process orientation. The impact this can have on our relationship is that I will be able to enjoy and grow more when I’m out skateboarding, basicly just a more efficiënt and fun way of expressing myself.
I’ve got the habit (racket) of complaining and getting frustrated as things don’t go the way I want them to, when progress seems to be going to slow in my estimation. This allows me to don’t give and concentrate as much as I’m committed to and it gives me an excuse about why I don’t have to go for it a 100%. I realise it’s a better idea to just be honest about this and not laying the blame for my frustration on a perceived lack of results. I’m committed to get to a point where I can fully enjoy my day out skateboarding even though I won’t be landing a lot of tricks and there is not much of a sign of progress. I’ll make enjoying the activity a higher priority then achieving the goals I’ve set for myself. This does not mean I won’t be trying to achieve those goals anymore or that I will change them. It just means that my mental/emotional state won’t be effected by whether I achieve the goals or not.
2. Personality Traits I want to develop/grow:
Cool!: Self-esteem, Self-assurance, (core) Confidence, Self-respect
Now!: Presence
Fun!: Positive-/Passion/Enjoyment
Sexual!: Dominant/Poise(composure)/Masculinity
Open!: Man of Action/Purpose/Has his own direction in Life/On my path/mission
Close!: Man of Action/Persistence/Perseverance/CANI!/Faith/Excellence
(I used various words/terms (from myself, Alexander~, Eban Pagan, Pook, Tony Robbins, Brian Tracy etc) to clearly describe what these traits mean to me.
3. Habits/rituals:
- Morning ritual (one hour): Water, brush and floss teeth, stretch and exercise for 20 minutes, meditate, reading, re-examine your priority’s and write down (daily) goals.
A success ritual sets the tone for the rest of the day.
- Join a gym, go twice a week
- Write down a gratitude list at the end of the day
- Go skate 3-7 times a week
4. Blueprint Girl:
1. Self-esteem
2. Highly Sexual (feminine responsiveness)
3. Spontaneous/Expressive
4. Physically attractive
5. Positive and fun
6. Growth-driven
