flux's Blog

"I don't give a fuck what anyone thinks of me"

This is really just a recognition that:

1) It doesn't matter what people think about you, it has no actual effect. 

What other people in the club are thinking doesn't matter because it actually doesn't effect you....peoples thoughts have no physical effects....you will never even know what these people are thinking....it just doesn't matter....it has no effect.

2) It's only a big deal when it's you that's doing it.

I noticed this on bootcamp. We were doing doing some of Ozzie's crazy social pressure drills. When I was doing them it felt like a big deal....but when I was watching the other guys on bootcamp doing them it seem fine, no big deal, just very funny, but that's it. Another example...it's like if your friend walks up to a girl and gets blown out, it's not a big deal to you, you don't judge him for it, you respect him for trying....but if you think about YOU approaching and getting blown out it suddenly seem a big deal....but that's just because now it's you that's doing it....but in reality no one else thinks it's a big deal, it sometimes just seems like that when you're the one doing it.
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Do NOT try and manipulate your internal state in any way during the day before a night out. 

- No trying to get motivated
- No thinking about opening girls
- No imagining potential interactions
- No thinking through conversations
- No getting hyped up
- No trying to get in the mood
- No trying to get in a upbeat mood

Just chill

You can go out and interact as you are

You don't need to get yourself 'motivated'

Let any 'state' come naturally through the interactions, don't force it beforehand, don't confuse cause and effect, you can go out and interact as you are, no preparation is required.
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I need to hammer this home again and again and again until it sinks in.............

I can approach as I am....now....this moment....any moment....

just be congruent 

(i.e. be as you feel, don't try for state, don't try for rapport, don't try to make yourself 'feel' like doing it).

This is where I'm going wrong before a night out.....

....when I know I intend to go out later in the day or night to do some approaches i find myself doing certain things which actually are self-defeating and lead me to back out of my plan to go out.

Positive self-manipulation -
I try and force a load of theory and motivational material into my head to help motivate me for tonights night out. The problem with this is it creates anxiety because doing it suggests that I still need more knowledge before just going out and approaching without thinking about it. Also, as the anxiety increases, trying to force in more theory just ends up in information-overload and it all just gets me confused and not thinking straight. So I need to stop this.

Negative self-manipulation -
My subconscious spots my rising anxiety and kicks in with attempts to try and stop me wanting to go out....and therefore reduce my anxiety. This involves shoveling a ton of food down my throat, thinking about depressing things, blaming others, distracting myself on the web etc etc. So I need to stop this too.

Failing to plan -
The other problem is leaving it until the day I'm going out to fix the plan. Meaning I am still adjusting and questioning what I'm doing during the day and even as I'm heading out to do it, causing anxiety about if I'm doing the right thing in the right way or not. Again, need to stop this too.


- I need to have a solid plan in place before the day I'm going out.

- I don't need to try and 'motivate' myself, I can just get on with my day and 'approach as I am' in the moment


- No more than 5 approaches during the night
- No sleep until f-close or 5 approaches done

This'll be the standard solo night out plan. Limiting the number of approaches means I keep intent and avoid bouncing around from set to set all night. If I don't make all 5 approaches in the club I'll approach randoms on the way home. If I don't pull, fair enough, but I'm going to give myself 5 shots at it every night I go out. 

I will also follow my BALLS NOT STATE plan.
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Meditation is a good way to reduce anxiety in the moment. But beyond that it has little benefit.

Irrational, unrealistic, negative, pressuring thinking and thinking loops are all self destructive and need to moved on from, but the only way to do that is through re-evaluating your life philosophies.

That happens through thinking, not stopping your thinking.  

Stopping your thinking can help reduce anxiety in the moment, but in the long term, it is your re-thinking of your beliefs, attitudes, opinions, outlooks, evaluations and expectations that changes your life.

Re-thinking things in a rational, realistic, non-judgmental way is the way forward, and the only way to do that is to think things through, and re-construct your philosophies based on fact and not any negativity you may have developed through your life.
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Natural Pick Up - Balls Not State!

Approach girls high energy or low energy?

This question does matter....if you're being natural.

You can't base you're regular approach on what you've done previously when you were in peak state.

This is simply because you still need to be able to approach when you are not in peak state.

Great things can happen when you are in a peak state.

But trying to force state will make you come off as weird.

You need to approach congruent to your social mood in the moment.

This is how you can approach natural. Just accept where your social mood is in the moment and start the interaction from there.

So, you have your default, chill, laid back, approaching style as your starting point, then, just let all the fun stuff come out naturally in the moment, as it feels fun to do....not forced.

It's like if you try and force a smile, it will seem fake, but if you relax your face muscles a real smile will come through naturally. Similarly, if you just relax your vibe, you can let your real, congruent, fun self come through naturally.

So the moment you feel yourself 'trying' or 'forcing' just step back, chill, go into boring conversation-land if you must, then rebuild in the moment.

Remember....people don't reject your conversation....they rejects your vibe.

Just by talking to a girl congruently, the right vibe seems to come through. You don't NEED to be doing all the gimmicky stuff to MAKE her like you....just by talking to her congruently, it gives off so many positive vibes, there is a fair chance she will be keen.

It was always said that you need to approach with a slightly higher energy level then the group, but actually, you just need to be congruent with your own energy level and fully expect them to match it and converse with you.

What does this mean? It means you are always ready to approach. You don't NEED to run around doing warm up sets first. Just chill and show some balls.

So what are girls attracted to???



Just as guys are attracted to feminine sexuality, girls are attracted to masculine sexuality.

Think of WOO as your personality and INTENT as your sexuality.

Be cool, express your personality and sexuality, be congruent, that's it.

No try hard plans or tactics required!



- Trust yourself to make conversation, escalate, extract and close when the moments presents themseves.

- Trust your natural instincts to take you in the right direction.

- Trust the girl will like you just by being you.

Don't think, experience.

Remember.....this is a two player game. She will play her part in the interaction too.

If she doesn't it just means you two don't click, so go find another girl!

So what does that mean?

It means she likes you or she doesn't.

There is no desire to 'do something' to 'make' her like you. Be you and if it's on great, if not, that's cool, go find another.

All you have to do is approach. You don't need to think any further ahead than that. If 'it's on' then the interaction will move forward, if not, it doesn't matter, it's not a 'failed approach', you just didn't click, that's okay.

When you do click with a girl....you just build up the fun/sexual (woo/intent) from there....in the moment, as it feels natural.

My approach mindset....

It goes like this.....

1>>>see girl
2>>>say hi

3 Second Rule (approaching)

You don't need to overthink about 'do you like/not like' the specific girl before approaching, you just use the 3 second rule, say hi, then work out if you actually like her once you are talking to her.

This also means....you don't need to plan out any witty conversation beforehand, that would go against the whole point of it, if she's cool, and you'll hit it off, random conversation about any old shit will happen.

3 Second Rule (escalating)

Just aim to escalate congruently, in the moment. So claw her, kiss her, get her number or get her out of the venue...by applying the '3 Second Rule' for escalating. Don't think it through as you are talking to her, just try to take action at the appropriate time.

Remember....you can't actually decide if you want to hook up with her BEFORE you are talking to her! Even if you are meeting for a day 2....you 'get on' or not in the moment....so you can't make any decisions about her....(other than to talk to her)...until you actually are talking to her!

So...if you want to improve, this is how you do it.....

Work on approaching without hesitation
Work on being congruent to your social mood
Work on being self validated, self amusing and non-reactive
Work on expressing your personality and sexuality
Work on escalating and closing
Work on understanding female behaviour
Work on remembering the real reason why you are doing all this!

But....the day-to-day default remains....just go out...see girl, say hi, talk to her.

So...what's it all about?

You are out, you see all these girls, why are you even bothering to go talk to them?

The mindset is..."it's more fun to approach than not"

In the moment, ask yourself...."how can I make this more fun?"

You approach, tease, flirt, kino, kissing, make out, extracting etc etc for fun.

It's not forced.

It's like playing a game.

It's funny playing pick-up with girls!

It's funny chatting up a girl.

It's funny getting a girl horny.

It's funny seeing her try to attract you.

It's funny going for the kiss.

It's funny putting her hand down your pants.

It's funny....well....

....it's all funny!

It's like overgrown kids playing.
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Found these vids on youtube....

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It's great when you know a girl likes you.

It's great when you know a girl want you to.... 

talk to her
ask for her phone number
meet up with her
kiss her
take her home for fun times

When you know she's just waiting for you to do one of those things it's great.....


it can suddenly become pressuring....

you're suddenly being reactive.....

you're suddenly seeking an outcome....

is that a state drop I detect????

The flow of the moment goes and the girl gets creeped out.

"What happened"??? You ask yourself...."she was soooo keen"! 

Now she's gone!

How to avoid that.......

Option 1) Be one step ahead

(If you are leading then you are doing those things before she starts hinting at you to do them. You are just doing them in the flow of your fun, so it comes off well and you are not being reactive).


girls have there own ideas and will try to push things forward to. So you cant avoid times when you will find yourself getting cues for action from the girl.


Option 2) Dive In

(A bit like the 3 second rule for approaching....basically, when you see the cue, don't think, just dive in instantly and deal with whatever happens later. If you misread the cue just laugh it off, find it funny and plow on).

Option 3) Step back

(If you do hesitate and find yourself loosing state then ignore her cue and take a step back, maybe into boring conversation-land, but then when you get back in the flow then move it forward yourself. Now it will be coming from a congruent 'fun action' place, not a 'forced action' place, and will be more natural for you both).
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Going into a nightclub 'blind' and waiting for something to 'happen' to get you approaching isn't really the best option.

Because it doesn't work.

UNLESS something in the environment (eg other people) subconsciously trigger a thinking/feeling change to then get you approaching.

But it's best to have a 'intent' to approach attitude rather than a 'see what happens' attitude.



Remember previous times when you approached.....

What were your mindsets at the time?

What were your thoughts and feelings when you actually did it?

For example:


"it's more fun to approach than sitting here feeling sorry for myself, I'm just going to approach for my own benefit, I don't care what she thinks or If she wants to speak to me or not, I'm doing this for me and she's just going to have to deal with that".


outward energy, excited, adrenaline, standing up tall, smiling, loud voice.

Thats what works for me...

....but you need to find what works for you. Learn what thoughts and feelings you use to get yourself to do something, then repeat them next time you want to do it.  
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I don't know, maybe this is all in my head,  but I feel I can make a conscious decision to switch between an outward energy and an inward energy.

Outward energy feels like I am projecting myself out and looking to interact

Inward energy feels like I am keeping myself to myself and winding down into an inactive state

Just being aware of that seems to allow me to switch between the two

I've been trying it when I haven't felt like talking and suddenly I'm starting a conversation

So I think it's a good awareness to have and experiment with.
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