I need to hammer this home again and again and again until it sinks in.............
I can approach as I am....now....this moment....any moment....
just be congruent
(i.e. be as you feel, don't try for state, don't try for rapport, don't try to make yourself 'feel' like doing it).
This is where I'm going wrong before a night out.....
....when I know I intend to go out later in the day or night to do some approaches i find myself doing certain things which actually are self-defeating and lead me to back out of my plan to go out.
Positive self-manipulation -
I try and force a load of theory and motivational material into my head to help motivate me for tonights night out. The problem with this is it creates anxiety because doing it suggests that I still need more knowledge before just going out and approaching without thinking about it. Also, as the anxiety increases, trying to force in more theory just ends up in information-overload and it all just gets me confused and not thinking straight. So I need to stop this.
Negative self-manipulation -
My subconscious spots my rising anxiety and kicks in with attempts to try and stop me wanting to go out....and therefore reduce my anxiety. This involves shoveling a ton of food down my throat, thinking about depressing things, blaming others, distracting myself on the web etc etc. So I need to stop this too.
Failing to plan -
The other problem is leaving it until the day I'm going out to fix the plan. Meaning I am still adjusting and questioning what I'm doing during the day and even as I'm heading out to do it, causing anxiety about if I'm doing the right thing in the right way or not. Again, need to stop this too.
- I need to have a solid plan in place before the day I'm going out.
- I don't need to try and 'motivate' myself, I can just get on with my day and 'approach as I am' in the moment
NEW NIGHT OUT PLAN
5 SHOTS TO CLOSE
- No more than 5 approaches during the night
- No sleep until f-close or 5 approaches done
This'll be the standard solo night out plan. Limiting the number of approaches means I keep intent and avoid bouncing around from set to set all night. If I don't make all 5 approaches in the club I'll approach randoms on the way home. If I don't pull, fair enough, but I'm going to give myself 5 shots at it every night I go out.
I will also follow my BALLS NOT STATE