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If you see a hot girl, and for whatever reason, you just don't want to go and speak to her right now, but you feel like you should do, and try to pressure and force yourself to approach, then you'll get that negative anxiety that will probably stop you approaching, or just make you come off weird in the interaction.
Alternatively, if you see a hot girl, and you genuinely want to go up and talk to her, you may still have anxiety doing it, but it'll be more like a fun approach-adrenalin sort of thing.
It's the same with going out....do you genuinely want to go to a nightclub tonight? Saying yes doesn't mean you wont have any anxiety, it just means the anxiety wont be able to stop you going out.
Another example, I used to have a massive phobia of snakes, I couldn't even look at the TV if there was a snake on. But at some point I decided that I wanted to get over my phobia. After some progressive desensitisation I have now touched a couple of snakes. Not because I thought I should, or because I was worried about what other people would think if I didn't, I did it simply because I wanted to, despite the anxiety at the time. It was good.
A year after doing that I had another opportunity to touch some snakes. I found myself holding back. I was now thinking that I should touch the snakes to prove I could do it, to prove that I no longer had a phobia, but in all honesty, I'd already proven to myself that I could do it, I just wasn't that bothered about touching them now, so doing it was no longer just about genuinely....in the moment....wanting to, I just felt that I should. The anxiety felt different this time, it wasn't fun, I didn't touch the snakes.
Different mindset, different results.
So when anxiety come up, ask yourself....do I want to do this?
If you don't, don't, and be cool about it.
If you do, do it, and have fun.
(BTW, anxiety is counter intuitive, so just by being cool with not wanting to do it, you may well find yourself starting to actually want to do it....it's non-resistance as Tolle would say....do what you want).
Alternatively, if you see a hot girl, and you genuinely want to go up and talk to her, you may still have anxiety doing it, but it'll be more like a fun approach-adrenalin sort of thing.
It's the same with going out....do you genuinely want to go to a nightclub tonight? Saying yes doesn't mean you wont have any anxiety, it just means the anxiety wont be able to stop you going out.
Another example, I used to have a massive phobia of snakes, I couldn't even look at the TV if there was a snake on. But at some point I decided that I wanted to get over my phobia. After some progressive desensitisation I have now touched a couple of snakes. Not because I thought I should, or because I was worried about what other people would think if I didn't, I did it simply because I wanted to, despite the anxiety at the time. It was good.
A year after doing that I had another opportunity to touch some snakes. I found myself holding back. I was now thinking that I should touch the snakes to prove I could do it, to prove that I no longer had a phobia, but in all honesty, I'd already proven to myself that I could do it, I just wasn't that bothered about touching them now, so doing it was no longer just about genuinely....in the moment....wanting to, I just felt that I should. The anxiety felt different this time, it wasn't fun, I didn't touch the snakes.
Different mindset, different results.
So when anxiety come up, ask yourself....do I want to do this?
If you don't, don't, and be cool about it.
If you do, do it, and have fun.
(BTW, anxiety is counter intuitive, so just by being cool with not wanting to do it, you may well find yourself starting to actually want to do it....it's non-resistance as Tolle would say....do what you want).