I don't want this to sound like bragging or anything although I realize in a way I am trying to feed the hunger this "new identity" has created in me. This has been a 180-degree shift in my perspective and so far it has turned out quite well with my close friends and friends of friends. In the previous blog I mentioned a girl that I had been wanting to hook up with for AGES. That didn't result because I ended up getting with her best-friend/roommate (which happens to be a tad hotter than the first girl).
Also something weird happened on Saturday. I was with some friends that were in town for the weekend and after a couple of beers one of my friends had to leave because the wife was tired of walking around shopping all day, which is understandable. So I got a ride home with them, only to realize it was still quite early (thanks to Daylight savings time change) . Even though I was tired I decided to go to a dinner party I had been invited to (even though I didn't make it to dinner). It was alright, at that hour it was only like 5 girls and 2 other guy friends just kicking back having some drinks.
I small talked the girl who was hosting the party, which I had met only once before. Opened up a bottle of wine which I had brought over, poured the girls some of that. Now, the hostess of the party - granted: she may have been a bit tipsy but I could totally feel the attention she was giving me, so I talked some more. She was into me. I cut it off and ask another girl if I could have one of her cigarrettes and right away invite her out to the balcony while we smoke. I could feel myself being completely IN STATE (the "state" concept is completely new).
After that cigarrette we walk back in, I sit down at the table next to the host-girl. She was totally waiting for me and we got back into conversation right away. I asked how her trip to Europe was and while she was telling me the story she was playing with her hair and giggling and I thought it was ridiculously cute, but I just kept my frame, maintained eye contact and was completely enjoying being "in state". I made a couple of comments which got her laughing so loud everybody else started looking over at us. Looks I could FEEL but not SEE because I never even turned around. Completely AWESOME feeling.
In the past I may have misinterpreted this, thinking I was falling in love with her... Chode, I know right?
We talked some more, and I eventually got back into conversation with the other guests. After a couple of minutes of not giving her any attention she started changing the music, dancing, but moving around in order to be within my field of vision. By this point it was pretty late and some people started picking up and stuff. We stayed talking for another while and she fell asleep on her sofa, waking up intermittently to participate in our conversations but we could tell she was tired. In the end we decided to just leave.
I got home thinking about everything that had happened and just realizing and really UNDERSTANDING the concept of being "in state". I barely even slept.
When I woke up at like 9 am, I had a text from this host-girl saying "hey it's me, this is my number".
On a side-note - I've been CRAMMING the RSD wokshops, listening to them whilst at work and doing chores at home. I went through some ups and downs when getting up front explanations for all the shit I've done wrong in the past, and maybe that wasn't such a good idea.
But I wanted to ask:
Has this happened to anybody else? How do you disregard the negative feelings regarding past memories?
Also, I still haven't been out to clubs where I could even think of doing new approaches, but I've gotten positive results with my circle of friends and acquaintances. So I got another question:
What kinds of responses have you gotten from your circle of friends? Is this change welcome or can it become a problem as well?
To anybody who may be reading: thanks and I hope to hear any input you may have.
peace
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