Some guy's blog

Don corleon
These are the experiences that created my ego and cause a lower self-esteem for me. You only realize these things when you sit down by yourself and try to dig deeper into who you are and what you are.

#1. This is the story of a girl that I met. She was however, unlike any other girl. She was fun, interesting, had a very nice body and laughed at my corny jokes. She was two years younger then me and had the sexiest Russian accent you can imagine. Through hanging out, me and this girl became friends, and one day when we were hanging out, we all of sudden exploded on each other. We started making out and I jumped on her. This created my very first relationship. Anna and I were very good together. She worked down stair my building. I would work out, and then we would have crazy times together. It was the best thing ever. I became friend with another guy that worked out in our little crappy gym. His name was Ronnie. Some Serian dude who spoke French. I introduced him to Anna and became friends with him. All of sudden, he stopped talking to me. He started talking all kinds of shit about me to Anna. I became insecure. On Valentines day next year, I was to insecure to tell her that I loved her. I was worried that I would loose her. He on the other hand brought her flowers and asked her out. She went out with him because I didn't do anything. In sense, I was being a bad boyfriend. I was insecure and I did what I always did with my problems in grade 10, I hid in my room. She cheated on me and dropped into a chronic depression. I started exercising like crazy. Everyday, I would train. I took so much out of my body that I over trained. I became the worst swimmer and waterpolo player on my team and I eventually ended it. 
Now that I look back at this I realize that I was needy, insecure and a terrible boy friend. I didn't undrestand what I wanted or what she wanted from me and I destroyed the whole thing. One side of me is really happy though. When I look back at my pics with this girl, I realize that she had serious case of BUTHERFACE! I also later learned that she cheated on Ronnie. 

#2. This one goes really deep to when I was a kid. My dad is a sort of smart dude. An engineer who was the best in his university. He was the top of his class in his university and like any other father wanted me to be a mini him. He wanted me to be the best in school and I didn't care about school. He would constantly yell at me about it and we had fights. Really bad fights. I think I developed a sense that I constantly needed to prove myself to everyone. It even became worst because I was afraid that if I fail at proving myself to him, that he would think less of me. This stopped me from taking risks. It made me afraid of making mistakes. It made me lazy and made me afraid of putting myself out there. I was scared that people wouldn't except me so I wouldn't put myself out there. I had a few close friends and that was it. Maybe 2 or 3. I felt like a social retard unless I proved myself to the crowd I was with and well they could have cared less about it. I cared so much though that I made everyone run away from me.
This really motivated me to develop this I don't give a fuck attitude and made me fall in love with Jeffy's attitude-no homo-. His thinking and farm really helped me deal with this and shift my mind frame.

#3. This happened when I went to my first year at university. There was a girl there. A very chunky girl. I liked this girl and over the summer I had just learned about game. I had read my fried David D book. One night, I got drunk and eventually I developed the balls to say shit to her-thanks to the booze-. I kept thinking and then I thought girls love the bad boy. Lets be a dick. I looked at her and I said,"ever heard of a diet". Needless to say that I didn't generate a lot of attraction. She hated me and she got everyone else to hate me. Every single time I had a chance with a girl, she would either cockblock me or send other girls to do it. I was afraid of everyone and spend my time hidden in my room.
I got laid a couple of time just because I go to a crazy fucking party school but it was out of luck. The girl was drunk, I was passing out, no one else was around, and I would say,"wana fuck?" Sometimes they would say no and sometimes yes. They were never the hot sexy ones. They were always the nasty left overs.

Anyways, these are the ones that come to my mind right now. If you feel like sharing yours, go ahead and do it. It feel kind of liberating. You come in terms with them when you put them out there for everyone to see and you realize that they are not as bad as they seem. 
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Don corleon
What is the Ego? It is a construct of your judgments and social conditioning. It is what forces you to go through the rat race of daily life. The real question is that do you want to ignore your ego and forget about it?

The truth is that the ego doesn't have to be a bad thing. It is constructed by social conditioning. You are soaked in the self-controlling tendencies. However, you can arrange them in a way that will make you feel good about yourself. For example, I want to get into medical school. I used to think about all the money that I was going to get and all the girls. The truth is that if a girl wants me for my money or my medical degree, I don't want her. I would much rather pay for sex and be honest about it. 

Then why go to medical school? I want it because I feel like I am going to do good. The challenge will make me stronger and when I get out, I am going to make a change. Sure it is a big rat race but when I become a doctor, I could do great thing that I will be proud of. I will help people live through cancer. I will help African kids.

I guess what I am trying to say is that if you get into the rat race for the right reasons and keep your ego in check and centered around the right realty, it will not and can not hinder you. We can never be free of social conditioning. It is all around you and as you live part of a society. The easiest way to stop limiting beliefs from creeping on to you is to create your own beliefs about who you are and what you want.

In short, your true self needs to condition your ego and not the society you live in. That is what acting through my own intentions means to me. Changing my ego and centering around the true me rather then the external world. 
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Don corleon

I head to a keg with my Wing. It was pretty bad. I didn't have my car so I started drinking. I have realized that I am useless when I do booze. Anyways, the girls there were pretty nasty and there were lots of dudes around that I knew. I knew most of the guys so I barely talked to any of the girls. There were these girls playing bear pong and kicking all the guys asses. After they got of the table, I started making fun of them. They kept feeling me but they were complete attention whores. Anyways, they were ugly too. Thank god for London's police squat that broke off the keg around 12:30 at night.

We hit up jacks. At this point, I move from complete drunkenness to a good tipsy. IT WAS GOLD! I talked to two girls. The first one was sitting by herself. She was pretty into it. I could have pulled. Her X boyfriend was at the bar and she wouldn't give me make outs. She kept saying he will see and stuff. I could have pulled her but it didn't happen. I think she was trying to use me against him. I was cool with it. Anyways, it was a solid interaction even without the fucking make out.

I opened up a set of sisters after. Three girls who were sisters. The group walked away to go dance but I could see the hesitation in one of them. I grabbed her hand and didn't let her leave. The rest of them bounced. Anyways, It was solid. She told me she was seeing someone. I said "so?" He is not hear right now. Anyways, after a while I realized that she just kept looking on the dance flour-I should have picked up on this-. I looked and I saw her sisters looking at us. I kept going for make outs and that was why she was rejecting them. I figured fuck it. Lets move her around. I tried but they eventually dragged her away with a "OH MY GOD! your in a 3 year relationship." 

We hit the streets after. Nothing good happened. Opened a couple of sets. I hooked up a guy with a girl that I was talking to. I wanted to fuck the shit out of her friend. She forced her okay looking friend on me. I was like whatever. Interacted and then a guy came over that my wing knew. She complimented him on his looks so I switched around. I wasn't into her that much. If he pulled, good for him. 

Anyways, the only good thing that came out of this night was a knew level of state. When you first get state, you think you got state and that is it. Your state keeps improving. You can never be too into the moment. The drinks brought out the next stage of my state development that I am going to focus on.

I also learned that my energy level is too high. It recently started happening after I learned to draw state from within. It created a problem. I draw both from within and around me. This brings my energy level up really high. Girls keep laughing and having fun with me but I think I get stuck in a dancing monkey frame.
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Don corleon
 I went out last night. It was a sick night. My wing was drunk as hell and we had a pretty good time. He was there with a bunch of friends and I started talking to them. I made a pretty good impression. The night was pretty jokes. We went to jacks where I met this blond. She was pretty cute. She was a little bit chunky but I liked her personality so I was thinking whatever it is cool. We started hanging and it was pretty cool.

I ditched her and met up with another dude from my friend's group. The guy was a bit chode but I though fuck it. I was talking to him before and he was nice dude and he liked my lame jokes. I figured might as well get a couple of sets open. I talked to a bunch of girls but they all walked away from me. I was laughing my ass off. The dude gave me props for trying which was a better response then what most of my friends give me. I finally got a set open. He got the hot friend and I got the older sister's number. she wasn't that hot but her babies were huge so I thought whatever I will call her back. We got the number and then hit of to Jim Bobs where I thought I was going to see my boy Butterfly Snapple but he had gone to another venue. We opened two more sets both number closes.

We had a funny dynamic going on. He kept qualifying himself for not going first and I kept telling him it was cool. It was kind of funny. I also became friends with another cool dude who was into martial arts at the end of the night. He talked to me about working out which is one of the things that I love to do and it went pretty decent. I love this game. I am meeting new friends and hot girls. 

We were sitting down and talking when we saw the blond coming back. Anyway, I ended giving everyone a ride back home and the blond chick asked if I could give her a special ride home. I kept sexual framing and joking around. She was into it. She liked me. I was thinking bingoooooo. Anyways, we got back to her place and she tells me about her basement window and how she sneaks guys in. I am thinking sweet. She gets out of the car. I was thinking of going over and knocking on the window but then I saw the clock. It was fucking 4 am. I had to wake up this morning to study so I am like fuck it. I left. She sent me a couple of txt messages. She said she will send me another tonight. I should have maned up and closed but I didn't. I really need to work on my closing.

This includes numbers, kisses, and fucks. I will start a new mission. Every time I go out and talk to girls, I will go for a make out if the set hooks well. I will always ask for number even if I don't want to call them again. I guess when I up those then I will naturally up my odds to pull on the same night. 
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Don corleon
 HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!! My first day as a 20 year old started. I was initial being resilient about this and got depressed but I think it was just my little boy reality breaking. I was accepting myself.

My game was at a whole new level tonight. I laughed at congruent tests. I made new friends. I wasn't planing on going out and I wanted to stay in and study for my MCAT but I realized that fuck it. It is the day that I was born and it is worth fucking celebrating. 

Anyways, I met up with my wing and we hit up jacks. It was crowded. I don't really enjoy crowded venues but whatever. I kicked back and started talking to girls. It sucked ass. I kept getting blown out. I kept analyzing why I am not getting into state and then I realized it was because I was forcing it. I let go. It got better but the venue was too crowded and people were in really large groups-this is something I got to work on-. Anyways, I bounced to Jim Bobs where I met this new dude who told me he was a PUA. I talked to him and talked up a bunch of girls. It was really fun.

The major thing about this night was going out without a plan. I mean, half way through the night, I fully lost my wing and I spend the rest of the night around doing my own shit. It was liberating. I didn't need to start a chode party to have a good time. I could walk into a venue and do my own shit. Act up and be me. It was an amazing change. I have evolved so much in the past months. I have been trying to live by the principles instead and applying them to all aspects of my life.

You can never truly be happy unless your in alignment with yourself. You need to accept it who you are and what you want. I am so happy that I found this stuff early in my life and I want to thank all you guys here at RSD who got me here. I am by no means perfect. I have a long way to go. I can be social and open sets but I need to build on creating attraction and closing. I am fine with the work. I learn so much about me, the world and everything in it that makes the process worth it.

I am setting a goal. At the age of 25, I want to have my romantic and sex life to have improved to where I want it to be. Where I want to go from there might be different but I will deal with that when the time comes. I want to take it one step at a time. 
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Don corleon
This is just for me to feel better. If you want to read it, go ahead but it probably won't help you that much. 

I am turning 20 tomorrow. I feel like I wanted to do so much more with my life and I am in no where near were I want to be. Medical school is so far away and so is everything else that I want. I have to stick with the pressure and do the hard work. As Tyler said, walk through the fog of bad emotions.

It is not that I feel that I have reached rocked bottom. I am just feeling a general feeling of sadness. I can't describe why or where is it coming from. I don't have anything to be sad about. I made the choices that I made up to this point and I don't blame anyone else for it. I still feel run down. I feel the world is so big and I am going to get crushed by it. I think I need a vacation. I might just do that. Hang in here for another 16 days, right my test and then get on a train. Travel to Vancouver or even get a hotel room in Toronto. Go out, talk to some girls, read a good novel and just get out there again. I just have to trust myself to make the right choices and to get to where I want to go. 

I feel that the only centered thing that I do with my life is gaming. The only time that I am truly enjoying myself is when I am talking to girls. This even includes getting rejected. I feel that the time that I spend preparing for medical school is a waste of time. I am never going to use what I learn in undergraduate school and it makes it so hard to focus on these bullshit MCAT questions. Anyways, I guess I only have to go get bigger problems and then these don't seem like shit. 
3 Comments | 1,756 Views
Don corleon
 It was my boys going away party and I took a break from my MCAT prep- it has reduced my game nights to once a week until sept 11- and went to Toronto. It was amazing. The guys here are so much more Chodier. I started using my magic powers that I have been learning from the blue print into action.

The night started out pretty late but it was really cool. We didn't get into any of the venues. The cover was really fucking expensive. They wanted us to pay 20$ to get and since at the end of the night there was only two of us, we were thinking fuck it. We hit up the streets and god said,"let there be rain." I am not talking about one or two drops but a crazy ass shower. At first, I was pissed. I was thinking tonight is going to suck but then I decided to accept the rain as a part of the night and live with it.

The night just got fully turned around. It was amazing! The highlight of the night was this set of guy and girl that I opened. Gorgeous looking, Columbian or some other Spanish speaking  country. We talked for a bit but she was married and had the dude there. The bottom line was that the girl was very receptive and openly flirting with me. The guy kept trying to get into the conversation and to get my validation. It was amazing. I felt like I had arrived. I do realize that I have a long way to go but it is great to see change. 

My friend who had not seen me in a while told me that I had improved a lot and down the road, all that matters is change. shades
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Don corleon
 I have an identity crises. I have been getting these one after the other ever since I started in this game. The first couple I got was after a night full of rejections. I looked back on it and sat down and felt like shit. This one though was a new kind of crises.

I was out last night. We were walking away from Jim Bobs towards jacks or where ever when I saw this group of two. I opened by snapping in one of the girls faces. I talked to them and it went decent. I went to Jim Bobs after and I saw them again. The girls were trying to get me. Instead, I looked for validation from my friends who thought the chicks were ugly. At the end of the night I was driving home a lone and I started thinking to myself. I should have pulled the girls. My friends weren't the ones that wanted to fuck them. I was. I liked the two of them. They were 7s in my book. Why did I care if they were 5s in someone else's?

Then I realized another thing. As the night started, I was out being the pimp. As the night progressed, guys walked up to my friend's and started hating on me. They said that your guy is creeping girls out and why is he going around talking to everyone. I choded the fuck out. It killed my mood cause I was afraid of getting into a fight. At the end of the night, I was looking all bored, one of the guys came over, gives me a high five or something as if he supports my new chody attitude. I realized again, I had submitted to social conditioning.

I went home feeling like shit. I have two new things that I want to do. First, if someone tries to start shit with me, I will get into a fight with them back. Unless I get into a fight, I am just going to be constantly afraid of this. I just have to fucking do it. It is like my first set. The first one that I opened felt the same way. I am not going to try to start shit but if it happens I will get it out of the way. Also, if I see a girl that I want to fuck, I am going for it. I don't care if anyone thinks she is ugly or whatever. I am weird dude and I have a weird taste and I am okay with it. It is not like they are having sex with her.
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Don corleon
 I was out with my wing-I will call Mr. W- and his friend. Anyways, this dude is really cool. I have known him for maybe for three weeks and in my opinion any chick that doesn't want him is a fucking dump ass. Anyways, we had a horrible night and at the end of the night we were analyzing.

Mr. W said that the problem is congrancy and I agreed with him. He went on saying that each girl likes a specific type of guy and that it is hard to change your personality the minute that you started talking to them. That made me have a huge epiphany on the way back home. There is a congrancy issue because you are not being real. You are justifying yourself and trying to fit into her category. Your going from Party dude to chill guy to whatever guy. Your becoming forced into the girls standards and she is screening you. It becomes a fucking job interview. She has the power in the interaction and can turn it off when she wants.


If you don't try to fit into her world and get her to fit into your world, she will be the one that will be afraid of getting rejected. You have the power. Ever since I started this, I have been all about dominance. My game has been physical and I have been trying to become a "MAN". However, in my own head, I was acting like a boy. I was trying to fit into the girls reality. I wasn't creating my own. You get these concepts off the DVDs or the articles but you never truly figure them out until you see them in the field.

This created a new question in my head. WHO THE FUCK AM I? That is something that I need to figure out before I can bring anyone into my reality. I have been going through identity crises, one after another ever since I started this game and now I see why. It is because this game makes you discover who you are and what your made of.

So who is Owen?

-I am a man, and I like sex. I am not ashamed of it and I don't care if feminists think its bad or wrong.
- I like helping people. That is why I stick around and talk to people that others ignore and that is why I want to become a doctor.
-I am a protector. I won't get into fights or start them but if you fuck with my crew, I will fuck you up.
-I am cheap and in love with money. I can never have enough of it. It is social conditioning but I like dressing up. I like the nice clothes and I like being sure of my future. I don't do it for girls and I realized that I don't need it for them but I still love it.
-I love working out. I love lifting heavy weights. the feeling that you get when blood rushes out of your head and your about to fall down but you keep going because you just love having that control over your body.
- I like to be in control. I like to have options. In my career, in women and in people i meet. It is part of who I am.
- I see the irony in things and I don't confirm to it. I see what advertising does. I see what university does. Trying to get us to fit into little blocks. Making us stats. I am not going to confirm to it and if you feel like I am insulting your being, then fuck you.
- I don't make apologies for who I am. I like big tits. I like pron. I like sex. I like books. I like reading. I like working out. I don't drink. I don't have to like what anyone else likes but if you like what I like then cool.
-I don't judge people. I don't care if you have three kids and your 19 years old. It is life. I came in naked and I am not going to be able to take any of it to my grave so why even bother?
-I think life is an amazing gift. I think that every emotion and every ounce of us is a miracle. Just the fact that random pieces of organic molecules made people makes me realize that life is an amazing gift. I am here to pass my DNA but I am going to live it to the fullest.
- I don't have to confirm to a religion or what my family want me to do. I will do my duty to them because I am against short changing those who do good to you but I don't have to form my life around them.
- I do what I say I am going to do. It doesn't matter how uncomfortable it is.
- I got high value and if you earn my friendship, it is unconditional. I don't kick the chode out of the group because I feel bad for him. I have felt that disrespect and I won't confirm to it. PUA community can tell me it is wrong and it is cool. I still won't do it. Getting laid is only worth so much. My true nature is going to come through either way and those girls will want me. 
-I like reading and science and school. Call me nerd. Whatever.
Anyways, just righting that down was liberating. I feel free. When I am gaming tomorrow, I won't hid anything and I won't do it ever again. Try it and you will see what I mean. 
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Don corleon
Last night was a pretty shitty night. I went to jackz and I opened a very decent first set. Then I went up stairs to watch a UFC fight which completely fucked up my state and I fully sucked the entire night after the fight. However, I saw something very interesting.

 At the end of night, around 4 am, I was walking back with my wing to our cars when he saw one of his wing women. The poor girl started crying. Telling us about the story of how this guy was abusing her. I won't go into details but it brought out a side of girls that I had not usually seen. She told a story about the guy cheating on her that was much similar to me and my very first girl friend in high school. The one that scarred me for life.

You can hear that girls have similar insecurities that men do. You can bang a chick and she will still put the strong look while she is walking out of your house but down the road women are just as frustrated/ maybe even more frustrated about relationships then guys.

Maybe, the problem is not you. It is they way that we are brought up. Feminism has switched up gender rules in our society so much that we don't know how to behave. If I lead, I am a pig, If I don't lead, I am a pussy. The morals that your parents bring you up with are completely contradictory to half of the shit you see out there. Everyone is brought up to be the good girl/boy but we see the sluts /jerks have all the fun. 

Maybe these are the ramblings of a mad man after a crazy night out but there was something deep that resinated within me when I was talking to my wing's girl wing. I realized that women shouldn't be concurred. I also learned that the face and the look that all women put up is because they have been lied to and abused by guys who would do anything to get laid. From this day on, I lost all respect for all routines and anyone using them. I want one night stands but with how direct my game is, she knows what she is getting into. From now on, I will make it 100% clear what I am up too when the interaction keeps going and I won't abuse my power over women.  I won't keep talking to a girl, I am not interested in so that I can drag her into the bar for social proof. I won't talk to the excessively drunk chicks who are not coherent. 
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