Some guy's blog

Don corleon
These are the experiences that created my ego and cause a lower self-esteem for me. You only realize these things when you sit down by yourself and try to dig deeper into who you are and what you are.

#1. This is the story of a girl that I met. She was however, unlike any other girl. She was fun, interesting, had a very nice body and laughed at my corny jokes. She was two years younger then me and had the sexiest Russian accent you can imagine. Through hanging out, me and this girl became friends, and one day when we were hanging out, we all of sudden exploded on each other. We started making out and I jumped on her. This created my very first relationship. Anna and I were very good together. She worked down stair my building. I would work out, and then we would have crazy times together. It was the best thing ever. I became friend with another guy that worked out in our little crappy gym. His name was Ronnie. Some Serian dude who spoke French. I introduced him to Anna and became friends with him. All of sudden, he stopped talking to me. He started talking all kinds of shit about me to Anna. I became insecure. On Valentines day next year, I was to insecure to tell her that I loved her. I was worried that I would loose her. He on the other hand brought her flowers and asked her out. She went out with him because I didn't do anything. In sense, I was being a bad boyfriend. I was insecure and I did what I always did with my problems in grade 10, I hid in my room. She cheated on me and dropped into a chronic depression. I started exercising like crazy. Everyday, I would train. I took so much out of my body that I over trained. I became the worst swimmer and waterpolo player on my team and I eventually ended it. 
Now that I look back at this I realize that I was needy, insecure and a terrible boy friend. I didn't undrestand what I wanted or what she wanted from me and I destroyed the whole thing. One side of me is really happy though. When I look back at my pics with this girl, I realize that she had serious case of BUTHERFACE! I also later learned that she cheated on Ronnie. 

#2. This one goes really deep to when I was a kid. My dad is a sort of smart dude. An engineer who was the best in his university. He was the top of his class in his university and like any other father wanted me to be a mini him. He wanted me to be the best in school and I didn't care about school. He would constantly yell at me about it and we had fights. Really bad fights. I think I developed a sense that I constantly needed to prove myself to everyone. It even became worst because I was afraid that if I fail at proving myself to him, that he would think less of me. This stopped me from taking risks. It made me afraid of making mistakes. It made me lazy and made me afraid of putting myself out there. I was scared that people wouldn't except me so I wouldn't put myself out there. I had a few close friends and that was it. Maybe 2 or 3. I felt like a social retard unless I proved myself to the crowd I was with and well they could have cared less about it. I cared so much though that I made everyone run away from me.
This really motivated me to develop this I don't give a fuck attitude and made me fall in love with Jeffy's attitude-no homo-. His thinking and farm really helped me deal with this and shift my mind frame.

#3. This happened when I went to my first year at university. There was a girl there. A very chunky girl. I liked this girl and over the summer I had just learned about game. I had read my fried David D book. One night, I got drunk and eventually I developed the balls to say shit to her-thanks to the booze-. I kept thinking and then I thought girls love the bad boy. Lets be a dick. I looked at her and I said,"ever heard of a diet". Needless to say that I didn't generate a lot of attraction. She hated me and she got everyone else to hate me. Every single time I had a chance with a girl, she would either cockblock me or send other girls to do it. I was afraid of everyone and spend my time hidden in my room.
I got laid a couple of time just because I go to a crazy fucking party school but it was out of luck. The girl was drunk, I was passing out, no one else was around, and I would say,"wana fuck?" Sometimes they would say no and sometimes yes. They were never the hot sexy ones. They were always the nasty left overs.

Anyways, these are the ones that come to my mind right now. If you feel like sharing yours, go ahead and do it. It feel kind of liberating. You come in terms with them when you put them out there for everyone to see and you realize that they are not as bad as they seem. 
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Junior Member

Join Date: 08/30/2010 | Posts: 11

                              These sound a lot like the issues I faced growing up, #2 really hit home, my father was a 1SGT in the Air Force and always wanted me to do the same thing he did. He would get mad a yell when I didn't do well in class, and if I ever said something or stood up for myself he would just yell back "I don't like that attitude!" After a while I guess he trained me to become a straight-up bitch, to the point where he was only happy when I was groveling before him, I'd get spanked with a belt for anything bad. I respected my father, he won awards at work so I figured he knew what he was talking about, and he always told me that I was just so lucky to have him as a father. He kept a strict curfew on me until I was 20, and I couldn't really hang out with friends for too long. 
                         Now that I'm 30 I look back and realize all of the things my father did and said to me gave me a low self-esteem, I would never talk to girls in school and people always told me I was too shy, I never had a girlfriend until I was 18, and even then I felt like something about me was missing, I think I have an idea why. I seriously believe my father has some form of sociopathy, I found out he did awful in school and was a big trouble maker growing up, a lot worse than I was, he said his father was never around for him and that I was lucky that he was there for me. I think he set a lot of bad examples for me also, since I was in grade school whenever he would see a cute girl around my age he would try to embarrass me somehow in front of her saying something like "Hey! This boy over here wants to kiss you!", or he would actually pick me up and throw me at her! (I think that would traumatize anyone) And then he would be pissed off at me when I didn't know what to say to her. He would also tease my friends who came over to the point that they would feel uncomfortable and leave sometimes.
                                I later realized that my father had no idea how to talk to women, and that he was just setting me up for failure. I also found out he's been on anxiety and depression pills for a long time. I thought this whole time I was fucked up in the head somehow, but now I realize it wasn't me. I recently talked to my little sister and she says she realizes a lot of it now too. I talked to my father recently and tried to get him to understand where I was coming from, I recommended a few seminars and books to him but he distained at the idea that he might have been doing something wrong this whole time and continued with the notion that I was messed up in the head for even reading or believing anything that would make him seem anything less than the best father ever. I think he has a form of narccicisim, he won't ever watch, listen, or read anything about self-help because he says he knows everything already, but if he did why is he always angry and depressed about small minor things that never end up even happening?
                       I tried so long to please my father but it's just been an endless rat race with my father always pissed in the end. I decided it's time to live for myself, for what I want out of life, not what my father wants out of me. Since I've adopted that mentality my motivation and drive to succeed in life has skyrocketed, and my outlook on life has shifted dramatically. It feels good to get a lot of this off my chest, I guess there's other hang-ups that have prevented me from succeeding with women but I believe this was one of the main issues.
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Don corleon

Don corleon

Respected Member

Join Date: 03/28/2010 | Posts: 590

 As long as we recognize them and move past them we are going to improve ourselves and our lives. Thanks for sharing this with me. I was kind of feeling like no one else had issues like mine. 
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