Diamondog, how do I cope with this breakup? I can't even think clearly...
We've all been there at one time or another. Hopefully, this breakup of which you speak was at least an
actual relationship, and not some unrealistic crush on a girl with whom you never even went on one date.
Okay, assuming it was an actual relationship, there are two types of breakups:
The first kind, where you knew it was coming, because it was deteriorating, you were always arguing, and you hardly ever wanted to be around each other. These kinds are not very painful, because the relationship had been over for quite some time. This type is quite easy to recover from, because you've had time to prepare for it. In fact, things seem quite peaceful now that it's over.
But then, there's the second kind, where the breakup, or the reason for the breakup, was a total surprise. Now this one is harder to recover from quickly, because it feels like the rug was pulled out from under you. I'm not going to tell you not to go to a therapist, because you might need medication. But the advice you'll get from a therapist will probably be to go around telling women how sad you are, because they will all appreciate your honesty, etc. This is the worst advice. Girls just want to have fun!
You don't want to stay single forever. Much of your anguish is probably based on the idea that you'll never meet anyone again. Dale Carnegie wrote about keeping busy to avoid having time to worry, in
How To Stop Worrying And Start Living. He was right. I can't waive a magic wand and make you suddenly feel good, or distract you into forgetting your problems. Even if you go on vacation, wherever you go you bring yourself.
1. So, if you were single a long time before you met her, it is time to learn game. There is something magical about sending out a hundred emails on okcupid to put things in perspective. Going out and getting your first post-breakup phone number, make-out, lay, etc.
2. By going out, you will force yourself to stay social, work on your appearance, etc. This is important. You don't want to get into the habit of eating junk food, not exercising, etc.
3. Keep busy, so that you don't think as much about her. It is a fact of life that unless she was hideous-looking, that she will have an easier time of getting into a relationship than a guy will. Don't look her up on facebook or ask people about her.
4. If your game used to be good, you might feel that your pick-up skills had completely deteriorated while you were single. They really haven't. It is much easier to re-learn a skill than it was to learn it in the first place.
5. Read Rsdnation's Field Reports for inspiration. I'm not just saying this because I've posted there. Many of the field reports of beginners and intermediates who close won't contain anything that a regular guy like you couldn't have done. In fact, many guys who are not super-advanced get okay results just from going out a lot and talking to lots of girls. Occasionally you will run into a girl by herself who just broke up from her own relationship and wants company.
6. Take up new hobbies. For example, I once took up mixed martial arts after a breakup. Years later, I'm still with it.
7. Learn from your mistakes. Promise yourself you'll do better next time. Either you won't do again whatever you did to cause the breakup. Or if it was not your fault, you'll see the warning signs and hopefully ask more questions to avoid getting involved with the wrong person again. This way, future breakups will be easier.
So there you have it. Seven ways to deal with a breakup, and get your life back on track. Post any feedback you may have here, and in your own Field Reports.
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