Hey Diamondog, it seems like a lot of the books on dating and relationship advice are written for women, or for couples already in a relationship. What dating advice do you have for men, and how is it different than for women?
Da ya think I'm sexy?
Great questions! Most advice for men in men's magazines is just support for their advertisers (buy the car or cologne advertised on the next page, and you'll have women chasing you like the Beatles in A Hard Day's Night!). A lot of advice for couples involves professing your undying love, which would be severely counter-productive if you just met (think how you would lose respect for a girl that neurotic). Advice for women involves mostly just getting out there and waiting to be approached.
Therefore, the 7 types of dating advice for men are different:
1. Having yourself somewhat together puts you in the right frame of mind. There's a lot of debate about looks and money to attract women. My experience is that these things don't make a difference with women, but make a difference with me and my peace of mind. And a peaceful mind is more creative and sees more opportunities.
2. Men must do the approaching nearly always. It's very rare that women will approach you, but occasionally you might approach each other at the same time with something like “Hi!”. Then continue the conversation. The point is that standing silently with your back to the bar will get you nowhere.
3. Men must take the initiative to also continue the conversation beyond the opener. Before she knows you well, she will likely not put much effort into the conversation by revealing much. She is likely shy herself, since keeping the conversation going has been a man's responsibility. Talk about what's important to you.
4. Men must not exaggerate or brag. It shows insecurity. If you do live in a penthouse or mansion, let her be pleasantly surprised when she gets there. Otherwise, this is a way for money and accomplishments to work against you, because it is natural to brag about what you are most proud of. After getting nowhere for months or years, you will stop doing it.
5. Men must close for the phone number if you cannot continue the interaction. It is very unusual for a woman to reach into her purse and offer you a business card, if you are too shy to suggest nonchalantly putting her number into your phone to continue the conversation at another time.
6. Men must plan the logistics for bringing the girl home, whether it's when you met, or on a date. She may not want to appear as a slut, or she may not be thinking that far ahead. If it happens, then it's fine. She's got enough other options that she will live if you drop the ball.
7. Men must be able to handle tests, which can be accusations, change of plans, delays, etc. It's not so much what you say, as whether you are less reactive or panicked over the possibility of losing her. Of course being less reactive is better, because it shows non-neediness as well as your respect for her right to walk away at any time.
If all else fails, read Charles Bukowski and learn
Secrets of Advanced Wino Game!
So there you have it. Seven types of dating advice for men, to end your confusion. Post any feedback you may have here, and how you used these ideas in Field Reports.
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