Diamondog's Blog

Hey Diamondog, when I talk to girls I mostly focus on the verbal aspects. I don't really get physical until I'm sure she likes me, and by then it's probably too late. What should I do?

You need to re-read Diamondog's blog entry before you proceed further with me.

Great questions! In fact, I used to get very physical immediately, which was a substitute for poor verbal skills, and lack of confidence in my ability to maintain a conversation. And it only works very rarely, on really drunk girls, cougars or girls who are there by themselves and specifically looking to get picked up. But at the same time, women expect you to get physical. What should you do? You should follow my
7 tips for physical attraction:

1. While standing, begin moving steadily closer together, so she can hear you. This is very easy in a loud setting. If you are seated, obviously sit next to her if possible, without a table or end of a table between you.

2. While you are seated, move closer together slowly until eventually your thighs touch. Always keep talking. Don't draw attention to it. If you think it's normal, she is more likely to think it's normal. You are growing attracted to her, and she is growing attracted to you.

3. Rest your hand on top of hers before intertwining fingers and holding hands. Keep talking. At this point, you should be talking a bit slower, to match the physicality.

4. If she notices and asks what you're doing, act normal. In fact, you could say, “Enjoying the conversation”, “trying to free my hand from your grip” [make it into a joke where she's grabbing your hand], etc. If she comments that you're very confident, say, “I have good reason to be” and smile. If she asks if you do this to all the girls, say “Not anymore, since I met you” and wink at her. Don't be defensive in your thoughts, words, tone of voice or body language.

5. Very quickly after the hand-hold, you can move in for the kiss. You might even pull back from it slightly, so she wants it more.  tounge

6. If she says it's going too fast, don't argue. In fact, you should remove your hand from her before she does.  thumbs up

7. One other tip when dancing: always try to put her arms up on you. Especially good is when you are behind her. Try to get one of her arms around your neck. Once you've got that, you can nuzzle her neck and kiss her from a slightly sideways position before facing each other directly.  kiss

So there you have it. Seven tips for physical attraction, so you're not stuck in the friend zone. Post any feedback you may have here, and how you used these ideas in Field Reports.

And definitely order Ozzie's book The Physical Game, available from www.realsocialdynamics.com
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