Diamondog's Blog

Hey Diamondog, I read an article recently that said most communication is non-verbal. What does that mean? Is tone of voice and how I stand more important than what I say?

The body language works.  The verbals need work.

Great questions! Assuming your verbal ability is strong, you can lose attraction if your body language is weak and inconsistent with your message. If so, something would be off, like you were reciting a speech you memorized from elsewhere. Or maybe the story you're telling happened to someone else, and you're lying in a bar to impress a woman.  Do guys actually lie and tell fake stories to impress women in bars?

So here are my 7 tips for body language attraction:

1. The most basic tip is from Alex's Freetour last year in San Francisco, where he said to
center your weight in your hips, as opposed to your neck and shoulders. That means that your neck muscles should not be tight when you are talking to a woman. Instead, your torso should be relaxed. Try this the next time you're out. But first, stand up and try it now. You'll feel better, more relaxed and more confident.

2. Speak loudly. Besides most bars and clubs being loud, speaking loudly projects confidence. Speaking in a low voice sounds like you're trying to hide something. Even worse is if you have your hand in front of your face. You see this on television sometimes with witnesses at trial. The witnesses must hope that if they are hard to hear, it will be harder to figure out that they are lying. Very bad.

If you need a place to put your hands, try down her pants! Haha

3. Speak at a normal rate of speed. Don't speak too quickly like you're trying to sell something that no one wants.

4. Make good eye contact from directly in front of her if possible. Look people in the eye. In the Western World, this is expected of you. If you can't get in front of her and look her in the eye, you can't be of much value.

5. If she's facing away, adjust your body so that she is no longer facing away. You don't want to make it seem like you are competing with something else for her attention.

6. You should be sitting if she is sitting or standing if she is standing. Otherwise, eye contact will be awkward, and distraction is more likely.

7. Adopt the same posture. If she is sitting back, you should sit back. You give off a less confident vibe if she is leaning back, and you are leaning forward. That means you care more about whether she can hear you than she does. Picture royalty leaning back, while jesters or servants try to attract their attention like dancing monkeys. Don't be the dancing monkey.

So there you have it. Seven tips for body language attraction, so she hangs on your words. Post any feedback you may have here, and how you used these ideas in Field Reports.
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