Diamondog's Blog

Hi Diamondog, there's a lot of great advice on Rsdnation, but I'm not really using it because I'm a shy guy. Do you have any advice for me?

Yes, I sure do. It's great that you recognize shyness as a weakness, and are asking yourself how you can succeed in spite of it. So here are my 7 dating tips for shy guys:

1. Recognize that many of the best guys out there were once in your shoes – awkward and inexperienced. Yet they persevered. In fact, it is easier for you! You've got lots more resources than people had at the beginning of the last decade, when it was known that lots of “naturals” were getting great results, but no one could explain what they were doing.

2. Come to an RSD live event. You will have the same reaction that most people have when they see a celebrity - “I expected him to be taller!What they can do, you can do.

3. When you go out, observe whether people are hooking up there. If people are hooking up, it will be easier for you to get a conversation going. I'm not sure why. Perhaps because there is less awkwardness in the air between men and women. However, you should eventually no longer need to rely on the success of strangers to give you permission to approach. It's just a start.

4. Now here's something counter-intuitive that may seem to contradict what I just wrote. Since you're probably only shy among attractive women (because you care too much about the outcome), go to the most high-end bar, club or lounge in your city. If every girl is gorgeous, then they are not as rare as you think. This will modify your thinking over time.

5. If you're going to the most high-end places, congratulations! Now, seriously lower your expectations for yourself. My advice is good, but it will take time to actually sink in. You can continue to stagnate by approaching only unattractive girls. I compare that with taking martial arts/boxing/kickboxing, but avoiding sparring because you don't want to get the wounded pride from realizing you need a lot of work. Much easier just to punch an inanimate object that doesn't hit back, while wasting your money and getting nowhere.

Try not to walk into it.  And wear head gear.  And block.

6. Now here's where I get practical. Start really slowly, or you'll burn out. I don't care if you approach only one girl the first time and two the second time. I don't care if you don't even get one phone number all night. You're working on your shyness around attractive women.

7. Stop competing to see who can post the most lay reports in the Field Reports section. Obviously, no one knows what the women looked like in someone else's post, or in your post. Even if you get laid only once this year, let it be with someone who would've brought out your shyness in the past.
One hot girl in a year is worth one ugly girl each month. Eventually you'll be pulling the hot ones semi-regularly or even regularly, if you stay with it.

And it couldn't have happened to a better person.

So there you have it. Seven dating tips for shy guys, so your shyness no longer holds you back. Post any feedback you may have here, and how you used these ideas in Field Reports.
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