Hey Diamondog, I've started opening, but then get stuck. Now what?
If you've watched any of the free content RSD videos, you know that your opener is not that important. She won't remember the opener, neither will you, and you'll transition from it within seconds anyway. But what do you do after the opener, after the first ten seconds of the interaction? That's where this article comes in, with field-tested advice. If she starts asking questions and you're in a normal conversation, then continue it. This article assumes that it is now up to you to lead the conversation to avoid dead air, like a radio DJ suddenly abandoning his mic.
1. Make yourself the topic. For example, here in San Francisco, most people are from somewhere else. How long you've been here and what you're doing is cliché, so I throw in a twist, like a challenge I'm facing, and what I'm doing about it. For example, I'll talk about when I was on a radio show and a caller from the UK was asked about the guests, which included me. He said that most of them sounded the same, except for me and that I “should be in New York hosting his own late night TV show.” As you could imagine, him telling the hosts that I'm much better than them and everyone else filled my heart with pride, until I was told in the elevator I wasn't invited back. But it did teach me about being overqualified, a balancing act that anyone in this economy can relate to. At this point, she will probably chime in with questions or her experiences, which is what you want. Now she's involved.
2. Introduce drama and conflict. For example, a story about the office manager at your last job throwing a party for you on your last day is not as intriguing as having her throw a chair at you on your last day. Okay, that didn't happen to me, but you get the point. One arouses curiosity while the other gets a shrug of her shoulders. How many movies involve everything going as planned? If it did, why watch it?
3. Use canned material, as long as it's your own, you care about it and it was recent. The biggest problem with so-called opinion openers is that she knows you got them from a book or the internet, because you sound bored. But I once started a conversation by talking excitedly about why a girl would tell me to meet her in a crowded place while her cell phone was off. This had really just happened, so it was real. The energy behind the content matters more than the content itself. I ended up joining her group for dinner, ditching the rest of the group after, and later bringing her up to her hotel room. I made lemonade out of lemons.
4. Build a “bubble of love”. This concept has been around for a while, but two of my variations involve offering to take her on a romantic date tomorrow to Walgreen's for a flu vaccination so she'll be around long-term; or if you're visiting her country, and she gives you a hard time for being an American, offer to renounce your citizenship at the local consulate, but only if she marries you first, so that you don't become a “man without a country”. Both bubbles led to love.
5. There's a time and place for “filler” conversation, like do you have brothers and sisters, what kind of work do your parents do, etc. It's for showing her you're a regular person while you're bringing her home. The end, not the beginning.
So there you have it. Five conversation starters other than the president, sports, music, movies and the weather. You're under no obligation to be like every other guy out there. Post any feedback you may have here, as well as in the Field Reports section on how you used these ideas to hook a girl's attention so she didn't walk, and how that led to glory.
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