Hey Diamondog, I'm curious about sexting. Can you give me some examples?
You don't sext me the way you used to!
Sure. Since sexting involves sexually-tinged communication sent electronically, it leaves you with lots of options, all of which can potentially bite you in the ass later, when it is proven that they were sent from your phone!
Nevertheless, here are 7 examples of sexting:
1. The type I'd most recommend: flirtatious comments mentioning spending time together, cuddling, missing the warmth of her touch, etc. You can go a bit farther if you and she are actually in a relationship, but don't take it too far.
2. Edgy exaggerations: for example, a girl once wrote to me that she was thinking of volunteering for Obama's re-election campaign last year. So I wrote back that he doesn't need help here in California, but that he could use it in a battleground state like Ohio or Florida. She should flip a coin between being cold or strutting down South Beach with her gorgeous rack bouncing up and down.
3. Photographs: make sure they're not nude. But if you're posing in the mirror in your underwear with phone in hand, you'll look nearly as foolish.
4. Respond to her tests: if she tests you, turn the tables. Example: she suggests you're too old (or young). Instead of apologizing, say you'll make an exception just this once for her because you know
she needs your experience (or youthful stamina).
5. It should be consistent with your overall tone as much as possible, so that it's more subtle than direct. For example, if she texts to ask if the plans for tonight are still on, respond that you're flipping a coin. Heads yes, tails no, and that you're hoping to get heads. Yes, it was heads. So see you tonight. Note: I've field-tested it where I wrote “I'm hoping for head” seemingly accidentally, but you accomplish the same things by writing “heads” each time. I had to back-pedal when I wrote “head”. It wasn't worth it.
6. Don't be so frightened that you play it too safe: in other words, you can be flirtatious and edgy because she's not going to save it and disseminate it, to prove that you have a sense of humor. She would only do this after you break up if it's potentially embarrassing. Or you're a politician. Or married when you sent it.
7. A warning: Even if she offers to send you a nude photo of her, don't send her one of you by email or text. The people who've been busted should've stuck to paper. That way it would've been impossible to prove it was them, if it was from the neck down.
Don't sext me, bro!
As the parents always said in every teen coming-of-age movie in the 80's, “use your best judgment, dear.”
Are you waiting for her to sext you, or is
she waiting for you to sext her? That is key.
A. Irrelevant. It doesn't help your relationship, and will seriously strain it or end it. So it might as well be cheating.
B. Yes. The usual intent is to actually arrange a romantic encounter with someone else. So yes it is cheating.
C. Yes. Has your girlfriend been sexting someone? Unless the other guy has unusually strong morals, assume she has cheated on you with him.
Here's a story about why sexting another girl could be bad for you if you're in a relationship:
Once upon a time, when Facebook was new, a girl I was dating set up a Facebook account for me, so I could promote an event I was putting on. Once that was over, I pretty much forgot about Facebook.
Once I started dating someone new, she asked a friend of hers to friend me, then a while later, send me a message on Facebook that I'm really cute, and she'd love to meet me. Being so inactive on Facebook, I never bothered to go on it and even respond. My girlfriend at the time later told me that I passed her test by not responding to the fake sexting exchange she put her friend up to, in order to test me.
Later, when I was about to date someone else, this new girl asked me how I knew [the one who had sexted me], since they had gone to high school together. I told her that it was a staged sexting to test my fidelity. She was amused. Then we got together the first time. The End.
Lawrence of Arabia's girlfriend revealed a century later for the first time, only on RSD Nation!
Hey Diamondog, I'm looking to build more of a social circle at the college I go to, in order to meet more women. What do you recommend I do?
If he's The Most Interesting Man Alive,
then what hope do I have?
Good question. It depends on what is your purpose. You stated it is to meet women. Meeting women in college is the easiest place in the world. However, getting results is quite another thing. You don't want to wait too long or seem too eager. It is different from cold approach, but many of the principles are the same. I would say it is most similar to cold approach at parties to which both you and she have been invited.
So here are my 7 tips on how to build the best social circle in your school (and if you're out of school, just adapt it to wherever you are):
1. You must be bringing value to the interaction. That means you're fun to be around without trying too hard, begging for attention, etc. Don't be the dancing monkey. You can be yourself and talk about yourself, ask for her opinion on things, etc. The fact that you're normal around her brings value.
2. It's easier than you think! On the bright side, most males and females in your school have very few social skills at such a young age, so you'll be able to get away with much more awkwardness with women than you could when you get out of school. Take advantage of this! I shudder to think how awkward I was back then, yet co-eds still took my calls.
3. Since you are enough as you are, don't beg girls to study with you, or make it look like you went out of your way to write an outline or class notes just for her. If you have to do hours of work just to have an excuse to talk to her, then she knows she is too good for you, and she'll just have to reject you for someone who is no better than you but just knows not to do any of these things.
4. Money doesn't matter. You and everyone else eats cafeteria food.
5. Use Facebook to promote events, even if they're not yours. Invite girls to off-campus parties to which you were invited. Some will show up. Social media didn't exist when I was in college, but e-mail lists (where the names were separated by a comma) did the trick.
6. You can get phone numbers, e-mail addresses or first and last names (for friending on facebook). Ask for it as if it's no big deal. Because it isn't. Build abundance and it gets easier over time. You can build abundance with hot girls just by approaching them unsuccessfully. You'll learn that it's no big deal. Eventually you'll have success. I wish I knew this back in the day, instead of limiting myself to perfecting my fatty game, until I could even progress to average-looking girls.
7. You must make your move. Whether you met her through cold approach, an introduction, online game or social circle, you have to isolate the two of you and see where you stand.
Social circle gaming.
So there you have it. Seven tips on how to build the best social circle in your school. Post any feedback you may have here, and how you used these ideas when closing in Field Reports.
Hey Diamondog, everyone I know is sexting! How do I get started?
Get started by covering yourself!
Good question! But first you have to understand what sexting is, and the risks. Before cell phones and e-mail, it would have been slow and difficult to disseminate any sexually-tinged communication. It would've involved standing at a copying machine and feeding in dimes. Today it can be disseminated quickly and instantly. That is why you do not want to take nude pictures of yourself and send it even to someone you trust. The relationship can end. Once you send it, you have no control over it.
Your communication should be suggestive, not pornographic especially when you're not yet in a relationship with her. The reason is that she shouldn't be made to feel slutty, or that you say this to everyone. If it's suggestive and playful, she is likely to think you came up with this for her. If it's “sexting”, you should be purposely over the top.
With that being said, here are my 7 sexting lines that get you a sexy response:
1. Initial message: “Hey, it's your favorite [where you met] cutie! I promised I wouldn't forget you and I always keep my promise.”
2. To get her to respond: “I've been lighting candles every night for your safe return from your trip. “ Or, “I'm sitting so long with my thumb up my ass that now it seems stuck. Help me pull it out!” WARNING: Never make jokes about stalking her, even if it's something ridiculous, like you hiding in her bushes and asking her to bring you a glass of water.
3. If she's testing you about your being too old: “I wear clown makeup to cover up all my wrinkles and Johnny Carson liver spots”. Assumes she's old enough to remember his late show.
4. If she's testing you about your being too young and she could be your mom: “You're not old enough to be my mom. You're old enough to be my grandma!” Or just simply, “Good enough. I'll be right over.” Or, another one: “Not yet, but you're almost there. We need to consummate this relationship ASAP!”
5. If you've already hooked up: "You wore me out last night...with your stimulating conversation. "
6. For booty calls: “This bed's too big without you.” It's a Police song. Invite her over.
7. Also use outrageous humor. One of the other blog posts I read from someone else wrote to a girl that he still has his lucky condom. Used six times today and hasn't broken.
As you can see, it's tongue-in-cheek. Like life itself.
So there you have it. Seven sexting tips that get you a sexy response. Post any feedback you may have here, and how you used these ideas when closing in Field Reports.
Hey Diamondog, I've been opening girls a lot, but I find that I've been bailing too soon if I'm not getting enough of a reaction. I'm getting good at one-minute interactions but not much else. Advice?
This is a very common question, and I'm glad you brought it up. Fear of not being able to keep a conversation going is why guys in the 20th century pickup community learned canned routines. They hoped that the girl would've gone to bed with him just as he finished his last memorized bit.
If you live an interesting life, it will be much easier to have things to talk about. So here are my 7 tips on how to keep a conversation going with a girl you've just met:
1. Change the overall dynamic: Get her to stand still, sit with you, move towards you even if just a few feet because you or her is blocking traffic (or even creating a fire hazard based on your hotness LOL). Get her to invest something and she will be less likely to be distracted by something else. Here's the youtube video from RSD executive coach Todd where I got this idea:
2. It is your responsibility to keep the conversation going. Even if she approached you or you approached each other at the same time and each said “hello” at the same time, you should keep the conversation going. As a woman, she will have far less experience in taking the initiative in pickup.
3. If she is at all polite, she will ask you at least one or two questions, like where are you from. If you sense she is not very open with people she just met, then use her question to tell a story with your answer. For example, if she asks where you're from, don't just say the city. Tell a story about how you got here, your impressions of the two places, experiences adjusting, etc.
4. Encourage her to participate by expressing an interest in what little she does share (without kissing her ass or being too obvious about it). Here's something that got me a makeout (and shortly thereafter an extraction): Her: “Oh, it's no big deal.” Me: “Of course it's a big deal. You're excited about telling it. How could I not get excited too?” Hardcore tonguedown ensued.
5. Get progressively more physical. If you are not touching at all, your set may fizzle out. Start with light contact, unless she's really into it.
6. If you're telling stories but you still feel it's difficult, you can fall back on the old improv exercise of beginning each sentence with the last word of the previous sentence.
7. Just like with any other skill, the more you do it, the easier it gets. Any intermediate guy can do well with girls who are very talkative. But to get advanced and avoid getting burned out by mediocre results, you have to learn to keep the conversation going. It is also easier if the girl is not drunk. Surprise!
So there you have it. Seven tips on how to keep a conversation going with a girl you've just met. Post any feedback you may have here, and how you used these ideas when closing in Field Reports.
Hey Diamondog, I've been reading that the opener doesn't really matter, and that she'll never even remember it. But if I can't think of anything to say, I say nothing and she's gone. What should I do?
Great question! A lot of advanced guys will tell you that the opener doesn't matter, and that you shouldn't try to come up with the best opener because you'll end up not opening at all. But guys who are experienced can often come up with something at least half-decent on the fly, and you can't.
And even when you can think of a good opener, or you find one from the internet or a book, you can't think of anything to say after it. Short of taking improv classes, what should you do? One thing you could do is think of a theme that's of interest to you. Then open with something related to the theme, she'll respond, and you can take it from there. But transition away from it to something else if it's going stale. Don't be desperate to milk your opener or the conversation will fizzle out. When you talk with your friends, you change the subject all the time. In this case, it's more important to do so. So even though you can change the theme, a good opener can set the tone for the interaction that you are a confident abundant guy who thinks it's perfectly normal to be approaching women.
Let me give you a warning about openers. Sometimes you'll come up with an opener, the interaction becomes fairly sexual right off the bat, and you extract pretty quickly. You think you've mastered the art of pickup with this one original opener. But part of what made the opener work was its novelty to you. It probably really just happened in the environment. You were excited about it, and enthusiasm is infectious! Now, when you keep using it, it loses power each time until it becomes like something from the internet or a book.
So, even though I don't recommend using canned pickup lines, I'll give you 7 that you can use when appropriate because I still do.
1. Here's one that has gotten me either an instant makeout or pull 100% of the time (when it was applicable): The girl tries to dance with either a girl or guy who rejects her for whatever reason. I come in with: “[S]he won't dance with you, but I will!"
2. If a movie is showing on a screen at the bar or club, ask her who she thinks is the villain.
3. Tell her she doesn't need to keep such a distance, you've had your flu shot. Offer to take her on a romantic date to the pharmacy tomorrow for one of her own.
4. Use this on a shy-looking librarian-type girl (if she's on vacation this is gold): “If I didn't approach you, I'd regret it forever.” But with a girl who's wearing a cocktail dress and lots of makeup, this will get her to laugh at you. Not laugh with you.
5. Girl have successfully opened me with this: Pretend to recognize her from somewhere. It's not the greatest, but if you're confident on the approach like you believe what you're saying, you'll be in. In a conversation, not her pants. Be ready to say where you think you know her from. That's why it's usually bad to say something canned like “you and I wouldn't get along.” She'll ask why not, and you'll be stumped because you said something you obviously didn't believe in.
6. Ask for directions or advice. This should be about something you genuinely care about. Not the greatest opener, but I've used it when I was on vacation in a city with lots of curving streets that were hard to pronounce where it was easy to get lost.
Put your hand in hers, and ask with a sly grin why she's holding your hand.
This opener can work if you act congruent with it.
7. This usually gets a laugh, but you'll need to transition from it quickly: If she's texting, tell her to wrap it up, less is more in text and in life.
Bed bugs are the least of your worries if she brings you back here!
So there you have it. Seven pick-up lines that will get you approaching girls who respond. Post any feedback you may have here, and how you used these ideas when closing in Field Reports.
Hey Diamondog, I've been going out recently and approaching girls. How do I get a girl to like me? What if other guys are involved? How do I get her to choose me over them?
It would be so much easier to decide if I could flip my lucky quarter.
Great questions! There are no easy answers. Girls with boyfriends or husbands will come on to you, in the hopes of seeing a fight. Guys who've never seen the girl before in their life will approach and insist that she's with him, and tell you to leave. What's the best response?
This is something I've been working on myself, as handling tests (including tests from the girl, her female friends, male friends, and even male strangers) is the big difference between being intermediate and advanced. In other words, it's the difference between getting occasional results versus regular results. If you back away from tests, you will do well only with very easy sets. And they are rare in cold approach.
So here are my 7 tips on how to get a girl to like you:
1. Like any other skill, expect to start easy and make gradual progress. That means standing up to chodes, and not just hoping that she does your work for you by choosing you over him. Anyone who's been in the game for any length of time knows that unless you're in a long-term relationship with her, expect to step in. A girl you've just met could easily blow you off.
2. Get rid of a chode the way chodes may have treated you in the past. A simple, “You need to walk away” may not sound like much, but think of how many times you've walked away from a perfectly good set because some chode who had never met her decided to hijack your set.
3. If you think he's a stranger, ask him what's her name. It goes without saying that you know her name already and have used it in the conversation. If he doesn't know her name, he'll be shown to be a liar and will almost certainly leave. How do you know he's a stranger? If you've been with her a while and he suddenly appears. Or if he's been lingering, then it's a giveaway.
4. Ozzie from Real Social Dynamics suggests that if you're afraid to get physical, it may invite guys to come in and take her away. If you are afraid to get physical and stand far away, it may look to others like you really don't know her at all or that you've been blown out already.
5. Getting physical right in front of him could do the trick. If you can ignore him and kiss her, he'll get the message.
6. Don't spend too much time trying to embarrass him. Two guys arguing may result in her loss for both of you.
7. Stand your ground if he's not really with her, but don't let it escalate into a fight. Try moving her away.
In conclusion, handling this test is like handling any other test: “There's no reason why you're not enough!” - Alexander from Real Social Dynamics.
I guess the other guy is still at the bar waiting for her to come back.
So there you have it. Seven tips on how to get a girl to like you, even when other guys are there. Post any feedback you may have here, and how you used these ideas when closing in Field Reports.
Hey Diamondog, I went out this weekend and got my first club makeout! Anyway, she stopped pretty quickly, and told her I was doing it wrong and to try again. Is there a proper way to kiss a girl?
Good question! I'm glad to see you've been going out and making progress. Perhaps you might have been over-eager. But then again, every girl is different. Maybe if you had made out with someone else before or after her, the reaction would've been different...
Anyway, here are my 7 tips on how to kiss a girl:
1. Every girl is different, but starting slowly has worked more than any other method for me. That means teasing her a bit, moving your face close to hers a few times. If you think she is going to turn her head away, turn your head away first.
2. Kiss her throat or the back of her neck first. If she doesn't pull away or tell you to stop, it means she likes what you're doing, and you'll be kissing her for a moment.
3. Put her arms around you first. Put her arms on top of your shoulders. One thing that has never failed is if you're behind her, hold one or both of her hands and put one of her arms around your neck with her facing away from you. This has worked each time.
4. Touch her lips lightly instead of overwhelming her mouth. However, some girls might actually like that. You'll be able to tell based on how aggressive she is.
5. Make sure to close your eyes. She will always have her eyes closed. If your eyes are open, she will think you're strange. She will never ask if you have your eyes closed to picture a different girl, so don't worry.
6. Use your hands. Stroke her arms and back at times. The best are when you run your fingers through her hair (either on her head or her pubes haha) or cradle her face in your hands.
7. As the kiss deepens, stop from time to time so it doesn't go stale. Also take time to talk to each other and then return to kissing.
Don't kiss me wrong!
So there you have it. Seven tips on how to kiss a girl, to warm her up for more. Post any feedback you may have here, and how you used these ideas when closing in Field Reports.
Hey Diamondog, I've been going out and getting numbers. How do I go about asking a girl out?Just tell me where to meet you! Good question! I'm glad that you've been making the effort. The most important thing in asking a girl out is to first have a solid interaction with her, get her number and then contact her with the same confident abundance. And this applies whether you met her in person or online. If you want to know how to get a girl's number, read my blog entry: http://www.rsdnation.com/diamondog/blog/7-tips-get-girls-phone-numbers-fill-your-calendar-full-fun I'll be following up on my blog article about text game: http://www.rsdnation.com/diamondog/blog/7-tips-how-flirt-girl-over-text-reduce-flaking With that being said, here are my 7 tips on how to ask a girl out: 1. Start out with a playful text opener. wrote a great blog article about this on RSD Nation: http://www.rsdnation.com/psychopathic/blog/50-amazing-text-openers 2. Banter back and forth a bit. That means tease her a bit, and let her tease you about how much you missed each other, etc. It helps if she has a sense of humor. An example of a girl with a sense of humor responded to me saying: “I've been sitting so long with my thumb up my ass for you to get back to me, that now I'm afraid it's stuck”. Her response was: “That's why you were born with two thumbs!” I wrote about her in a lay report. 3. Never overwhelm her. Humor is good. But if it's too edgy, it works best in person because she can't hear your tone of voice. Keep in mind that she doesn't study pickup and is probably not that smooth. I remember the last girl who texted me before I texted her first. She wrote that she was thinking about my kindness and compassion, blah blah blah. This is someone I spent a few minutes making jokes with at a bus stop. 4. If you sense she's not good at texting, ask questions. If you write something that doesn't suggest an obvious answer, it may take a long time for her to get back to you. Or maybe she won't get back to you at all. Make the text interaction only good enough and long enough for her to meet you. Try not to score too many points over setting logistics to meet. You've done pretty well if she gave you the number and is now responding. 5. Suggest a time and place to meet within a few messages. The more messages you send, the more likely she will get distracted by something else and the interaction will die out. She probably won't ask you out. She will wonder why you had the balls to get her number and not try to meet up. 6. Make it at a time and place convenient for you. I have on occasion tried to make it convenient to where she lived, but I was starting off on the wrong foot and it went nowhere. The times I've pulled was when it was convenient for me. Also, if you let her pick the time, she's gonna suggest coffee at 10 AM on a Saturday at Starbucks. WTF? 7. Give her the location of the bar, not just its name. When I've let girls suggest the place, it was usually some place with numerous locations, and now I'm trying to guess which address from the yelp reviews of it. Don't ask her to look it up. Know the name of the place and its cross-streets when you suggest it. Otherwise you look weak, like you never make plans with girls, and you can't believe that she's actually gonna say yes. So there you have it. Seven tips on how to ask a girl out, so your calendar is full of dates. Post any feedback you may have here, and how you used these ideas when closing in Field Reports.
Hey Diamondog, is it true what they say about older women? If so, how do I go about
dating an older woman, and what's it like once I do?
Like this! (But remember, only one of them
can be politely called a "cougar")
Great questions! The great irony of pickup is that the so-called hottest and youngest girls are pretty plain lays. They more or less just lay there quietly and don't do much. But women who are about ten years older than you? Watch out. You better be at the top of your game. They will wear you out.
With that said, here are my 7 tips on how to date older women:
1. Surprisingly, you must be respectful. I say surprisingly because you've been led to believe that all older women have voracious sexual appetites. Yes, they do. But don't objectify her. She must know that you take her seriously as a person, not as a novelty. Never call her a cougar!
2. At the same time, you must communicate as a man to a woman. Don't talk to her like she's interviewing you for a job. The conversation can be more blatantly sexual quicker than it would otherwise be with a girl your age. You must balance between points 1 & 2.
3. Be prepared for tests. The most common one is “Why me? I'm old enough to be your mother!” You would think that she would be self-conscious about her age enough not to bring this up. After all, she would not like if you asked her her age right off the bat. Instead, you can pass this test by remaining unreactive, winking and saying “Almost old enough” or something to that effect. Don't flinch or wince. Just like any other test, it matters less what you say than in how you say it.
4. Expect more maturity. Older women are more interesting to talk to. They will appreciate your worldview, as long as it is compatible while being different enough to be interesting. She will also likely take an interest in your interests, provided you are interested in hers.
5. Expect a surprising amount of energy. The really young girls may just want to lay around and drink during the day. Since the older women usually don't stay out all night, they are surprisingly energetic during the day. They will appreciate your energy, especially when they compare you to the guys their age who have let their own bodies fall apart.
6. Make her feel attractive as you would any other girl. The difference is that she will appreciate it much more, and not think you are trying to manipulate her. Don't let her break your junk off in showing her appreciation!
7. And now for something much more serious. Here's the reason she may be hesitant to get sexual with you, or continue beyond a one-night stand, even if you're much better looking than the last few guys she's dated. She thinks you may be experiencing puppy love and be unable to let go should the relationship end. That you'll need a lot of therapy and expect her to pay for it. Not what she had in mind when she hooked up with you. So make sure to demonstrate an abundance mentality like you would all the time. That means don't overdo it on points 2 & 6. so you don't get
So there you have it. Seven tips on how to date older women, for the hottest lays. Post any feedback you may have here, and how you used these ideas when closing in Field Reports.