Real Social Dynamics is criticized at times for not explaining much pertaining to rapport and comfort, and that’s true.
But most comfort comes directly from the fact that if you are conversing authentically to someone, without a front, people will naturally let down their guard, feel more comfortable around you and a stronger connection develops naturally because the other person is talking to the real you. Not some false self, ego, or manipulative dude.
There is no front. No fake identity, no guy wearing his nightly PUAhhh mask.
This isn’t an article about building comfort though, it’s about something that I remember Jeffy talking about one time when we were on program together in Los Angeles.
In Nine Ball he calls it a “pseudo-oneitis” pretty much. Where each girl you meet, if it reaches a certain point, you almost fall in love with the girl.
For the night.
He attributed it to method acting. But for me, I’m a horrible actor, I think it’s almost a self hypnosis.
In most of my recent successes I have seen the same pattern emerge. At some point, I’ll develop this deep connection with the girl.
Like I can feel my eyes almost welling up with tears or something, it’s so weird.
I’ll say shit like “I don’t even care what happens tonight, I am just happy that we met.”
But the thing is, it’s the truth at that moment. Whether it is being caught up in the emotions of the interaction, or I’m just delusional or a romantic at heart, it solidifies the interaction SO HARD.
Now, the thing is, don’t take this the wrong way.
In between this I am spouting off shit like the old classic, “You don’t even want to know what I would do to you,” and pulling her hair, and biting her neck.
So on some level there is that push-pull going on. There is a strong deep connection, but still that playful dominance fun for the night energy.
There are a bunch of reasons why this pseudo-oneitis thing really locks in the interaction.
1. It creates the infamous bubble. The two of you are together, and you can physiologically feel it. Whatever you feel, she feels, and she’ll feel that connection too.
2. It’s authentic. I’ll get comments like “I can’t believe I met you tonight, this is so random.” You don’t give off that feeling of being a slimy player dude because it’s REAL. I’ll say similar things like that also, because I am always surprised when I meet some random stranger and develop a connection so quick. Even when it happens almost every night that I go out. ;) If they ask why things are going so smoothly, just say “It’s called chemistry.” Haha…
3. It’s win-win. The experience is a lot more enjoyable for both of you. You have that emotional connection too, which always amplifies the sexual experience, and you don’t get that icky feeling the next day because the experience was more of a fun night culminating in whatever provocative conclusion might result. Not sleezy one night stand bull shit.
So how to create this connection?
Too many guys I talk to go about this “success with women” skillset objectively. It’s all about how many notches you have on your belt, how many k closes you get in a night, what percentage of your sets hook, how to befriend the AMOG/AFOG.
Believe me, I’ve been there too, and had some pretty stellar success in that arena.
But the shit that has been going down lately is like a whole new level of game. My results have been matchless in the industry.
You need to get away from objectifying the process and start connecting with humans again. Sounds kind of funny actually, but all you are really doing with this whole RSD/pickup process is socializing with strangers.
Realize that, sure it’s good to be disciplined and going out and working hard to get this skill handled, but really how much does discipline come into play when it involves going to a night club and talking to girls?
Kind of ridiculous actually…
Make it fun. And really look at the person in front of you.
Another aspect of this is the self actualization side of things.
Something I got out of Steve Pavlina’s book “Personal Development for Smart People” is the concept that:
The more you know yourself, the more people are able to connect with you and share their deeper thoughts/emotions/insights.
I’ve always prided myself on being a person that someone can open up to, have a deep personal conversation with, even if it is the first time meeting them. Whether it be a client on my bootcamp, or a girl I meet in the night club.
And I think a big part of why others feel more comfortable opening up to me is because I am not hiding behind some shield. Some false self/ego.
I know fairly well who I am, through the experiences I have had, the books I’ve read, meditative practices, and just hard core taking action and taking risks throughout my life.
And the person on the other end can feel it when you aren’t speaking through some mask, there is an authentic communication going on, and it allows them to trust you and let their guard down as well.
Along with this, the new age/self development concept that “we are all one” helps in empathizing and sympathizing with the other person.
You can call it “universal energy” or karma, or Brahman… Seeing your shadow self in others… The course of miracles calls it heaven on earth, moving from perceiver to creator…
There are countless techniques and methods for seeing yourself in others, seeing how we are all the same on some level, all from one source, depending on how cheesy or metaphysical you want to get.
Take all these things into account, work on yourself, and work on connecting with the girl, and you will see your end game results go up dramatically.