Brad Branson

Brad
 
Alright, so this post is partially to reignite my participation in the RSDN forums, and the topic is something I’ve recently gone through, and I just like the topic as well.

I was perusing RSDN, and came across a thread with my name in it, asking about how to stop external validation, and caring about what other people think of you.

First Check Out the Vid, and then I’ll explain a few things in further detail below:


Youtube link
Thread on RSDN
Thread on Brad Branson.com

It all comes down to self esteem in the end, the only way to feel worthy, comes down to how much value you put on yourself.

I’m not going to go into an extreme post here breaking down the ways to garner higher self esteem, suffice it to say, the more shit you do, and do well, the more confident you feel to do ANYTHING, including attracting a hot girl into your life.

Then there is the confidence that comes from actually getting experience with hot girls, having them respond well, and you affirming that you ARE getting better at pick up.

But there lies the dilemma, how to not SEEK good reactions if you are trying to get better at something.

It’s not the reactions or the results that should make you feel good, make up your identity, it’s the process of growing, the process of pushing through your fears, and learning through experience.

THAT is actually what makes you trust yourself more. Guys just look at the external result, and take on that. But the problem is, if you identify with the good reactions, you also fear the negative, because you have to take on those as well.

As I mentioned in the video, there is an entire side step around this, it’s Forcing the Fun as I like to call it.

Basically, over time you begin to realize that whoever has the strongest frame of reality wins, and you can almost FORCE people to respond in a certain way. But it is not through poking, prodding them to do something, it comes from believing in what you want SO MUCH, that your frame ends up stronger than theirs.

So if you believe, like fully in the deepest depth of your heart, that whatever happens TONIGHT, it’s going to be fun NO MATTER WHAT, it doesn’t matter what someone does, or says.

It’s unwavering.

This gets you turned inward again, and expressing outward, unreliant on the environment, it’s purely self expression, self love, and self amusement.

The problem is, as mentioned in the video, most people need their environment to give them permission to act in a specific way, because…

That is how people normally act!

You calibrate to your environment, and act how everyone else around you is acting.

But, unless a very specific situation arises, more often than not, the natural reaction to a social environment is to be reserved and not TOO social, maybe just talk to a few people if serendipity prevails.

Instead, buck the trend, hit shit hard, and take what you want!

This is why it’s challenging to get started at the beginning of the night, because IT’S NOT NORMAL to talk to lots of people you don’t know.

But what the goal is, by surrounding yourself with other people who go out and cold approach, and reading RSDNation to surround yourself with MORE people (virtually at least) doing this, you start getting to that tipping point where you no longer think it’s weird to go up to random strangers.

It becomes weirder NOT to approach, as opposed to just standing around doing nothing.

But especially if you don’t have good wings, or your friends/colleagues/family are coming from anti social chode mindsets, things are tough.

You are fighting YEARS of conditioning pushing you back to your old self, and all you have is me and a few other digital friends pushing you in the other direction.

But lemme tell you.

It’s oh so sweet on the other side.

I guess you’ll have to take my word.  ;)

Just as some guys responded in the thread, start off by pushing your comfort zone to be unstifled.

See how much fun you can have to the point of social awkwardness.  And then, as people start to take notice...

Hold it!

Hold it!!

Hold the frame!!!

Make them seem weird for not joining in.

If you believe it strong enough, (which you probably won't at first) people either won't even notice, or join in the fun.

Haha, I'd like to hear about some people trying this...

If anyone has an example, comment about it below.

Also, I'm going to be spending more time on the forums, so hit up the main forum and throw some questions by me.

Lastly, I've got a few NYC bootcamps scheduled over the next few months.  Summer time in THE CITY, gonna be so sick!  I usually have a few old instructors popping in to say hi, as well as a lot of really stellar assistants.

So hit me up, and let's mack some girls together!
Login or register to post.

Related Posts

Comments

#1

Thoma5

Member

Join Date: 05/17/2012 | Posts: 90

 First? (That's value added for ya)
Login or register to post.
#2
dave7-

dave7-

Trusted Member

Join Date: 05/14/2012 | Posts: 3610

 2nd

Now I'll read the artcle.
Login or register to post.
#3
thecrochunter

thecrochunter

Respected Member

Join Date: 09/12/2011 | Posts: 608

on da podium with the bronze biatches!!
Login or register to post.
#4
Rubennnnn

Rubennnnn

Senior Member

Join Date: 12/30/2011 | Posts: 98

 great advice Brad
Login or register to post.
#5

Lateralus

Respected Member

Join Date: 12/05/2009 | Posts: 594

Okay
Login or register to post.
#6

Goo

Junior Member

Join Date: 03/13/2012 | Posts: 22

Nice!
Login or register to post.
#7

Jordanfan

Senior Member

Join Date: 03/31/2010 | Posts: 176

I have a few questions.

you said the following

"But there lies the dilemma, how to not SEEK good reactions if you are trying to get better at something."

I don't understand why you wouldn't seek good interactions and likewise don't understand the problem with seeking good reactions.  I mean first off if we didn't care how our interactions went we wouldn't be reading this. We are all here because we want specific interactions to go well. Regardless of what one tells their mind their subconscious is always going to want good interactions. Let's say we do tell our mind that we don't care about the outcome of the interaction. The only reason we are telling our mind we don't care about the interaction is because we think that if we don't care about the reaction then it will go better. IMO it doesn't hurt for someone to seek a good reaction. I think you could argue that it helps.

I think the whole "don't seek good interactions" is misleading. One because it's not possible, and secondly it doesn't really address the problem. The problem is when people identify themseleves as their failures and when they care too much about a single interaction. I think it would be better to just tell people that they shouldn't get upset when they are learning things and they fail. It's part of the process and failure is where one finds a solution.

If they want good reactions then they must seek them. If you don't seek something then you don't want it.


I feel like if you look at any master you will find that they seek what they want. Tiger Wood's clearly seeks to hit a good shot everytime. Does he always hit a good shot, no. If he didn't seek to hit a good shot, aka didn't seek positive reactions then he would not get better.
Login or register to post.
#8

Jordanfan

Senior Member

Join Date: 03/31/2010 | Posts: 176

On the same note,

What is wrong with external validation?

People labeled as extroverts are generally more externally validated than introverts yet on average they are much more successful with girls.

You said don't calibrate?

I can name at least ten people who don't calibrate and appear to have fun doing whatever they are doing. These people are the weirdest and most socially awkward people I know.

Going to a club and not being social is not calibrating. Going to a club and calibrating is being social and fun to the people around. People with high emotional intelligence calibrate. You don't see people with high emotional intelligence sitting around being anti-social.

Likewise you calibrate; it has just become intuitive for you. If you are making changes to yourself to make social situations go better then you are calibrating.


"If you believe it strong enough, (which you probably won't at first) people either won't even notice, or join in the fun."

I could say if you believe strong enough that someone will give you a million dollars then it would be essentially the same thing. How much is strong enough? Like a 1000/1000 or a 10/10? How do you access your results. Do you review the situation in your head and make the realization that you just weren't believing enough?
Login or register to post.
#9

stunnaman71

Member

Join Date: 04/30/2012 | Posts: 36

Looks like you got some nice gains from your last cycle!

Good shit Bro.

Screw external validation that's for pussies.
Login or register to post.
#10

mwaha

Respected Member

Join Date: 02/14/2012 | Posts: 778

 PROTEIN!!!!!
Login or register to post.
#11
CharlieT

CharlieT

Senior Member

Join Date: 02/07/2012 | Posts: 178

 Stop being a faggot.
Login or register to post.
#12

shahanshah

Respected Member

Join Date: 04/13/2011 | Posts: 337

Jordanfan wrote:
I have a few questions.

you said the following

"But there lies the dilemma, how to not SEEK good reactions if you are trying to get better at something."

I don't understand why you wouldn't seek good interactions and likewise don't understand the problem with seeking good reactions.  I mean first off if we didn't care how our interactions went we wouldn't be reading this. We are all here because we want specific interactions to go well. Regardless of what one tells their mind their subconscious is always going to want good interactions. Let's say we do tell our mind that we don't care about the outcome of the interaction. The only reason we are telling our mind we don't care about the interaction is because we think that if we don't care about the reaction then it will go better. IMO it doesn't hurt for someone to seek a good reaction. I think you could argue that it helps.

I think the whole "don't seek good interactions" is misleading. One because it's not possible, and secondly it doesn't really address the problem. The problem is when people identify themseleves as their failures and when they care too much about a single interaction. I think it would be better to just tell people that they shouldn't get upset when they are learning things and they fail. It's part of the process and failure is where one finds a solution.

If they want good reactions then they must seek them. If you don't seek something then you don't want it.


I feel like if you look at any master you will find that they seek what they want. Tiger Wood's clearly seeks to hit a good shot everytime. Does he always hit a good shot, no. If he didn't seek to hit a good shot, aka didn't seek positive reactions then he would not get better.



Interesting, seems like you're both on about two sides of the same coin. 
Login or register to post.
#13
Matt~

Matt~

Respected Member

Join Date: 01/20/2008 | Posts: 624

BRANSONS Brigade, huh?
Login or register to post.
#14

Waginator

Senior Member

Join Date: 02/10/2011 | Posts: 272

Great Work Brad!  This Is Awesome! Seeing the growth in my own life is faaar more fufilling than the shirt term spike of getting good reactions ;)
Login or register to post.
#15
Brad

Brad

Instructor | Trusted Member

Join Date: 08/28/2007 | Posts: 3014

Matt~ wrote:
BRANSONS Brigade, huh?
It's been like that for a few months dude
Login or register to post.
#16
Brad

Brad

Instructor | Trusted Member

Join Date: 08/28/2007 | Posts: 3014

And by months I mean it's ALWAYS BEEN the Branson Brigade fool!
Login or register to post.
#17
Brad

Brad

Instructor | Trusted Member

Join Date: 08/28/2007 | Posts: 3014

Hunter® wrote:
..14th?

haha Tight!  7:40 .. lolz


Oh, you like the gun show?
Login or register to post.
#18
Brad

Brad

Instructor | Trusted Member

Join Date: 08/28/2007 | Posts: 3014

Rubennnnn wrote:
 great advice Brad
oh hello there rubayn,  nice to see you...
Login or register to post.
#19
Brad

Brad

Instructor | Trusted Member

Join Date: 08/28/2007 | Posts: 3014

Jordanfan wrote:
I have a few questions.

you said the following

"But there lies the dilemma, how to not SEEK good reactions if you are trying to get better at something."

I don't understand why you wouldn't seek good interactions and likewise don't understand the problem with seeking good reactions.  I mean first off if we didn't care how our interactions went we wouldn't be reading this. We are all here because we want specific interactions to go well. Regardless of what one tells their mind their subconscious is always going to want good interactions. Let's say we do tell our mind that we don't care about the outcome of the interaction. The only reason we are telling our mind we don't care about the interaction is because we think that if we don't care about the reaction then it will go better. IMO it doesn't hurt for someone to seek a good reaction. I think you could argue that it helps.

I think the whole "don't seek good interactions" is misleading. One because it's not possible, and secondly it doesn't really address the problem. The problem is when people identify themseleves as their failures and when they care too much about a single interaction. I think it would be better to just tell people that they shouldn't get upset when they are learning things and they fail. It's part of the process and failure is where one finds a solution.

If they want good reactions then they must seek them. If you don't seek something then you don't want it.


I feel like if you look at any master you will find that they seek what they want. Tiger Wood's clearly seeks to hit a good shot everytime. Does he always hit a good shot, no. If he didn't seek to hit a good shot, aka didn't seek positive reactions then he would not get better.



Yes, although we are getting into semantics here, I basically agree with you.

The goal is not to be emotional affected by the reaction.  And "seek" what you can control.

So you are not so much "seeking" a good reaciton, as you are seeking to take action in the most proficient way possible based on your knowledge available.

As long as you made a decision to the best of your knowledge, and you carried it out 100%, there's nothing more you could have done.

Yes, after the fact everything changes, you could have done this, you could've done that, but at least you can learn if it doesn't go well.

And HOPEFULLY, through learning, next time you DO have a better reaction, but that's just because you have expanded your knowledge further.

So you strive/seek to master the skill, and the results are the BYPRODUCT of you mastering that skill.

Along with this comes the obvious intuition through experience, that you KNOW what will get a good reaction because it happens so many times when you do XYZ, so it doesn't go as deep as the whole "take action" spiel.  You just execute unconsciously, and things click.

This also relates to what you mentioned about not caring about the result.  The reason you don't care is because you know that EITHER WAY YOU WILL LEARN AND BE BETTER NEXT TIME.

So it really is win win.

Alright, that was a little nerd mode, make sense though hopefully?  It's not something I've tried to explain in text before.
Login or register to post.
#20
Brad

Brad

Instructor | Trusted Member

Join Date: 08/28/2007 | Posts: 3014

Jordanfan wrote:
On the same note,

What is wrong with external validation?

People labeled as extroverts are generally more externally validated than introverts yet on average they are much more successful with girls.

You said don't calibrate?

I can name at least ten people who don't calibrate and appear to have fun doing whatever they are doing. These people are the weirdest and most socially awkward people I know.

Going to a club and not being social is not calibrating. Going to a club and calibrating is being social and fun to the people around. People with high emotional intelligence calibrate. You don't see people with high emotional intelligence sitting around being anti-social.

Likewise you calibrate; it has just become intuitive for you. If you are making changes to yourself to make social situations go better then you are calibrating.


"If you believe it strong enough, (which you probably won't at first) people either won't even notice, or join in the fun."

I could say if you believe strong enough that someone will give you a million dollars then it would be essentially the same thing. How much is strong enough? Like a 1000/1000 or a 10/10? How do you access your results. Do you review the situation in your head and make the realization that you just weren't believing enough?


Cool, so the first one I'll explain is your second question relating to the believe thing.  The first assumption you are making is that the other person HAS one million dollars, which then, yes, countless people have been swindled out of millions of dollars.  Look at the movie "catch me if you can" for an example where the dudes frame was so strong, he conned countless people...

There is no need to quantify your level of belief, you either fall into their frame, or they fall into yours, most of this ends up happening unconsciously as your frame develops and grows.

The problem with external validation, is that to identify with ANYTHING external, you are at the reaction to the environment.  Idenitfy yourself as a doctor, what if you lose your job?  Identify yourself as a healthy person, what if you catch cancer?

The only thing that you can control is where you choose to focus, and how you take action.  Bring it internal, and you are no longer a "reed in the wind."

This gets even harder when a lot of good things happen in your life, because you start identifying with those things, and then grow fears of losing them.  Or one bad opinion completely fucks your emotions up.  Read my article on my website for more on this.

As for calibration, yes there are extreme examples.  But 95% of the guys that read this are WAY TOO OVERLY calibrated, so if they read this, and push 100X towards unstifledness, they probably still won't be extroverted enough...  
Login or register to post.
#21
Don corleon

Don corleon

Respected Member

Join Date: 03/28/2010 | Posts: 584

I hadn't seen your vidoes in a while and you have put on some serious muscle! Good job man and cool video. 
Login or register to post.
#22
PowerMaverick

PowerMaverick

Member

Join Date: 05/20/2012 | Posts: 36

You should post your gym workout!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Login or register to post.
#23

JROC

Junior Member

Join Date: 03/27/2012 | Posts: 2

I fucking love that protein cutaway so much. You've been kicking ass even more lately Brad.
Login or register to post.
#24
NamesAreHard

NamesAreHard

Respected Member

Join Date: 06/15/2011 | Posts: 354

Fuck yes!!!! I'm famous mother fuckers!! Fuck you all!! Suck my dick!!!!! Hell yes!!!!!!!! I finally made it! I'm on t.v.!!!!!!!!!!!
Login or register to post.
#25
NamesAreHard

NamesAreHard

Respected Member

Join Date: 06/15/2011 | Posts: 354

I'm actually so stoked I was in the vid though.
Login or register to post.
#26
tyler0351

tyler0351

Senior Member

Join Date: 09/17/2011 | Posts: 196

I've been trying to think of a clever and tactful way of telling you that "peruse" means to read something carefully --- not skimming over something --- but I can't.

If you intended to say that you were reading RSD carefully then I'll go fuck myself.
Login or register to post.
#27
Brad

Brad

Instructor | Trusted Member

Join Date: 08/28/2007 | Posts: 3014

God Dammit!  You are right there, I've been corected on this before.  Appreciate it tho.  I am a self proclaimed vocab nerd, so really do appreciate it.  :)
Login or register to post.
#28
tyler0351

tyler0351

Senior Member

Join Date: 09/17/2011 | Posts: 196

Haha! No problem.

I used solidarity/solitary/solitude interchangeably up until a few months ago. Was abnormally excited when my professor pointed that out.

Would you ever incorporate that into game? I mean busting on the girl for using horrible grammar/vocabulary. Or is that pushing the point of being an annoying grammar nazi douche type of person?

The other day a girl kept saying "dramastically" (some weird hybrid of dramatically and drastically) so I couldn't help but to bust on her for that, especially since she was bragging about her master's degree while saying it.
Login or register to post.
#29
Xandercage

Xandercage

Vegas Immersion Member | Member

Join Date: 01/23/2012 | Posts: 74

tyler0351 wrote:
Haha! No problem.

I used solidarity/solitary/solitude interchangeably up until a few months ago. Was abnormally excited when my professor pointed that out.

Would you ever incorporate that into game? I mean busting on the girl for using horrible grammar/vocabulary. Or is that pushing the point of being an annoying grammar nazi douche type of person?

The other day a girl kept saying "dramastically" (some weird hybrid of dramatically and drastically) so I couldn't help but to bust on her for that, especially since she was bragging about her master's degree while saying it.
i think you can bust on the girl while being an "annoying nazi douche type of person"
on the other hand you can bust on the girl for the same reason while being a cool, fun, friendly dude amusing himself with whatever situation happens to unfold around him.
like brad was saying in the article, i think it comes down to what frame you are coming from.
Login or register to post.
#30

subx

Trusted Member

Join Date: 09/18/2008 | Posts: 1248

yes. and also what types of foods you eat and drinks etc.  Becaue I have a hard time getting in 3000+ calories a day to gain muscle.  Without drinking like, whole milk.  But i try to stay paleo, so how do you do it !
PowerMaverick wrote:
You should post your gym workout!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Login or register to post.
#31
Mountaineer-~

Mountaineer-~

Respected Member

Join Date: 01/07/2011 | Posts: 360

good stuff
Login or register to post.
#32

Jimbiz

Senior Member

Join Date: 12/04/2010 | Posts: 253

stunnaman71 wrote:
Looks like you got some nice gains from your last cycle!

Good shit Bro.

Screw external validation that's for pussies.

Brad doesn't count his sit ups. He only counts them when they start hurting, when he feels PAIN. Thats what makes him a champion! NO PAIN, NO GAIN!

Brad is looking pretty stacked these days. What cycle? Like H Drol or something like that?
Login or register to post.
#33

alvferna

Member

Join Date: 07/26/2011 | Posts: 30

PROTEIN!!!!
haHAH really cool video thnx bro
Login or register to post.
#34

Patrick.Bateman

Senior Member

Join Date: 12/03/2011 | Posts: 117

Cool that you use posts of the forum. Nice interactive and original way of making a video!
Login or register to post.
#35
goldenbird

goldenbird

Senior Member

Join Date: 05/18/2008 | Posts: 182

 Brad! Like the article, simple and clear, but something is missing man! Where are the tunes!!? ;)
Login or register to post.
#36

H0wardR0ark

Member

Join Date: 03/23/2011 | Posts: 82

 you ever consider linking to this article or your blog from the youtube video?  Might increase traffic for people not familiar with the site.
Login or register to post.
#37
Polarize

Polarize

Senior Member

Join Date: 08/19/2010 | Posts: 255

 Dude, thanks for being down to earth.
Login or register to post.
#38

champ

Respected Member

Join Date: 06/19/2011 | Posts: 850

....
Login or register to post.
#39
Neighbor

Neighbor

Respected Member

Join Date: 12/23/2010 | Posts: 402

 pringles gave him the best advice 
Login or register to post.
#40

Ocean2

Respected Member

Join Date: 07/18/2011 | Posts: 699

 Thanks!!!
Login or register to post.
#41
Fred E. Rick

Fred E. Rick

Respected Member

Join Date: 11/02/2010 | Posts: 974

stunnaman71 wrote:
Looks like you got some nice gains from your last cycle!

Good shit Bro.

Screw external validation that's for pussies.
strong wtf

You actually think Brad is on steroids or prohormones?
Login or register to post.
#42
Blom10

Blom10

Senior Member

Join Date: 03/27/2010 | Posts: 292

Lately Brad hasn't seemed as passionate as last year. COME ON BRAD, WAKE THE FUCK UP

Love this topic though, definitely one of the biggest keys
Login or register to post.
#43

bey0nd

Junior Member

Join Date: 03/25/2009 | Posts: 5

External validation is why people get into PU
Login or register to post.
#44
DogTheBountyHunter

DogTheBountyHunter

Junior Member

Join Date: 12/27/2010 | Posts: 17

 I understand what you're saying but I think there is an important separation between what you are seeking as a logical end-goal and an emotional present-goal. What I learned about reaction seeking here in RSD actually also helped me a lot in college and I think it shows more clearly how this paradigm works.
I switched my goals in college from getting an A in this class, to studying this much for every test and doing all my homework to the best of my ability. My grades changed radically because I switched my focus from RESULTS as a consequence of my ACTIONS to being gratified and pumped up by taking the ACTIONS themselves and see the results manifest on their own.
Similarly Brad is not saying you should pretend you don't want good interactions. He's just saying that you're emotional validation and conviction for your goals should be rooted in your ACTIONS and not your RESULTS. Obviously if you are to given the choice between having a good interaction with a girl or getting blown out, or between getting an A in a class or a D, you'll pick the logically better action because you value it more. But that doesn't mean your happiness comes from the girl's approval or the A mark on a test, it comes from your commitment to grow as an individual and become better by taking action.
Login or register to post.