Chilling out, sipping on a maca/berry/bee pollen/protein smoothie, about to hit the gym, let’s do this!

First I need to ask, how was your weekend? Did you become more conscious of when you were outcome dependent and the “tight rope walk” of staying in the pocket?

If you don’t know what I’m talking about, check out the AIDS article from last week. I’ve been responding to the comments section pretty religiously, so if you have any questions, comment there.

This week I’m breaking into the vault of videos I’ve been recording over the past few months of freetour, and found this 20 minute gem.

Oh, the long flowing hair, how I miss those days.

Today I want to talk about one of my favorite topics, Emotional Intelligence and how to use the positive reframe with specific examples.

First check out the video, which covers topics like Extreme Self Love, How to Use Positive Reframes, and What it Means to “Stay on Your Path as a Man.”


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S4jBrZ_t9Eg

When you have a negative emotional response, the first step is to become conscious of the feeling and WHY you have an emotional attachment to that event.

This can be easier said than done at times, but usually if you can figure out the cause, that already makes it objective enough that you no longer have an emotional response towards it.

But many times it takes multiple reframes before there is a “tipping point,” where you’ve reframed the event enough that it becomes an entirely objective event, as opposed to something that causes an emotional response inside of you.

An example I used in a post on RSDN a few days ago:

Let's say you break up with your girlfriend...

Then something happens, which makes you think of her, and then you feel sad.

Whatever the thing that happens is... Let's say it's seeing kids at the airport...

"Oh, we could have had kids together, they would've been so cute!"

Then think why you had this emotional response.

As I said in the video, to change a negative emotion, either change the belief, or the situation.

You broke up with her, so you can't change the situation, so change your perception of it.

Do you REALLY want kids with her? Do you logically understand that you will only get more attractive with age, only find a better girlfriend that you are more compatible with and through learning from the past relationships you will be a better boyfriend.

Etc. It's not gonna take a single reframe to make it objective, you might need to do 30-50-1000 mental reframes until you have a tipping point where your perception of your new future is better than you getting back with her.

Let's give a non girl related one.

I used to freak out for being late to flights, or anything transportation wise.

Then one time in Amsterdam we were running super late and I could feel the anxiety kick in.

-I know where this came from actually, when I was 19 I missed a bus back to college and got stuck at some dodgy bus station for 24 hours with ruffians, and it was a traumatic experience I guess for me when I was wet behind the ears.

But even knowing about that situation, I still had anxiety.

So I started doing mental reframes of the worse case scenario.

In my head:

-Well, worse case, you miss your flight, and you'll prolly get a free standby ticket on the next flight.
-Or you will have to stay another day in Amsterdam, you don't have to work for 5 days, so it's no big deal.
-Or even then, you get stuck in amsterdam longer, you have the cash to have more fun and you are with your friends anyway, you love this city

You could even expand it out further:
-No matter what happens, are you going to remember this in 5-10-20 years?
-You're just gonna die anyways, you might as well enjoy this crazy taxi ride and take in the beautiful city

Whatever it takes until you have enough mental reframes that it no longer emotional affects you.

You get better and better with this in time, both at the positive reframe, as well as quickly catching yourself in the negative side and switching things up.

Another thing I mentioned in the video near the end was the life of many guys just starting out at this success with women endeavor.

If you’ve gone out night after night, with NO success whatsoever, how do you reframe this as a good thing?!

Just as I mentioned in the video, you are taking a myopic view of the scenario.

Yeah, you might not be getting laid as much as you want, but is your entire life and identity tied to success with women alone?!

I hope not.

This is just one of many life values/goals you should be filtering your life through. The way to step out of this, and gain a higher perspective, is have a higher goal.

For me, above EVERYTHING, is to constantly be evolving, and building more self esteem. Success and happiness stem from self esteem, and the more you have, the more you can take on in the world.

Yes, if I get with a super hot girl, my self esteem grows, but not because I can now identify myself as “someone who gets with hot girls,” but because I took action, and the method I chose to do it was successful.

But the success is not what should boost your self esteem, it’s the fact that you CHOSE to take action, you chose to focus your consciousness in a way that moved you towards what you want in life.

So by this criteria, JUST GOING OUT should boost your self esteem. Every time you decide to approach, it should boost your self esteem. Every time you hit the gym, push through procrastination, pass on the bread, and “lean into your edge,” have a mini celebration inside, and realize the synergy of it all, and how the RESULTS DON’T EVEN MATTER!

Yes of course, if after six months, you are still in the same situation, it’s probably time to find a new direction, maybe find a mentor, but there’s no reason to get sad, PISSED, or frustrated, just keep choosing to take action.

I’ve had this happen countless times with girls, even more so in business, and just yesterday in the gym.

I’ve been fasting for 16 hours a day, going full extreme with my diet, and working out 4-5 times a week. I go to weigh myself at home, and it says I’m 160 lbs. which for a 6’2” frame is pretty gaunt.

My brain starts whirling, as I’m trying to lose bodyfat, but also doing a lean gain approach, and I’m growing stronger with each workout, and it seems to look like, visually at least, I’m getting bigger.

The confusion steps in, “Was the last 3-4 months a total waste of time, am I going in the wrong direction?!” I don’t even fret, and decide immediately to start eating more meals, and focus on weight gain over cutting, still maintaining a minimal carb load, but cramming a few more meals in through out the day to raise my caloric intake.

Then I get to the gym and weigh myself there on a proper scale, realizing that, no… I don’t weigh 160 pounds, but actually 179. Haha, my scale is a full 20 pounds off. The scale goes to the garbage, and I’m stoked to realize my routine and diet actually is totally on track.

But the relief I felt about me doing the right thing was NOTHING compared to the feeling I get, as I explained in an article last week on my blog, when the euphoria kicks in on that 8th rep, and I’m pushing through pain and stress. That’s the pump, that’s what gets me amped.

Just like when you hit a sticking point in the club, and you go out for months on end, not even realizing what the fuck you are doing wrong. But you keep going out, analyzing your nights, and then one night…

It just CLICKS!

And you realize how obvious it should have been, holy shit! I’ve been doing “this and this” wrong, and now I know.

That feeling is pretty damn good, but it’s not really that success that creates the good feeling, it’s the orgasmic build up of you pushing yourself, through adversity, through frustration and doubt, until BOOM! The universe rewards your effort.


Alright, so for this weekend, what I want you to do is take the positive reframe technique that I explain in the video, and notice within yourself how quickly you can cut off negative beliefs.

It’s almost like the old positivity challenge Jeffy talks about in the Jeffy Show, I want you to catch yourself as quickly as possible when you enter negative thought loops, and FORCE yourself to turn it into a positive.

If this is easy for you, the next step is to start forcing completely benign things into being positives. Why are you awesome, why is you standing/walking/dancing/SHITTING make you the coolest dude in the world?!

Comment below if you find this easy or challenging, and I’ll try to answer any questions you guys might have.

Have a good weekend, and as always, here’s a jam for yeah, this week with words. :)

ENJOY!