Whatsup guys, I like all these questions, it’s bringing up a lot of commonly discussed topics.
I’ve gotten a bunch of inner game questions, so this one, and probably a few others, will focus on getting your inner game handled.
Here we go:
Went out on my first date…
One of the things I'd like some advice on is how do I make a girl comfortable around me and get her to ask me questions instead of me doing all the talking and asking? Is the girl not interested enough if she's not asking me questions about me? Or am I reading into it.
The fact that you are worried about if she likes you, or how much she is interested is what is making it awkward.
ASSUME ATTRACTRION! It takes care of everything and you can just talk. Whatever you feel she feels, so as long as you are uncomfortable thinking "Oh man, I don't think she is having fun." you are going to be in your head and uncomfortable and she will also be uncomfortable.
Chill back, smile, and have some fun. It doesn't matter what you are talking about, as long as you find it interesting, so will she.
Ey Brad, I get a lot out of your articles, tight ass shit yo!
Anyways, the player "my game is a 10" frame is easy to reinforce if you're going out every night. And it happens with me whenever I go out especially multiple times a week; I just SNAP into that ultimate "me" identity. But, for guys who are busy with work, university, etc for weeks at a time, how do they keep that 10 player mentality without going out as frequently? Is there another way to reinforce that identity?
The frame boils down to being higher value than the girl. That's what "my game is a 10" means.
It's like "I am enough, I am the coolest motherfucker here!"
I like calling it the Donald Trump frame.
How to reinforce this frame?
Well one way is in the club, getting reference points from approaching girls just being yourself, vomiting bullshit and escalating and getting a mental picture of girls responding positively.
But when you aren't in the club, what are other ways to reinforce that you are high value?
Anything! What do you value, what are your goals?
It's basic self actualization. How am I making myself more "attractive" i.e. more comfortable in my own skin, more experienced, more centered, knowing myself better so I can empathize with others.
It's basic inner game stuff.
I travel A LOT. My work allows it, and I take every opportunity to see the world and gain a better understanding so I am less prejudice and judgmental. When someone becomes less judgmental they also don't let others judge them. They are less likely to let others opinions define their identity and know themselves better and create their own identity.
I read A LOT. Learning about myself. The books I talked about in a previous article. Gaining a better understanding of my own thought processes, and how I can control them, transcend my emotions, all that kind of stuff.
I live LIFE. Embrace uncertainty and have fun. Don't stress about much, and realize that everything just kind of flows.
Stop fighting the current and just jump in and see where it takes you.
So now, when I go into a nightclub and some girl says "You're a player!"
I take a little snapshot of my life here... it's always in the back of your mind. Here's my subconscious thought pattern...
"Hmmm... How does this girl giving me shit fit into my reality? Travel. Actualization. Intellect. Work ethic... Ummm... Nope... It has no bearing whatsoever on anything... That's cute.... Cool..."
No emotional response.
And that builds HUGE amounts of attraction.
Also, the positive reframe is very important.
Anything you experience, read, think about, can be viewed in an empowering frame, or a negative one.
So in everything you do, you want to be like "Hell yeah, I'm motherfucking WINNING!!! I am the SHIT!!!" Everything.
And in comes my favorite quote...
There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so. -Shakespeare
Ah, nice little diatribe, I’m sure you guys enjoy it. I enjoy the inner game stuff myself.
And as usual… A personal one:
Hi Brad. Did you have a 9-5 job when you were going out almost every night? And how did you make this work. Naps?
My schedule was like this...
4PM: Get home from work, pass out
9PM: Get up, shower, Double shot of espresso, shot of rumplemintz with a chaser of Jujubees
11PM: Head to club
2AM: Head home
3-4AM: Pass out based on if I have an after party, or girl...
Pretty ridiculous, but it got me some SERIOUS results.
Brad - do you have small town experience?
(this pic actually makes the city look cool)
Ehh, I developed my game in Milwaukee, which is about 700,000 people, but more like only 15-20,000 actually might go out since it's very blue collar and there is only 2 universities in the area.
The big thing with small town game, is that you can't just go for broke like you can in Las Vegas or LA, because you are likely to see these girls again.
I talk about this in my article "How to game your city," where sometimes slowplaying interactions because I know I will see them again, unlike Vegas, where you might see a girl once, and then she's out of your life forever.
Usually there will be less cavemanning bitches in the corner in the small towns, more likely everyone knows everyone, so discreteness is key.
Also, to get really good at this shit, you are gonna have to do some traveling, There are only so many references points you can pickup in a small little community.
Travel to a new city for a weekend and try out some hardcore shit, you'll never see these girls again, so have some fun!
Those references points will help you out a lot once you get back home.
Peace out men and keep at it in the field. See ya soon.