Had a funny thought just as I was hitting the pillow last night -
Approaching a continuum in things in my life - pickup, Ultimate, my career. Attraction, real attraction, real game, real soul is continuous, not discrete. What do I mean by this? Think about calculus, and how you take integrals. You take those really big trapezoidal approximations, and then the unit of space you're covering gets smaller and smaller, until you're at dx, the infintesimal unit of space. No more chunks, you're dealing with smooth and continuous now.
That's how pickup is becoming for me. I'd start out with spotty results all over the place. I would just go out and punch away at it. I'd put the effort in of going out, forcing myself into doing approaches, but would still be really swayed by emotions - and so my state and results would be all over the place. But I still went. Now I get a sense of what it really means to give of myself and to put my presence, my real personality forward. In the more mechanical sense of things, I know what it is to go in to a set with that good voice tone (a big and always getting bigger part of my game), good BL and just start opening my mouth. Unhesitantly. To be standing on my own feet, socio-emotionally speaking. To be giving focused instead of results focused. That's opening. I can do that and start that energy.
So now I'm opening better and more consistently than ever before - I mean, shit just opens for me now - and wondered how I'm not moving things along to a close. I was watching my friend J the other day - not a guy in the game, just a tight friend. Life gives you exactly what you need when you need it. He was talking to a girl, joking, had a good vibe and then when it came time to ask her out it stopped. His nonverbals took a shit-dive. "So, uh, you want to...what are you...uh...doing later" There it was.
Brad's motto is that he can boil down any sticking point to a failure to lead. That was the biggest, most potent decoding of my experiences. My leaks I need to plug are in the time course of a pickup. I’ll start strong and get unhinged and slip back into chode mode, chodeversation. Letting her direct. I need to keep my emotional direction over the course of the pickup. There's the yin and yang of it. You're surfing a wave. When you're on a wave, time stops. You're on a wave, and you're one with it. But a wave travels in a direction. It has energy and momentum behind it. So does your pickups. This is about as much as I want to logi-cize this phenomenom.
Hold that tangent for a sec. The thought I had when I was going to sleep: I passed some girls at a table in a coffee shop. I was really sick that day and I knew I wanted to, but...well. What if I had opened those girls at the coffee shop? This is what I'm getting at. This set, not the next. This step in the interaction, not the next. I'm losing that results oriented mentality and moving to an efforts one. What if I had? THAT would make me an attractive guy. Rather, that would be ME EXPRESSING MY ESSENCE OF BEING ATTRACTIVE. We're not learning pickup 1.0, we're learning to be men. Not some Harry Potter shite but to BE ATTRACTIVE.
This is what it is to be an attractive guy. This is circuitous but, to be a fully attractive guy...you have to...uh...be attractive at ever step of the way. You're not going to run some "attraction material." You are the attraction material. You have to shake off logic, reasons not to act, and unlock that potential YOU take that responsibility and get the ball rolling, you have to be contunually creating experiences for yourself and anyone who comes in your influence. Friends, strangers, clerks, old ladies, wings, random alpha dudes, fatties, family, etc. Daytime, nightime, etc. This is what it is to drag the fucking net. Getting over any mental blocks and putting that best side forward.
Tying this back to closing: this is what it means to be a closer. Not to be pushy (although, sometimes you do!) but to be centered in your own reality at every step, open to close. Actually...fuck that. It doesn't stop there. To be giving value the whole relationship, the whole marriage, the whole friendship or whatever form it takes. It doesn't even stop there. Your whole life.