Seb's Blog

Not everything is great all the time. There have been pretty horrible times in my few month into this. As I write this I am feeling down, with no mood to do anything, it will pass, but its annoying to feel this way. 

A few weeks ago I got eclipsed by a gay friend of mine. I went to a birthday party were some of my closest friends were going. I wanted to see them and do some pick up at the bar we agreed to go. I felt a little tired in the morning and even though I did not feel like going I ended up jumping in the train with them. I do not drink so I had to watch some of my friends get loud and drunk in front of me, I tried to keep up but for some reason I was not feeling it. That is how it all started.

We arrived to the city and took a cab to the bar, we were supposed to stop by a restaurant earlier but because most people is unreliable we got there three hours later than planned, I hate that. Anyways, make the best out of it I told to myself. The bar was empty. This is a great place but it is a restaurant until 11:30 pm so when we arrived people was still eating and there was no music. We had to wait for about one hour while they fixed the place up. I could feel my state going down little by little and trying to keep it on was physically exhausting. Eventually people started dancing and the birthday party people sat down on a cool place. We started chatting and talking to strangers but my state was not going up while I could see my drunk friends get on a super hyper buzzed state. I was tempted to drink something but I remembered alcohol only amplifies the emotional state one is in so I had to avoid it at all cost. 

Eventually the bar got crowded and the music loud, I was fighting with my state trying to turn it on but it was an uphill exhausting battle, seeing my friends chat to girls while I could not just demolished me so I just sat for a second and took a walk trying to re - focus my attention on something positive. I did it, I was on as I got back to the bar but I still felt weird. I decided to let it go, bite the bullet and play. I opened some girls but it did not go anywhere, I just kept thinking how unattractive they were and I guess they felt it, the vibe was nice but I did not feel like it was worth talking to them. While I was doing this a friend of mine started making out with one of the girls we opened and my mind just started repeating "and you are supposed to know better??" The guy was on, the girls were not that attractive but it still made me feel worse. And as I am sitting there thinking about this my gay friend who got pretty drunk jumped on a table and started dancing with two of the hottest girls in the club that night. It just demolished me, I just kept thinking "that is usually me, what happened?" Eventually I just gave up and went home where the next day I woke up with a wicked cold which I am still fighting. 

Sometimes this is just not funny at all. 

Getting excluded from a close group of friends must be one of the worst feelings in the world. Not that I mind, I can make new friends anytime but it still fucking sucks. 

It all started when a friend of a friend came to visit someone and she started hanging out with us. She is a cutie and in my scale I'd say she's an eight. She immediately got my attention and we started flirting back and forth and it was on after three hours of meeting her. But what I was not counting on was on my friend's reaction. This guy is a total chode. He's a cool guy and I love him but I never expected him to transform so radically when he noticed me and the cutie were getting along. All of the sudden he started cock blocking me in ways I had never seen, tooling me and trying to put me on a beta role. Usually I am very equipped to handle situations like this but how can I do that to a friend I respect? I can't. Eventually one thing led to another and now these guys do not invite me anywhere anymore. They are all busy when I invite them and even though it is a stupid situation I can't but feel bad. It will also pass. 

Stepping up will require to toughen the skin. What keeps me going is the knowledge that all this situations are expected and part of the experience. Now that I've got that off my chest it is time to start feeling awesome. Good luck. 
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The evil Ego. It is in my mind and as far as I know it is also in everyone's else. I am not sure if one can totally get rid of it and use solely pure self esteem. I have the glow inside, the power to control my emotions in most scenarios and life situations and I feel good, really good; but there is still some emotions that I do not know if I should call them negative: fury, pride, a drive for competition, anger, etc. that I think are a result of my ego trying to build its self esteem. 

Even though I give value wherever I go there is always a flame of competition in the back of my mind, a drive to put other guys down and emerge victorious after the "pick-up war". What is this thing? Why do I feel that? How do I avoid it if all I want to do is to give value and togetherness? 

Testosterone. A male hormone that inspires competition and less socialization. Could it be the explanation to it all? 

The male nature is to be aggressive, dominant and to compete against other males, but to be attractive one has to get rid of this "need to be the best". In other words, one has to get rid of ego validation. But is it possible to do that when our brain is being bombarded by testosterone, especially when meeting women and following our path? I would say it is impossible. Nature vs Nurture, no argument. But what we can do is to make our nature work in our favor.

The default state is happiness. The moment we are present and forget time (past and future) we feel absolutely, 100% great. We can condition ourselves to tap into this happiness. It is fucking awesome, you can take the glow everywhere you go. But in my experience there is a problem. The glow is there, time is gone and there is only the nimbus and the moment, but there is a third element which I cannot get rid of no matter how much I try, and that's the need to compete. I have little experience with this new mindset so in the future all this could be irrelevant, but for now I will indulge myself in my theory. 

We are human. Self aware, conscious mammals who know how to think better than other species out there. We struggle between nature and consciousness. Our brain is telling us to live life by instinct but our reason is telling us to live by social conditioning, therefore the ego. I do not think one can erase ego from the mind. It is part of our intelligence and absolutely necessary for creating an identity. But it is when left unchecked that problems arise. One can identify with the ego and forget that self esteem is the default emotion, that is when, according to Tyler, we go on an "ego feeding frenzy" validating our false identity in ridiculous unnecessary ways. 

But we can use this need for validation on our favor. Beware though, one has to recognize and truly believe that self esteem is all there is before using the ego as a tool for motivation. 
I said before that the male nature is competitive, aggressive and dominant. That is why on the field there is that "dark energy" emerging when we see other guys approaching girls we really like. I have controlled it and can almost totally erase those feelings but I've noticed that when I do that I end up on a beta role. Last week I tried tapping into those competitive feelings to see what happens.

There were five girls sitting by the dance floor bored out of their minds, guys were going in but getting rejected instantly, the girls did not respond and they looked sort of angry, one of them was falling asleep. In short it was a difficult set. I went into state and opened them with a friend, the girls got in state and started dancing with us. By this point all of this is normal, I was not threatened by any guys because when one takes over the club guys go in spectator mode as Tim would say, but then something happened, a first time for me. While we were dancing and talking with this five girls a pack of five creepy guys came and started dancing with the girls on the five set that were alone. I stayed with my girl and my friend with hers, the other three girls were in state so it was really easy for this guys to open them. It was lame. That is when I decided to tap into the "dark force" (haha) 
The fury. 

Now I feel competitive, I want to push those guys out of "my territory" and violent thoughts start crossing my mind. Of course I would never, ever do something so stupid as to start a fight but I balance this thoughts with the woo and I get this new powerful emotion in me. I feel the intent, no one can stop me. I keep talking to my girl but while she is answering my questions and laughing I see how her attention is going towards her friends with the creepy chodes. The friends are bored, this guys were creeping me out, imagine how the girls felt surrounded by five guys staring at them, yuck! The eye codes start and in two minutes the girls are leaving the venue.
Before, I used to say "oh well, another learning experience" But not this time, I am burning with aggression inside and I will not let this guys ruin this for me, I keep saying to myself "I am better!" So as I see them leave I get up and run behind them.

They are outside now, I yell their names and none of them even slows down. My chode self says "its over man... time to go home man..." But no! I will not let those creepy guys win, "I am better!!" I yell to myself and walk faster catching up with the honeys, I plow through massive shields and after making them laugh I get the phone number of one of the girls. Victory, I feel glorious. The creeps did not win.
The next day I call and is a solid phone number, not a fake nor flake, another first time for me. I feel even more glorious but as I am shining with emotion jumping through the room on one foot and yelling I am number 1!! (it is obviously an exaggeration) I stop and think IS THIS AND EGO TRIP?? Am I validating my ego right now?
And that's how this post came into existence. 

So in conclusion: there is an ego and I do not think one can erase it. Rather, I prefer to use it as a tool for motivation by tapping into the need to compete and "put down" the other guy but keeping crystal clear the fact that this is just a mental tool and that the real place to be in is pure self esteem. Even though I called those other guys creepy and wanted to push them around they still have a place in my world as people deserving of my friendship and value. 
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 I have submerged myself in self actualization and the results I am getting are surprising, I was not ready for what I am experiencing. First of all, negativity is a rare emotion nowadays. I have moments of anger or sadness but they are gone in a second because I want to, which means that I finally have control over my emotions. I would not say I have total control over my emotions yet, but they are getting easier to handle. The only times I feel they are harder to control are in the field and I think that is fair but hey! there is no crippling approach anxiety anymore. 

Also, there is a constant glow inside my chest which I know gets transmitted to people I interact with. You know when the RSD guys say "you will be treated as a hot girl?" Well, it is true. No doubt about it. I have seen a total change on how people treat me lately. I would not say I can get away with anything (yet) but in the past two weeks I have been offered two jobs, girls have opened me in field and I get treated better generally by strangers.

A couple of weeks ago, my friend and I went out for old times sake exclusively to hang out because this cool guy is traveling and I will not see him again for a couple of years, he is a great wing and a great friend so I will give up a "pick up" night to talk with him anytime. Anyways, we went for beers to NYC and talked for a while at a bar and then decided to go to one of the many hooka bars/club they have there. I called for reservations, got the table by the dance floor and we were on our way all laughing and talking in all our glory. But surprise, surprise! we get to the club and there's  a line and the bouncer is standing there in his almighty posture deciding who gets in or not. I look to my friend and myself, then at the people in front of us and everyone is so fucking well dressed is ridiculous. Well, for girls is a given, they always look great in clubs (one's gotta love them for that) but this guys in front of us, man! Nice pressed shirts, expensive jewelry, nice watches and I will not even mention their shoes. I look at them, then at us and I'm like "fuck, we're not getting in, there's a dress code" We were on jeans, t-shirt and snickers, it was windy that day and our hair was all I-just-got-out-of-bed bad. I talk to my friend and I say "we may not get in" and as I'm turning around to leave I think "at least lets try" We stay in line.

The guys in front of us are discussing something with the bouncer about not letting one of their friends in, the girls behind them are getting bitchy because is starting to rain, he signals them and they get in, this guys are pissed. After five minutes of this I'm like "screw this shit" I get out of the line and walk towards the bouncer, I look him in the eye and as I open my mouth the nimbus takes over, I feel it, he feels it. My voice is loud, my smile the only one amongst chodes and I say "hey man, what's up" he barely moves to look at me and nudges his head and says "wassup" and I go "hey listhen, my friend and I have a reservation here" He looks at my friend who is all laughing as I talk to this almighty bouncer who in return looks at us from head to toe, and he goes "ok, you guys are not dressed for the party tonight" all serious, but then he smiles and says "but I love you're style, get in" And we get in cutting the seven people line in front of us. That is when I had a glimpse of what is possible. Damn, and there's still more to be learned!!!

This is so funny because a year ago I used to go out with my pick-up plan, written and folded in my pocket in case I forgot something. I remember going to the bathroom and reading what my opener was, my attraction material, my story, my kino test and all that bullshit that I always wondered when it was gonna yield results and when was I gonna get laid from a cold approach, I haven't done that yet but with the results I'm seeing now it will be soon.

In one of Tyler's recordings he says "I get opened by girls, not always but it happens" The first time I heard this I thought "this guy is lying, there is no way, girls do not open guys, it's all marketing, etc." But I have a lot of trust in RSD so I decided to stick with the materials and guess what, I get opened by girls now. It has happened three times in the span of a month and all in the field. And is funny because I am not used to girls opening me so I end up losing the interaction but not because I get nervous but because I get so surprised that a simple change in my mindset can yield better results than my lines  so I get stuck in my head thinking "damn! he was right" The glory times are coming.

The first time was this beautiful mexican girl at one of my regular clubs. I was all jumping around and pulling girls left and right dancing (btw I do not dance at all) and talking to my friends. I've been drinking lots of water so I've gotta take a leak. I go to the bathroom all sweaty and lean against the wall talking to a guy who's also waiting there and out of nowhere this chick comes up to me and pulls me towards her and asks me something, I really didn't hear anything because it was so loud in there and also because I love making them repeat what they just told me. She says "is this the line for the bathroom?" and me "yes!" And as I'm turning around to keep talking to this guy she pulls me back and starts asking me where am I from and if I like the music. At this point I'm like "what the fuck is going on??" It was the first time ever a hot girl opened me so I am all "dazed and confused" but I keep my cool and start flirting back and forth, I've got no voice because I've been yelling so loud but she's still there all laughing and touching my chest but as I'm there the guy that was dancing with her comes out of nowhere and starts talking to us all James Bond serious and pulls the girl back. I'm laughing because it's the first time I get a frame war, he's blocking me and puts the girl against the wall, she's trying to get out but this guy is good, dominance goes a long way (specially with mexican girls, trust me) I look at him, learning, well, next time... I hear the bathroom door open and I turn around because I've gotta take this wicked piss. She won't let go of my hand but I let her go, I am not ready to pull girls from guys yet. BTW, how do you guys do it? 

The second time is at this Irish bar by my house. The same one I almost fainted from anxiety a couple of weeks ago. I go there with my wing, it helps having company. We're listening to the band and jumping up and down, singing to the lyrics of song I don't know. By the third song we are surrounded by cute girls and this cute blonde in front of us is imitating us (I bet unconsciously) jumping up and down and clapping and singing, she's with a fat friend and a guy (maybe her boyfriend). I keep singing and all of the sudden she turns around, we cross eyesight and she smiles and pulls me in and yells in my ear "I love you!!" Again I'm like "what the fuck is going on?" But by now I know its the nimbus (what a funny word lol) We talk a little bit, I claw her and we're singing together, the guy is looking at me all serious and when the song ends he grabs her hand and pulls her outside the club and I never see them seen again. Powerful stuff. 

And the third one was yesterday. I played a quick concert with some of my friend's friends, they are cool guys. The club is dead, its another Irish bar but I've never been in this one so I'm kinda nervous. It was the first time I was gonna play guitar with a band in public. We go on stage and I instantly get in state, we play Zombie by the cranberries and the Irish kids go crazy, its a fucking great song that one. We play five songs but the crowd is still quiet I guess because is a wednesday. Anyways, by the end of the concert they start playing some dancing music and since I'm there with my loyal friends we decide to stay a couple of hours and have fun. We start dancing, my wing is dancing with his girlfriend, and I pull a couple of my friend's female friends to the dance floor and this girl starts grinding on me, she's cool but a fatty but as I'm there I see this older girl (maybe in her early 30's) dancing in the corner with a guy who's sitting on a stool by the bar but she's looking at me. We keep dancing and she starts getting closer. You know how guys get close to girls and start orbiting around them dancing behind them contemplating if they should open or not? Well, it was like that, she gets close to us and starts orbiting our party. With the corner of my eye I see my wing going for it, he has burned me like that before (he had better game than me before) so he starts walking towards her. I push the fatty aside and jump in slow motion towards the girl, she's kinda cute, I put my hand on my wing's chest, push him and send him flying out of the dance floor as I grab the girl's hand and we start dancing. I'm all smiling but the girl is serious and just looking at me intensely as we move. I try to turn her but she will not stop looking at my eyes. Again I'm like "what the fuck is this!!" I get a little nervous because the guy she was with was this huge Irish man. I feel in my core I should grab her and start making out with her, at least that's what I thought she was communicating. I try to pull her in all nervous but my "pick up routine mind" takes over and I go for a "kino test" and put my hand on her waist to see what happens. My mind is freaking out, it is like three programs are interfering with each other in my head. There is my core telling me "pull this girl out and ravish her in your car", there's my pickup mind telling me "she was compliant with your hand in her waist, next step pull her in and wait for signal" and this other part of my mind telling me to watch out for big Irish caveman man. Then I get too freaked out by her staring at me intensely, I've never seen that before so I let her go all surprised by how powerful the blueprint is. Thank you Tyler. 
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It is hard. It is a friday and my wing and friends are all busy "watching a fucking movie". I am not gonna sit on the couch and watch tv and waste a friday night staying on a social conditioned comfort zone. I decide to go out whatever it takes. I am determined. I will go out. It sounds easy but it is harder than I thought. Do not get me wrong, I am glad I went out, I love the thrill even though I feel like shit right now... well, not really. Ego bruising is part of this game and it toughens my skin making me stronger for the next round.

I start feeling the anxiety at about 8pm. I eat something so my state does not get affected because of my sugar levels. It is all cool. I watch some videos waiting for it to be 11pm. The hour hits, I go out. It is time!! My heart is pounding as I drive to my little club. It is the second time I am there in a year so it is a little nerve racking, I am not still used to getting social, specially by myself but hey! It is about exploring the unknown. Even though my heart is pounding on my chest and my legs are not responding I still feel a faint push from my core telling me to feel proud of pushing my comfort zone.

I love going out with friends and wingmen but this time Its just me baby!! It has not been me since forever, I get to the club, make the line, try to talk to someone but there are no words coming out of my mouth, only air. I breath, keep my cool. I get in, the music is fucking loud. Time for warm ups... I can't. I decide to go to the bar and get me a drink. It helps but I hate the fact I can't be myself. Does not matter. Even though I want to run out of the place I push myself to the dance floor and stand there like a total chode, just me, standing in the middle of the dance floor without even moving, looking to the stage where a band is about to play. There are some chodes behind me looking all cool, cooler than me actually. I am surrounded by fat chicks. Its not funny but as I drink my rum & coke I relax a little. The band starts playing and I move with the music. I am forcing myself fighting with my body which does not want to respond. Now that I think about it is fucking hilarious... anyways, I start to feel the fire in my core. it is really faint but is there. I fight and move until I feel it. State hits. I no longer care what is going on around me and as usual, the chodes are gone and I'm surrounded by cute girls. It is hard to maintaint my state at this moment but I try my best, I do a warm up with a fat chick but my voice is dead. I keep moving and singing songs I don't know, ha!!

Eventually I hit some state and I go to the dance floor as the band keeps playing better songs now. I sing and dance but I cannot open. I get stuck in my head and I cannot get out. Some girls try to open me but I am too busy trying to keep my state on. I lose. I feel bad. I go against the wall and pretend I am on my phone so I do not look lamer. Alcohol DID NOT HELP. It just amplyfied bad feelings. It is better to feel bad sober than having 500% more worries just because I drank some rum. Next time no alcohol whatsoever.

I fail and do not even approach. I do the walk of shame as I go to my car feeling like shit. Then I think: "What is good about this?" And I respond to myself, this is not easy, but, my other option was staying home and watching a movie. Men's nature is to explore the unknown, to push the comfort zone to the limit,  and even though I got "hurt" tonight, this has made me stronger fot the next time. And believe me, there will be more next times and solo nights.

Now I write to remind myself how cool this is. It is not easy, but so fucking worth it.
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 I've been studying a lot of inner game, specially Alexander's blogs. Applying those concepts I've seen amazing things in the past two weeks. My state NEVER goes away, it only fluctuates between dormant and on. This is great because now I am able to get in state whenever I want and it has its effects: girls open me when I'm really on. It happened twice this weekend, so much fun. Woman are more relaxed around me, testing is easier to beat, "IOI's" are abundant. It is just amazing what a shift in thinking can do to my physique and personality. I'm attractive. 

I've also noticed a great decrease in my "approach anxiety". I still get it but in a different way than before. It got a lot easier to control letting go of my ego and letting instinct take over. Its a difficult battle but I have to say wow, once I forget my ego everything becomes clear. Approaching gets easier but of course I have a lot to learn. For example, one thing I learned friday was to control the anxiety. It got really, really bad when I went out for the first time in six months specifically to meet women. The bar I planned to go to was full chode, absolutely empty and being ready to close at 10 pm. Of course I rolled next door where I heard a chill blues music and when I got there I  was basically in shock. It was too much for me to handle and the anxiety became crippling, my heart pumping fast, my hands shaking it was ridiculous. I left, went to a place I'm familiar with but the anxiety was sill there. It was difficult being by myself at the club because I tend to get inside my head analyzing everything. It is not acceptable, anxiety is not acceptable.  I sat down, determined to control it remembering all the theory and my new beliefs, it was like magic, from shaky and chodely nervous I went back to being myself. If being nervous was a 100% it went down to 10% just by remembering to man the fuck up. I got rid of the last 10% with a beer, it helps, it's interesting that thing about alcohol, I'll play with it to use it in my favor without being a drunk idiot. More on alcohol later. 

Anxiety gone. Enter the matrix.

When I was at clubs walking around pretending to be a chode it was like walking in a haze. Approaching was really difficult, and if I did it it was an instant blow off. If I man the fuck up the haze is gone and as I said before everything gets clearer. I did my warm ups, two set at stairs, go! "hey! until what time is this band playing?" I used to get these really weird looks before when I asked those questions, like doubt and "you are creepy" kind of looks. Now, nothing, I actually got a surprised look with fiery eyes of "I want you now". So that is the dominant effect, most girls get really nice and others will test me which is so fucking fun! (remember saturday). 
I am surprised she did not give me the nasty look or the dismissive "I don't know" She was paying attention, of course I'm not in state yet and is a warm up so I eject with the dumb excuse of its just a warm up. I will stay in set and plow or die. Excuses are not acceptable. 

By 12am my wing gets there and now the fun starts. We talk, get the traffic going outside our head, get in awesome bright sexy state and go hit the dance floor. There's two guys there at the death row, a couple of fat chicks dancing and two honeys looking all shy and sad. The dudes are leering at them as usual, the band is getting ready to play while the music makes the floor shake which makes our feet feel the dancing itch. I'm a terrible dancer, so bad it is funny. My wing and I start moving, talking loud, getting the eyes on us standing talking very fucking loud in the middle of the dance floor. We stand out. The magnet effect, the venus trap of love is  on. The dudes and the fat chicks are gone and only honeys are around us leering at us. I start feeling the pressure of their eyes on me, open! open! open! damn... I get inside my head for a little bit, anxiety is not acceptable, turn to open and I can't. It has been a while, I'm rusty, who gives a damn. I fight harder with that dumb anxiety and its gone, the band starts playing and open with a really cool song, Its on, I feel it, the fire on my heart goes full throttle, my wing feels it, the chodes feel it, and specially the cuties feel it too, I start jumping, singing and yelling, one girl looks at me in my eyes and we click, I look back at her and my core gives the order: imagine her having a hard, body shaking orgasm in my bed, she gets it, she opens me with a high five and a "heeey" I high five her back without breaking our eyesight., then... I pull, turn my back on her. At this moment I am not thinking, everything gets dictated from deep inside my core. It makes sense now, I am a natural already, all the right stuff to do is in my DNA. I turn my back on her by instinct and I know how attracted she got at that moment, my body knows what I'm doing its so fucking amazing. I keep jumping up and down having a fight with my head trying to stay out of it. After she opened me I started thinking cool, now what's next?? What do I say? What do I do? Social programming sucks, ego sucks. I keep fighting. Pretending to be a chode is not fucking acceptable. I keep my state.

We are having fun. Laughing and not paying attention to the environment. The magnet effect not only works with hot girls, it also attracts chodes who I presume want to join our party too, I have no problem with that if they are cool but now this guy comes from nowhere, he starts jumping next to us. For a second I think "umm I think we're getting amoged". I look at him analyzing what can I learn but no, since the haze is gone I see through his act. The guy is cool, at least, like us, he is learning and trying but his body language and expressions are weird, they make me feel weird, repulsed and nervous. I move away before people think we're with him. This guy is really well dressed, black shirt, black pants, better than us. He is jumping like crazy, goes behind the girls and I look in amazement "oh man!! he's gonna open, cooool!!" but he breaks my heart. He chooses to go with the purposeless hand of doom and he jumps behind the girls with a fake smile and his hands on and off their backs. They turn and blow him of. He is done but keeps jumping, he's good at getting attention which I learned from him, but that's about it. Then he is gone. 

The band is playing really cool music  and we keep singing and dancing, making jokes and laughing when all of the sudden I feel this push on my left shoulder. Someone tackling me and pushing me to the side I move so I do not lose my balance and look. It's these three girls moving to the front and one of them is the high five chick from before. I hate being pushed and I dislike rude people, specially rude girls who think they can get away with pushing me out of their way like I am a regular chode. I get pissed, I turn and say "What the fuck!!" with a semi-smile on my face, I listen to my core, that's what I said. "What the fuck!!" one of them was already gone, the second one heard me and ran to the front towards her friend but my high five girl is there looking all ashamed and guilty. I feel kind of bad, she says "I'm sorry but my friend wanted to go upstage" Or I think that's what she said, I look at her all sweet and loving and say "hey, hey, there's no problem" and touch her shoulder comforting her. Her skin is soft warm and smooth, my instinct goes wild with desire, I feel like kissing her but that dumb voice in my head comes back "don't!". She touches me back, I hug her a little and she's talking about who knows what, I think she was still apologizing for her rude friend. A bad moment to get stuck in my head. I let her pass, I'm done. We dance a little more but it's late. Time to go home. We get back home with my wing to get some sleep for Saturday night. It will be cool.

So, I learned state is everything. What I feel she feels. Man the fuck up, there are no excuses: Anxiety is not fucking acceptable.
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 This is a test. My first time blogging. 
It has been a while since I checked the RSD website out. Man it has improved!! 2.0 is great, no doubt about it. I've been thinking a lot about "pick-up" lately and how RSD took a different direction from the usual BS. You see, I took a bootcamp about two years ago (shit, time goes fast!!! anyone said motivation??) And it was life changing. There is no other way to describe my experience. I came from the bottom of my social circle of friends... the two or three I saw every four months and of course, all guys. In fact I can say I had absolutely NO friends. I was anti-social, I hated parties, I hated meeting people but at the same time felt lonely. I think about it now and it seems so funny but being there was not fun at all. I've come a long way. 
After taking the bootcamp, things started improving FAST!! I only wish I had seen the RSD dvd's before taking the bootcamp. At he time I did not have approaches under my belt, I knew a lot of "theory" but never used it. I did not know about natural game but in those three days it was installed in me and eventually, to this day it just keeps improving. 
The three months after the bootcamp were magical, in my "honeymoon period" I started to see crazy things happen at clubs, I became the party, and finally for the first time in my life I started getting phone numbers from cold approaches, my social circle went from 0 to 20 in four weeks, I felt like I had arrived, like I had finally become  good with women. BIG MISTAKE!
I became complacent. I met a bunch of people, went out with a couple of girls and it felt awesome but getting the mindset of "I am finally good" destroyed all the good work I put after the bootcamp. Weird things started to happen to my "game" at the clubs, I could not approach, I was getting nervous, anxious and giving up SO easily. I was defeated. I stopped going out and started staying home with my new friends. At the time I didn't realize because the thought of finally having friends blocked my view of who they really were, they are great people but they are as I was, total chodes. I identified with them and became a chode again. GOOD THING!!
After a few months of staying home watching movies, going to clubs and not doing approaches and getting drunk at the bar, something started burning in my soul... something started shaking my reality and cracking the chode shell I had surrounded myself with... Yes!! It was the attitude I gained at the bootcamp fighting its way back to the surface. One night it just exploded out, full, pure, awesome state of glory. The heat and the glow took over my mind and I went back to my dusty notes, my journals and the dvd's. It feels amazing coming back to this. I am taking notes again, studying better than before, learning faster than before and implementing the new RSD philosophy to what I already have. It just does amazing things.
I see one of the things I was lacking was the natural attitude. Even though I took the bootcamp, I went out still using the routines I learned beforehand, I do not regret it. They work. But, I've seen now, after studying from the new RSD, the attitude the talk about is fundamental for everything. 
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