I've been studying a lot of inner game, specially Alexander's blogs. Applying those concepts I've seen amazing things in the past two weeks. My state NEVER goes away, it only fluctuates between dormant and on. This is great because now I am able to get in state whenever I want and it has its effects: girls open me when I'm really on. It happened twice this weekend, so much fun. Woman are more relaxed around me, testing is easier to beat, "IOI's" are abundant. It is just amazing what a shift in thinking can do to my physique and personality. I'm attractive.
I've also noticed a great decrease in my "approach anxiety". I still get it but in a different way than before. It got a lot easier to control letting go of my ego and letting instinct take over. Its a difficult battle but I have to say wow, once I forget my ego everything becomes clear. Approaching gets easier but of course I have a lot to learn. For example, one thing I learned friday was to control the anxiety. It got really, really bad when I went out for the first time in six months specifically to meet women. The bar I planned to go to was full chode, absolutely empty and being ready to close at 10 pm. Of course I rolled next door where I heard a chill blues music and when I got there I was basically in shock. It was too much for me to handle and the anxiety became crippling, my heart pumping fast, my hands shaking it was ridiculous. I left, went to a place I'm familiar with but the anxiety was sill there. It was difficult being by myself at the club because I tend to get inside my head analyzing everything. It is not acceptable, anxiety is not acceptable. I sat down, determined to control it remembering all the theory and my new beliefs, it was like magic, from shaky and chodely nervous I went back to being myself. If being nervous was a 100% it went down to 10% just by remembering to man the fuck up. I got rid of the last 10% with a beer, it helps, it's interesting that thing about alcohol, I'll play with it to use it in my favor without being a drunk idiot. More on alcohol later.
Anxiety gone. Enter the matrix.
When I was at clubs walking around pretending to be a chode it was like walking in a haze. Approaching was really difficult, and if I did it it was an instant blow off. If I man the fuck up the haze is gone and as I said before everything gets clearer. I did my warm ups, two set at stairs, go! "hey! until what time is this band playing?" I used to get these really weird looks before when I asked those questions, like doubt and "you are creepy" kind of looks. Now, nothing, I actually got a surprised look with fiery eyes of "I want you now". So that is the dominant effect, most girls get really nice and others will test me which is so fucking fun! (remember saturday).
I am surprised she did not give me the nasty look or the dismissive "I don't know" She was paying attention, of course I'm not in state yet and is a warm up so I eject with the dumb excuse of its just a warm up. I will stay in set and plow or die. Excuses are not acceptable.
By 12am my wing gets there and now the fun starts. We talk, get the traffic going outside our head, get in awesome bright sexy state and go hit the dance floor. There's two guys there at the death row, a couple of fat chicks dancing and two honeys looking all shy and sad. The dudes are leering at them as usual, the band is getting ready to play while the music makes the floor shake which makes our feet feel the dancing itch. I'm a terrible dancer, so bad it is funny. My wing and I start moving, talking loud, getting the eyes on us standing talking very fucking loud in the middle of the dance floor. We stand out. The magnet effect, the venus trap of love is on. The dudes and the fat chicks are gone and only honeys are around us leering at us. I start feeling the pressure of their eyes on me, open! open! open! damn... I get inside my head for a little bit, anxiety is not acceptable, turn to open and I can't. It has been a while, I'm rusty, who gives a damn. I fight harder with that dumb anxiety and its gone, the band starts playing and open with a really cool song, Its on, I feel it, the fire on my heart goes full throttle, my wing feels it, the chodes feel it, and specially the cuties feel it too, I start jumping, singing and yelling, one girl looks at me in my eyes and we click, I look back at her and my core gives the order: imagine her having a hard, body shaking orgasm in my bed, she gets it, she opens me with a high five and a "heeey" I high five her back without breaking our eyesight., then... I pull, turn my back on her. At this moment I am not thinking, everything gets dictated from deep inside my core. It makes sense now, I am a natural already, all the right stuff to do is in my DNA. I turn my back on her by instinct and I know how attracted she got at that moment, my body knows what I'm doing its so fucking amazing. I keep jumping up and down having a fight with my head trying to stay out of it. After she opened me I started thinking cool, now what's next?? What do I say? What do I do? Social programming sucks, ego sucks. I keep fighting. Pretending to be a chode is not fucking acceptable. I keep my state.
We are having fun. Laughing and not paying attention to the environment. The magnet effect not only works with hot girls, it also attracts chodes who I presume want to join our party too, I have no problem with that if they are cool but now this guy comes from nowhere, he starts jumping next to us. For a second I think "umm I think we're getting amoged". I look at him analyzing what can I learn but no, since the haze is gone I see through his act. The guy is cool, at least, like us, he is learning and trying but his body language and expressions are weird, they make me feel weird, repulsed and nervous. I move away before people think we're with him. This guy is really well dressed, black shirt, black pants, better than us. He is jumping like crazy, goes behind the girls and I look in amazement "oh man!! he's gonna open, cooool!!" but he breaks my heart. He chooses to go with the purposeless hand of doom and he jumps behind the girls with a fake smile and his hands on and off their backs. They turn and blow him of. He is done but keeps jumping, he's good at getting attention which I learned from him, but that's about it. Then he is gone.
The band is playing really cool music and we keep singing and dancing, making jokes and laughing when all of the sudden I feel this push on my left shoulder. Someone tackling me and pushing me to the side I move so I do not lose my balance and look. It's these three girls moving to the front and one of them is the high five chick from before. I hate being pushed and I dislike rude people, specially rude girls who think they can get away with pushing me out of their way like I am a regular chode. I get pissed, I turn and say "What the fuck!!" with a semi-smile on my face, I listen to my core, that's what I said. "What the fuck!!" one of them was already gone, the second one heard me and ran to the front towards her friend but my high five girl is there looking all ashamed and guilty. I feel kind of bad, she says "I'm sorry but my friend wanted to go upstage" Or I think that's what she said, I look at her all sweet and loving and say "hey, hey, there's no problem" and touch her shoulder comforting her. Her skin is soft warm and smooth, my instinct goes wild with desire, I feel like kissing her but that dumb voice in my head comes back "don't!". She touches me back, I hug her a little and she's talking about who knows what, I think she was still apologizing for her rude friend. A bad moment to get stuck in my head. I let her pass, I'm done. We dance a little more but it's late. Time to go home. We get back home with my wing to get some sleep for Saturday night. It will be cool.
So, I learned state is everything. What I feel she feels. Man the fuck up, there are no excuses: Anxiety is not fucking acceptable.