What I'm asking is this, men: Why do I struggle so with social circle game? Is it a validation/ego issue? Do I put too much thought into my social circle? Is it mental, do I do better at cold approach game because I enjoy it? Or is it something else?
Here's the best way to describe it:
Do you remember in fight club where Edward Norton mentions how his entire life is "single serving" and even made reference to Brad Pitt as a "single serving friend?"
When there is zero history, zero attachment, and zero expectations - it REALLY doesn't matter what people think.
I mean, hey - you cold approach a girl, it doesn't go well...you get up and do it again. No skin off your back.
But, in a SOCIAL CIRCLE...you have another element that tinkers with your internal validation hard-wiring...
...and that, my friend, is "Reputation."
When you get to know people, you grow a reputation based on your actions. In social circles, people tend to cling together and judge others. And if you're not part of the red-hot core of their social circle, it can be easy to feel like an "outsider" and orbit around the social value core.
Your reputation is at stake here. No matter WHAT you do, there will be an impact:
1) If you fuck a girl, her friends (and your new friends) will know about it and judge you as a guy who's got game. The end results can be good or bad depending on how you manage the relationship with the girl and her social circle from there-on-in...pending the type of social circle (i.e. college cliques, bar goers, club kids, private house parties, etc) that you've found yourself wrapped up in.
2) You DON"T fuck a girl and her friends (and your new friends) will know about it. If you "cross the line" with a girl (because some social circles thrive off of immaturity and petty games) then other social circle members may form an unjustified opinion of you based on one girls craziness. This can make things awkward for you with the rest of the group.
All in all, there's more at stake in social circle game.
Couple points on social circle game:
1) Take it slow. There's no rush if you're gaining a reputation. Girls will gravitate towards you regardless as long as your a positive, fun to be around dude
2) Know your circle. Put your ear to the ground and find out "whos fucking who" and "who's exes with who" etc. You don't want to piss some dude off because you're about to fuck his ex...especially if he has social power.
3) GET TO KNOW THE GUYS. They are your key, here. If the alphas approve (and they will) then the girls will automatically see you as the same status as them - aka fuck worthy.
4) Offer value. Clearly, the group revolves around something (probably partying?) so find places for people to congregate. Just don't try too hard. Have your own thing going on that you invite them to...bringing them into your world as you have already experienced theirs. Start with the leaders and the followers will...well, follow.
5) ISOLATE. I can't tell you how many times i've seen guys try to make out with girls in front of their social circles. BAD idea. Discretion here is more important than anywhere else. Be wise with your moves in public.
There are more, and I could go on, but i think these 5 key points will help you see the difference between cold approaching and social circle game.
Go get em, tiger ;-P
I have a confession to make.
It’s now been over a whole damn year that my status has no longer been “single” and it is well known – throughout many social circles – that I am in a committed relationship to a very special woman.
Now, I know what you may be thinking…
How the FUCK does one possibly grow their game without dating multiple girls?
Good question. And for a long time, I would have never been able to give you a straight answer.
After years making a mark for myself in the “community” and rising through the ranks of seduction glory (let alone start working for the very company who’s content was responsible for equipping me with the tools to become who I am today), I found myself “not involved" anymore.
I mean, that’s what this stuff is for, right? Get the girl? Have ultimate sexual abundance and selection to go and get any girl you WANT?
I thought so…until I realized – just today – that game has nothing to do with girls AT ALL.
Nothing. Nope, nada. Zero. Zilch. Not a god damn thing to do with it. And I’ll explain why.
We come into this shit to develop ourselves as men under the pretense that “getting girls” is the ultimate barometer of success which essentially pin-points exactly how far along you are on your path. Usually, the hotter the girl, the better you’ve become. And the “hottest” girl honestly means that you’re just plain satisfied with your love life.
I got that. I got there. And I’ve been with her for over 365 days.
And its not like my sexual (and sensual) commitment did ANYTHING to my ability to talk to girls. In fact, it’s easier now than ever before. I’m just more comfortable with myself and chatting up a broad here or there doesn’t shake me in the least.
But here’s the thing: When you’re no longer going out and working your pickup skill set (and constantly reminding yourself of the masculine power you’ve developed while doing so) and you’re in total control of your relationship, then what is there to gauge success anymore?
(Note – My relationship is awesome and I’m most certainly in near perfect harmony with my woman, meaning there is total acceptance and no nasty power struggles over dominance at all)
It’s funny how we work as human beings. You get accustomed to something, then its gone – and you no longer identify with it being as a part of yourself. But when you let go, something happens inside that is seemingly stirring underneath just beneath the surface the entire time.
Without a goal, without an vision or projected future to lust after, the road towards success is far different than the ego driven motive that has always propelled me farther ahead in life. It requires commitment to consistency, which is something you could always (and easily) gauge through running around and picking up girls.
However, this type of consistency requires something more.
I’m talking about having faith and determination (with every step in your every-day life) that comes from knowing, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that what you are doing is right and your long term path is trusted to stay in place.
This is game, gentlemen. I say this only now as I realize that this level of commitment to one’s self is the real “next level” to game. A game beyond women – the game of life.
And this is my new goal.
They say that every man must have a mission. This mission comes from his life’s work. And to have faith in that mission – day in, and day out – regardless of the ups and downs that occur on a daily basis, is the only way we will ever truly succeed.
Realizing this blew my fucking mind. And after a year of not “running game”, I finally have the motivation to say – “It's game on”.