BKW's Blog

Missing "that" girl today.  More like, missing the experience with her.  Didn't know her last name for years and found it online today and saw her on facebook.  Weird.
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Fuck yeah.  Complete skateboard came in the mail today.  Was dying to get started.  There is snow everywhere in ohio right now so can't skate outside.  Decided to look up if any indoor skateparks were around and found this one and went. 

Man, it was really fun to get back on my board after so long and shred.  Basically, took me about 40minutes to get to were I used to be skill-wise.  Not the best, but not too bad either.  Need to work on my grinds though.  Flip tricks aren't too bad.  I was probably the 2nd worst skater there out of 8 skaters.  These guys were pretty good.  I was a little concerned about being older and my energy but I feel like I did when I was younger (I'm 28 now).  I'm in good shape and my energy levels are great, so no concerns there.  Everyone bitches about losing energy after a certain age.  Wonder when that is gonna catch up to me?  lol.

This whole experience really brought me back.  It is amazing how I found certain passions so early in life.  Skateboarding is right for me as it's a solo sport, which I like, and it's just fun as fuck.  Driving home I was feeling so good and body drained feeling great listening to bomb ass tunes drinking my energy drink :)  Super content in that moment.  That's what it's all about.

I'm going to try and get back into making music too.  I think this is a good thing for me to do.  Having hobbies that I truly enjoy doing will be a good addittion with pickup and life in general.

Feeling good :)
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Going to start skateboarding again.  It's been years but still looks as fun as ever!  Don't know why I stopped!

I live in Ohio, so I wonder if there is any indoor skateparks around?  Hmmm..

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This is a bit of a no-brainer I suppose, but I find it interesting how these things are sometimes my biggest motivators.  Recently I've felt a lack of interest in pickup, and I've noticed this lack of interest comes from abundance, or feeling like I reached a point where I'm like, "What now?".  I know you should take action regardless of how you feel but I was curious at as to why I wasn't motivated.  Although I've experienced this before, I think I understand one of my greatest motivators is pain, frustration, loneliness, etc.  And when you think about it, it makes sense.  Everything we experience is biologically driven, so the emotional pain (w/e you want to call it) is an indicator to take action; it's there to spur us on and give us that motivation to take on w/e it is that will benefit us.  Interesting stuff. 

It's kind of shitty it is like this--that you have to feel pain sometimes to get motivated--but you can likely appreciate such feelings for what they are: indicators to take action; fuel for the fire; fuel to succeed.

Honestly, I don't even know why I feel this pain experience atm.  I don't even know what feeling it is exactly.  I am tired, so maybe that is the reason?  But out of nowhere, BAM I'm motivated!

I've had these types of pain feelings all my life on and off.  It is a normal thing people experience from time to time.  But it's time to appreciate these feelings, because it is these feelings that make me a boss.  These feelings fuel me to take higher challenges and go farther than ever.  It's the main reason I came into pickup.  If I am to be honest, it's a big reason why I went to college.  When that feeling of pain is removed the level of motivation is taken down. 

Pleasure spiked with pain:

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God damn, I suck at pickup lol

Been doing this too long to be THIS shitty.  haha
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Went out last night and didn't approach anyone.  And I still hold this stupid anxiety/distaste for bars.  Everyone seems to go in their groups and it just seems weird to barge in when I really have nothing to talk about and hit on a girl.  I realize how lame this thought pattern is, so if you're reading this and want to clarify how much of a chode I sound like, save your breath.

One thing I can say about myself is that this shit usual just bothers me to no end, so much so that I go crazy thinking about it until I make it happen.  For me, if I had the choice to daygame all day everyday and forget about bars all together, I probably would, but this is coming from a place that currently does not like going to bars.

In the end, man up, and stop being a bitch.

Just felt like writing.
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Now that I feel like I've moved forward so much since I was younger with regards to women, I absolutely HATE the feeling of moving backwards, almost as if it is an obsession not to.  Last night at work I got that "feeling" of insecurity; that feeling of moving backward into a time when I first started: doubting and questioning myself and other people; alienating myself. 

Why did it come about?  Well, because we recently got some cute girls working at the job and I feel ill-equipped to handle the situation.  A part of me says that I shouldn't hit on girls at work, and I agree with that.  Another part of me feels a sense of insecurity and alienation for not doing something.  And when I get that sense of insecurity when it comes to women it is a jolt of "duuuuude, wtf!? you need to work on this RIGHT NOW".  I feel as though I'm beyond this, and I am, but I also know I am not immune to these feelings either.

I don't know, a little vague, but I felt like writing this.  I don't see myself moving backwards anytime soon.  Other guys here are clearly bosses when it comes to meeting women.  I like to follow my own path.  Right now that path is starting to looking like building a solid rotation.  I take it one step at a time.  And a fascinating part of all of this is that I get more intrigued and turned on by women the more I age.  I don't know why.  The obsession does not seem to be slowing lol.
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Dating and meeting girls has always been the weirdest bunch of mind fucks I've ever given to myself and continues to be so. What I mean by that is at one moment I'm totally cool with the idea approaching; the next I'm not; you have to account for motivation, momentum, and all that other crap inside your mind, hers, etc., etc., depending on how you view it and feel. It is no wonder I'm always thinking about this shit. In a way, it's kind of fucked up. It's not as straight forward to me sometimes and it doesn't really come naturally like most things, which I find strange, especially since it is such an important part of biology. It's kind of a mind fuck and it's just strange to me how much thought can go into this, even if you've thought about it a zillion times.
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I'm a bit of a forum junky, I must admit. I was on another forum since 2005 then I asked to get permanently banned because I was getting tired of so many negative-Nancys, but I miss that forum because it was very diverse in subjects. I currently trying to fill the void somewhere else online. I don't want to make my FR a personal blog per say, and I feel like this blog is kind of lame, w/e.

Anyway, I'm just going to start talking because I'm bored...

Definitely do NOT feel like going out tonight, especially solo. Haven't approached in a little over a week. Don't feel like hitting up the bar especially in the state I'm in (introverted), but I know it'd eat me up if I didn't being it's friday and I finally have time to devote to pick up, so I'll go out. I'll probably think of something to be excited about before I go there so I can at least not derail my objective of talking to women.

I know RSD instructors and other longtime players in the game say that they are always learning more about pick up. Tyler says after 10 years he is still learning. With that said, I don't necessarily want to say I know EVERYTHING, but I feel like for the most part a lot of my question about "game" is somewhat answered "theoretically". For the most part, at least where I'm at now, I know I'm a good conversationalist; I know I have a lot to offer; I respect myself, and I know there are random elements of game beyond my control. So considering this, I know what I'm lacking to make my game better, and that is approaching more and trying to close more 9numbers, dates, lays). It sounds so simple but yet I've always questioned too deep into the shit thinking it was something else. If women are attracted to a man of "value", then I know I have that and I don't supplicate. If I'm nervous I'm OK with it and don't attach it to my main character because it's not, and if I'm confident I know the reasons. What else can I be if I know I'm everything? The only thing that I can manipulate is my output and how people initially perceive me. If game is mainly in favor for men with "value", which I know I have, then why aren't I getting girls? Lol. That answer is simple, and I already answered it above: not enough action. I think the thing I still can improve on is emotional fluctuation with game, which can be complicated--maybe more than I realize at the moment?

If I can stay indifferent to rejection while at the same time taking massive action I don't see why I can't succeed at this point. It's easy to say now while out of the field, but emotions are different inside, but not like they used to for me. Now it's mainly boredom and laziness.


Missing that sexual chemistry I had with my last GF. I miss the feminine energy and the excitement of that chemistry. It made life more interesting and magical. She wasn't even that, that hot but it was still there, that energy, and I appreciated her essence. Lol, when I talk like this we can all be assured I have no females in my life and need to get my game up again lol
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You can choose to be happy or sad; disappointed or content. It's not a fate upon you regardless of the situation. There is only failure when we stop trying because there is no failure in progressing anyway. If we fail but use it as a learning experience then we ultimately didn't fail. The only failure is giving up. The ONLY failure is giving up.
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