bizzleton3's Blog

 
 Lol.  So my little ego has been fucking with me after I fucked that girl.  Like I want to call her but theres another side of me telling I cant and have to keep moving forward.  I just feel so fucking weird.  Its like that nervous/anxious feeling in your legs and you can barely move them.  Its wierd though cuz before when I had that I couldnt talk at all but now I can still talk reasonably well.  So thats the intro.

Tonight I went out solo again.  Forced myself to do...have to wake up in 5 hours but decided to push myself.  Get to the venue....Immediately open the first set.  They like me....one fatty and one cutie but shes just too old for me.  So I leave from here I go up to a group of 4 people and go straight for the girl I like.  I was saying the "right" things but felt so fucking awkward.  Its not that I was awkward because I was in a group setting....I feel the same way right now.  Like its this intense weight in my legs and they dont want to move. I sound like a fucking pyscho lol.  So anyway I say fuck it and just force it with this girl.  She is clearly not into me....her eyes are darting around yadada. But I keep pushing.  I try to play thumbwar with her but there was NO connection so it fet retarded.  She eventually leaves.  I go after her....she leaves again. HAHA.  I move on...see a girl I met a couple days ago.  Unfortunatly I acted like a when I first met her so that was in the back of my mind....like this gay voice saying "she knows your weird."  LIKE COMEON RYAN.  I go up....shes laughing at what im saying and touching me.  But i still felt really wierd and forcing shit.  

Side note:  I feel like I had no choice but to force it tonight.  How do I act congruent when I feel like Chinese person on an LA freeway. LIKE WTf

Anyway, back to the night.  She eventually says "why are you so awkward."  Cuz we were on the dance floor and I was just talking her stiff as a rock.  I dont know what I said, but eventually I said "Look either you like me or you dont....You can say no to me."  I thought that was pretty genius but I knew it wasnt going to lead anywhere.  I could just tell the chick has a hard time saying "no".  So I leave cuz I know im being a fucking creeper.  Who fucking cares though.  Seriously ego, who gives a fucking shit if one goddamn girl thinks your a wierdo.  It is going to happen from time to time.  I sound really pissed right now, but more just stifled as a motherfucker.  Anyway So I want to leave.  But I told myself I would be out for an hour and I have ten min left.  I spot a chick and hesistate for a second then loop back around and approach.  This chick is into it.  I mean I feel the same way but I can immediatly tell there is a decent vibe here.  Her fatty friend wants to go get tacos so we all go.  So were at the taco place....fatty and my girl are talking to the guy manager and completely ignoring me.  So I flirt with girl who took my order and if she had a cuter face I woulda rammed her.  But anyway this starts to piss me off but I lett them do there thing and I eat my taco.  When the fatty says we have to leave to me...I stop my girl for a second.  Tell her how rude that was of her to ignore me like that after inviting me for tacos.  She starts to apologize and comply but fatty comes back and grabs her away from me.  I just stand there....like I should have said fuck you to the fatty and gotten the chicks number at least but I felt like such a dud.  Anyway now Im back home about to go to sleep.

Right now its hard to see the good out a night like this.  I went out, persisted, and approached all the while feeling like a pyscho person.  So thats cool.  But I fucking hate how one night I feel great and the next I feel like this.  I know I aint the only one like this but its ridiculous shit.  Like by nature Im a little anxious but this shit is a joke.   All I can do is keep on keeping on and trying new shit and just be myself cuz IM GOOD ENOUGH.  Funny how the A's won tonight and I feel so shit.  2 more games....we are the shit at home and I know my boys reddick and cespedes will get it done.  

If anyone reading this goes through the same shit lemme know your opinion.  It is much appreciated. THANKS
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#1
Icebreaker753

Icebreaker753

Junior Member

Join Date: 07/14/2013 | Posts: 2

I hate that feeling.  Nice blog man. It really reminds me of my own experiences, and its weird how you can feel so on  top of it one night and so down the next.
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