bizzleton3's Blog

This is blowing my mind right now so I want to get it down. Also, I look forward to doing more of these.

So first, a little introduction.  Im a 22 year old 5th year college student.  Didnt get laid until my freshman year in college and to this point I have had sex with 7 women in my life.  Numbers not something to stress over but still a good indicator of where you are at.  Anyway, I have fucked around with game for two years now but only in the last month or two have I started to take this stuff seriously.  Approaching girls during the day going to class, going out as much as possible and approaching, watever.  I could go further into this but you get the jist: I am basically a noob right now with much work to do.  But I have seen some progress, indicated by what I will delve we go

About 4 weeks ago I saw this really cute girl get out of her car on the way to class.  I had hesitated the past couple of days and this time I said, Ryan, GO! So i went in with, "hey this is really random but I had to stop you because I think your really cute."  Whatever, talk about her class for a second, make a couple of good jokes, give her a hug, get her number.  So we text on and off for like three weeks.  During this time I have sex with one girl that I wasn't into at all but did it anyway, go out alot, get a few makeouts, a few numbers, but nothing really solid.  So two days I decide I am going to attempt to take this girl on my first real date.  What i mean is that I had never taken a girl on a date who I hadnt hooked up with before.  So I arrange to go to Starbucks.  I have her come to my house so I know that we will invariably have to end up back here.  Got that hint from Brad Branson.  She gets out the car, and this girl is wayyyyyyyy hotter than I remembered.  Shes a 9.5.  Hottest girl Ive ever had a solid interaction.  But for some reason I am in the zone.  I take her with me to the bank to drop off some checks first, just trying to bring her into my life and show her Im a cool dude, got that from Ryan.  So we go to Starbucks, play thumb wars, got that from TwoStep.  Then I take her to walk through some of the shops near by.  Again got that from Two Step.  I am escalating the whole time as we try on stupid shit and make fun of each other.  By the end of the date I just know its on.  We get out of the car, its 315 she has work at 4.  I immediately grab her.  She melts.  I give her a light kiss. Pull back, go back in, make out more.  She loves it.  Grab her ass.  Grab her boobs....she works at hooters by the way so you get my drift.  Just going so well... Im in the ZONE.  So I let her go to work.  Its friday night right now, we went out on wednesday.  So immediatley after the date Im pumped, but then I start freaking the fuck out, thinking things like "I should have fucked her, I have to fuck her, Shes the hottest girl Ive ever been with....chode shit.  I realized before when I didnt "realize" how hot she was I didnt care what I said to her on text....I was being me and it worked.  Now Im scared cuz its hard to act like my true self with all these needy insecure thoughts.  Obviously.  Regardless, I had her lined up to hang out with me tonight.  We were texting and I was feeling a super aggresive/descriptive text of us getting frisky and no response.  Whatever.  Truth is it is probably best I didnt have sex with her.  My biggest sticking point is complacency.  I was letting thoughts run through my head like If i fuck this super hot chick I will be good enough and validated now.  SO GAY.  At least I recognize it.  I feel like shit right now, so fucking anxious about it and obviously I still want to fuck her because I seriously like and felt so much vibe on the date.  I mean everything went perfectly.  Everything fell into place because I was being me and not giving a shit.  I also realize this is less of a field report than me ranting but I like to get this down on paper.  I need to be more goal oriented to get a clearer path.  As Ozzie would say, I am an Obssessive as defined by George Leonard.  Ive never had goals in my life and its time I get them or I will continue to have ocurrances like this.  My spelling sucks but whatever.  If your reading this I hope you can Identify or possibly offer any advice.  I seriously want to be a stud at this.  Sometimes that desire isnt there, but that is really just my ego saying I need to take it easy so as not to get hurt.  But I know deep down that I feel like shit when I do that.  I want to be a boss at this and in life.  I know the other side of it and want so strongly to flip my paradigm.  So I may or may not have sex with this girl.  Kinda feel like Im not going to though which usually means i wont.  When you want something so badly you rarley get it.  Right now the one-itis is ridiculously high cuz I am attached to her hotness but this is a sign of my old ways.  Well Im seriously tired...went out tonight cuz I figured we werent going to meet up....Commitedly opened two sets in thirty minutes one of them bit but I didnt feel much attraction.  Fuck this.  IM IN IT FOR THE LONG HAUL.  
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