bigwillystyle's Blog

4 Simple Steps on How to Deal with Approach Anxiety
Hey Rsd nation, this article is a short step by step guide, to help you, to get past your approach anxiety.
I remember when I first started out, it took me more than one hour of standing around, until I finally approached a girl. I would be so stuck up in my head, playing a whole scenario, not knowing what to say. Often I even just ended up going home, with not having talked to anyone. So let’s get started...

1 Set achievable goals for yourself
Before you go out, you want to set yourself some goals and a clear time frame.

I commit myself for one month to take every day the following actions:
- Make eye contact with 5 girls on the street
- Say hello to 5 girls on the street

Setting clear goals increases your motivation and prevents from getting stuck in your head, because you know exactly what you want to attain.
All you have to do is make eye contact and say hello. Anything that happens after doesn't matter. If a conversation happens you can stay, if not you can leave.
One month is a good time frame to start off with, in general it takes about 30 days to break an old pattern such as approaching anxiety.

2 Get clear about your own criteria for success
“You have a right to perform your prescribed duty, but you are not entitled to the fruits of action.”
- Bhagavad Gita

This is important to keep your motivation going and keep a positive attitude to the process in that month and beyond. If you have been following up on your goals, and approached every day 5 girls and all of them rejected you for the past 5 days, there is no point in beating yourself up.
In order to keep your motivation in the process of moving past your approach anxiety, you have to base your criteria for success on something that is in your control and not on something externally (like the reaction of the girls).
Based on the listed goals above, your criteria for success is to make eye contact with 5 girls and say hello.
You have to consciously train yourself, to give yourself props that you had the balls to say hello or make the eye contact, even after a girl rejects you.

Every time you feel a negative emotion when a girl rejects you, tell yourself:
“I am the fucking boss, because I approached.”
The point is to break the patterns of feeling negative emotions by the reactions to you and learning to put yourself in a good mood, based on your own actions.
Have trust in the process, with the right effort success inevitably will come.

3 Create leverage
Some days we are not in the best mood, and especially with breaking old habits, it can get challenging following through. In the following part I am going to explain different ways on how to motivate yourself to keep on pushing and following up with your goals no matter what.

3.1 Declarations:
Declarations are statements of the intentions of doing or being something and can be really helpful in your process. It’s important that you take action right after this exercises, so you can turn your intentions into reality.

Just before you go out gaming, stand in front of the mirror, place your hand on your heart and say:
“I act in spite of fear.”
“I act in spite of doubt.”
“I act in spite of worry.”
“I act in spite of inconvenience.”
“I act in spite of discomfort.”
“I act when I’m not in the mood.”
“I am bigger than any problems.”
“I can handle any problems.”

"I observe my thoughts, and only entertain those that empower me.”
At the end, place the other hand on your head and say:
“I have the power to change anything in my life now.”

3.2. Motivational videos
Nourishing yourself with motivational books and videos is a very powerful way to cultivate a strong drive and a positive attitude to the process.
Here are 2 videos I watch every morning that get me excited and pumped up:

3.3 Pushing each other with 2 or more people
It’s also very helpful to find someone you can game with together, so you can push each other (if you don't know anyone, become part of the inner circle in your city and meet new people or send them a private message on the forum). There are several games you can play together, in order to motivate each other to keep on approaching.

The 10 dollar game: You give your buddy 10 dollars, and if you don't do the approach, he gets to keep the money.
Punch or Approach: If your buddy doesn't approach in the next 2 minutes, you get to punch him on his arm (this game is not about knocking your friend out if he doesn't approach, it’s about bringing a bit fun into the whole game). Your criterion for success is now not to get punched, that can make the approach itself easier.
Self-written contract: You can tell a buddy about your goals and sign a self-written contract. If you don't follow up with your goals, you have to give him a certain amount of money or do something for him (the point is, to link more pain to not taking action). Your friend can check up on you once in a while, and remind you of the punishment if you haven't taken action yet.

4 Challenge yourself
Whenever you feel throughout the process things are getting too easy, keep pushing past your comfort zone. Adjust your goals and keep moving forward, never rest on your laurels.

Keep pimping!

Login or register to post.

Related Posts





Join Date: 08/30/2012 | Posts: 90

great post..very helpful
Login or register to post.


Senior Member

Join Date: 06/29/2008 | Posts: 176

 Good post man. Filled with essential yet fundamental ideas plus a few extra techniques.
Login or register to post.


Junior Member

Join Date: 12/13/2012 | Posts: 9

 Can't beat the fundementals 
Login or register to post.


Junior Member

Join Date: 05/19/2012 | Posts: 25

Great post man! Thank you
Login or register to post.



Join Date: 06/07/2014 | Posts: 87

Nice Post!
Login or register to post.


Junior Member

Join Date: 06/10/2014 | Posts: 4

Login or register to post.