Bennay's Blog

 
 I meant to do this when I got home last night, but meh. I am now. I've getting into the materials for about a month after a buddy who got a girlfriend and got out hooked me up with some wisdom.

I've made a few occasional outings over the past month, but it was busy time at school so not much. They were educational, mostly just applying principles when I've been out with friends or whatever. I might write them up some day. Also been meditating most days, that's been giving me a lot of benefits generally, actually. I'm into the second week of this course, seems like a good, secular introduction.

Last night was my first ever focused, solo outing. I have severe AA, that was my goal.

I was tired, but I'd preordered a ticket to a DJ show so I didn't have a choice about going out. Had a redbull. Walked downtown making a point of trying to stay present. The whole "walking meditiation" you hear about. I decided to go to a bar in a backpacker's hostel I knew about but had never actually been to. Good decision, I'll get into that later, but on my first go I made the mistake of sitting down and just getting into a bad logisitical place and losing momentum.

A nerd-cute 5 looked over at me from across the bar and I was berating myself internally for my weakness in not going over to her. I didn't. I finished my beer and went to the club, all the time staying in my head, thinking about how if I couldn't open a set in the most casual, social atmosphere known to man I'd fuck up in the club for sure. I got to the club, checked my coat, chatted a (very) little bit with the coat check girl, and decided I was going back to that fucking bar to finish what I started. 

I walked back and started chatting with this big bearded dude that I'd heard say he was originally from pretty close to my home town. Interesting dude, merchant mariner, good chat but it started to drag. Again, I'd sat down and lost the physical momentum/mobility. Started talking with another dude for a while, another cool guy. 

I finally got up and walked into where I'd seen the 5. I couldn't find her at first, but I walked around the corner and she was sitting there talking with a few people. She looked up and me and I wasn't sure what to say, so to buy some time I pulled up a chair, sat down, and said "What's up?" A bold move. At least for me. 

I talked with her for a while. It's fucking easy in these places, everyone's genuinely interesting, there's never any shortage of conversation topics. She's from Germany doing a gap year. A couple times I didn't have anything at hand to say, so I just kept eye contact until she started talking again. I was happy with that one too. 

I got into the social group, talked with her travelling friend and some of the other people who were staying there. There was also a hippy 7 who lived in town, really close to me actually. I was doing well with her. She invited me to another bar they were going to after this one closed, but I already had my ticket for the thing and it was $25, so I was sort of limited in my options. Turned out ok though, the 5 and her 4 friend decided to come to the club with me instead of the bar. 

A couple blocks down the 4 said that she wasn't going to come, she was going to bed, leaving me and the 5 going together. So we get there, start dancing, grinding, making out, fingering, etc. That was fine, that's obvious shit, what I was proud of myself for was the physical leading. Every so often I'd move her somewhere else just for the hell of it, just take her hand and walk somewhere while kind of ignoring her. I noticed how critical this became later. 

At 1:30 I pulled her outside to talk logistics. She was staying in one of the big dormitory style rooms, so that was out. I said "Umm... so... I've got drinks at my house? [yes, there was a question mark there...] But it's pretty far. I dunno... You wanna come have some drinks?" Fucking weak move.
"Listen, I really like you, but I'm not going to just, like... go home with you." I know. ASD.
"Cool. Let's go back inside."

Dance some more, go and sit at a table in the back where we sit making out while she rubs my cock under it. Every so often I'd take her hand off, both to lead and because I was genuinely concerned we'd get kicked the fuck out. The lights come on, we get our coats and leave. I led her back to the hostel. Every once in a while I'd push her into a doorway to make out and give her a bit of finger. Passed an alley that was tucked in behind a bunch of buildings so there was no way anyone could see what was going on there at 2:30am and led her in.

Blowjob close. I would've gone for the lay, but I somehow managed to forget a fucking condom. 

Failures:
-Approaching. The grab and sit was pretty bold, but only two cold approaches (including one on a dude) is fucking weak
-Triggering ASD by not leading on the extraction. Especially when I had been leading all along.
-I really should've at least got 7's number 
-Not staying physically mobile
-I didn't get as in state/alpha as I've been sometimes. Although part of that was just that she was already so compliant that there's really only so much you can do. Good to remember that fighting with girls is part of the fun, though

Positives:
-The one approach I did do was pretty good
-Leading 90% of the time
-Eye contact
-Befriending her group definitely smoothed the logistics
-The hostel thing deserves a special mention. Seriously, it's a building full of people who are genuinely interesting, non-cliquey, and looking for exotic adventures that might involve an exotic penis. I'm definitely going back there. 
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