Imagine you are in a night club on your casual night out, loud music playing, the place is filled with hotties and people having fun, yet the only thing you can think of is your bad mood. Does this happen often to you? If the answer to that question is yes, then this article may be of help to you.
+++ What is Social Momentum? +++
The idea of social momentum is basically taking specific actions to get to a social/sexual mood while out. Imagine you have been working all day and you are in a logical mood while you are out. You know that being logical never gets you laid. On the other hand you see a dude who is having his own party, grabbing girls, jumping up and down, it's only natural that he gets laid at the end of the night. What's the difference between you and him? It's social momentum.
I'm sure you don't think he's like that when he's at home alone, or while he is out shopping, or while he is working, right? He did some things that gradually put him in that state. I will show you now how you can also get in that state.
+++ Alcohol +++
Probably the easiest and most consistent way to build social momentum is alcohol. The guys you see out partying like there is no tomorrow have probably been drinking. A lot. It's like a "good mood" potion!
I really don't have anything against alcohol, but in my opinion, it's far from the best way to achieve a good mood because of the downsides it has:
- Destroys your brain cells. It can really dumb you down when you overuse it. Since you go out regularly, it's really not sustainable.
- Hangover. Fucking sucks.
- It costs a lot (especially where I live, in Sweden). Now, if you are a billionaire you probably don't care about this, but there is better use for your money!
+++ Follow Your Fears +++
While in the club, I'm sure there are moments when you think of something that you want to do, spontaneously and you block yourself by thinking "what if people don't like it?" or "what if people judge me?" or similar thoughts. Guess what? These are your fears. Building social momentum means proving to yourself that what other people think of you doesn't matter AT ALL! So,
+++ Let Your Mind Lead The Way +++
Treat your mind like your spoiled dog. It wants to have fun, it wants to flirt, it wants to be free. So let it. Just stop denying it what it wants because of your little bullshit thoughts about who is judging you and LET IT BE FREE!
"please let me out?"
Trust it! It really knows the way. It even knows how to attract girls and getting them horny. The only thing you need to do is let it. That's really what building momentum is, letting your inner dog do exactly what it wants without any stupid thought intereference!
+++ Tyler's Six Steps +++
I use Tyler's Six Steps to evaluate how I'm doing every night. This is really helpful because if I had a bad night out there are always some points out of these that I did "wrong". I believe that this is an awesome process for momentum building, but keep in mind that you don't always have to follow it, there are many times that my "dog" wants to occupy itself with other things instead of approaching all the time, for example dancing with friends.
+++ Do What Works For YOU +++
In the same way that a map can never be 100% accurate, you have to understand that nobody can provide you with a good enough process that works 100% for you. You are going to have to go out and try different things to eventually develop your own process that works just for you!
I hope this article helped you realize some things about social momentum and yourself! Until next time!
Quick question: Have you ever had a bad night out where everyone else seems to be having fun except you? Have you ever walked back home doubting yourself and the success you can achieve? Have you ever doubted the fact that you can actually become the person that you want to become? Ever thought to yourself "Why the hell I'm I doing this?" or "Is this actually going to help me get to where I want to with women?" or "How come I'm the only one who can't do this? How come I don't get it?"
I guess this was more than a quick question afterall. Pretty negative thoughts huh? Yet we've all had them. We've all been there, experienced this feeling, doubted the process of pickup and ourselves at one point. But don't worry, this article is dedicated to YOU, who aspires to become the biggest pimp in the world, have abundance with women and is really a person with that area of his life taken care of.
Warning: This is NOT a motivational article. What I'm trying to do here is provide you with some knowledge that really helped me stay on this path and keep hammering until I get there. So, sorry, there are no "you can do it" quotes here, just some things to keep in mind in your journey towards success with women.
- What is the Process All About? - In order to never give up and keep pimping, you have to understand what the process is, as I always say, "you can't face something if you don't know what it is".
This video in my opinion is one of the most important videos Tyler ever made, check it out:
A simple way to explain the process is "peeling the layers towards your core, attractive self". This is not the most acurate way to put it, it's just a simple and helpful way to think about it.
- Face Your Fears - Constantly. If you are serious about getting success with women, you HAVE TO FACE YOUR FEARS. In fact, I could argue that this is the most important part of pickup. You have to learn to be honest with yourself, identify what your fears are and go and face them as fast as you can!
Thank you Ozzy for the wise words! So facing your fears is REALLY important in this game. Imagine that your faculties are the magic juice inside a potion and your fears are the lid. Once you get rid of them, the lid opens and your natural attractive self flows out! Oh, and BONUS. The lid gets weaker gradually over time if you are facing your fears consistently.
- Do it for the Reference - Many times in my endeavours, prior to approaching a girl, this stupid thought comes to mind:
"What if I do the approach? How is this going to help me?"
Believe me, this DOES help you. No matter WHAT, you get a reference experience. Even if you think you are not learning, your mind uncosciously does the learning for you! The only thing you have to worry about is executing, facing your fears and letting go! All the other pieces of the puzzle fall naturally into place.
- Mastermind Group - A really cool "technique" to make things easier for you is finding people that are into this and creating a mastermind group. This is something that really helped me a lot. I was alone in the beginning, but as time passed I found people that were interested in going out regularly also, so we became friends, created a group on facebook and started going out together consistently.
This is also good because if you normally go out with your friends, say, 4 times a week, you will eventually start asking each other everyday "dude where should we go tonight?" "are you coming out?". This makes it so much easier to actually keep on going out and shooting the shit!
- Have Fun -
Key. Whenever you feel like things are too complicated for you JUST. HAVE. FUN. Forget about the next move or the next thing to say or the next opener. Act stupid, do what you feel like doing. Remember that a big part of this is actually learning how to have fun every time you go out, how to create positive emotions on demand!
I really hope this helps you, the aspiring pimp, to achieve the life of your dreams! Until next time!
So, here's the scenario. You walk around the club on your casual night out and you see this:
Heart starts pumping quickly, knees feel weaker, hands getting sweaty, we all know the feeling. So many people experience approach anxiety it's not even funny. This is definitely something you need to take care of, on your way to being the ultimate player of the world. How do we take care of it then? Well, I'm glad you asked.
1. Understand it
How can you deal with something, if you don't know what it is, if you don't understand why it happens and where it comes from?
Well, the simple explaination is, approach anxiety really comes from way back, when people used to live in tribes, hunt for food and struggle for survival. Back then, getting kicked out of the tribe meant certain death, nobody could make it on their own. So whenever you were to approach a girl meant "challenging" the tribe's alpha male and risk getting kicked out of the tribe, or actually killed by the alpha dude. So your brain developed these "defences" that basically prevent you from approaching the girl you liked.
Of course, there is no way this kind of thing can happen nowadays. You yourself know that nobody will do you harm for approaching a girl, not even her boyfriend, even if he is standing right next to her (believe me, I've done this before). Plus, there are no such things as tribes now, even if you get thrown out of the city you live in (which is so ridiculously unlikely) you can travel to another city without any problems! So approach and show your mind that YOU are the alpha male and no hairy caveman is going to kill you.
2. See the Bigger Picture
Remember, you are on your way to becoming the biggest pimp on earth! Is a mere approach anxiety going to get in the way of that? Realize, EVERY SINGLE approach you do, no matter what, you get a reference experience, which brings you closer to your goal. Even if you get rejected in the meanest of ways, guess what? Give yourself a fist bump[=rgb(65, 105, 225)][/], you are one step closer to accomplishing your goal!
Also, approach anxiety is something that is "cured" over time. Give your brain enough evidence that nothing bad will happen and ultimately you will feel less and less approach anxiety. That's the goal.
3. Burn the Boats
A good way to defeat the paralyzing feeling of approach anxiety is to give yourself leverage to do it. Something I do with my wings to overcome fear of approaching in a club is the thirty-second game. Punch your friend on the shoulder if he doesn't approach in 30 seconds and get him to do the same thing to you. You could also try giving him money and telling him to keep it if you don't approach. Any kind of leverage to get you to actually go for it is very helpful.
4. Canned Opener
Many times, we experience approach anxiety because we can't come up with something good to say. This frustrates us but also gives us another excuse not to approach. A very good solution to that is to decide beforehand on a specific opener, a line to start the conversation with, so that we don't stop, stare and drool helplessly all over the place when we see an attractive woman. The most common canned opener I use is *tap tap* "Hey! *pause* Who are you?".
The key to this is to know that the canned opener actually works. This gives you 3 benefits: a) You will stop wondering about what the best thing to say is. b) You are going to be more confident in your approach. You will avoid hopelessly blabbering, trying to say something that hits (I used to experience this a lot) c) You won't care so much if you get rejected, because you are certain that your opener works.
5. Lower your Critera for Success A really common reason for approach anxiety is fear of rejection. Getting rejected is something nobody likes so everyone tries to avoid it. Whenever you are considering approaching a girl, you are afraid that you might "fail" or "succeed" based on the girl's response. Either she likes you and you WINor she doesn't like you and youLOSE.
What if you changed the criteria of success based on your actions? Either you approach and you WIN or you don't approach and you LOSE. This way, there's nothing the girl can do to make you feel bad because you have already succeeded! How liberating is that?
6. Minimize Reaction Time When they see a girl they like, most guys try to think of exactly how the interaction is going to go before approaching. They try to plan everything and consider all the lines they will use and the girl's responses. This is not what players do!
Ultimately you want to develop thetrust in yourself, that you are enough and that you can get the girl you like, not because of some lines you thought of, but solely because you are you. So, as soon as you see a girl you like, NOT A SECOND LATER, start walking, get close to her, open your mouth and start talking.
7. Take Right Action As mentioned before, nothing you can think of in that moment can help you defeat approach anxiety. In the end you will have todecide that you are going to do this, shut the f@#k up and get on with it. Tyler said it best in one of his videos:
I hope this article helped you change your perspective on approach anxiety. Many thanks to the RSD instructors for their ideas!
Hey there, this is my first blog entry, I haven't really decided to start a blog it just popped in my head now, maybe cause I don't have anything better to do and waiting for a friend to go for a little daygame..
I classify myself as a newbie.. I only have been in this community for a couple of months though, and it's going pretty well so far.. anyways this entry is all about the things that changed me from a total and utter chode to a person who realises he can be a beamp (beast+pimp). I am also writing this because, hey, if there is one person who can be helped by this then it's succesful.. English is not my mother language so you will excuse possible mistakes and dumb shit i write, although I think (mostly hope) you get my point..
anyways, to the story.. I used to be this shy guy in every situation, I would never speak loudly, always intimidated by other people and always waiting for others to indicate how I should act in a social situation (a.k.a. social pinging,, BIG TIME). I'm sure that many of you relate to this and I'm sure that this is the reason why many of you joined this community, afterall no one is a special snowflake, as Tyler Durden says.. The thing is though, I was always trying to understand how people could be pimps or even being able to speak freely around others and I always admired it.. And I was falsely trying to accumulate value to myself by wearing nice clothes, trying to hang out with popular people and constantly trying to analyze what it was that made them popular and trying to "copy" them.. Of course I had my shiny moments where I had temporary confidence and good things happening for me but I was never satisfied with myself because I was comparing to others all the time!
I am originally from Cyprus (a small island in the mediterranean), but I moved to Sweden for studies.. By the time I moved I was in a 6-month relationship with a girl I loved, or at least I thought so at the moment and the relationship kept going on for a year after I moved (and she moved to England).. Distant relationship is something I would never advise you to do, it sucks. Of course, after a while we broke up..
I kept going around being a chode in the land of the most beautiful women in the world, of course with no results at all, as I was frightened to approach and I didn't really have someone to push me! After two years in Sweden I got into the best economics school and started my studies, still trying to accumulate value through being "someone important" (I didn't verbalize it like that back then but subconsciously that's what it was).. but nothing there either,, nothing really seemed to work,, and my confidence was going down the toilet as time passed..
At one point though, I was recommended of going on a cruise to Finland and Russia, it would be an exchange student cruise and I would be the "leader" of a group of 6 exchange students from my university.. I was sooo stressed about that, but I did it anyway.. Long story short, the cruise was awesome, I learned a lot of things but, the most important thing was this: for 2 days I was practically alone with a bunch of people I didn't know.. I was going to go for a limo cruise with a bunch of exchange students from Finland.. I had two choices then, I would either sit in the limo by myself and be a chode and not have fun at all or, I could speak to everyone and be as open as possible despite my shyness.. There was really one choice for me, I had to speak to everyone! So I did.. I met a lot of fun people and funny enough that was the first time I ever got into STATE! I felt like a king! I was treated like the leader of the group and I even made out with a german girl I had just met! That was probably one of the best nights of my life!
So, to all of you there who think that you can't change your chode state, I would recommend taking a trip anywhere by yourselves, you may think this is a cliché or sth, but it really changes you! You have no choice but to speak up and be extroverted! If you don't you'll probably die or sth (maybe not but that's how I thought of it).
The thing was though, even after that, I felt confident for a short period of time, I met some girls, nothing really epic happened, but I met this gorgeous 30-year old swedish girl who was a dancer, and by my surprise, SHE was the one who gave her phone number to me! I guess that happened because I approached her and her friend without any outcome dependance, since a friend of mine challenged me to go and do it.. the other day I sent her a few messages, but nothing, she stopped answering, couldn't really understand why.. so then I decided to fix this problem, and then I found RSD.. It changed my life, I now think on another level, my mind was blown by what I was hearing and I got so excited to work on myself that some nights I couldn't sleep!
I made HUGE progress compared to how I was before, as I went for a daygame a couple of times and I got a few numbers! I was really excited since this never happened to me before!
Anyways, I need to head out, I don't want to be late for my daygame, looking forward to it! Hope this helped even a little.. Thanks for reading, and HAVE FUN!