Bayroot's Blog

 
Ok so...

Been out 3 nights in a row.

Night 1: Friends bday - pimping it up, finish the night and go to see my FB.

Night 2: Start the night out and before I've even took a SIP of drink I hear an american accent behind me. Hit up the set with general banter, get them to give me some of their pitcher of beer. End up chatting these girls big time and the main one is INTO me hard. Get my drink and go and sit down and they join us. Isolate them at the end of the couch, get the number of the hot main one whilst the rest can't believe it.  Go on to the club afterwards, pimp it up there but end up going home alone. Meanwhile FB is texting me non stop as usual.

Night 3: Call the american girls, meet them out at night. Roller disco night. Go out, pimp it up (as usual haha) get my skate on and then I'm getting shit from a previous girl who liked me and JUST got in a new relationship 2 days ago asking me where I am, why I'm being off with her and tryna meet up with me even tho her bf is like a centimetre away from her. Back in the day this would have made me feel MASSIVELY validated, now it just annoys the fuck out of me. End up with the main american girl and we're grinding HARDCORE all night. She tries to get me to buy her a drink - I basically tell her if she wants to walk away then she can but I'm not. She doesn't. We make out. A few times. My friend meets her and I leave them alone. Come back and he tells me she's a COCKTEASE. I say "did you try and kiss her?" He says no. I say then how do you know? AS I SAY this she comes back. I tell her to kiss HIM. They're both like "uhh". I say to him "she's not a cocktease, you just gotta man the fuck up, watch" and then i grab her head and make out with her. I say "now kiss her, come on" and they makeout, haha. He's all over it. I really don't care about fucking this chick - I'm truly feeling abundance atm and tryna hook my mate up (he's a good looking guy but has no confidence - I want him to pulll). He doesn't end up pulling the trigger by the end of the night, and I end up grinding and making out with her later.

But, as this happens, I start thinking about my FB. I realise that I actually kinda like her and I step off of this chick. I pretty much leave her high and dry (it's so weird actually having options and being on the other side of the fence) and start texting my FB telling her shit like "i wanna see you, and not even a sex thing. i like cuddling you" etc. All this shit.

Now I'm sitting here typing this wondering if I'm REALLY feeling this way about her and I really like her or whether it's just that she's showing me some attention so I'm going with it. I say I feel abundance, but I only have 1 FB. I can pull random girls no prob and I feel when I walk into the club that I really have options, but I'm wondering since this is the only girl I'm spending REAL time with (and she loves cuddling after sex) whether I'm just feeling this way because I'm invested with her and she makes me feel validated? I wonder whether because I didn't pull tonight I'm rationalising this as "I didn't want to - I can get sex when I want!" (which I kinda did vocally state in a way tonight when I was hooking up my friend).

I guess only time will tell.

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