After watching Tyler's Vlog it was like having all my pickup questions about progress answered all at once. I always knew that instead of asking for advice all the time, actually going out and doing intense analyzing after would help me progress, but I was never consistent because I couldn't see results automatically. or I would not notice the subtleness of my progress (i.e. feeling a little bit better about myself, smiling more, being more assertive) and just quit when I found a girl that I really liked. As i've said in my first blog post this led to me not having very much success even though I have been doing this a long time. Ozzie's recommendation of the book Mastery helped me realize that this was bad and I was just being one of the three archtypes the author talkes about. Mostly I was the dabbler. I would get in for a while, mess around and then stop. Even TYler's artice implementing a habit helped me realize that being consistent is what would give me what I wanted, but I never followed through for very long and the uncertainty of it all made me claw back for the comfort of not progressing. I know it's a drive issue, but I also feel like it was a "am I really getting good or am I regressing backwards" issue. I don't know how to really explain it, but I just couldn't see myself as that guy who is doing well and always figured that I wasn't.
After watching Tyler's vlog and rereading some notes on the Blueprint, I think this was a success barrier in my mind. Sort of like my post on my pickup ego. Even though I knew cold approaching would give me what I want, even though I read it from multiple people who have been through what I have been through, and even after watching Transformations and listening to each Instructors story of chodeness to glory, I just couldn't piece it into my reality that, that could be me. Out of all my sticking points and limiting beliefs I really believe this is the one that held me back the most. I see now that my progress from chode to chode light to dude with a wiff of chode was a slow, but gradual one. I am lucky right now that I still have my old habits ingrained in me and restarting again isn't a big deal. It is the consistent going out that is the problem. After watching the vlog I really feel like I can whup my limiting beleif now and actually make some progress. I know it is about the process and not always looking for results, and being in the now no matter how directionless I feel, but to really have that ingrained in me I have to actually do it and stop talking about it. Later.
This week was pretty interesting. I started off normally, doing my regular morning train approaches. I got to my school and saw this girl with a great body walking in the same direction a few yards up. I run up and introduce myself and it quicky fizzles out, at least to me. I get out of class and see her again and this time I am feeling good. I reopen and was like "Hey I remember you, you ran away" with a big smile on my face. She apologized and we started to have a normal conversation. She kept looking behind me though which was weirding me out. I thought it was because she was losing attraction or something, but I just kept making fun of her about it and redirected her attention back to me. We exchanged numbers, which shocked me because I thought I would never see this girl again and blew it the first time (I know scarcity). I texted her that night about how it was nice meeting her and she texted me back the same. I texted her 2 days later asking what was up with her and telling a her about my week. On the the third text I go for the meetup and she doesn't reply. I'm guessing I went for it too early, so sent a message afterwards stating that it's cool if she isn't interested and I just wanted to get to know her. She texted right back with:
"That's good. Ill let you know later cause I applied for a new job yesterday and I'm waiting for a response"
Sounds like she thinks I am a chode or something. I'm going to post this up on the forum and see what advice I can get.
Later in the week I got stuck on a train that broke down and decided to take the oppurtunity to approach every cute girl on the train. I felt awkward as hell and knew I was being tryhard, but I did not care. The funny thing was I relearned a lesson about not caring what other people think since nobody told me to stop or anything like that. I got pretty far with this one girl, but was still not feeling very good and lost the lead of the conversation. We left the subway together to catch a bus and this is where she started to get on the phone with people, walk away and come back and not really pay attention to me. I figured that it was my lack of leading her that made her do this, because earlier she actually waited for me when asked her too. I really took to heart the lessons of all the interaction I had and the next day I was on fire.
The next day I did my same routine, but this time the girls were very receptive and responsive. I walked up saying nonsense and they were loving it. I opened girls with a fake british accent and also just random strangers. I didn't get any numbers though. I just felt good and had fun with everything that I did. I went out the night after that and was feeling kind of good, but there was no one too approach. I asked the bartenders and bouncers what happned since it was a Friday. They all said that since it was Fourth of July Weekend, nobody is going to bars like that. I still did one real approach and it went well for the first 10 seconds, but then it crashed and burned. After that I went up to union square and saw a lot of alt. looking girls. I really didn't want to talk to them so I headed up to the meat packing district for some street game. I am always intimidated by this area because I am always afriad of coming off as that creepy pickup guy while street gaming. I'm good with a buddy there, but by muself I feel like I am going to get arrested any minute, just because I am in that high class/high fashion area. I know this is bullshit thinking and will try to work on it. I didn't approach a single person and went home.
The next day Saturday, I decided to do some daygame at Union Square since I knew the bars would be lame. I saw this natural guy on the train pickup and get this Spanish girl's number in like 3 minutes and was shocked that she was so interested in him. I have a lot of limiting beliefs about certain stuff and getting a solid number without solid attraction is one of them. She was really into him and I had to ask him about it. I noticed a very abundance minded mindset in him and some principles that RSD teaches (Assuming attraction, Blind spots, etc) in him. As I picked his brain I could tell a little bit that he was trying to get me to react a little and thought this was interesting. Later as I got to a street festival by Union Square, I froze up. Like literally froze up and could not even approach. I couldn't beleive it at first, but then I remembered that I felt like this before and it usually happens when I start thinking i'm good and don't want to get blown off.
I analyzed the shit out of the situation later and felt like it really was a blessing in disguise. I was looking for any sign of results and me developing a pickup ego meant that my mind was trying to protect me from losing that good feeling I had gained that week. I haven't approached since Friday and now it is Monday. I have to be consistent with what I am doing, even if that means I am looking try hard again. Let's hope next week I learn as much or even more.
Wow it's been six years on and off and I still suck with girls and social interactions. Be it I suck a lot less then I did before and my balls grew bigger from approaching, but my inconsistency has fucked me so many times lol. I have taken two bootcamps, one with another pickup company and RSD. I thought each one would change me, and they did a little bit, but it was me falling into relationships that always made stop. Now it's time to begin again, this time not waiting for a breakup (I'm still with my girl) but being proactive this time. I really want to get this stuff handled, so I guess it's time to finally step up and consistently do it.