I've been trying to get up to speed on poker as fast as possible.
I've been importing concepts from both RSD and martial arts.
I remembered a shaolin qoute that brings out the essence of mastery of anything.
I fear not the 10 000 kicks you have practiced 1 time.
But the one kick you have practiced 10 000 times.
Cause that is what you have to do, take one thing and drill it.
Then another thing and drill that and eventually you will be a master
or at least an expert.
So what do I want to work on in this extensive area that is pick-up?
Where to start drilling?
I think I will continue down the path of ruthless honesty.
Cause that was part of the reason that I had to break up the relationship
and that she didn't want to end it. I always said what I thought.
Sometimes I found it difficult, but I communicated my honest apraisal of whatever was going on.
No matter how bad I knew she would react.
Learned that from David X's video.
It is something about the guy who don't fear to tell the truth no matter others reactions.
Now since I'm already on that path it makes sense to continue.
Cause I don' say half of what I could have said to women I want.
Today was last day at work.
So I was like...
Lets try and find some way to spice up the dynamic with some of the girls at work and see where it goes.
There was one in particular and two sideshow girls also.
Well I didn't get what I wanted in the sense of getting some real action from it.
But I did create some interesting situations around me and I had a lot of fun.
In the end I left with only smiles and hugs, but that was better than my fears yeaterday.
I was imagining people being upset with me and stuff.
So basic learning was that I can do a lot more than I think.
However I noticed that my "ego" in a lose sense felt a bit scared when stuff that I had never experienced
before panned out. I was like oh shit look at this.
So I didn't capitalize as much as I could on the situations I created as I could imagine doing.
I think that is key.
How much didn't I do that I could have done if I had not been scared.
Sure you can be too idealistic and dream up far fetched stuff that is unrealistic too.
But I don't feel that the stuff I refrained from doing was that.
Still done is done and I feel I did good.
I will have to work on that area of my game more, to push past the fear of rejection and just
be happy and going after "statepumps" rather than idealized validation situations.
Cause I guess that is what I'm doing, I'm dreaming up this nice scenario where I get validated.
And then I get outcome dependent on that scenario. Getting fear when it doesn't seem to move that way.
And stiffeling any intent in that direction cause you don't want anyone to know that you wanted that.
Lets pretend that I didn't want XYZ... XD
Gee how lame doesn't that sound when you spell it out. :-/
I see that I got some comments on my happiness being dependent upon my girlfriend as I posted a while ago.
I wouldn't say that is totally true.
It is like I was this guy that couldn't get a girlfriend.
I couldn't get anyone to be with me for me.
Everyone looked down on me for this fact, even myself.
When I got my girlfriend it was as this cure lifted and I didn't have to deal with that feeling ever again.
It is kinda like this guy who goes too long as a virgin.
The fact that he has never fucked is something he can't easily forget and be happy about,
cause no matter what, the facts stays the same.
Only sex can cure him.
In the same way not having been in a relationship tore at me.
Now that it isn't the case anymore it doesn't matter if I "have" the girl or not.
Cause no matter my state, the fact is still the same, I've had a girlfriend.
Sure I liked the relationship, up to the point when I felt it was too big a burden.
Now I'm in no hurry to get a relationship again, I will just cruise around and enjoy my life.
I dunno why that was such a big thing for me, maybe some childhood issues or something.
Anyway now that it is fixed I don't need to look back.
I still have sticking points, everyone does, but the splinter in my mind has gone.
Now that I don't have to factor my gf into my life,
I'm starting to see a whole new world of opportunities.
I was trying to fit her into the picture all the time, but now I can do stuff that would be impossible before.
I'm thinking about becoming a poker nomad. Renting houses here and there and just traveling the
world while playing online poker.
I'm starting to develop some skills in that area and will continue down that path until I'm good enough
to pay my way in this world.
If I do it that way I will have something besides pick-up so I won't make it into a validation thing for me.
And I get to meet lots of girls in my travels.
Can see how that would be a golden formula.
Anyway I'm a lot less desperate now that I'm comming out of an relationship I choose to end
cause it wasn't working up to my "Jungian standard".
I find that holding people up to a "Jungian standard" makes me very poweful and solid.
Welcome to my reality. ;)
So I broke up with my girlfriend.
She got too demanding in some areas and I basically told her that I couldn't give her what she wanted.
So now I''m single again, but without the idea that I can't get a girlfriend.
Now I know how that part works.
Lots of girls want me real bad since I've continued to work on myself in the relationship.
I figured that if I become a greater guy she won't leave or cheat on me
and if it ends I will be better off than before the relationship ended.
Right now I have one girl that have been displaying interest in me so I will check that stuff out first.
A big bonus with endig the relaionship was that when my dad enquired why I said that it was none of his buisness.
He is so damn nosy and thinking he can tell me how to treat women.
That will teach him a lesson in respecting my private boundaries.
You would think he was having the relationship.
I've learned a lot from this relationship and consider myself a much better guy from having been in it.
So I've gotten a girlfriend as of 19th of febuary.
All the past baggage and insecurities I had about this area of my life has gone out the window.
From this point of view it looks kinda weird to even having to go trough this journey to get here.
My girlfriend is an old freind of mine of 5 years that I didn't have the ability to get with since
I had so many mental issues.
I remember several botched attempts to get with her, but always in me freaking out.
The solution was a combined approach from a Jungian and Freudian frame,
and keeping the lessons of RSD fresh in mind.
So here I'm now with a girlfreind who loves sex and even want to play games and
watch good movies with me. We have much in common and where we do diverge
it is just enough to keep that tension strong, but not to make our life a never ending struggle of dominance
that I see so many people describe.
So right now I'm pretty happy! =D
So lately I've actually managed to claim some of my life back.
I've realized a ton of stuff and put myself in totally new situations and have found nothing scary in them.
It is funny how powerful you are when you can say no thanks.
I don't need that today.
Suddenly all the elaborate game someone else has built up to control you is irrelevant.
They feel that they are loosing out.
Thinking that if only they could make me accept the deal everything will be okay.
Now they chase me...
But the deal sucks so I will only accept it on my premises.
Ah the irony.
My route to this point of my life has been tortourous.
Hard stuff. Painful stuff. Frustrating stuff.
But I've presevered and now I stand on the other side mentally looking back.
All that to get to here... O_o
But still I wouldn't be any other place than here right now.
Things are mostly right now. Mentally.
Sure I could have more money/stuff/whatever.
But I have myself and my experience/knowledge/whatever and that counts for a whole lot more in the longterm.
By most standards I can expect to live my life two times more, that is for all the time I probably have left,
if I live to 90 years old, qand that isn't far fetched as technology will probably be much much more advanced
in 60 years. Now lots of stuff can happen, the world may even end the 21th.
But if nothing takes me out but old age I feel confident in that assesment.
So basically my plan is this. Save for my own appartment however long it takes.
And live my life the way I define it from that appartment.
It won't be a wealthy or rich life, but I was spoiled as a kid and know only too well that affluence doesn't
equal happiness. It equals comfort and lots of toys and status among certain people, but little more.
So I will live "spartan" compared to the decandence surrounding me, but comfortable and nice by my own standard. I will fasion my life to my needs not everyone elses.
Now the women part didn't enter as much in this one.
Maybe since I've come to realize today that that point is pretty handled, once you start acting certain ways.
So my long term goals becomes how to accomodate my needs on the long term rather than how
to accomodate various women I may meet, and societies expectations about how one should live.
Lately I've been working on my own sense decervingness.
Cause when I hear people in this community say stuff like just tell her you want to fuck her,
there is a big disconnect for me.
There are two reasons for this that I can see, maybe even some I can't see.
The most obvious for me is that I've never said that to a girl before.
My statments of desires towards womn don't even come close.
The second is that I find the language very crude and it don't jive with my reality to be so crude.
Now this actually a non issue once one gat a perspective and realize that the language used is irrelevant.
Fuck, enter her, sleep with and whatever other word one feel like using is okay as long as you feel congruent while you speek it. Maybe i would benefit from saying to a woman "I want to fuck you"
But then again as long as the woman gets that I dare to communicate the message verbaly directly that
I want to have sexual intercourse. I can hardly see that learning how to say something the crude way
will give me much benefit. Saying fuck is the very masculine yang way of expressing sexual decire today.
But using a more yin apporach can work just as well. And if you go to far away from the approach you have chosen you only come of as incongruent. Just as the guy who have no stamina and tries to do rough sex
only dispplays his lack of stamina to the woman as Tyler recently illustrated.
Now that I've covered the language, I want to look at the not having said anything to that effect before.
I've recently started a liberating experiment. So far it has worked wonders and I'm excited to see how it progresses. I start telling women how I desire to hug them in a way that makes them want to be hugged.
I then give her the hug and escalate however far the moment makes possible.
Then wnatever escalation I didn't get too do I start talking about my desire to share such a moment with them.
I empasise how daily living robs us of the opportunity to experience such moments and how beutyful it would
be to help each othe fill that gap. Every new stated wanted escalation is a challenge for sure, but it isn't out
of my reach and builds tremendous confidence beyond what I've ever experienced.
It feels very liberating not having to pretend to not want her. And my slow method helps both her and me
from feeling overwhelmed by stating something that may be too far out of our comfort zone.
And that brings me to the title of this post.
What is the nature of the chode?
Well he is neutral, he is passive. He dares not be agressive yang or suggestive yin.
The pretends to be nice and asexual and hopes to spring the news that he has a dick wanting to
touch her inside once she sees him as a nice friend. Now everyone knows this or should know this on this site.
And me restating it is only for my own benefit of connecting the dots and understanding the
terrain on both sides of the neutral chode space.
In a way I see RSD strategies as very yang, and knowing that I'm already more on the yin side of the equation
it is much simpler for me to develop that trait and run with it than to go to the other extreme to copy-cat
Tyler/Jeffy/Alex or what not.
Now this by no mean is a statment that I can't use yang methods in my game, just that I need to consider
how they work with the combined package that is me.
Cause when all you have done is hug a woman and touch her naked forearm, it is maybe too big a step
saying I want to put my dick in your vagina, although saying i wish i could stroke your chin right now seems
more natural and in line with what is expected could happen next.
Met the girl from the train.
Went really well from my point of view.
I did things and got responses I never have gotten from a woman before
she practically begged me to sit down and have a burger with her.
And she was giggling the whole time.
My new approach works better than I dared imagine. =D
Who would have known that I'm an archtypal seducer?
All I did was being myself without my usual filter. XD
Had a long sms exchange with the girl from the train and are going
to meet her today.
I've been harping on about Jung and me knowing my MBTI type ISFP.
One of the reasons that I like knowing my type, is that it fixes several
holes in my game.
SMS game. I used to go chode on a girl over SMS before.
Now that I do stereotypical ISFP responses by text I don't have to
go there and I stay very congruent.
Playful interactions. I intersect pysical playful stuff and actions
that mess with socially expected behaviour in any environment in
a well calibrated way.
Self amusement. I always know where the
socially appropriate line lies and find it immensely amusing crossing
that boundary in a playful way over the top way.
It is also easy to escalate when I break the static boudaries they believe
inhibits my behaviour, since they have no defences where they believe no attack can come from.
And I realized that when Tyler speaks of honest signals this is what
he is talking about. Me doing something that communicate that
I'm comming from a place of strenght. I know I can do it.
Many other people would not be able to act like me congruently in
the way I do. Just as I wouldn't be able to do what Tyler do
congruently. I have no psychic strenght in that area.
So now what I need to do is polish that strenght.
If I do that I get better interactions with girls and more success
while I'm having fun!
What a concept! XD