Today I finished my last exam.
Easy! Piece of cake.
Now I have alot of sparetime opening up.
And alot of mental resources freed that before was tied up in school.
So...the age old question comes up how much to play, how much to work?
That is a tricky, how much of my new time should I convert to work and how much to play.
I'm thinking that I should finish as many of my sparetime projects as possible
so that I can get even more overview and controll over my life.
And I should really get out there more and talk to people.
But, you need money to live and I need make sure that I have a steady stream of that.
Hmm need to think about this more.
I'm thinking back on these past two months.
And I am a different person. I have moved my life in a totally new direction.
But, I'm not satisfied. The book "Radical honesty" sums up my dilemma nicely.
"Whatever you don't got is only important because you don't have it.
Something you want is only important until you get it
and then it becomes unimportant.
Cause before bootcamp I didn't have alot of the problems I have now.
I had other problems and some of them has been solved.
And now I forget all that I've gotten, because I see new lack.
So the key is maybe to take it easy, kick back.
Have my goals, but not put too much importance on solving them YESTERDAY!
Another thing I've been thinking about is the ego.
I was down in the park today doing a basic martial arts practice called
circle walking. And as I did it I noticed that I often didn't keep my focus on
My mind would jump to reflect on passers by.
Did they understand what I was doing? Maybe those people laughed at me...
OH did that hot girl notice me? Blablabla...
Thinking about everything else than what I was doing.
My ego was too hung up in what others tought about me to
do a simple focusing excercise.
And this translates directly to what happens when I'm out.
I'm to focused on what people around me think about me to focus on my goal.
My goal is of course having a good time and talking to girls I like.
But my ego gets in the way wondering about bodylanguage signs and maybe
I did something wrong and Blablabla...
The good thing is that once I noticed this I was able to focus longer and better
in my practice and I'm going to experiment to see if I can translate that focus into
something I can use when I'm out.
This weekend. I was out friday and saturday night.
Alot of stuff happened and I learned alot about myself, my friends and people
I had suggested to my friends that our goal for the two nights
was going to be to pull girls to a afterparty at their place.
That didn't happen for various reasons, but you learn from your mistakes.
Lessons learned that stand out:
1. If you have a girl thats into you,
don't let her out of your sight or you will lose her in the chaos.
2. No interactions happens by themself I need to be more proactive.
3. Your buddies goals may not correspond with yours.
In other words don't count on anybody to pull the load other than yourself.
4. Other men are just obstacles to be manuvered around no matter how friendly
they pretend to be all they want is that girl instead of you.
5. If you don't have the right attitude a dancefloor can easily be a waste of time.
After last nights fail to pull to my friends house. I went and slept at my parents house.
(They live in the same city as my buddies I live in the neighbour city, but I visit alot)
They are a bit religious and I've never considered pulling too their house.
But since I've started reading "radical honesty" I asked them quite bluntly what they thought
about me bringing some girl back in the middle of the night from town.
And my father said "I'll guess that would be okay."
WHAT??? I thought they would freak out. Have huge moral reservations and on and on...
So what does this mean? I don't need my friends house to pull home to when I'm in that town.
So no matter what happens with crazy stupid shit with my friends. All I need to do is convince the
girl to come with me, call a taxi and my (self) sabotaging friends can go home alone if they so wish.
Yesterday was a different day out.
I didn't have all that much energy.
My buddy was like a tornado compared to me.
Jumping, dancing, shouting, bumping into people etc.
I sat there not unhappy, but not feeling great eighter.
Cause the place we where was a high energy venue with loud music
and a lot of hippie people going crazy on various drugs.
I sat there thinking what could get me in a better mood?
And I remembered Alex talking about self amusement.
I looked at the table in front of me for ideas and there was a
"what is happening this summer" newspaper lying there...
HMMM...AHA!!! I'll make airplanes out of paper.
I started folding and throwing them out into the dancefloor
my buddy joined in and we had a good laugh every time we hit someone
or almost hit. They would turn and look weird at the person behind them.
That was fun until my buddy hit a BIG guy that not only disliked being hit, but also
correctly guessed who threw the plane, my buddy.
He came over looking mad as hell, and said "How is it going?" in a mean tone of voice
taking my buddys hand and probably crushing it while looking him straight into his eyes.
And then he left. Safe to say my buddy didn't want to fold anymore planes...
After that we moved to another part of the club that was more quiet and more low energy.
My buddy ran around opening sets but unable to hold them because he was too high energy.
I went in on his tail, after he dramatically opened 2 girls. I came in low key and started
talking. And I held the set successfully. For like 20 minutes. Exchanged contactinfo with both girls (sisters) and then we went on. My buddy hardly said a word cause he wasn't on that energy level. I tried to bring him into the conversation, but he had nothing to say, He was like running off, coming back, trying to say some lame as joke to the girls, leaving again, coming back to tool me, so I put him in a wristlock while I continued talking to the girls. (Only for 5 seconds though)
He can't get over that i can demolish him eventhough he is three times as strong as me so he always tries to sneak attack me when we are out.
I understand energy much better now having seen the difference right in front of me.
Anyway great night out with a lot of stuff happening.
My life is changing rapidly in all areas now.
Illusion after illusion come tumbling down.
I've been reading "The rules of David X" his attitude towards honesty
strikes me hard. I've read him once before, but I didn't even dare use
most of his ideas at that time.
I've been thinking alot about this concept of honesty and I've started to
read Radical honesty by Brad Blanton.
It's no use trying to be honest if I don't understand what it's all about.
So far it is a very good read and I expect that the ideas in that book
coupled with David X tell them what YOU want attitude, is going to be
dynamite down the road.
I'm going out tonight with some buddies and can't wait to be a bit honest. (Hehe)
I finished my exam in organization theory today!!!
And I felt it went well!
This is so good news, because now I will have more spare time.
I can focus more on this stuff not having that burdening me.
After the exam I sat down on a bench in the harbour.
I had my water bottle just sitting enjoying the sun that have finally arrived in full.
Then I noticed that alot of the girls walking around had decided to take alot of their
clothes of. Good times indeed!
Anyway then I noticed something happening to me (No not down there you perv).
When I saw a girl noticing me looking her up, I would look away.
I was wtf!! This is me being socially conditioned to not give myself permission to
look at girls when they know im watching.
And yes that was a mind trip for me.
So I decided that for the next 15 minuttes I would not be allowed to look at anything else than
the closest most attractive girls most attractive features nomatter what they did short of attacking me. (Witch when I think about it wouldn't be all that bad)
And that taught me alot. Most girls would notice me looking at them and give me a pretend
meet my stare to see if I would look away. When I didn't alot of them would start ajusting their clothes, lift their hair and alot of things that I belive are classified as IOIs.
No girls got mad. Alot of them looked very intigued by the fact that I kept looking.
One girl with a boyfriend kept looking over her shoulder to verify that I was still looking and looking very proud everytime she found out that I still did.
And one other dragged her hapless chode dude past me 3 times to get looked at.
Man the world never ceases to amaze me.
So I was out again yesterday night.
I have a buddy who has little approach anxiety.
Before I went to bootcamp I would watch him and
think man I wish I dared to do that.
Now I'm right up there doing it with him.
And he thinks it's just cool that I want to join him
for a night out and that I'm finally participating.
I have come to a point where I open girls every night
I go out, I even attempt to pull them home.
That part isn't fully solid yet, but I know what needs
improvement, and soon enough this will all be my new baseline.
I don't belive that I should talk about any specific sets on here
because I belive that that would put too much importance on
that specific girl and interaction.
This blog is kinda turning into my journal of sorts.
I'm starting to get a handle on my new life.
AND I'm actually going out!
AND talking to girls!
AND they respond!
AND I'm having fun!
After I'm written this up I'm going out.
I'm lightyears ahead of where I was before the bootcamp.
Oh I got stickingpoints and stuff still, but those are minor issues that
I will handle.
I'll leave it at that for now.
Have a good weekend.
I've been away from this site for some days now since I've trying to get a handle on
my new life.
In some sense it's weird. I'm not used to this shit.
People treat me alot different and I guess I act a bit different.
Some of my relationships may fall apart new ones may form and some will strengthen
and some of them might evan stay more or less the same.
People react to my new look I've found. Espescially people who don't know me.
I can feel a subtle change in respect maybe?
But is a bald head the difference in all that or is it more?
I guess I see myself in a new light too and that probably comes through in the way I act.
When it comes to people I have less fear. Still have some, but to a much lesser degree.
I see myself as more worthy I think. In social situations I feel that I have a right to be there.
I've been working on breaking down the glass walls in my life. I had alot of apologetic bodylanguage according to Alex. And I often get this weird urge to explain myself to
Regardless my life is better not just socially, but I have more courage and creativity in other
areas in my life too.
I get into more conflict like situations, but that is because I refuse to back down on issues that
I before let pass.
Oh well enough rambling.
Today I had to be humble and apologized to a guy I basically overreacted with before I
took the bootcamp. It wasn't fun at all, but I have started to realize that nobody but
me is going to take responsiblity for how my life turns out.
On other news. My life needs a complete turnaround.
I have alot of bad habits that keep getting in the way of my new life.
I am moving in the right direction, but the ship ain't turning as fast as I would like.
As for girls they are more friendly/nervous than I remember them.