bagua's Blog

Read Alex article yesterday.
And it made me feel the weight of resent events in my life more clearly.
Hence my pessimistic upset post.

I'm a beta person, no doubt, I'm far from an ideal self.
However looking back before the bootcamp,
I was even more beta so things are better!

Right now I'm cutting down on the amount of detail I freely offer up
when people ask me questions.
I have a tendency to divulge too much details about whatever is asked.
Often giving the other person too much info and sometimes more power.
Being too willing to answer questions is disempowering.
2 Comments | 452 Views
I have boiled my whole problem with guys into one core issue.

I don't like being dominated and I don't like to dominate others.
But it seems to me that if I don't get comfortable dominating
dominating guys I will never get anywhere.


Being a human being is not all that fun right now.

I'm probably being a child wanting everyone to be friends,
hold hands and sing kum ba ya, like when I was young.

So I'm being tougher on the guys I live with, Mr Nice guy
has gone on vacation, and so far the results have been

But that just makes me sad!
Dominate or be dominated. :(

I don't look forward to interacting with people when
it is just a battle of wills no real friendship only,
I got my eyes on you so don't try any bullshit!

Hell I understand why people kill each other.
Less energy expended.
He won't be bothering anyone again...

Not that I would want to do something like that,
but I see the logic. :(

When i wake up  tomorrow things will be better,
they always are after a good night sleep!
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I've been learning alot about the Myers Briggs personality indicator lately.

I've been exposed to it before, but after seeing how accurate it can be
I have dedicated a lot more time to unraveling it.

The personality I get is INTJ.

I am a pragmatic perfectionist in other word.
And I have serious feeling issues.
I kinda knew that, but it helps to have it verified.

I don't belive that this stuff is written in stone.
I plan to assosiate a lot with people who have the traits I need to advance.

My two flatmates is ENTJ and ESTP and that has helped me alot having to deal with
two so strong and extraverted personalities. :)
3 Comments | 654 Views
I said in my last post that I only needed to focus on the assertiveness.
That's not entirely true.

Cause I also need to deal with my habits at the same time.

There are many bad habits to deal with and some tie directly into the assertiveness issue.
Cause I have many habits that make me do unassertive things.

So right now I'm practicing to increase my self-efficacy.
I need to belive that I can break my habits.
So I practice on the hardest one of them.


This is something I have done THOUSANDS of times and that I always get rewarded for. :)
So it is pretty ingrained in my neurology.

I have great tools to deal with it now unlike any other time I have tried to keep myself from it.
And every situation that I feel the want to type "teen sex" into google and don't I learn a little something
about my self and my habits.

Now this isn't a I will never jack-off again it's just a case of me using the biggest habit I have,
as leverage and a contrast to all my lesser habits.

Cause my fear of rejection and similar habits have only been activated a few hundred times and
have been reinforced with lesser rewards.

Oh well that's all on that subject.
0 Comments | 10,525 Views
This is what I intend to focus on for the next few months.
Only when this is handled can I realistically start to work on other issues. :)

Ten Assertive Rights of an Individual

Assertive Right 1: I have the right to judge my own behavior, thoughts and emotions and to take the responsibility for their initiation and consequence. The behavior of others may have an impact upon me, but I determine how I choose to react and/or deal with each situation. I alone have the power to judge and modify my thoughts, feelings and behavior. Others may influence my decision, but the final choice is mine.

Assertive Right 2: I have the right to offer neither reason nor excuse to justify my behavior. I need not rely upon others to judge whether my actions are proper or correct. Others may state disagreement or disapproval, but I have the option to disregard their preferences or to work out a compromise. I may choose to respect their preferences and consequently modify my behavior. What is important is that it is my choice. Others may try to manipulate my behavior and feelings by demanding to know my reasons and by trying to persuade me that I am wrong, but I know that I am the ultimate judge.

Assertive Right 3: I have the right to judge whether I am responsible for finding solutions to others' problems. I am ultimately responsible for my own psychological well-being and happiness. I may feel concern and compassion and good will for others, but I am neither responsible for nor do I have the ability to create mental stability and happiness for others. My actions may have caused others' problems indirectly; however, it is still their responsibility to come to terms with the problems and to learn to cope on their own. If I fail to recognize this assertive right, others may choose to manipulate my thoughts and feelings by placing the blame for their problems on me.

Assertive Right 4: I have the right to change my mind. As a human being, nothing in my life is necessarily constant or rigid. My interests and needs may well change with the passage of time. The possibility of changing my mind is normal, healthy and conducive to self-growth. Others may try to manipulate my choice by asking that I admit error or by stating that I am irresponsible; it is nevertheless unnecessary for me to justify my decision.

Assertive Right 5: I have the right to say "I don't know."

Assertive Right 6: I have the right to make mistakes and be responsible for them. To make a mistake is part of the human condition. Others may try to manipulate me, having me believe that my errors are unforgivable, that I must make amends for my wrongdoing by engaging in proper behavior. If I allow this, my future behavior will be influenced by my past mistakes, and my decisions will be controlled by the opinions of others.

Assertive Right 7: I have the right to be independent of the good will of others before coping with them. It would be unrealistic for me to expect others to approve of all my actions, regardless of their merit. If I were to assume that I required others' goodwill before being able to cope with them effectively, I would leave myself open to manipulation. It is unlikely that I require the goodwill and/or cooperation of others in order to survive. A relationship does not require 100 percent agreement. It is inevitable that others will be hurt or offended by my behavior at times. I am responsible only to myself, and I can deal with periodic disapproval from others.

Assertive Right 8: I have the right to be illogical in making decisions. I sometimes employ logic as a reasoning process to assist me in making judgments. However, logic cannot predict what will happen in every situation. Logic is not much help in dealing with wants, motivations and feelings. Logic generally deals with "black or white," "all or none" and "yes or no" issues. Logic and reasoning don't always work well when dealing with the gray areas of the human condition.

Assertive Right 9: I have the right to say "I don't understand."

Assertive Right 10: I have the right to say "I don't care."
0 Comments | 485 Views
So lately I have found that alot of guys try to rain on my parade.

But I have so many things falling into place internally that I really
could not give a fuck about any of it.

Stuff that I saw no solution to is slowly getting better.

Alot of guys have much bigger issues than me.
Technically all I need to do is shed a couple of habits
and learn some new skills.
Focus on certain areas of my life.

Just read a book about habits.
It's was written for treating drug addicts and acoholics.
So my small bad habits got blastet to tiny pieces by the method.

Don't know why, but I really don't care about the fact that it's 2011.
It's like ok it's a new day, week, month, year, century, millenium.... who cares....

Doesn't change anything, my life continues as usual. :)
I feel WAY more centered now!
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Taking the initiative was never a strong trait with me.
Now I'm taking it more!

Starting things that I want to do and not caring what anybody thinks.

This is after all MY life.
Maybe I should live it instead of just watch the time tick by.

It can be fun to join others arrangements, but you make the best ones yourself! :)
2 Comments | 431 Views
Lucky for me anger was one of the first things I started to work with getting over after bootcamp.

Had alot of anger.

Now it's much better and it takes alot more to get me angry.
Helps me in alot of situations.

So basically I'm glad about that.
Have stopped the silly no "I" game, though it was good and mindexpanding.

The more things change the more they stay the same.

And guess what my approval seeking isn't as bad as before eighter.

Win-Win all the way baby!
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Yesterday it was christmas table at work.
Norwegian tradition dunno if it is in other contries.
Never see coworkers so this was perfect.
The being thing worked it's charm.
Ended up in the back of a taxi with two honies and a bottle of wine.
Didn't do anything just happened.... :)
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Today the importance of the attitude there is no big deal was made clear.

It is so simple.
One can avoid, seek out or just realice that there is no big deal!

If everyone doesn't agree. No big deal.

No need to seek agreement or avoid disagreement.

Just showing up at the correct place and take whatever comes.
No big deal! teeth
0 Comments | 467 Views