Since I used the subway and tram today I got to future project alot and learned many
things about my mind, and perception of women around me.
It starts from the moment I recognize that a woman is hot. I activate a certain sequence of
thoughts and emotions.
I'm not as worried about being around women either anymore,
since I view them as a more positive thing now.
I've walked around imagining that women entails negative experiences,
and contact should be minimized.
I feel as if I'm on the right track now!
This was a day where I wasn't too much outside.
Had work to do at home first and then I procratinated...
I know, I know...
Anyway the two times I was outside today I played a bit with the projections.
I also got a useful comment on an earlier blog post about meditation and will play with that too.
The lessons for today is that if I'm not totally aware of this shit right before I see the woman
I will do the negative projection without thinking.
However I did it on as many as I met when I did think about it.
So not totally huge day on this topic, but it is important to be honest with oneself and look
for lessons and solutions.
I will set it as a goal too seek out at least 30 controlled positive projections a day.
If I doesn't come accross enough females that I get it done naturally during the day!
I'm starting to belive that this will take me to the next level. :)
Today was another day spent being aware, noticing and changing my projections on girls.
I notice that I'm less tense in some situations already.
I have to constantly interupt negative ideas flooding automaticaly when
I see beautiful women, I was just down at the store and there was an attractive girl at
the register. I noticed as I was about to pay that the projections picked up the pace
and became a low buzz. And everything I said to her through the buzz seemed strained.
I hadn't really noticed before.
It is a mix of negative voices and movies all trying to distract me.
This will probably take two weeks at least.
I will post on my progress on this issue every day until the 22 of february and see
where that will take me.
Today was the first day of me being aware of my bad attitude.
It is bad. Every time I see a girl I automatically do a future
projection of something bad happening.
When I looked at hot girls and imagined approaching, the long term
projection threw in images of painful breakups and other non motivating images.
Then I stepped in conciously, and started imagining that every woman ended up
being the THE BEST thing that have ever happened to me.
If the woman was too old I imagined them introducing me to their nymfomaniac
daughter or grand daughter with parental approval. ;-)
If they were to young they came dragging their big sister.
I win anyway you look at it!!!
It helped my mood and self esteem immensely!
I want to post on Jungian cognitive theory and it's implications.
I have now read and prosessed some of Carl Jungs work and
it have been very helpful in how I see myself.
I'm typed as an INTJ.
That means that I think with the following functions.
Or said in an other way:
What I sense I take in with my intutition in a subjective way.
My thinking then sorts it with an object oriented approach.
The objects are then given value judgments by my feelings.
I then compare the value judged objects to what I really see in the real world.
This have helped me pinpoint exacly where I have gone wrong
when I've been trying to ask for help with my problems.
I have been doing negative long term future projections on girls I meet.
Not negative short term future projections as I once belived.
Jungian theory has some flaws, among them it is easy to latch on to an ocean of
stereotypes that surround the typing.
RSD prepared me well for sidestepping all of that nonsense so it is all good.
I have just been through a catharsis experience.
I vented every frustration I have in a massive post
on some internet forum dedicated to personal growth.
It was good and I feel like I can start moving forward in a new direction from here.
Everything isn't perfect, but I will probably start improving
this area of my life more rapidly now.
Tylers post was great and it was good to be reminded of that zen story.
What really bugs me is that girls get emotionally attached to me.
And trying to deal with ones own emotional responses to another
individual is hard when the other part also is emotionally insecure.
That is probably my main issue, I don't like all the emotional
implications entailed in having sex and beeing intimate with someone.
And as I have learned for studying Jungian theory, having an overactive
intuition I tend to reach conclutions fairly quickly.
I see a girl and immediately see how a relationship with her could end badly.
So it is kinda a focus on the negative, but not in an appoach anxiety kind of way
but rather a why bother it will end in tears anyway kind of attitude that hold me back.
I really need to work on that attitude. New goal!
Start imagining how if I talk to hot women my life will be better for it.
Lets put that "mastermind" of mine to some constructive work!
All patience is empty, all humility is gone, tolerance doesn't exist anymore,
political correctness is bullshit! Only self interest remains as a smoking ruin
over humanitys hopes and dreams!
I'm too fucking serious. REALLY!!!
Don't know how to approach it yet, but it just dawned on me due
to some certain chains of events today.
I can see it clearly now.
I'm not always serious, but generally in my upbringing foolishness was discouraged.
I can do it with kids no problem since I don't have to go into adult lets be serious mode with them.
Maybe that's the solution, treat the world as a kindergarden! :)
I have gotten to some milestones in my journey and feel relatively confident
about my future growth as a person.
I have gone of the deep end on some areas like psykology and similar stuff
have gotten some friends.
Gotten alot of contact with people that I ordinarily would not meet and generally been more social.
I'm more caring toward my family and have set some boundaries towards others.
Sometimes too strikt but you live you learn.
Not every thing has gone as planned, but mostly it's been good.
Have big plans for the future. :)
Sitting here and listening to the morning radio.
They are speaking about manipulation and are having an expert on the subject in studio.
I just realiced that the reason that I want to cut back on the information
I give out to others is that I feel manipulated by certain individuals.
I have always been an individual that is easy to manipulate
and manipulators have probably flocked to me because of that.
Anyway because I have been more assertive lately some people around
me have become increasingly frustrated.
Or let us just say the ones that are manipulative have become more frustrated.
One can say that assertive behavior is almost a thermometer for maipulation.
By assertive I mean calmly stating my intentions, opinions, wishes and desires
regardless of others reactions. And regardless if others agree or not, make my own decisions.