bagua's Blog

This is the wrapup of my projection project.
It was originally inspired from reading some of Carl Jungs work.

I have realized that what I project/belive/imagine about the world influences my results to a high degree.
I now think in a much more health way in most situation and expect things to go my way more.

I still have a lot of work to do in this area, but I don't think I need to post about it anymore.

Having a specific project helped me to be consistent and do some acctual work almost every day.
This is obviously the route to take.

I wonder what my next project should be?
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Today I did projections as usual, almost like a workout now.

Yesterday I also did them.
This is a two days in a row post since I lost internet yesterday.
Not much else to say on that topic since other stuff have been on my mind.

What happened yesterday was a visit to a girl.
I tried to make it go in the direction that I wanted,
but it was a no go.
I felt that the investment in time and energy was too much more than
I was willing to give to get to where I wanted to go.
It is as if I've stagnated in relation to that girl
and only a superhuman effort could move anything anywhere useful.

After doing the usual routine stuff intermingled with trying to move things in a new
way that failed miserably, the basic message I gave her was.

"Some things are not meant to be!"

We both like each other, but are very habitual around each-other.
It caused me a lot of sadness today, cause it is a person I know well.
I wish that there was a way to move it forward, but to me it seems like
a too big task to handle without coming across as very needy.
And then I would be screwed anyway.

Btw this is a girl I have known since before the boot-camp.
It is from my earlier life and does not reflect
my approach to other women in general.
Or I least I like to think that... :-p
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Looking good!!!

Was out with the guys yesterday!
It was a blast!

It started with me changing my thinking and projecting them saying positve things about me.
Really hard, but I did it!

When we hit the club I was so chill that the bouncers thought I was too drunk even tough
I hadn't had any alcohol! HAHAHA! I quickly convinced them that wasn't the case!

The night was a blast. 5 random girls approached me just by me acting cool! ;-p

The real big thing of the night was two girls practically begging to take them home and fuck them.
However logistics and king winter medled (no taxi and blistering cold)
so they took their bus home while we waited half an hour to get a taxi.
However the girls stayed like 50 minutes in the cold with us and again they approached me...

I'm starting to get a handle on the whole, once the internal issues are done the externals take care of themself.
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Yesterday was a good day for doing projections and I learned alot about how I make
negative value judgments about everything I see.

I even do this with men!
I start imagining them talking behind my back or doing negative things to me.
I need to work on that too!

In addition I have thrown away the Myers Briggs label INTJ.
It contains way to many negative stereotypes.
I got into a bit of victim thinking yesterday because of it,
and I who thought I was immune to the effects of the stereotypes.
It is useful however to understand my cognitive preferance.
It indicates that all my feelings are repressed in my uncouncious.

The long and the short of it is that my perspective is considerably widened.
I just have to follow this rabbit hole to it's completion to see where I end up.
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It's working!

The positive projection combined with some other projects I havn't bothered to
detail here are chipping away the layers of negativity in my head.

I was at the store and this two hot store girls where chatting and I needed to know
the location to several items that I couldn't find.

Walked straight up without engaging in negative projections.
They loved me by the way and went out of their way to help me find the missing grosseries.

This is so cool!
Did alot of projections today on the bus, tram, subway you name it!
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Today was a really effective day!
Got several issues out of the way and got in some projections as usual.

Spending time working on how I construct my perception of what is going on
around me, helps me see things in a new light.

So many negative things are just taken for granted.

And for girls I guess my view is changing somewhat to the better.
I think I'm not as stressed out in my head, when I interact with them or anyone else for that sake.

Another thing that is working for me is naming this a project and calling the post for parts.
It makes me feel that there is progress being made even if I can't messure any tangible
change from day to day. And it keeps me on target.

Until tomorrow!
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I just realized that approval seeking starts,
as me imagining someone else disapproving of my actions.
In other words I project disapproval onto the ones around me
and then act in an approval seeking way.
This makes it more of an internal issue of my thought world
than an external issue of what others actually think of me.
As opposed to someone actively voicing disapproval.
There are two levels of approval seeking.
To imagined disapproval and to actual disapproval.

The projecting project is showing unexpected rewards! :-)
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Today I did some projections when I went to the bank.

And after I got home I started thinking that I hadn't really
done enough projections for the day and that I should probably go out again.

Then it hit me that what I was practicing was in part not connected to the real world.
Cause when you think about it seeing a random girl on the other side of the
street or some girl on youtube and imagining them in a positive way in relation to
you relly ain't that different.

And that got me thinking. Where is this going?
I then realized that I future projected the cachier girl at the bank and found that
more difficult since I had an actual interaction with her as I projected.

So the obvious direction this is going is practice on youtube to get really good at
making up good projections in my head whenever I want/need it and then
remember to do it every time I'm interacting with a female to ease the negative pressure I feel.

This project have made me much more aware about how I interact with my environment.
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Did some projections today, but honestly I was very distracted by other tasks.

However I finished several other projects that will help me later.
And came up with some good ideas to get others rolling.
Tomorrow will be better!
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Friday I continued the good trend.
Got to do future projection a lot on the subway.

There isn't much more to say about it.

On Saturday and today I'm put in a difficult position due too
having to go to a location, were my goal is
hard too accomplich.
So I have pushed my competion date forward two days.
24 of february is now the end date of this project.
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